Jack Doom Temple Whatever ELRutt Write Started Twoflower Someone else (separating space) Boldly, Jack turned towards the flaming pit of fire into which Mr. Duck was plummeting like a bad stock. With a look that could melt ice, even in the hottest of rooms, he screamed like a scared little girl. The rubber duck had bit the big one, gone to the mighty bathtub in the sky, fished the large-mouth bass of death, spanked the monkey of life, visited the relatives in the afterlife, choked on the chicken of existence, along with many other colorful metaphors. Jack almost said something dramatic and heart moving that would've surely put this fic up for some award that people felt like giving out for such lines and then didn't. He just shrugged and went off to get some pie. He was hungry. Out of the Temple of Doom or whatever it's name was, he strode. Next door to the temple sat a lovely little Mom & Pop Diner. As he entered the diner, he eyed the interior. There was a counter, boothes, chairs, and other less important things. The menu offered him something more appealing: Food. As he approached the counter, the waitress asked him the [QUESTION]. "What'll you have, sugar?" she asked and added "sugar" just to follow the stereotype. "Madam, I think I'll have a triple burger with cheese, a side of fries and a coke!" "And what would you actually like to eat?" "A chicken combo!" She scribbled little spirals in her notebook to give off the appearance she was taking his order. "And will that be all?" "No, I would like a slice of PIE!" "A what?" "Nothing." Jack sat in an unassuming booth, because he hated when the boothes would judge him ahead of time. Flipping through the playlist of the mini-jukebox on his table, Jack picked out his favorite song. You can't hear it anyway, so why do you care? An attractive woman approached him to hopefully further the plot some. "Hi," she said, the author wrote so we don't think that Jack would go as far as to say something like "Hi". "Hi," Jack responded. The author sweatdropped. "My name is Carol, what's yours?" "I'm Jack, just Jack." Oh look, Jack lost his controversial powers when he lost Mr. Duck. What a terrible twist in the plot. How will he ever get them back. "Nice to meet you Jack! Would you like to have a rather pathetic dialogue sequence with me?" "Aren't we already doing that?" "Yeah, pretty much." "So, do you come here often?" "I live here." "In the diner?" "Yup. See that pup tent in the corner?" "Yeah." "Well, I live right behind it." "That's neat." "Isn't it, though?" "Say, do you want to do something adventurous?" "You mean like go out into the parking lot and have hot, nasty sex in your car?" "Well, I was going to say conquer that temple next door, but sure!" "Temple?" She looked out the window in the first character action in quite a while. Her eyes scanned up and down the 40-story pyramid. "Oh, I never noticed that before, how funny." Jack gave her an odd look, mostly from staring at her cleavage." Suddenly, Anne burst into the diner. "Ha! I knew I could make it into this story!" She was promptly shot by the chef behind the counter. Stepping over his sister's lifeless body, Jack left the diner with Carol on his arm. Soon he realized that he didn't own a car and that he was wondering around the parking for no reason. "Say, why don't we go into the temple instead? There'd be a lot more room in their." Not wanting to look uncool in front of the womenfolk, Jack quickly spouted, "Besides, my highly expensive chouffer is a bit of a voyeur." "Great, I loooove when someone watches. It makes everything so much more _hot_," she whispered sexily in his ear. 'I love this woman,' Jack thought to himself as she began nibbling his earlobe. Before Jack had a chance to come up with another excuse, the air around them distorted. A faintly duck-like shape appeared. Jack stumbled and crawled backwards. "Mr. Duck! No! I thought you were gone forever! I... I can't take you back! I've found someone new! Please!" Jack cried. "Jack! What is it?" Carol ran to his side. The disembodied spirit formerly known as Mr. Duck glared at Jack. "I... I'm sorry... you fell into the fire... what was I to do... I wanted pie..." Rubbing up against Jack, Carol spoke softly, "So, it's pie you want, you bad boy... Rrrrowwwl." Jack rushed back into the temple. Back in the firepit chamber, Jack reached into the pit with both arms and pulled out the melted rubber puddle that was once Mr. Duck. Luckily, both his arms remained completely unscathed for reasons know only to the mysterious duck. Carol ran into the room behind him. Jack turned and eyed her heavily breathing form. The grin spread slowly across his face. His eyes glowing with the renewed power he received from his melted companion, he approached her quivering body. It was kinda nippy in there, after all. "You. Me. Floor. Now." Mr. Puddle watched the disgusting scene unfolding before him with an eerie grin on his face. WHY ARE THERE QUESTIONS WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS AT THE END OF THESE PARTS? WHY DOES THERE HAVE TO BE AT LEAST THREE OF THEM? IS THIS ENOUGH YET? Notes: To all those out these that may criticize me for writing this, I say, "Feh."