Koshi Rikudo flew through the air with the greatest of ease, although 
the giant bat-wings strapped to his back probably helped a bit. Grimly, 
he flapped onward to the dark building that was his destination and 
crept in through the air ducts. As he reached the vent placed directly 
above his goal, he found his harness waiting for him-his contact had 
not failed. Koshi Rikudo slipped the harness on, anchored it, and slipped 
down through the air vent, swinging back and forth a bit before 
steadying himself and reaching down to pick up the slip of paper that 
was on the platform below him...

"I, Koshi Rikudo, hereby allow Excel Saga to become a suspense-filled 
spy thriller. 

*WHAM*
KOSHI 
RIKUDO"

And then the building blew up.

Koshi Rikudo was once again flying through air with the greatest of ease, 
but this time it was probably due to the giant shockwave.

*LOADING*

DEUS EXCEL
by Sharyna Tran
Starter by Lawrence Chu
Loosely based on situations by Warren Spector/ION Storm/EIDOS 
Interactive
Characters are property of Koshi Rikudo.
All rights reserved. Please don't sue, or I will chase you down and 
devour your SOUL!!...and also because suing is a not-nice thing to 
do. *nodnods*

Episode 6: This is not Excel at All
or, On the Many Uses of Duck Sauce

*LOADING*

--UNATCO Headquarters
--Time: Darkness of the Unending Night^4
--Date: n. The sweet, edible, oblong or oval fruit of the date palm, 
containing a narrow, hard seed. --Wombats: Check.

"Agent XL. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is threefold. 
You must inobstrusively find out the cause of dimensional instability. 
You must learn the whereabouts of the missing Doctor Pedro Reyes. 
You must steal a spacecraft from the NSF space docks. Lastly and most 
importantly, you MUST...fix the cappucino machine." The eyes of XL's 
superior gleamed in the dark. 

"Ano...but that's FOUR missions!"

"...Quiet. Should you fail in these, the agency will disavow any and all 
knowledge of your actions and existence. Should you succeed, you will be 
rewarded with...these." And he pulled out a string of glass beads.

XL's eyes brightened. "Oooh! Shiny!" 

Her superior tucked the beads back into his vest and continued. "Your 
missions, all of them, are vitally important to this organization...and 
to me. They're also extremely dangerous and most likely fatal, but that 
is of no moment. Do you accept?"

XL pondered for approximately a quarter of a second. "Yep!"

*LOADING*

Excel barreled happily out of UNATCO headquarters. Another mission!
Another FOUR missions even! This meant a good performance record 
when she completed them all, which was sure to impress the hot guy 
who had hired her! 

*LOADING*

Pedro ran happily down the road to his home. Finally, he had been able 
to escape the EEEEVIL organization, and could return to his wife and son!

Suddenly, a blonde girl popped up in his path. "Doctor Reyes!"

"AAAAHH!" Pedro screamed, stopping in his tracks. "Who are you? What 
do you want? Get out of my way!"

"But I can't do that, Doctor Reyes," XL told him, "I'm going to take you 
back to UNATCO so that I can get a good performance record! Isn't that 
wonderful?"

Pedro looked longingly at his house, just barely a mile down the road.
"...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

EPISODE 6: THIS IS NOT EXCEL AT ALL

TODAY'S EXPERIMENT...FAILED.

*LOADING*

Author's notes: Wai! This part was written with inspiration from notes 
written on a restaurant sugar packet! I'm NOT kidding. ^^;;;