Death cackled, raising his scythe high, and doing a little dance of victory. His captives lay on the grassy field. The sun shone down. James T. Kirk did a little acoustic number. These were the circumstances where we last saw our heroes. Captive! Unconcious! Close to Death! Hahaah! You could even say... they were having... a near Death experience! “Shut up with the stupid puns and get on with it,” Plaz grumbled. How will they ever escape? How will Alucard go back to his normal bishounen self? When will the narrative style change back to normal? “Not soon enough,” Plaz mumbled to herself. You’ll find out in this week’s episode of: ___________________________________________ Castlevania 1970: Disco of Evil Chapter 28: Fun with Forms and Familiars or What are we parodying again? This Chapter By: Assassin, and his wind ninja typing s-killz All blame lays with: Gaijin Dan Mastriani, that daring lousy guy! _______________________________________________ Dracula's cursed half-bre ed son whose human and vampire natures ever war with each other and who struggles todo good in the face of overwhelming evil Dracula's cursed half-breed son whose human and vampire natures ever war with each other and who struggles to do good in the face of overwhelming evil Dracula's cursed half-breed son whose human and vampire natures ever war with each other and who struggles to do good in the face of overwhelming evil Dracula's cursed half-breed son whose human and vampire natures ever war with each other and who struggles to do good in the face of overwhelming evil Dracula's cursed half-breed son whose human and vampire natures ever war with each other and who struggles to do good in the face of overwhelming evil Dracula's cursed half-breed son whose human and vampire natures ever war with each other and who struggles to do good in the face of overwhelming evil Dracula's cursed half-breed son whose human and vampire natures ever war with each other and who struggles to do good in the face of overwhelming evil Dracula's cursed half-breed son whose human and vampire natures ever war with each other and who struggles to do good in the face of overwhelming evil Now then, as we’ve gotten all that out of the way, on with the chapter. Alucard woke, still groggy from the beating that rendered him unconcious. It had been quite a unique experience. He never knew that those parts of the anatomy could be used for savage beatings. He woke to see Death standing before him, cackling an evil Death laugh that again, still didn’t sound as good in the redubbed English version. Utilizing what remained of his bishounen powers to quickly deduce and create action that allowed him to pose and be cooly heroic, Alucard fumbled in his pocket. Bringing out a small card labeled ‘Sword Familiar’, he quickly accessed the option menu, and turned the little lever to ‘On’. A boom rang out as an aqua colored broadsword appeared out of nowhere. The blade itself was over six feet long, and carved with ancient runes. “Yes, my master,” came a metallic voice from somewhere within the sword. “My servant,” cried Alucard, “Free me, and you shall be rewarded!” The great blade twirled in a circle, slicing through the bonds that held the three warriors. As it moved, it left a line of coruscation behind it, causing young Bob to ooh and ahh. Alucard leapt immediatly to his feet, drawing a rapier from beneath his cloak, and pointing it to Death’s... uhm.. vertebrae. “We are free, foul servant of my Father! Now I shall dispatch you to the foulest of hells! Begone!” Alucard’s eyes blazed. “Alucard...,” Bob said, “I don’t think you can actually kill Death.” “Says you,” Alucard replied, his eyes leveled into the sockets of Death’s skull. “Wait!” Death sweatdropped. Why did it always end up like this? “If you let me live, I’ll tell you anything! Secret passageways! Secret characters! Up up down down left right left right A B B A select start!!” Alucard seemed unimpressed. “I’ll tell you where Yoshitaka Amano is!” Reluctantly, Alucard took the tip of his sword away from Death. “And how would you know where he is?” His eyes narrowed. While he no longer looked bishounen, he could certainly act like one. “I’m Death,” Death replied. “I know where every mortal is at every minute, so I can claim their lives whenever I wish.” His sockets sparkled, as if they contained the stars. “So why did you have to dispatch minions to find us?” Bob pointed out. “Uhm, I forgot...” stuttered Death. “But really! I know where the young Amano is. Look, I planted a tracker on him ok?” +++++++++++++++++++ Chibi-Death hovered just behind Yoshitaka Amano, just outside the young boy’s periphrial vision. Every once in a while, Amano would swing his hand around his head. “Must be a damn fly or something,” the young artist muttered. +++++++++++++++++++ “Well... based on that, we will be forced to believe you,” Alucard frowned. “Now, where is the boy? Or my sword will make quick work of you.” “He is now heading into Konami headquarters,” said Death. “We’re going back there again?” Plaz was whining. “We just got back from there and Alucard didn’t find anything!” “Why would Amano be right back where we just were?” Bob looked perplexed. “I guess someone is feeling unimaginative tonight,” Death replied. “Hmm... Do you mean Amano?” Alucard queried. Death shook his head, and Alucard further pondered the matter. “Who then? Whose lack of imagination would cause us to head back to where we just were?” “Uhm,” Death mumbled. “I forgot.” “Must be tough having nothing between your ears,” Bob said. “Maybe he was kidnapped and brought there by Dracula or something! Maybe Dracula thinks we won’t go back there looking for him, since we were just there!” He snapped his fingers. “Hmm,” Alucard nodded. “It must be my father’s doing somehow. We will be forced to return to Konami, and fight our way through many mindless peons, perhaps a sub-boss, and finally discover our young artist friend. We must prepare. I need my black cloak. And... sunglasses.” “Sunglasses?” Bob now looked puzzled, and was working his way alphabetically back to confused, which was generally the state he began in. At least, that was the way it was around his friend, Dracula's cursed half-breed son whose human and vampire natures ever war with each other and who struggles todo good in the face of overwhelming evil, and his other friend the gender-changing decendant of a magician who did very little as far as actually fighting in the series, but who provided much comic relief, and a romance angle about as twisted as a french horn that had been run over a few times. “Trust me,” Alucard replied. +++++++++++++++++++++ They arrived at Konami’s headquarters, recently done over by This Old Dojo’s repair crew. The three of them stood beneath the massive building for one dramatic moment, letting the wind whip up their cloaks. Alucard was wearing sunglasses, and carrying a black tote bag. As a trio, they entered. The lobby had several guards patrolling it, and a metal detector for all guests to check in at. Bob was nervous. Alucard hadn’t told them exactly what the plan was, and he still wasn’t sure what was in the tote bag. He stood several feet back from Alucard, as Dracula's cursed half-breed son whose human and vampire natures ever war with each other and who struggles todo good in the face of overwhelming evil put the black tote bag on the metal detector belt, and stepped through the frame of it’s companion. The beeper went off immediately. A Konami cop stood up from a stool at a nearby desk, with a smaller black detector device. Although a good foot shorter than Alucard, he still managed to look down his nose at Alucard. “Open up that cloak there buddy, and lets see what you got.” Alucard complied with a smile. “Oh my god...” came the guard’s whispered voice, as he gazed at Alucard. Alucard’s cape was filled with swords. Glittering like gems, they were lining his cape in a manner that no physicist could dream of, much less describe. Broadswords, katana, rapiers, sabres, shortswords, longswords, and the occasional inbetweensword. With his grin widening, Alucard whipped one out, and beheaded first the guard in front of him, and then the one at the desk. Bob and Plaz, jaws hanging open, hit the floor at the same time as the rest of the guards began pulling out their weapons. Alucard threw aside his first sword, and began running, faster than any ordinary man, at the next one. The firefight began. Bullets pumped into walls and windows, throwing dust and debris into the room. Alucard charged at a guard ducking next to a pillar, and cut him in half with one blow. Running up the side of the wall, he dived down on the next guard with a twirl, and cut him into several ribbons. He threw his sword to the left, without so much as a glance, where it embedded itself in the chest of another guard. He charged to the other side of the lobby. Jumping high into the air, he dispatched another guard with a pair of kicks, and landing next to his body. Slabs of wall were falling down around him, and the air was filling with dust. There were at least two guards left. Alucard concentrated for a moment, and then was gone with a blur. He appeared behind one of the guards, sliced twice, and reappeared where he had vanished. For the final guard, he reached down inside his cape, and thrust his hand forward in an arcane gesture. Two white bolts fled from his hand, and entered the final guard’s chest. He began to twitch and froth at the mouth. Dropping to his knees, his eyes rolled back in his head, and his life departed. “Arrrgh,” he cried, “I am damn dissapointed to be killed in this manner.” Alucard stood up with a smile, and brushed off his cloak. Stepping over the bodies, he returned to the metal detector, and picked up his tote bag. Sheathing his sword, he offered a hand to young Belmont, who helped himself up. “Jesus, Alucard,” Bob said. “Why didn’t you just get a Visitor’s Pass.” +++++++++++++++++++++ Moments later, a group of guards responded to the noise, and plunged into the lobby, taking up positions. It was empty, save for the bodies, and the black tote bag, now lying on the floor near the elevator. The guard leader gestured, and two other guards circled around the bag. At their commander’s command, they opened it together. The sword familiar popped out. ++++++++++++++++++++++ “I understand that sir,” Amano said. “I’m back in top form however. No reason to give my job to that Toriyama kid. I can paint circles around him!” He was talking to an older man in a black suit an tie. The man was sitting at a desk, with a little nameplate that read “Lead Design - Morisato”. Morisato did not look very interested. “I understand that young Amano, but I am afraid we have offered young Mr. Toriyama a contract, and - what is all that screaming?” ++++++++++++++++++++++ Alucard took the head of another office worker, as his gutting of Konami continued. Bob and Plaz followed lamely behind. Both of them were secretly hoping that it would end soon. As Alucard finished off the last suit-wearing staffmember, he looked around the scene of the battle. “It appears that there are no more upon this floor. I am loathe to search much longer, as soon my father may know of my presence.” He cleaned off one of his numerous swords with someone’s necktie, and let it flutter back to the ground. “Indeed, I shall have to call upon all of my familiars!” With a flurry of motion, Alucard pressed all the little on levers at once, and four more shapes popped into being. They were a ghost, a bat, a small imp, and a fairy. “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE,” the bat cried, and flopped to the ground, blinded by the fluorescent lighting. The imp sidled over to the fairy. “Hey babe, I’ve got some things that need healing,” he said, winking. He took his little pitchfork, and prodded her teasingly in the rear end. “Oh really,” the fairy responded in a sultry voice. “Then I have just the thing for you.” She reached into her little bag, and pulled out a giant mallet. She then flattened the imp, who dropped to the floor in a little blue pancake. In a tiff, she flew away. The ghost hovered. “That has got to be the lamest thing. That is why you don’t summon them all at once,” Bob commented. “And what is that thing supposed to do?” He pointed at the ghost. The ghost hovered. “I believe it drains for me the life of my enemies,” remarked Alucard, as he watched it. “Behold, a fly approaches. It will claim for me the life energy of that fly.” The ghost hovered. “Wow,” said Plaz, lending her presence to the scene in which she would otherwise do nothing, as she has during much of the series. “The only good one you have there is the sword. Where did you get that, anyway?” “Well,” began Alucard. “There are legends within legends, of my father obtaining it from a distant distant ancestor. He was an emporer's cursed weak-blooded son whose moral and instinctual natures ever warred with each other and who struggled to do balance in the face of overwhelming chaos. But I believe we actually ordered it by the obtainment of several hundred cereal boxtops. Let this be a lesson to you young ones. If you eat enough wheaties, you will become powerful. But to further elaborate on the legends...” “And what do all the runes on it mean?” Bob sought to stop the flow of exposition before it overwhelmed them. “I believe,” Alucard said, somewhat irked at the flow of exposition being stopped, “that properly translated, they read ‘size matters’.” “Hmm,” said Bob, trying to seem interested. “But we still havn’t found Amano.” It was at that time, that Amano and Morisato walked out of a nearby door, bowing to each other. “Well, so much for that gig,” Amano muttered to himself. Then Morisato’s head popped off. “Come my young artist friend,” Alucard shouted. “We must free you from my father’s evil grasp!” “Aaaaaaagh!” said Amano. The building rumbled. The sword familiar appeared out of nowhere. “I have returned master. I have dispatched the mortals you set me against.” The sword purred with contentment. “Thank you my servant,” Alucard said. “Did you perhaps cut through several support pillars as well during your melee?” “Aye, master,” the sword answered. “Ah,” said Alucard. The building rumbled again. “We’ve gotta get out of here,” cried Plaz, and she grabbed Amano by the hand. The three of them charged up the steps to the roof, for whatever reason propels people to do such things like that. They charged out the roof door, and stared. There was a helicopter there. “Ok! Ok!” Bob shouted. “I know what to do!” He took a cell phone out of nowhere. “Tank! I need a helicopter training program now!” “Gotcha,” said Tank, and he typed some commands into the computer. Bob’s body convulsed for a moment, as the data flowed straight into his brain. Suddenly, he knew, and he began running towards the cockpit of the helicopter. The rest of the party followed, a little hesitantly. “What the hell was that?” Plaz asked. Alucard just shook his head. “Everyone in,” Bob said. “I’ve got this baby under control.” He played around with various helicopter controls, and pulling back on the stick, hard. The helicopter took off while the building crumbled underneath it. It flew steady for a moment, ascending, but then began to waver. “Damn! Damn! I’m too short! My feet won’t reach the pedals!” Bob began to panic. “Plaz! Help! I’ve got to sit on your lap! You can press the pedals.” Plaz blanched, but reluctantly complied when she realized their position. Adjusting herself, she began to follow Bob’s barked commands. “Left! Left! Right! More! More! Yeah! More! I need more! C’mon! Now left! Harder! Harder! Yes! Here we go!” Bob yanked the stick back and forth. A small vein began to pulse on Alucard’s forehead. Amano hid in the back. Eventually they found a small park, and set down, with Bob crying enthusiastically. Both Amano and Alucard scuttled out quickly when they touched ground. Shaft was there waiting for them. “Damn foolz,” he grinned. “Half of Japan be lookin for your white behinds. And I the one that found you.” “Kill him my servant!” Alucard cried, and the sword, appearing again, flew at Shaft. “Like hell!” Shaft cried, and handjived. A red bolt collided with the sword, stopping it in midair. “Yo cracka, you musta fogot, I be the king of black magic, baby.” Shaft gestured, and the sword came towards him, settling down at his side. “Now I think I’z gonna bring this to Lord Drac, and see whats down with that.” Shaft got on the conveniantly placed motorcycle nearby, and began to drive off. “Villain!” Alucard fumed. “You shall not take my sword!” With an ancient incantation he shimmered, changing his form into a wolf, and shot off after the Dark Priest. He made it about five blocks before an animal control worker jumped him with a taser. He was quickly loaded into a van and driven off. Bob and Plaz looked at each other. “Come on Amano,” Bob offered. “I’ll buy you a Coke.” CV:DOE CHAPTER 28 ALL DONE Author’s Notes: That was fun. A little bit of a kick to get me back into writing, so I can finish the FAQing Hostile End this week, and have it posted next Monday or so. Chibi is fun. I’ll miss having a series like this around, since I’m not sure if there is anything to keep my attention around here besides this and FAQ anymore. But hey, it has been fun to write this series. Thanks to Gaijin Dan Mastriani for writing a good chibi. Hope you got some chuckles out of it. kiete yuku... Assassin 05/15/01