Although Amy's visible eyes were narrowed to sinister slits, her psychic eye Saw everything around her. Like the tripwire stretched across the entrance to the Basic Villainy classroom, the knives scattered over the floor, or... the heavily armored succubus sprawled atop her intended victim - a young man with twinned automatic weapons chained to his wrists. Darkness help her if she didn't have to quash a hint of déjà vu... along with her natural desire to blow both of the malcontents away with one of the pistols strapped to her waist. Ah, the demands of pedagogy. "Pathetic, both of you," Amy sneered in her dreaded icy bitch style. "This tripwire isn't cursed or monomolecular, or even rigged to trigger anything, and yet here you both are on the floor - alive - regardless." She paused as the two misbegotten wretches picked themselves up off the floor. "Maimsworth!" she shrieked, "Principal Mikagami's office! Now!" The winged girl gulped. "Hai, sensei!" "Kashin!" "Hai!" Without even looking his direction, Amy drew and fired one of her guns, hitting the boy twice in the hip. "Nurse Sybil's, and three days detention." As the wounded boy scrambled to escape, Amy turned to face the class, reverting once again to the icy bitch. "Now, perhaps you hopeless, incapable maggots would like to explain to me why nobody took advantage during their moment of weakness..." Blink. Amy Angeleye awoke to the insistent blaring of an alarm clock. "Was that... maybe... a premonition?" **************************************** Dark Heart High Netherworld Educational Institution for the Universal Propagation of Evil Started by Mads **************************************** Chapter Forty-Four: Exasperation! Written by: Bradley Wilton **************************************** Never let it be said that school was not something to look forward to. Or at the very least, don't say it within earshot of the teachers. And don't be late. Late students get tortured at Dark Heart High. Which was only one reason that Yuri was running towards the school at speeds that rendered damn near everything into a multicolored blur, with her friend Amy flapping in the breeze behind her. She'd run across Amy on the way to school rather than at the front door, which was odd, and Amy had just been walking as if she weren't late at all, which was stranger yet, but who else would wear silly colors like navy blue and pink to school? It was just kind of obvious. Which wasn't what Yuri was thinking about, by the way. She was thinking about the deathtraps they'd been building in shop class for the last few weeks and the what Shark Eye-sensei did the last time a student was late. Suddenly, she was able to manage a burst of even more insane speed. Which was a shame, really, because the girl tucked under her arm had almost recovered her senses. ***** Shark Eye, the shop teacher, was in every manner the very model of a cultured megalomaniac, and a skilled educator. Mostly human in appearance, his left eye and the left side of his face were shark-like, right down to the gray flesh that melded seamlessly with his bald human head. He was exacting, ruthless, and slightly deranged, but his open- minded approach to the deathtrap curriculum was indisputably popular. If you hadn't been there before, the shop classroom was certain to impress. Although nestled comfortably in Dark Heart's second sub- basement, it had a purely volcanic look to it, as if it had been carved whole from the inside of an active volcano's lava tubes. Every surface that was not formed from rough volcanic rock was covered with gleaming machinery and the various nefarious tools of a mad scientist's trade. In short, it looked every bit like the high-tech subterranean lair of a demented genius who loved nothing more than building mind-control rays, doomsday weapons, and deathtraps. Or several such geniuses, since that was precisely what was taught there. It was also Yuri's first class on this particular day, which is why the final minute before class saw her rushing across the room to join her team on the control platform of one of the great malignant devices in much the same manner as she had been on her way to school in the first place, then collapsing breathless on the gleaming deck, stunned schoolgirl still underarm. "Just in time... heh... right, Amy?" Yuri panted, looking up at her friend. Double take - the girl under her arm, although clad in the same uniform, was most definitely not Amy, who was most certainly pulling an icepick out of her schoolbag with a look of unmitigated hatred on her face while Leilei and Balabalalde looked on. "Yuri-chan," Amy asked tonelessly, "are you going to use that?" Yuri glanced confusedly in the direction of her friend's gaze. "What? Oh... her." Yuri thought for a moment. Did she need a magical girl for something? "Not really. I suppose we could-" The Sakura Arts student screamed in terror, having recovered enough to notice Balabalalde, and grasped desperately for her prominent jeweled hairpiece. Amy beat her to it, tearing the artifact from her hair, then seized the girl's palm and plunging the icepick through it with a snarl. She withdrew the weapon and wiped it on the other girl's uniform, still glaring lividly at the whimpering mahou shoujo, and she might have savaged the do-gooder further had Leilei not held her back and hissed in her ear: "What are you doing? Class is starting!" Calming herself - if only for a moment - Amy glanced about for the instructor's podium, which could usually be seen floating near the head of the cavern, until the shop teacher's authoritative voice sounded out directly overhead. "Students! Please direct your attention to station seven!" Shark Eye brought his podium closer to the ground. "Mister Balabalalde, Misses Angeleye and Mikagami, this is a prisoner you have here, correct?" Yuri blinked. She had been about to suggest letting the girl go. Balabalalde also blinked. Yuri looked concerned. Not that he cared. (Or so he tried to convince himself. Yuri liked Ki...) Amy blinked. "Er... Hai, sensei!" "Very well, then," said the instructor, adjusting his monocle. "I commend you for your initiative. However, as this was not part of your assignment, you will be giving your presentation first. I'm afraid I must also deduct extra points if she escapes without some disfiguring injury. "But enough about grades, this is our day to shine! We shall revel, I say! REVEL!!! "Ignatius! Bring out the monkeys!" At this point, the aforementioned captive let out a scream of considerable volume - not because she now had no hope of escape, or because of the horrible fate the mad instructor had assigned to her, or even shock from the sudden mention of monkeys - but because Bala had, quite deliberately, stepped on her injured hand. ***** As the teacher's podium drew level with the flatbed truck bearing the dozen manacled monkeys, the instructor stepped onto the platform to regard one of the numerically branded simians. "Ah, James... such guile, such potential. I had such hope that you would provide my students with a challenge." "Eep! Eep! Ook! Eek!" "Yes, yes... I expected you might say that. Just the same, it seems that station seven has no need for a double-oh monkey." Shark Eye drew an exquisite platinum-plated revolver with mahogany details from his jacket, and pressed the barrel to the primate's ear. "Goodbye, James." ***** Some minutes later, the podium again hovered above station seven, where the disarmed magical girl lay inside the deathtrap constructed by Yuri, Amy, and Bala. "Well, students, I see table seven is ready to begin. Now, your will give speeches. Mister Balabalalde, if you would be so kind." Bala looked at the hapless prisoner and blinked his visible eye. Twice. For several moments, the air was filled with pregnant silence, which then gave birth. The victim screamed as if it had been her. Bala blinked again and returned to his seat. "Ah... Well... I see I must watch the recording before I grade that one. Miss Mikagami, if you please." For obvious reasons, Yuri was nervous. ~It's not like we can stay and watch. She's sure to get away...~ She closed her eyes, took a deep cleansing breath, and began her speech, trying to project a scholarly presence. "What we have here today is a magical girl named... um... What's your name, please?" "L-Lily." "A magical girl named Lily, who followed me to school today. We have removed her transformation item, and she has been securely chained to this specially constructed platform with chains of adamantine steel and manacles on each of her arms, legs, and hair extensions. When we return to the control platform, the mechanism within the table will be activated to pull uncomfortably on her limbs. It will also record her struggles to free herself, and slowly draw this net of monomolecular wiring down upon her in response." Another deep cleansing breath. So far, so good... "To prevent her escape, we have prepared a vat beneath her platform that will be filled with Solution Number Five, which although non-corrosive, affects good creatures in much the same way that purity fields affect most evil ones. The fumes it produces will irritate her eyes and lungs, which hopefully will encourage her to struggle. Above the vat, she will be surrounded by a second monomolecular net, which is suspended from the frame that supports our deathtrap's ceiling. The headphones she is wearing will be playing music from 'Best of Elder Gods, Volume IV' which we have on loan from the Future Accountant's Club library. "I would like to thank Miss Lily for her involvement in our project. I hope and pray that she-" Yuri paused. Hoping for an escape in front of the class would have looked really bad. "-that she enjoys her painful death. Thank you." Breathing just a little quicker, Yuri returned to her seat, where Bala and Leilei were waiting. "You did great, Yuri-chan!" "Do you really think so? I didn't use my roaring bitch laugh, and I forgot to explain why we had the CD..." "I'm sure you did fine, Yuri-chan. So does Bala." Bala's visible eye blinked. "You see? He thinks you did great!" Yuri and Bala suddenly found other places to look. >From above the deathtrap, Shark Eye announced his immediate impressions. "A very good explanation, Miss Mikagami. Not perfect, however! Do try to project a little madness in your aura next time, or at least do something bone-chilling in front of your victim. Very good. Miss Angeleye, we await your performance." ***** Across town at Sakura Art, homeroom finally got around to taking roll. They were twenty minutes late, but they were doing it. "...Ringoshima? ... Lily Ringoshima? ... Does anyone know where Lily is today?" Only snores replied. It's a magical girl thing. ***** Amy knew all about magical girls. They were lazy, stupid, shallow creatures, who only survived school because Sakura Art pandered to soft, weak, foolish girls who only thought about food, boys, clothing, and boys. In short, they were wretches that knew nothing of hardship and suffering. NOTHING!! And here, what should she have but her former classmate. Her shallow, hateful, loathed, former classmate, so Amy knew exactly what to say. Oh yes... she knew. Her speech would be elocution made wrath, with vexation sprinkled lightly on the side. Amy approached her victim, idly playing with her icepick. An expression of pure malevolence spread across her features and lodged in Lily's mind alongside images of large, hairy spiders and slimy, venomous reptiles. When Amy spoke, it was with the intonation of an Arctic winter. "Lily, Lily, Lily... Laughing Lily Lightning... Always full of laughter, weren't you? Always laughing at poor, silly Amy." She began, tracing imaginary cuts across the other girl's face and body. "Well, Lily, your laughing days are over..." As the rant continued, she allowed her tone to rise. "What was it you said about me? 'Can't find my breasts with both hands,' can I? Well, Lily, you'll have neither breasts nor hands, when I'm done with ya!" Amy reached a full shriek. "Lily Lightning! All cut up into big meaty chunks! And then I'll get your disgusting little clique, and your rotten pedophile boyfriend and I'll send them to meet you IN THE FESTERING DEPTHS OF HELL!!!" At this, she stabbed the icepick into the table directly next to the chained girl's head, eliciting a terrified shriek. Yuri blinked in shock. It was almost like... no, that couldn't be right. Amy was probably just using what they'd practiced in Basic Villainy. And from the sound of things, she was going to get a really good grade from it. Amy stared at the floor, breathless. Oh- but that felt good... Too good. Wasn't it wrong to take such obscene pleasure in hurting someone? Her new friends... they'd hate her for this... "Amy-chan, sugoi!!" It- it was Yuri... She was smiling- happy! Why? How? Oh, but it felt good. Yuri's praise, her joy... It was infectious. Amy felt a smile form on her own face as she climbed up to join her friend. ***** Ki did not like math. It was, as a rule, as vile a subject as any at Dark Heart High. To even understand calculus in fractal sub-dimensions and trigonometric variables That-Man-Was-Not-Meant-To-Know required that unflagging ruthlessness and an aptitude for coldness and calculation be part and parcel of one's being, and that was only the beginning. Not that Ki had difficulty with such things. Indeed, they came naturally to him. But he still did not like math. That would require an excess of emotion not characteristic of a member of the Steel Thorn Clan. They had some emotions, yes, but never in excess. Such things were only normal for men and women without hearts. What few emotions Ki Tamaida still possessed were invested in two things. One, foremost and eternal, was The Plan, the singular calculated force that had driven Ki's every action since childhood. The other, much as he was loathe to admit it, was Yuri Mikagami. She was beautiful, charming, talented... and evil. For some reason, everything about Yuri was precisely what Ki liked. And his feelings for her were in conflict with The Plan. For that, they must be purged. This, too, was part of The Plan. He would have her. She would betray him. Then, his heart - what was left of it - would break, and The Plan would be alone in his thoughts once more. Also, Balabalalde would die. This was not completely necessary, but- oh, it would be gratifying. A simple matter of killing one bird with two stones. Admittedly, Ki did not love murder anymore than he liked math... but he didn't dislike them, either. ***** "Well, well, Mister Maimsworth... While I am certain that Jojo is pleased to hear exactly what you have planned for your after school tutor, I feel compelled to remind you that I do not allow extra credit. If you intend to so much as fantasize about passing shop this semester, you had best start thinking of how you will astound me with your final project." "But Shark Eye-sensei-" "Silence! I do not negotiate!" "Aw, Dragonturds!" ***** Lunchtime once again saw a gathering of friends. After all, what was lunch for, if not friendship? Sitting around, partaking of food and idle conversation... which at the moment revolved heavily around the only freshman shop project to include a real hero. Which meant repeated disclamations. Contrary to what most people wanted to believe, it really had been an accident. However, there were some things that were simply too annoying to deal with. Fortunately, Yuri already had a perfect means of dispersing them. "If you don't want to believe me, fine." she spoke tonelessly from behind half-lidded eyes. "I've killed three people in the last week alone. Accidents happen. I could always arrange for more." It was practiced malice, virtually the same as what she had done not a week before, though performed sans shrieking. But it was effective nonetheless. When the crowd all but eliminated, Yuri snapped out of it and winked at Leilei. "That was great, Yuri!" "Thanks! I've been practicing at home!" Amy was dumbstruck. "But- but..." Leilei saw opportunity, and took it. "I seem to remember someone else giving an awesome speech today..." she teased. "Yeah, Amy," Yuri chimed in. "Kurosawa-sensei would be proud of you!" In her mind, Amy flashed back to the dream she'd had. Could it be? Her powers were stronger in the dream, too... "Hey, Yuri... Can't you just imagine her freezing Craig solid, or tossing him in a hellmouth?" Leilei giggled. "Yeah... Craig..." Yuri said softly. "He thinks we're having some kind of date... What am I going to do?" Leilei pondered. "Well, he did announce his plans in front of the entire class. He's planning to bring candies and wow you with his 'villainous presence.'" Commotion erupted across the cafeteria. "!!get away from my lunch, you pathetic lesser sentiencE !i shall unravel your pathetic SOUL if you damage my parent's cooked sustenancE" Glancing in the direction of the disturbance, Yuri saw that Craig had wandered too close too The Unbidden, and was frantically defending himself from the Younger God's 'lunch'. She sighed and rested her forehead on the table. "Some villainous presence. I'm supposed to be tutoring him!" "You know, Yuri... if you're lucky, that upperclassman might eat him." ***** Physically, Seichorou the Ninth was not unlike his younger brother. Somewhat more athletic, slightly more in terms of raw power, but basically he was about what one might have expected from Sakazashi, had he lived a but a few more years. Physically, that is. Mentally, well... Sakazashi the Fifth had had precious little character beyond his long established ways as a bully and a braggart. These were the roles that had suited him, and being quite comfortable with them, he had never attempted to expand himself. In short: he was a fool, and he died for it. Seichorou was different. Seichorou was no fool. He was a graduate of Dark Heart High, a major in Empire at Darker Heart University. He possessed martial skill, yes, and great physical power, but also wit, guile, cunning, and an instinctive talent for uncovering plots. Sometimes a stein of beer and a friendly ear could decide the course of a battle even before anyone knew one would occur. His arrangement with Ki had been as simple as any: Ki talked, he listened. The young Steel Thorn, consigned as he was to heartbreak, had been only too willing to oblige. From him, Seichorou had learned about Yuri Mikagami, her comings and goings in Dark Heart High, Balabalalde of the Wargmere-Agherukk, and everything Ki had witnessed of Sakazashi's final battle. The fact was that the details did matter. While it was unquestionable that Balabalalde had struck the killing blow, the houses of Agherukk and Wargmere were independently notorious. The dagger that had reportedly and - if the now easily acquired reports could be trusted - effortlessly severed the Wargmere-Agherukk's arm would have been far too powerful for his brother to acquire alone. If one were to look at it in a particular way, it could even be said that Sakazashi had been set up to fight a being that was nothing more than an unstoppable killing machine when unsealed. The dagger that pierced that beast's heart was meant to kill him, yes, but it had clearly been a move to deny that powerful a weapon to someone else. Someone with enemies among the Dark Heart faculty. Enemies who, even now, probably expected Seichorou to destroy Balabalalde of the Wargmere-Agherukk. That, however, would be predictable. Let the young Steel Thorn and other would-be puppetmasters think what they might - in time, they would all learn that the Doombringer Clan would not be played. For the moment, however, Seichorou would bide his time. He would attend to his alma mater, but the visit he had in mind could only be made after six o'clock. ***** For some reason, there were never any club meetings in Kurosawa's room. However, since the FAC only met twice a week, Yuri was able to get there well before the 4:30 meeting time. Which left her plenty of time to wonder how she was going to handle this... The door slid open. Yuri braced herself for the worst. The winged shadow that appeared in the door definitely was not Craig. "Yasuko?" The succubus looked around. "Craig's not here? Damn! I was hoping to fi- to see who survived." Yuri blinked. "Survived? But I thought-" "Look, Craig's an idiot. When a teacher asks you to help an idiot, they really expect you to dispose of them. Here." Yasuko pressed a crossbow into Yuri's hands. With any luck, they'd take each other out. "But I don't want to-" "You killed that girl in shop class, didn't you? It's real simple. You just point, and click." With that, she reformed into a cloud of bats and vanished out the window. "No... She had to escape..." The door of Kurosawa-sensei's classroom creaked open to reveal a dark armored shape. All was silent, even the figure's movement brought only the quiet clink of the figure in plate mail. Craig had arrived, and for once he managed to seem as terrifying as he could ever hope. Yuri quickly hid the crossbow behind her back. "Uh... hi, Craig." Yuri said nervously. "Hi, Yuri!" Craig called, cheerfully crossing the room. "What's that behind your back?" "This? Oh... um- nothing." Yuri scrambled to hide the weapon, but lost her grip. The crossbow clattered to the floor. Craig glanced at the weapon in shock. "You were going to shoot me, weren't you? Dragonturds! Who am I gonna get to help me now?" "Craig, I-" Yuri blinked. "You're really here to study?" "Well, yeah. Why else would I be here?" "Well, in shop class you said..." Craig clapped his gauntleted hands together. "Oh, that! I wasn't really planning the stuff I told the monkey. I figured it would make it that much harder for him if he escaped. Didn't work so well, though." "Ah- okay. I think everybody just got the wrong impression." Yuri replied with relief. Then she noticed the box at Craig's side. "Wait. What's that?" "Oh, I thought we might need a snack. You don't mind, do you?" Yuri blinked. The contents were displayed as 'chocolate covered cherries - made only from the finest chocolate and the most succulent of virgins'. "I guess not. What if we start by talking about how Honesty can be used for evil?" Craig stifled a wince. Why did she have to start with the hard ones? "Honesty is useful because..." ***** "Guile means lying, Hikaru!" The boy slammed a gleaming, gauntleted hand on the table of the small diner. "Lying is wrong!" "But that's not the point, Marcus! If you're going to pass Chang- sensei's class, you have to understand how it can be Good!" ~Doing homework in public... They really are naïve.~ On the other side of the room, Liza shook her head. True, they were careless - that much was a given for anyone from Knight School. Almost anyone from Dark Heart - or Black Soul or Evil Tech, for that matter - would recognize their uniforms the instant they walked in, and here was a junior paladin, mindlessly shouting platitudes at his tutor. It was a shame, really, wasting an obviously superior mind on a such a hopeless barbarian... Such perversity! Anyone with real sense would simply dispose of the mindless lunk and be rid of the burden. Even as she watched, the bumbling fool upset his fellow's notes, spilling sketches and blueprints across the café floor, and Hikaru tumbled frantically trying to pick them up. As she sipped her drink, an appraising glance fell upon some of the nearer plans. ~Interesting gadgets. Actually... That's damn good work.~ In this moment, Liza - otherwise known as Ramidra the Unscrupulous - realized that here was something worth stealing. Ambition bred with Cunning, and thus begot a Plan. Liza set aside her drink and started after the fallen papers, eventually meeting up with the owner, precisely as she intended. "Um... Did you drop these?" Her foil smiled and scratched the back of his head. "Yeah. Uh... Thanks for helping." ~Uh-huh, and getting you to misplace your language skills was worth it.~ "Oh, it was nothing. You like machines?" "Actually... it's more like a specialty." ~Good boy. Keep trying to impress me.~ "Same here. Mind if I join you boys?" The other inventor flushed. "No! Not at all! Uh... It might be a little dull; I'm tutoring Marcus here in the finer points of heroic strategy." "Why, I don't see why that would be dull at all. My name's Liza Ramidra. What's yours?" "Hikaru. Hikaru Hikari." "It's a pleasure to meet you, Hikaru. Now, here's my idea on how we can cover guile..." ~All too easy...~ Liza thought. Strategy was strategy - a slight adjustment to cover the heroic type's moral quirks, and they'd be more than glad to have her around. And if she played her own cards right, she'd soon have the brilliant Mr. Light catering to her every wily whim. ****** "Ook! Eek!" *clickclickclick* Chains reset. Solution drained. Monomolecular nets were drawn up and bound. Best of Elder Gods, Volume IV... continued... but hey- no more slicey- oozey-killy stuff! That little bit covered, Jojo went for the shineys. "Hey! Get off of me, you filthy thing!!" If you've never seen a scared monkey jump from a disarmed deathtrap to a control platform twenty feet higher up... hell, that makes two of us. Maybe it looks as interesting as it sounds. Lily leapt up to chase the beast- and fell flat on her face. She was rooted to the place she died, after all. A shade just had to deal with it. Still... even if she wasn't quite used to her new existential status... damned if she'd let that monkey touch her. ***** Author's notes... First Impro Ever. No extension. I feel happy. Character shot on Amy: Check! Insinuations between Kashin and "Ingram" Tokiko: Check, sort of... Deflected Seichorou: Check! Liza spotlight: Check! Craig thing: Check! Hikaru Hikari... Literally: Shining Light. And yes, I know it's a stupid name. For skills, think Dr. Light of Megaman fame. For whatever reason, Amy really seems to hate magical girls, with the sole exception of Yuri, and we know she didn't fit in at Sakura Art. Seriously. She's pissed about her classmates when she first shows up, and rants about cutting them up in Kurosawa's class. She Hates magical girls. Also, we haven't had too many good vs. evil conflicts yet, or deathtraps, which were mentioned so early on as being part of shop, and that just seemed wrong. Craig's party seems to have been on a Sunday, the assignment leading to Yuri and Craig's tutoring session would have been Monday, and the arrangement on Tuesday. Hence, it is probably Wednesday, and I don't think FAC meets Wednesdays. Shark Eye: Not even important enough for Mordred to mention. ;-) Kill Lily... Let her live... Kill her... let her live... Ha! Quandary resolved through compromise! For the record, shades are the souls of the dead that can't pass on to the afterlife. They also can't move from their place of death. I wrote her in to demonstrate Amy's hatred of magical girls, but why waste a shot at comedy? Plus, new fuel for Yuri- angst! Now... how else can I build toward the Yuri For Principal campaign? =) All feedback should include some reference to DHH or Impro in the title, otherwise my spam filter will hit it like an unchained Wargmere- Agherukk. And now, the thank yous. I'd like to thank all of my prereaders for their patience with all the details that needed cleaning up. Sharyna, Segev, Smlee, Empress, Jex, Lafing Cat... thanks, y'all. Thanks also to Mads for starting this whole thing, and for being so encouraging in chat, and to Lawrence Chu as well, for being the administrator that kindly let me in. ***** "Let's see... we've covered Honesty, Mercy, Love, Generosity... What else can we work on..." "Uh... Yuri..." "I know, let's try Valour!" "Yuri... what time is it?" Coldness flooded the classroom as the door slid open. "It's after six o'clock." ***** As a rule, night duty was only fun when there were students to torture. Otherwise, it was quite dull. There just weren't enough students sometimes. As the Vice Principal, he knew it too well. (Curse that Kurosawa woman...) Just the same, it was a duty, and he wouldn't be free of it as long as Amakusa lived. And Amakusa would die, make no mistake. Every inch of Akurei's body still itched from being in that damned regenerator. Yes... cursed, facetious Amakusa would pay for his every trespass. Still, there was always his office if he needed a snack. Raw flesh at midnight was a pleasure admitted frequently. But tonight was different. Something felt off - something he could feel coursing through the darkened corridors of each of his three cardiovascular centers. He realized it the instant he entered his office: It was too warm, and smelled faintly of smoke and... "Doombringer!" "Hello, Akurei-sensei. I've been meaning to talk to you about my brother's death..."