Furniture Warriors Episode XIV: Barroom Rumble! -or- Child of mine! Formerly a product of Spoof Chase Now an Improfanfic (http://www.pixelscapes.com/improfanfic) Furniture Warriors created by: Stefan Gagne Episode XIV written by: Omi no Miko (All characters copyright Nihana-san, obviously. If I ever even considered claiming that these were my own characters I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced to eat my own yummy bishonens to live.) ---------------------------------- What happened last time... Mick said nothing, but he slid off his barstool and casually plopped down in the overstuffed high-backed chair next to it. "Hey you. You're sitting in my chair," the goon growled. "Why so I am, matey-watey. Gonna do anything about it?" The goons pushed away their chairs (or rather, the bar's chairs) and picked up their sofas. Mick took out his pool cue. Bud and Bob made as if to stand, then on further thought, changed their minds and went back to their beers. Mick grinned, flashing his bad teeth. "Ready for a bit of the old... ultraviolence?" ---------------------------------------- The first goon lunged for Mick, swinging his sofa in a low sideways arc. Mick jumped over the flying furniture and countered with a jab of his cue to the goon's head. It struck him just above his ear, making him cry out in pain. Another goon tried to smash Mick by bringing his sofa down on top of his head. Mick whirled around when he saw the large sofa shaped shadow above him, and dove out of the way. Both he and the sofa crashed to the ground, making the room shake upon the impact of the heavy furniture. Temporarily off balance, Mick almost missed one of the goons swinging his sofa at him as he was getting up. He tried to dodge, but the sofa corner caught him in the shoulder. He staggered back, leaning on a table top for support. The unmistakable form of a sofa flew towards him at an amazing speed. The table next to him prevented Mick from dodging out of the way, so he tried to duck below the flying furniture. The sofa sailed over his head, almost nicking the table as it did. The thrower of the sofa realized all too late that hurling his sofa at an opponent left him unarmed with his opponent between him and his weapon. He desperately tried to get around Mick, but was instead tripped by Mick's pool cue. He fell forward, hitting his head on a nearby bar stool, and was knocked unconscious. "Well now," Mick taunted, "That's one down, who's next, eh?" ------ Queen Radiance sighed, bored. She'd quickly tired of the shiny objects that Dr. Pfischer had brought her, amusing as they were. The sheer number of buttons in his lab had entertained her for a while, but she lost interest when he ran from the room screaming about his delicate creations. Right now, she could only idly play with her hair...and the hair of anyone else who happened to come into the room. Perhaps the next match would be more entertaining. "Your Majesty?" Miss Oeru asked, entering the throne room, "You called for me?" Queen radiance smiled evilly. "Yes, I did." she said. "We must contact Ikea. It's time I got my ice cream back." ------ Ikea sat in his room, contemplating Lumi's recent transformation. This definitely did not bode well. He had sworn on him honor as a Furniture Warrior that he would get her back to normal, but...how? His eyebrows knitted together in concentration. The Ottoman Empire had done something strange to her, and what was this about her ice cream? What would make Lumi-chan think that he had ice cream? His thoughts were broken when someone knocked at his door. He got up and opened the door, finding nobody there. Ikea briefly wondered if the Hugh now wanted to torment him by constantly knocking on his door, only to run away when he opened it. He quickly dismissed this thought, and was about to close the door again when he noticed the letter on his doorstep. Intrigued, he picked up the letter and opened it. It said: Ikea, We want our ice cream back. You will supply us with ice cream. Come to the gardens and wait by the horse statue at midnight tonight, or you will die. Signed, Queen Radiance PS - bring ice cream. Ikea blinked. He wasn't even aware that there were gardens on the property. Still, the possibility that Lumi-chan would show up would be high, and he needed every opportunity he could get to know what had happened to her. ------ The fight with Mick and the remaining two Furniture movers was pretty much going nowhere. They would swing, Mick would dodge. Occasionally one of them would get a hit in, and Mick would stagger back, recover, and the fight would continue. Mick got in a few hits of his own, which didn't seem to do much to the large men. Apparently, a cue didn't work very well against a sofa. He'd already broken the cue on the large furniture once before, and had to do a quick replacement with one of the ones at the pool table. Temporarily vulnerable, he'd gotten hit full on with a sofa. Needless to say, he wasn't too eager to repeat the experience. *Time to end this* he thought, taking a few seconds to recover. Mick charged at the nearest goon, who stood in a ready stance with his sofa. "FLYING CUE!" he shouted, striking a million times with his cue. His attack rained over his opponent, hitting him all over his body. The poor furniture mover was tried vainly to block the cue, but Mick was striking too much, too fast. It was impossible to avoid all of the hits. In a last-ditch effort to protect himself, he brought the sofa over his face to block. Unfortunately for him, holding a sofa over your head while you're already tired and weakened is usually a Bad Thing. The goon collapsed under the weight of his own sofa, twitching slightly. Mick looked up at the last goon, a dangerous look in his eyes. The goon gulped. ------ Marlo trudged through the hallways of the building, feeling depressed. What was it about those furniture idiots that made them better than him? Their furniture weapons weren't as good as the ones he was using...right? Maybe he was just fighting the wrong people. There had to be SOMEONE he could beat. His thoughts were interrupted by the sobs of a girl running toward him. *Perfect!* he thought. *She's sure to lose!* he pulled out a sword and pointed it at her. "Hey, you!" He yelled at her. "I challenge you to--" *WHAM!* Marlo twitched under the heavy desk as the girl continued running as if nothing had happened. "I see that the ways of the furniture warrior have not yet come to you." a voice behind him said. Marlo managed to turn his head to see Yoshi and Tony standing over him. "Are you still refusing my offer to train you?" Yoshi asked. Marlo snarled at him, his pride hurt yet again. Even some crying girl could beat him! But he couldn't say yes after all this, right? Still, if it meant that he would get stronger... "If you train me, will I get to be in the tournament?" he asked. Yoshi nodded. Marlo jumped up from under the desk, paused to keep is balance, then grinned and punched a triumphant fist in the air. "All right! I'm gonna be the best Furniture Warrior ever! and I'll kick all of your asses! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!" *WHAM!* Yoshi pulled his furniture of choice off his pupil's head and put it back...um...into wherever the hell he kept that big thing. "Good." he said, "Your first lesson: don't get hit." Marlo fell to the ground in a twitching pile of flesh. Tony sweatdropped. ------ Frigidaire Fifi, sometimes Joanie, was slightly confused. For the last half hour, various parts of her mechanical body had been falling off. She idly wondered if this meant that she would return to normal, or if she would just fall apart and die. *CLANG* She looked down to where a piece of her knee joint had just fallen to the ground and sighed. It seemed she'd just have to wait it out and see what happened. Still, she could always look for Yarslov while she waited. Fifi grinned...evilly. ------ Shelly trudged into the bar, feeling dejected. She still hadn't found Yarslov, and hitting that guy hadn't made her feel any better. As she looked around at the chaos, her jaw dropped. In the middle of everything, was her deadbeat father fighting some guy with a sofa. "Hey, there's the ugly chick now! ha-HA!" The man with the sofa said, laughing. "What the...uh-oh." Mick said, as he noticed Shelly. Shelly was enraged. That guy had called her ugly?! Her already stressed mind went overload. "You...you...YOU DIE!!!!!!!!!" she yelled, slamming the sofa guy with a large metal desk. She stood there, panting angrily for a few minutes. "Sheila, luv," Mick began, "I was only trying to protect--" "SHUT UP!" Shelly yelled, furious. "I can take CARE of MYSELF! I don't need YOU in my life! And my name is SHELLY!!!!" With that, she whipped out an antique rolltop desk and smashed him over the head with it. "hnnnnngh" Mick said intelligently, as Shelly stormed out of the room. END PART 14! Tune in again for more Furniture Warriors Part 15: Love And Ice Cream! VIOLENCE! CHILDREN! HUMOR! DESSERTS! FUN! AND...OH, FINE. FURNITURE! All this and more in the next installment of Furniture Warriors, written by the Power of Qi! [yaaaaaaaaay!] Say hello to my funky author crap: Yay, I finished a part! wai! Rejoice! Ummmm...thanx to all the nice peoples who helped me with this. I'd probably me a twitching mass of writer's block without you! Gomen for this being so short, but I seem to have some sort of mental block which prevents me from writing long things. All C&C should go to Miko_chan12@yahoo.com(where I actually read my mail!), I'd really appreciate it! I'd like to hear what people think of this, so I can improve my writing. Ja ne!