LAST TIME ON FWX, Back by popular demand, the polished floor gag returned. But in less important matters... Things took a turn for the worst when the evil Shiro got into school. After delivering a cowbell to Natsumi's house, as well as him getting a duelist brooch from Ijima, he managed to school even Seki himself with his own Rug abilites. Seki was about to defeat him using The Right Side of the Bed of Dreamyos when The Bed suddenly disappeared! It was up to Yashiko to save the day with her new waffle iron techniques, and not only did she save Seki from Shiro, but from Kazue as well. Let's not to forget that a new engagement rule has been placed in effect for the rest of the duels. Yashiko managed to defeat the team of Shiro and Koneko in one fall swoop while Arkhio managed to save Seki, and restore him to full health. Meanwhile, the evil Kumayama-sensei has planned the ultimate revenge attack. To turn Seki into Violent Seki, the most powerful evil warrior in the entire campus. Upon hearing this, Kouto races against the clock in order to warn Benma of the upcoming evil on campus. Can Kouto make it in time? ON WITH THE SHOW!! ----- London, England, a place with rich history, and people driving on the wrong way of the road, but enough about that. Here on top of one of London's buildings is where our story has begun. Desk Girl, also known as Shelly Thompson, was facing an armored assassin sent to destroy her. "I don't know who sent you, but I will defeat you for Child Support!" Desk Girl screamed as she got out her desk. "A pity." The armored figure revealed to be Terebi Natsumi, decked out in her armor, and holding a TV set. She was wearing a cowbell. "You would've been a great addition to my gang of armored warriors, but you had to fight for something even greater, like supporting the children who obvoiusly hate you." "Don't you mean re-establish the Ottoman Empire?" Desk Girl demanded as she rushed toward Terebi. "In case Lord Morticus's plan fails, someone has to carry the torch somehow." Terebi leaped up in the air, and shouted, "TV BOMBER!!" And halted Desk Girl's advance with the TV set. Desk Girl dodged the TV set, and leaped up in order to perform, "DESK DASH!" She rammed Terebi down, and caused the amazon to flip. As she did, Terebi's breasts bounced. "Nice move, but that is the last move you'll ever make!" She later pulled the remote out of her cleavage, and shouted, "FURNITURE SPECIAL ATTACK, REMOTE CONTROL!!" Suddenly, Desk Girl's controls are reversed. "Damn!" Desk Girl swore. "Instead of walking forwards, I am walking backwards!" "And now, the kicker!" Terebi smiled. "I can turn you own special attack against you!" "WHAT?" Desk Girl demanded. "I choose, Rapid Desk Combo!!" Terebi smiled as she turned Desk Girl's own attack against her. It was normally a Desk attacking her opponent with a rapid fashion, but instead, the desk was attacking her. "DAMN YOU!!" Desk Girl was on the ground, heavily bleeding. "Now, let's see who's under that mask." Terebi smiled as she walked on over to unmask Desk Girl. "At last, after two years of suffering from all that Desk Girl fadness, I will finally label you a cheap fraud!" Just when Terebi was about to unmask Desk Girl, the Magical Girl countered with the following. "Is that a cowbell?" "You like it?" Terebi smiled as she rang it. "It's going to make me even more popular than you'll ever be, and Sirosuto is still better than you are! What do you say to..." Then, Desk Girl was gone. "DAMN YOU DESK DWEEB!!" "Finally, some escape space." Desk Girl managed to escape from Terebi's wrath. "You've won this round, but I will recruit you into my army! That is my promise to you!" Terebi later disappeared via dark portal taking her back to Japan. ----- Furniture Warriors X Episode 17: Old Grudges Never Sit Down OR Emergency Furniture Plan OR Seki's Betrayal! FWX started by Brian Stricklin, continued yet again by Ryunson, who's trying to make a living by using skipped author's ideas. (Note: This was based on the ideas Nick Callahan gave me before he skipped his turn. Most of it mine, others his. You got to give him credit for what he has planned, though. He also wrote some of the chapter before skipping.) Furniture Warriors is copyright of Nihana-san and the FW universe is copyrighted by their respected owners. If I would claim this as my own work, I'd be locked in a jail cell eating my own flesh to survive. (Yes, it's gross, but the gag team has obviously sent these jokes to the wrong address. COME ON!!) ---- Banishment to another dimension is a lot like being an acid freak: scary, exciting, and ultimately damaging to your brain. Kaede was beside himself with confusion. He wasn’t hurtling through never-ending void or being picked apart by thousands of insects or generally having a bad time of any sort. In fact, he standing, quite steadily, on what felt like shag carpet. He looked down to find that was indeed shag carpet, a faded brown model that would’ve been popular in the seventies. Okay, he thought, that’s safe enough. Let’s not knock happy surprises. What else do we have here? He looked around himself, checking off the items in the room. Dinette set. Plasma television. A clock shaped like a happy kitty. Half-empty bottle of schnapps on the counter. Type writer. Basket full of laundry. The Ottoman Emperor going through his mail. Ah. "Monster!" Kaede’s desk clocked the Emperor across the face, sending the armored figure sprawling against the wall. Bringing the desk around, Kaede swung it down for a second blow. The desktop stopped against the cushions of a richly embroidered ottoman. Roaring with anger, the Emperor climbed to his feet, shoving the desk away. Kaede pulled the desk to himself tightly as the Emperor struck it with a resounding blow. The force of the hit threw Kaede back across the room, tearing apart the carpet beneath him. The Emperor rotated his shoulder and adjusted the grip on his ottoman. Fear raced through Kaede’s veins as the armored figure advanced on him. He spun the desk around his hands and jabbed at the Emperor’s face, over and over. The Emperor blocked the attacks flawlessly with the ottoman cushion. Kaede watched helplessly at the Emperor stopped in striking range and looked him over critically. Kaede hefted his desk for another attack when the Emperor struck first with a series of quick jabs. It was all Kaede could do to deflect them across the desktop, the woodwork shaking in his hands. The Emperor stepped to the side. With a sweeping swing of his arm, he hit Kaede’s desk from the side. The blow ripped the desk from Kaede’s grasp. Kaede made a dive for it, only to catch the Emperor’s ottoman full in the stomach. He slammed up against the wall, his vision going fuzzy. The Emperor rotated the ottoman around the leg he was holding, then swatted Kaede to the floor next to his desk. The history teacher sprang to his feet, snatching up his desk. His mouth tasted like penny-flavored Kool-Aid, but he ignored it. The carpet beneath him bent away from a sudden gust of wind. Azure colored flames rolled over his body as he brought his vital forces to bear. He lifted his glowing desk up over his shoulder, ready for the down swing. "Furniture special attack! Desk wa-" The Emperor held up his ottoman. "NO." The wave of counter-force threw Kaede off his balance. He could barely hold on to his desk as his jerked backwards. All of his energy flowed away, overwhelmed by the superior presence of the Emperor. Not finished with that, the Emperor shifted to the sad tortoise stand, his free hand forming an open palm towards Kaede. "CRYING WINDS OF THE WOLVES’ HOWL, BLOW! THIRTEEN BELLS OF THE HEAVENLY COURT, SHATTER! RISE UP AND DEVOUR YOUR FOES, DEMON GHOST OF THE FOOTSTOOL'S COVER!" The Emperor pounded his open hand into the bottom of the ottoman. A giant image of the ottoman rose up before Kaede, then the world turned into sound and fury. Desk in hand, he tumbled through the kitchenette and through the adjoined wall. He fell out of the building altogether, rolling across a well-manicured lawn and coming to a stop on a sunny sidewalk. It was beautiful day outside, palm trees waving in a playful ocean breeze. The road Kaede had been a few feet short of falling into was busy with cars of all kinds. Foreigners crowded around him, talking quickly in what sounded like English. Forgetting about the people around him, Kaede braced himself on his desk and pulled himself to his feet. The building he had just been thrown from looked like an upscale apartment complex. The Emperor coolly jumped down from a hole in the second-floor wall. He approached Kaede with cool disregard. "Wait!" Kaede held up his hand for mercy. "This isn’t the most depraved and terrifying depths of the Ottoman Empire?" "WHAT? FOR THE LOVE OF GRANDMA..." The Emperor’s shoulders slumped sadly. He ran a hand over his helmet. "THIS IS MY FOWARDING ADDRESS. DICK." "So Kumayama-sensei made a grave miscalculation." Kaede looked at the emperor. "Instead of me being sent to the Dark Dimension, I was sent to Pasadena." "YES, HE WAS MY MOST DETERMINED MINION." Emperor Ottoman lowered his head. "EVEN THOUGH HE WAS AN IDIOT AT TIMES, THE MAN WHO KILLED HIM, IS A BIGGER IDIOT." "And who killed him?" Kaede peered in. "FROM MY KNOWLEDGE, IT WAS SOME LOSER NAMED PRIDE, WHO THOUGHT HE COULD USE SEKI TO HIS ADVANTAGE. LUCKLY, MY FORMER MINION DREAMYOS MANAGED TO ESCAPE FROM ARKHAM, AND USED THE ONE KNOWN AS KOUTO TO DESTROY PRIDE." "So even though Kumayama hated you for your inability to win the tournament, he still contacts you?" "MORE LIKE GLOATING. IT WAS ALL GRANDMA'S IDEA TO HAVE MORTICUS OR THIS TEREBI PERSON REBUILD THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE USING DREAMYOS AS A KEY TO MAKE THE WORLD THEIRS." Kaede looked to the sky. "We're in trouble." "YOU'RE IN TROUBLE." Emperor Ottoman countered. "I STOPPED CARING WHEN IKEA PROPOSED TO QUEEN RADIANCE." ---- Kumayama-sensei smiled while he watched Seki struggle in a huge machine capable of brainwashing people to do as they commanded. Seki tried with no avail to resist the dark energy pouring into his blood stream through tubes attached to his skin. "There's no point in resisting." Kumayama-sensei in his Morticus guise laughed as he watched Seki fight the darkness pouring into his viens. "Soon you will return to the dark side, and burn the Big Tibetian Dojo to the ground, along with its stupid teachers." "The only stupid teacher around here is you Kumayama!" Seki yelled. "Sticks and stones Seki, sticks and stones." The sadistic teacher smiled while he pushed a lever allowing more darkness to enter Seki's veins. "I've also included my own brand of hatred to add to the darkness within your heart." "What do you mean?" Seki demanded. Kumayama allowed himself a smile as he watched Seki suffer. "After Kotasu's death, you became a Tibetian lapdog. You may look like a novice, but you are actually more pro than you realize. And once we take over the world, I will make you our champion!" "NEVER!!" Seki growled as he tried with no avail to break the tubes and the helmet on his head. "We have ways of making you ours, and the object of the Big Tibetian Dojo's demise." Kumayama increased the power and several shockwaves entered Seki's body. "Kumayama!!" A shadowy figure appeared right before him. "What did I tell you about trying to kill Seki?" "Arkhio, you've arrived." Kumayama smiled as he greeted the chairman. "You're just in time to see Violent Seki emerge from Seki's pathetic cocoon!" "You've really crossed the line." Arkhio frowned. "Your obsession with trying to kill the Seki that passed your exam has gone out of control." "So what can you do?" Kumayama smiled. "Pride was a fool to take my life, why follow in his footsteps?" "I won't kill you myself." Arkhio then tossed Kumayama a brooch and the teacher caught it. "I wouldn't betray the Neo Ottoman Empire because of one mans dream to put it back together by any means nessesary." "So you're offering me a chance to fight?" Kumayama smiled. "If you get the Rosewood Bride, I'll give you the prize without having to fight me or the Student Council." "And if I lose?" Kumayama peered in. "Well let's just say that you better not fail this time." Arkhio later disappeared. Kumayama frowned. It wasn't his place to question the chairman but he knows how to create the ultimate warrior. He continued his work trying to build Violent Seki. ---- Back in Tokyo, the day was just beginning. Birds flew from yard to yard, chirping joyously. The sun was slowly making itself known through a thin cover of clouds. Warmth was building up in the air like dammed water, even though one could feel the distant nudge of a coming chill in the back of one’s mind. School children of every age crowded the sidewalks and subways as they made their way to school. Benma lumbered along his morning walk. He paused every so often, to watch the shadow of a cloud slice across the scenery or listen to the breeze shake the branches of a nearby tree. He breathed deep, remembering his time in the mountains: the waterfalls, the trees, the buzzing insects, the twelve-mile runs to get an animal bite tested for rabies. Those days had a simple routine. He missed them, sometimes. With a great sigh, he pulled out a small book and a pencil. Flipping the book open to a blank page, he began to write. "XX, Random Month, 200X," He stared suspiciously at his date, quickly erased it, put the proper one down, and continued. "Father searched my drawers again last night, but it was all for naught. I had wisely moved my collection of Awa Mizuno doujishi to another hiding place. My horrible secret remains so for yet another day. "On the bright side, I look forward to another school day of vague pronouncements and narrow meetings with a man I have proclaimed to be my mortal enemy. I imagine college will not nearly be this exciting. Truly, these are the Halcyon days and I must appreciate them. Yet another government official was ousted today for corruption charges. This makes me happy, because that means he’ll be on the television for a while and his face resembles a pumpkin to some degree. I like have news that I can laugh at. "The weather is fair and nature is in full bloom. It almost moves me to poetry." On the following the page, he wrote a haiku. Then he read it. He promptly tore it out and stuffed it in his pocket. "Fortunately, I never write poetry and no record will prove otherwise." Content with the entry, he put the diary into his school bag. Continuing on his usual route, it wasn’t long before Ijima and her brother came around the corner. "-have to take your ridilin every day or, I swear to God, that teddy bear of yours will burn like a freaking oil lamp." "Benma! Benma!" The younger boy ran behind him for protection. "Sis’ is trying to make me follow my psychiatrist’s orders again!" Grunting sympathetically, Benma pulled Koneko off of his backside and set him down on the road again. He acknowledged Ijima with a nod. "Did you also get an e-mail from Kouto last night?" Ijima feel into place besides him, shrugging. Her eyes followed Koneko as an enticing butterfly crossed his path. "Yeah. This is all a bit worrisome. What I want to know is, what are our parents doing? They can’t just stand by while somebody messes up the duels like this." "Maybe this isn’t some kind of mistake. Maybe this really is how things go." "Yeah, and maybe we’ll actually use the dueling arena for squash." Ijima brushed her hair back. "I’m starting to trust these dark warriors less and less. They don’t even have any respect for how the duels run. They kidnapped Vanity, for God’s sake. How much more a rules violation do you need?" "The Student Council helped them." "Down-playing that part might be a great idea in the future." "Noted." He looked over at Koneko. "I see you’re letting him where those ears of his outside of the house, again." "His what?" Ijima focused her attention on Koneko. The boy was, in fact, proudly wearing a set of fake yellow cat ears. He waved back to Ijima innocently. "That little son of a..." Ijima stalked forward and jerked them off. Koneko stuck his tongue and kept on walking. Seething visibly, she held them up for Benma to see. "Can you explain this? Is this sometime of 'guy' thing? Do girls just gain their sanity earlier on? Argh! I can’t believe he even tries to walk out of the house like this." "Now, now," Benma said. "He’s still a bit of a kid. He’ll grow out of it." "If he could, he’d suck this thumb until he was thirty." "You’re just exaggera-" With a loud snap, Ijima crushed the cat ears in her hand. She had a look saying that she had had the last word. Without waiting for Benma’s agreement on the matter, she dropped the ears on the ground and walked up to where Koneko was. Benma swallowed hard and moved up to meet them. He decided to restart the earlier conversation. "Since you’re so concerned about, have you tried talking to your father yet?" "He’s just useless." Ijima growled. "The lazy bastard wouldn’t be any help. Do you know what he was doing yesterday? He was countin’ flowers on the wall." Koneko giggled, arms behind his head. "That don’t bother me at all." Ijima continued her rant. "Then he was playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one, smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo. Now don’t tell me he’s got nothin’ to do." Shiro walked out of a sidestreet, holding a box of doughnuts. Everybody paused. He looked straight at Benma. "Mother-fucker..." Benma surged forward, his rolled-up rug appearing in his hands from furniture space. He struck Shiro straight across the jaw. Shiro bounced along the pavement, coming to a halt as he ran full-force into the corner of a building. Concerned bystanders crowded around, alternating their shocked stares between him and Benma. One girl in particular grabbed his elbow, helping him to his feet. "If you need a witness for the police, I'll be glad to help. That guy is an utter maniac." Not even acknowledging her, Shiro shrugged the girl off and materialized his own carpet is a rush of air. The bystanders scampered out of the way as he charged at Benma. The two of them locked their carpets, snarling at each other. Ijima watched passively at the two boys pushed back and forth. She helpfully picked up Benma’s school bag. "So, do you want me to turn in your math homework for you?" Nodding, Benma threw his weight into a charge, lifting Shiro clean into the air. The smaller boy landed on his feet and leapt back as Benma came after him with a series of vicious swipes. He parried the last one, catching it with the length of his rug, and speared Benma in the throat. The giant stumbled back, gasping for breath. He looked up just in time to see Shiro overhead strike. Benma desperately leapt to the side. Shiro followed him, trying to keep in the line with his opponent. The two of them ran side-by-side, testing at each other’s defenses with quick, safe jabs. The ran down the side street Shiro had just come off of, then across another major road, sending cars into a screeching pile-up. Shiro narrowed his eyes at Benma as he continued to run. "You've gotten faster." "You've gotten stronger." "I've got a lot to say to you, you bastard." "Sorry for leaving you in suspense." Simultaneously, the two of them collapsed their carpets in the middle. They closed their folded tubes in on each other, trying to lock each other’s weapons. Without pausing to even look, Benma and Shiro ploughed through a chain link fence. Still locked together, they tumbled down an embankment to the river below. The water greedily accepted them and then all was silence. Back a few streets, Ijima pulled a doughnut out of Shiro’s box and chewed it thoughtfully. Satisfied, she picked up the whole box. Koneko sniffed the air oddly. "Hey, sis, what’s that weird smell?" "That’s testosterone." Ijima, her arms loaded, gave him a soft kick on the butt. "Try not to breathe too deep." Koneko just smiled impishly and pulled a new pair of cat ears from his bag. The windows of the restaurant exploded outwards. Civilians pour out of it in a panic, lunchtime customers and staff alike. The two combatants stood inside with their carpets locked together. Energy raced between them, filling the air with the scent of ozone. Shiro relented and jumped back, letting Benma smash into a nearby table. He held his carpet up at the ready. "What is it, Benma? Why can’t you just leave me alone to my devices? You don’t care about the Rosewood Bride. You don’t care about the duels. Are you really just your family’s lap dog?" Benma shook the wood splinters off of his carpet. "Is that all there is to this? The duels?" "Then why?" Shiro arched an eyebrow. "I used to have a friend. A true, honest one." Benma swung his carpet around and pointed it at Shiro. "But I guess he took care of him, didn’t you?" Shiro sighed and casually waved it off. "Spare me the dramatics. Is this about betrayal?" "I should be grateful that you showed your true colors eventually." Benma fell back into fighting stance. Shiro’s smile stretched wider as he braced for an attack. "I could say the same thing about you!" Benma delivered a heavy rising strike to Shiro’s carpet, sending him backwards "Explain yourself!" "The great, noble Benma..." Shiro said in a sing-song voice. He swatted Benma across the top of his head. Benma stumbled away, his senses reeling. Shiro glared at him viciously. "God, you made me sick. You lorded everything over me. Your family, your skill, your popularity. I wasn’t going to let you have everything. Oh, no, not by a long shot." "I never did anything like that. We were friends, Shiro." Benma slowly found his balance and readied another attack. "I treated you like my brother." "Sure, until you needed to look better than me. Until big ol’ Benma had to save weak, little Shiro. From paid off bullies, no less." Shiro dived in low and came at Benma from the side. Benma stopped it with the butt of his carpet. "That was you’re plan." Benma hit Shiro across the shoulder. The smaller rode out the pain and jabbed Benma is the gut with his own carpet’s butt. "And you should have remembered that!" Shiro yelled, spittle flying out. He delivered another jab. "After that, I got no respect, no matter how hard I worked. Least of all from you. It was only just jokes and sneers and whispers behind my back. I must have had a really good plan, Benma, because you kept it up far longer than we had to." Benma lifted up Shiro and flung him away. His face was like stone. "You’re a liar." "I saw first hand how pathetically easy it was to make a hero." Shiro propped himself up on his wrong as he stood up. Benma waited for him. "So I decided, since I was doing all the work, maybe I should be the one who gets all the rewards. So I went and took the girl for myself." "Are you done yet?" Benma leveled his carpet at Shiro. His voice promised violence. "I can’t stand fake heroes." Shiro snarled. "I can’t stand people like Ikea and I can’t stand people like Seki and I especially can’t stand people like you." He charged Benma. "Just out of curiousity, what did it feel like? When I took away the girl of your dreams?" Shiro twirled his carpet lazily. The shrine had emptied out fairly quickly when their fight came to it. He stepped carefully through the paper door Benma had fallen through. The student council was sprawled out across the floorboards, still holding his weapon. "I couldn’t tell you." Benma slowly stood up, never taking his eyes off of Shiro. Shiro’s face curled in frustration. He pointed his carpet accusingly at Benma. "Don’t feed that line! I know how much you cared for her! She was all you ever thought about!" Relaxing, Benma lifted his carpet and got into the gorging mule stance. "Yeah, yeah... she was." "Then what?!" Shiro leapt forward and struck. Benma blocked it once, twice, giving ground. "Didn’t it hurt?! Didn’t it tear your heart out?!" "I can’t remember. I think I was sad. And I know I was angry." Benma parried and swung at Shiro’s midsection, making space between them. "But now..." Shiro’s hands began to twist around his carpet in rage. "You bottom feeding piece of... She wasn’t anything to you, was she? In the end, she didn’t actually matter, did she?" Benma’s face tightened in resolution. Suddenly, shock entered his eyes. "What was her name?" "What?" Shiro stabbed at Benma’s face. The larger boy blocked it and stepped to the side. "Her name?" Benma asked again. He beat down on Shiro’s carpet. "What was her name?" Shiro tried a few unsuccessful strokes. "Don’t play around with me." "I’m serious, Shiro!" Benma backed away, moving out of striking range. Worry crossed his face. "I can’t remember what her name was! You know, right?" "Of course. I’m not stupid." Shiro huffed with pride. Without pausing to think, he said. "It was... It was... It... It started with Tsu, I think..." "You don’t know, either." Benma confirmed. "I know it!" Shiro snapped. "It’s just coming slow to me." "Neither of us remember her name." "Shut up! I know it!" Shiro made more room between them. His eyes wandered away from Benma as his mind raced to remember. He was also starting to look worried. "It was... It was..." "I don’t believe this." Benma’s features relaxed completely. He lowered his carpet, a smile creeping across his face. They started to chuckle, first Benma and then Shiro. The tension in the air eased between them. The end of their carpets fell to the ground as they started to laugh harder and harder. The clouds shifted, letting the sun in through the broken doors. "Well," Shiro smiled glibly at Benma. "It doesn’t matter for me... does it?" A moment passed at his words sunk in. Benma’s features darkened. Bellowing like a wounded animal, he sprinted the distance between them. Shiro barely raised his carpet in defense when Benma caught him full in the middle. The two boys tumbled out through the wall. The setting sun turned the ocean waves a fiery red color. The wind blew off of those wavy waters and danced across the empty sand. The beach was cold and desolate, bound by municipal construction projects. Water lapped around the legs of Benma and Shiro as they stood facing each other. Their carpets were motionless in their hands. Shiro glanced out to sea. "Hey, Benma..." "Yeah?" "Remember when we used to spar? Just wasting the hours until our bodies gave in?" "Those were good times." The two of them were run ragged. Their clothing hung off of them in shambles and deep bruises dotted their bodies. Shiro’s eye was starting to swell, forcing it closed. Benma unconsciously felt around in his mouth and found where a tooth had gone missing. Neither of them would let the other see it, but their muscles were starting to give out. It had been a long day. "So." "So." "This is the last one." "You’re right about that." "Don’t go easy on me." "I wouldn’t dream of it." "Shiro," Benma felt a smile creep along his face. "I’m going to beat you." Shiro smirked and raised his carpet for a strike. "Don’t count your chickens and all that." They charged each other. Benma felt every step ripple through his battered body. He thought of all the things he wanted to tell Shiro. All the confusion, all the dispair, all the angry and the pain. All the times he should have relented, all the times he had been right, all the times when they were both being idiots. Shiro raised his carpet for an overhead strike, so Benma held his to the side for a kidney shot. There used to be two little boys who hadn’t understood what was happening at all. All either of them wanted to do was avenge them. It had never been about the girl. It had been about the friend who betrayed him. A wave crashed along the shore. They stood at the end of their charge, propped up against each other. Their carpets were firmly planted on each other. A warm drop rolled down Benma’s cheek. "Shiro, I was wrong." The carpet slipped from Benma’s hands. "Eh?" Shiro looked puzzled. "It was never about the girl. It was about your act of betrayal." "Tough talk coming from a dropout of the Ottoman Factory." Shiro smiled. "Whereas you failed, I graduated!" "At least I was beaten by Seki." Benma smiled. "Even though you surpassed me by beating Seki, you had to defeat Yashiko as well. If you can't beat Yashiko, what hope do you have against Seki when he's healed up?" "WHY YOU!!" Shiro was about to charge, when... "SHIRO! BENMA! STOP THIS AT ONCE!!" It was Kouto. "A thousand pardons, President, but Benma knocked over my box of donuts. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH THOSE DONUTS COST?!" "Never mind the donuts." Kouto placed his hand over his face. "Benma and Ijima, Kotaro has informed me that we have an emergency meeting tomorrow. Shiro, why don't you be a gentleman and babysit Koneko." "Fine." Shiro frowned as the members leave. Koneko smiled while he watched Shiro. "I wanna play robots!" Shiro just glared at him. ---- The next day, Natsumi was a happy woman. She was walking across the campus wearing that cowbell she got in the mail recently. Her bosom bounced as she walked while the cowbell did the same. It rang as she walked. She was wearing a normal school uniform. "Good morning Natsumi." One student bowed. "Good morning." Natsumi smiled. However, some of the students were secretly laughing at her behind her back. A high school student wearing a cowbell? Some believed it to be priceless to watch. Elsewhere on the same campus, Yashiko was drowning herself in a textbook. Actually, it had a Desk Girl comic wedged in the text book, so it would look like that she was studying, as well as reading what happens next to Desk Girl. "Wow, is this Yashiko-neechan's studying strategy?" Lumi smiled as she walked alongside Yashiko. "It allows me to study the history of Desk Girl, how she came to be, and how Pool Cue got his origin too!" Somehow, she wedged the comic in Kumayama's textbook. "Look out Mistress." Vanity pointed to an incoming Natsumi Terebi. "Yeah yeah, as soon as I am... OOOOFFF!!" But it was too late. Yashiko accidentally ran into Natsumi. the book went flying out of her hands as Terebi turned around. "Hey, watch where you are going!" Natsumi growled. Yashiko managed to catch the book as she turned around to face the amazon. "Well, Miss I got a bigger chest than anyone else has arrived!" "An excuse me would be more polite." Natsumi frowned while looking at Yashiko. "Anyway, can I talk to you for a second?" Yashiko peered in as she looked at Terebi. "In the girls locker room. We both got gym class." "Well I got some free time." Natsumi smiled as she walked with Yashiko. Lumi and Vanity followed them. ---- The girls locker room was somehow cleaner than usual today, primarly the janitor's wife somehow managed to clean the locker room. It was infested with all sorts of school girls. Some small, others large. Natsumi and Yashiko sat down on one of the benches there, and Yashiko began her conversation. "It's about your influctation with Seki." "What about it?" Natsumi demanded. Yashiko demanded the following, "You may be new at this, but I want to give you fair warning in advance so I don't remind you next time." Then came the moment of truth. "STAY AWAY FROM BROTHER SEKI!! HE'S MINE!! GOT THAT?!" "I'll try to stay away from him, but there's one thing wrong with that suggestion." Natsumi giggled as she leaned toward Yashiko in a seductive manner. "He won't stay away from me." "What do you mean?" Yashiko demanded. "Well," Terebi began. "You saw how he nosebled at my amazing assets?" She later rubbed her breasts back and forth, and shoving them at Yashiko's face. "Don't worry, all men and lesbians are like this. One stare at my massive, jiggling breasts will reduce those brilliant people into complete idiots. On their mind now, is the drive to..." "EWWWW!!" Yashiko was repulsed at how Terebi was handling her bosoms. "And what's cooler is that he managed to nosebleed when he came to the rescue when I gave Lumi-chan the beating she deserves!" Natsumi plopped her breasts down as they bounced again. "You just don't understand Seki like I do. He's easily frustrated with you and Lumi-chan, so he wants a real girlfriend, like....ME." Terebi posed again as her assets jumped again. "WHY WOULD BROTHER SEKI WANT A BATH HOUSE ATTENDANT LIKE YOU?!" Yashiko yelled. Terebi smiled. "Maybe because I have the biggest chest in school..." Terebi giggled as she plopped her breasts on Yashiko's head. "YOUR STUPID BREASTS COULD KILL HIM JUST BY WEIGHING HIM DOWN!!" Yashiko countered. She managed to push Natsumi's breasts away. "Maybe I have the nicest butt in the area..." Natsumi then shoved her behind right into Yashiko's face, and rubbed Yashiko's head with said butt. "DON'T MAKE ME KICK IT!!" Just when Yashiko was about to kick Terebi's behind, Terebi pulled Yashiko right into a headlock. Terebi pulled Yashiko right into her bosom as she smiled. "Give it up. We all know what Seki wants, and it seems he wants Kaede-sensei back. So if I acted like Kaede-sensei..." "DON'T FINISH, YOU OVERDEVELOPED HORROR!!" Yashiko pushed herself away from Terebi's massive chest, and dusted herself off. "Besides, is that a cowbell I see?" Yashiko changed expression as she watched the cowbell. "It's a designer cowbell!" Terebi smiled as she showed the object to Yashiko. "It's going to make Seki nosebleed even further!" Yashiko suddenly changed her expression from angry, to laughing all across the ground. "What's so funny?" Terebi frowned. "A COWBELL IS FOR A COW!!" Yashiko yelled out. "ALL THAT TV HAS ROTTED YOUR BRAIN!!" "You're just jealous!" Terebi frowned as she left the area. "I don't need this from a Desk Girl otaku. Besides, Cat Girl Hacker Dance Sirosuto is WAY better than Desk Girl!!" "IS NOT!!" Yashiko yelled. "IS SO!! I EVEN KICKED HER ASS TO PROVE IT!" Terebi threw a cloth at Yashiko to let her know that Desk Girl is defeated. "Just don't stand in my way unless you want to share the same fate, Yashiko!" And she was gone. Yashiko frowned. She will pay, oh she will pay, Yashiko mulled it over and over. ---- "If the weight is too much, the chair with surely break." "We are the weight, the chair is the-" "Not yet!" "What do you mean, 'not yet'?" "The elevator doors aren't even closed yet." "What’s wrong with these things? C'mon, c'mon..." "There it goes." "Okay, from the top." "Not from the top! I said my part right on time. Now, it’s his turn." "Just...from the top, so the whole thing goes smoothly." "Um, guys, we're at the meeting room." "This is important. Now you guys screwed the whole thing up!" "Fine, fine, we'll start again." "Look, it doesn’t matter, we’re at the top anyway." "Then we'll just go back down again, won't we?" Kouto cleared his throat and banged his gavel. Pale afternoon light shone through the window as the four representatives looked each other over. The air was thick with unspoken tension. They were the elite, the favored, the blessed. This was their game. But now, these outsides were coming in and stepping all over what was supposed to be their crowning moment. The sense of confusion was... inexpressible. "Well, this has all just about gone to pot, hasn't it?" Kotaro opened. I stand by my narration. "That’s the understatement of the century." Ijima commented. "Not only have these 'Neo-Ottoman' warriors attempted to kidnap the Rosewood bride, but now this Shiro person is using our duels to settle his little personal issues. Of course, that's just the recent stuff. We still haven't managed to wrest the bride away from Seki. The four families have practically lost control of the duels, for all intents and purposes." Kouto raised an eyebrow. "I recall hearing that you had a part to play in that little scandal with the Ottomans, Ijima." "Really? A little bird told me that you feel the right to hand out duelist broaches to psychotic little Tibetans. Yes, I am talking about both Seki and Lumi in case you are wondering... And now Yashiko has taken the torch of burden. How can we fight on if everyone wants the Rosewood Bride for their own game?" Kotaro interjected. "Look, we’ve all tried our own methods of getting control of the duels back. This isn’t the time to-" "Where did you get that broach, anyway?" Ijima pressed. "We all received ours from End of the Rug individually." "Well, there’s a box of them." Kouto answered. "A box? Where?" "Our closet space." "We have closet space?" "All clubs get closet space. It's school regulation." "That’s not the point!" Ijima was getting frustrated. "We're a cultish dueling society! What supplies can we possibly have?" "Well, there’s a big box dueling broaches, to begin with." Kouto began to count off his fingers. "And a couple of spare chairs. And the supplies for the Christmas dance. Oh, and that mini-scooter we got Kotaro to ride around on for Benma’s birthday party." Benma chuckled at the memory. Kotaro could only hang his head in shame. "Oh, so that’s where we put that..." Ijima muttered to herself. "But we’re getting off topic. We need to focus on our current problems." Kouto looked around the table hopefully. "Any ideas? Benma, what you tell us about Shiro?" Benma snorted. "We were simply friends in our younger days. Beyond that, there was never anything special about him." Kouto cocked his head. "So, you're not friends anymore, I take it?" "We had a disagreement during our training in the Ottoman Empire. It was about a... girl we both knew." "Oh!" Kotaro paused in them middle of typing the notes. "Does this have anything to do with that overly elaborate moral argument you were having with Seki during your first duel?" Benma bristled. "Yes. Yes, it does." "Just checking." "What about Morticus?" Ijima offered. "Would you know how the two might be connected?" "I haven’t a clue." Kouto sighed. "Ijima, what about you? Did you learn anything while during your brief alliance with the Ottomans?" Ijima thought on this. "They referred to Vanity as the ‘dark conduit’ and Seki’s friend, Lumi, as the ‘Light Conduit’. Whatever these conduits do, Lumi, in her capacity as one, played a major role in a tournament in the Ottoman Empire which resulted in the Severed Time. What exactly this role was and how she did it, I have no idea. They also referred to Vanity holding some kind of shard or splinter, whatever that means. Judging by their tactics and techniques, I'd wager that whatever they were planning to do with her was something that can’t be obtained through the duels. Maybe some central element that causes the duels to operate as they do." "What about the Beds?" Kouto asked. Ijima shook her head. "Natsumi Terebi was silent on that one." "I might have something to offer on that." Kotaro piped up. "My equipment is set to continiously chart the surrounding area of furniture space. It's how I can successfully navigate non-furniture objects through furniture space. I went back and checked the logs from Seki and Terebi's battles. The charts recorded at the time indicate two things. First, that local furniture space is completely full at the time. And two, that a constant junction between real space and furniture was established." "Meaning?" "Well, besides the fact that I shouldn't be able to teleport when I'm close to the beds, it means that whatever they hold when the Beds are out, it's big and it's not all the way through." "How big?" "You shouldn't be able to 'fill' furniture space." "Oh." Kouto thought about this. "I might be able to get more information out of Lumi as to what a 'conduit' means. I suspect Vanity could tell us more about the Beds, but if she hasn't talked about them before, we’ll probably have to force it out. And that would be breaking the rules." "Unless one of us wins her." Benma added. "Yes." Kouto nodded. "But I take it nobody here wants to risk merely riding the wave?" The other three nodded. "So what can we do?" "Well, there is one thing." Kotaro said. "I remember my mother talking about it once... The Emergency Furniture Plan." "My father mentioned something similar once." Benma said. "A plan the family heads cooked up, in case they had to abandon the duels." "My father talked about the same thing." Ijima commented. "Is this plan stored anywhere we can look at it?" Kouto asked. Kotaro checked something on his lab top. "I believe it's accessible to the student council. But there’s a certain amount of beuraeucratic run around." "Well, that does it, then." Kouto leapt to his feet and pointed dramatically at Kotaro. "Mr. Secretary, get me a copy of the by-laws!" "Yes, sir, Mr. President." Kotaro fished around in his book bag and proudly produced a zip drive. Kouto looked at it for a second. He pointed at Kotaro again. "Mr. Secretary, get me a copy of the by-laws in an immediately readable form!" Kotaro sighed and walked out of the room. He came back carrying three encyclopedia sized books, muttering something about luddites. Ijima eyed them suspiciously. "Closet?" "Closet." "One of you is giving me the key to that." "Fine, fine. I thought you already had one." Kouto picked up the volume with the index. "Let’s see here... Conduct during meetings... Reporting of the budget... Initiation... Here we go! Plan for cutting losses and stabbing backs." Benma leaned over for a better view as Kouto found the page. "What does it say?" "Um... One of us motions for the use of the plan to come under consideration. We table it until the next meeting for all members to deliberate. Once we meet again, we take a poll among the members to ascertain if deliberations were adequate. Then we vote on whether deliberations were adequate, which requires a standing majority of present members. If a ny member feels that deliberations, his or another’s, were inadequate, he may motion for discussion, which the student council must then vote to begin, a vote which may also openned for debate..." Ijima sighed. "Just cut to the part where we sacrifice a goat." Kouto flipped forward a few pages and his eyes went wide. "In the future, Ijima, please refine from giving the by-laws ideas." ---- "Hey, Lumi-chan, can you show me how to do it?" "Wai?" Lumi-chan looked up from her English homework. Yashiko was standing in the kitchen, waving her arm around like she was trying to grab something. By the look on her face, she was obviously failing. "Do that thing were you make the furniture come out of nowhere." Yashiko explained. "Like you and Seki do." Lumi-chan scratched her head. "Yashiko-nee-chan, do you mean accessing furniture space?" "Yeah, yeah, that’s what you call it." Yashiko thrust out her hand and acted constapated. "I can’t get that darn waffle iron to appear." "Ano...Isn’t it right over there?" "I mean, appear in my hand. If I need to fight." She heaved with frustration. "Let me see you do it." "Okay!" Lumi-chan stood up. With a flourish, she produced a flourescent light in her hand. She held it out for the inspection of a befuddled Yashiko. "See?" "I don’t get it. It doesn’t look like you do anything. It just appears. I wonder if me beating Shiro was just a fluke." "It's no fluke, I assure you." Lumi walked up. "That Bed of Pleasant Memories was awesome!" "Yes." Yashiko's skirt and breasts bounced while she posed for action. "Terebi, you and the student council are going down!" "We need to get rid of Pallbearer-san first." Lumi looked all around her. "Who knows if Kumayama has really learned his lesson." "Well, I did saw him attack you on that faithful day." Yashiko spoke as she looked at Lumi. Then she smiled evily while she motioned her hands. "Um, why are you looking at Lumi-chan that way?" Lumi was concerned. "Vanity, I may need your help on this one." Yashiko signaled the Rosewood Bride from afar. "Yes mistress Yashiko?" Vanity smiled. --- "Why is Lumi-chan all tied up in the park?" Lumi wondered why she is all tied up in Hiroto park. It was in the mid afternoon on Sunday, so far, the only day in which school is not in session. "We need to draw Morticus out so we can challenge him to a duel. I don't know if he got his brooch yet, but we have to defeat him, otherwise we'll never set Vanity free!" Yashiko continued to look around for Morticus. It took several minutes, but eventually, Yashiko spotted another object. It was an angel statue of a woman. A pretty woman, holding an antique table, something the knights of the round table sit at. "Wait, I know this person." Then she read the inscription. "Here lies Utablea Kumayama, killed in battle by a very evil Tibetian warrior called, Seki." Then Yashiko was in complete shock. "Yashiko nee-chan, what's wrong?" Lumi-chan looked over Yashiko's shoulder. "No, this can't be the same Seki that we hang out with, can it?" Yashiko looked to the sky. "I have no idea." Lumi looked to the sky. --- Meanwhile, at the Dark Warrior Palace, Morticus watched Seki get injected with more hatred serum. "That's it." Morticus smiled while he watched Seki slowly become Violent Seki. "Awaken to your true, envious nature." Suddenly, the transfer is complete. "Kotasu's spirit won't save you now. All of his essence is nearly gone." Morticus smiled as Violent Seki emerged. Violent Seki's eyes glowed a demon red as he watched Morticus. "What do you want?" "The prize, Violent Seki. You are going to help me obtain it." "And why should I help a dead rodent like yourself?" Violent Seki growled. "Don't you see?" Morticus grinned. "You and I are alike in every way. You showed Kotasu how strong your hatred is compared to the style of the chair. Then you showed Ikea that you are destined to be more powerful than him, leaving him to banish you from the Dojo." "There is a catch, however." Violent Seki smiled. "Yashiko and Lumi, but don't let their victory over Shiro sway you. Yashiko and Lumi have done nothing but drive you over the edge, and with your skill, you will have the power to destroy Ikea and Queen Radiance, ONCE AND FOR ALL!!" Morticus laughed and laughed as a storm rages outside. Unbeknowest to Morticus and Seki, Arkhio was watching the entire thing. Suprisingly, Kumayama was there in his normal teacher form. "Was it a real good idea to make Tatsuya wear your goth-wannabe costume?" Arkhio smiled while holding a glass with wine. "It has to!" Kumayama frowned. "I want to study Yashiko's fighting style even further so we can use Violent Seki to destroy both Yashiko AND Lumi-chan, and claim the Rosewood Bride for ourselves!" "Indeed." Arkhio smiled. "Natsumi's mother will be so proud of us." "Oh yes." Kumayama agreed with him. --- "No sense in leaving you tied up." Yashiko got Lumi from her tied up stance and got her down. "Morticus hasn't shown up yet, but we will find him." "Don't bother." Morticus suddenly appeared right before them. "I am here, now what do you want?" "Before I challenge you to a duel, just tell me...." Yashiko peered in. "You say that you loved Utablea." "That is none of your concern." Morticus frowned. "Well it became my concern when Seki killed your daughter. I even know who you are, Kumyama-sensei." Yashiko smiled. "You haven't learned your lesson, and now, this idea of killing Seki has become a very unforgiving obsession." "She was my daughter." Morticus lowered his head. "Well, my adopted daughter. She acted like my wife in the glory days, made to motivate my real daughter, Raika Kumayama. Like Akai, I am trying so hard to bring my wife back from the grave using the prize." "Yeah, I reminded Kouto of his mother in her glory days. He told me when we first met." Yashiko looked at Morticus. "However, unlike Akai, I don't intend to use the prize to bring my wife back. I already have a replacement within Raika. I intend to bring this world under my control, and if anyone should try to stop me, they will be eliminated!" "Now, Morticus, I challenge you to a duel! The Venerable arena at sunset! You can bring any engagement partner you want." Yashiko walked off. "Fine." Morticus smiled. "My engagement partner will be the downfall of both of you!" --- At the arena, Morticus was waiting for Yashiko and Lumi to arrive. He grinned under his mask as he watched the students appear before him. "I've been waiting for this moment, Yashiko and Lumi-Baka!" Morticus laughed as he readied his coffin. "For too long, you have tarnished the good name of Kumayama and now, Brother Seki will be one of the bad guys." "That won't happen, because we'll stop you and your mad scheme!" Yashiko spoke as she got out her waffle iron. "How about a deal?" Morticus gestured. "If my team loses, I will give Seki back to you in full health." "And if you win?" Yashiko peered in. "I'll be the next emperor of the world!" Morticus gestered as he readied into a battle position. "And I don't even have to fight the Student Council nor Rug's End!" "Okay, we accept." Yashiko smiled. "Yashiko! Do you know what we are doing?" Lumi screamed. "Don't worry!" Yashiko smiled. "You beat this bonehead before, and Seki even defeated that Corpsuto thing. How hard can he be?" Yashiko turned around. "VERY HARD!!" Morticus gestrured even more. "I'll show you my real power, and once you defeat half of me, I will show you why they call me, MORTICUS PALLBEARER!!!" ----- NEXT TIME, ON FWX: Will Yashiko and Lumi defeat Morticus once and for all? Can Kouto settle his score with his old rival? Is Lumi truly the Light Side conduit, despite Terebi saying she isn't? Who is Morticus's engagement partner? Who is Raika Kumayama, and will she show up? Can Terebi get rid of that crazy Cowbell? What do the Noyying Triplets do other than sing in unison and annoy everybody? Does anyone care anymore? ----- Find out in the episode #18, Morticus's Last Stand OR Unchair Situations. OR Rigor Mortise Two!! ---- Author's notes: Sorry for throwing the next battle at the would be next author, but if we are going to get rid of Morticus for good, at least he would go out with a bang. Not the cheap ass way in #6, but in a most honorable way in #18, so we can rest assured, we will be rid of him. I did include his background and some of his family just to make sure he still cares about them, though. Oh and Raika? She is Kumayama's real daughter, presumed alive and well. She may appear in the next episode, she may not. We'll just have to wait and see. Think Akira and Momo from Rival Schools if you have an idea on what she's like. Hopefully FWX #18 will not only feature Morticus and his engagment partner, but hopefully the next author (Maybe Tuxedo Jack) will add an additional fight scene with one of the Student Council members. That's all I can say at this point. Damn, I'm not very good at expressing myself in these authors notes. I can't write the last few chapters myself! Come on, where's the love that once blossomed in this place?! Ryunson (lordryansen@yahoo.com) -----