Note from NeoVid: A Pokémon darkfic... ya gotta wonder what some of these writers are thinking... or if they're thinking. You may notice that this MST is much shorter than all our others. Well, we're experimenting with a change in riffing style. If it works, you won't be able to tell the difference AND we'll get our MSTs out faster. As usual, I'd like some C&C at neovid@hotmail.com. If we keep up THIS pace, e X ! l e 's gonna fall behind on his procrastinating! Note from e X ! l e : But I'm playing Ocarina of Time, dang it! Eh, oh well. I guess riffing is fun too. *sigh* Anyway, I disavow any knowledge of this MST, (as usual). And one more thing, Vid. Maybe you should start saying Comments and Criticism instead of C&C, or else the next time, someone might attach Command and Conquer to you. Another note from NeoVid: And I'd mind getting a free game SO much... At the club called DaMaGed Ice, two mysterious figures were sitting in a dark corner. Well, not mysterious, really. More like weird. The first guy was pretty hard to look at. Not because he looked bad (though that was part of it) but because of what he was wearing. The jacket he had on seemed to have the night sky inside it... or, you were seeing THROUGH him to it, or... some damn thing like that. Except for that, he really didn't look like much. Sort of like Scotty Riggs with glasses and after having some character added to his face (by fists, weather, clubs, blades, etc.). The other one was a little smaller, carrying a staff and dressed in a dark cloak-and-hood, his face completely enshadowed by the hood, except for a pair of glowing yellow eyes. The Scavengers, NeoVid and e X ! l e , (for that's who they were) were idly planning their next MST. For once, NeoVid was looking vaguely rational (normally he looked like a member of the Psycho Fiends Network). His shirt was currently showing a picture of his favorite sports star from his home dimension: the legendary hockey player Mario Lemieuxtant. "Well," NeoVid looked over the fic they had gotten. "Philip again. I'd say it's a bad idea to keep MSTing fics from one guy, but nobody ever complained about that when it was Ratliff." "Who're we gonna MST with THIS time?" e X ! l e asked. "Uh, no idea. I didn't plan ahead at all. But, with the unbelievable coincidences that usually happen around us... let's just sit back and wait." A moment later, a scrawny guy with extremely pointy red hair, a stained "Office of the President" tie over a "Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Federation Ultra" shirt, and a yellow rubber duck on his shoulder, climbed up on top of one of the tables, then got out a megaphone. NeoVid stared at him. "Jack Lysias? Why is he here?" "Why are we here?" e X ! l e commented. Jack's megaphone clicked on. "You're all Pokémon fans here, right? Well, there's one thing you haven't realized: Pokémon SUCKS! IT SUCKS SO HARD! It's a total rip-off of Monster Rancher, except it left out one thing: Monster Rancher was worth playing! At least by people who have more than single-digit IQ's! And there's one other thing I should mention! The Game Boy is also crap! Unlike the rest of you idiots, I can see things like this, because I am..." "Out of your puny mind?" wondered NeoVid. "CONTROVERSIAL JACK!" "See? I was right." At this point, practically the entire crowd at DaMaGed Ice was starting to get up from their seats, preparing to harm him in all sorts of inventive ways. This was a situation Controversial Jack was very familiar with. Just after the owner of the club bounced a stuffed Pikachu off his head (which was shredded by Jack's hair), he heard a *squeak*. "What's that, Mr. Duck? We should make a break for it before we're rent limb from limb? A very sound idea!" He jumped down from the table and, sensibly enough, ran, a crowd of DaMaGed Ice regulars in hot pursuit. "Well, I hear opportunity knocking, e X ! l e ." "Are you sure it's not Jehovah's Witnesses?" "No, Jehovah's Witnesses would never knock only once." As e X ! l e shrugged, NeoVid pulled open a portal, the two of them stepped through, and he quickly opened another one right in front of the running Jack. "Hey, Jack, would you rather be anywhere than here?" "Yes!" he yelled, hopping through. NeoVid started closing the portal, but couldn't help watching the thwarted crowd outside. "Damn, where did they get the pitchforks and torches so fast?" (Jack looks around at the weirdness of the Realm of Chaos.) CJ: Okay, so I'm in another dimension. Again. That never gets boring! Hey, what's that? N: DON'T look straight at the Blind Spot if you want to keep your sanity!... wait, I forgot who I'm talking to. Stare at it all you want, Jack. e: Aren't you gonna tell him what we do here? N: Oh yeah. Well, Jack, what we do is MSTs. CJ: I've seen those things. Seems like the sort of thing that only brain- damaged morons would be interested in. N: Which is EXACTLY why YOU'RE here! Anyway, I've decided to go with a more traditional Mystery Science Theatre opening this time. Let's go! DOOR SEQUENCE: Door 6: Dog bone door. Opens automatically. Door 5: The episodes of the Pokémon show that were skipped. They melt away as a censor laughs demonically. Door 4: You see the frightening sight of... the Teletubbies. You run through and close the door before they can hit you with the Big Hug Attack. Door 3: A public Internet connection. You wait ten minutes for the guy ahead of you to stop wasting your time, then you give up and leave. Door 2: A giant stack of "Living La Viva Loca" CD's. You shove them aside and they follow the Macarena to hell. Door 1: A steel theatre door with a sign that reads, "Trespassers will be executed." The other two take that as an opportunity to get away, but NeoVid tosses them into the theatre. e: Hey, we forgot the fourth MSTer! N: No I didn't! You want a fourth MSTer, you got one! (The gray fog of Chaos Energy concentrates in his hand and fires off with a *ZEETCH* at Mr. Duck.) CJ: Mr. Duck, you are rendered corporeal! D: 'Bout time this happened again. (Mr. Duck looks the way he did when that Bill Watterson imitator drew an episode of Controversial Jack. If you don't know what I'm talking about, shame on you.) N: Alright, now that we've got all our MSTers, we've got a fan letter to answer! e: We did? That's the second one! How'd that happen? N: Hey, we can get mail! We have plenty of fans! (Neovid's shirt changes to read, "total denial: if you're not happy with it, you are.") >H, CJ: No, I'm from a different Improfanfic. >this is squirtish CJ, D, & e: Huh? N: Genetic crossbreed between a Squirtle and an Oddish. CJ: Creepy. I've gotta get one of those. D: Pretty lame name. >(or wet squirrel), D: But it is an improvement on that. >your newest MSTie was wonderous as usual. e: Wow! I'm almost tempted to start acknowledging these MSTs! N: He thinks our MSTs are wonderous? What's wrong with him? >it sounds as if you have written pieces of N: (angrily) He better be careful about what he says next... >fiction before, N: Oh. That's okay then. And yes. >and I was wondering if i could read it/them... N: My author has written a bunch of other things. Most of it's not online though. The ones that are are at Improfanfic. e: And my author's never written any fic, but has plenty planned, if anyone asks. N: And nobody ever will. And now, the PROOF of how popular we are! We got ADVERTISTING! e: Who? What? When? Where? Why? [NEW!! It's... This! Order This now and you'll also get That, and Stuff! This, from Us! Makers of Product!] N: Now that that's out of the way, we can start on the riffing! The fic this time is an ill-conceived ultra-violent Pokémon darkfic! CJ: Ultra-violent? Cool! Reminds me of the wrestling federation I'm in! (Controversial Jack takes the right seat, by the exit. From him over: NeoVid, Mr. Duck, e X ! l e .) >Team Redline e: More like Team Flatline. >Epsiode 001 D: Readers zero. CJ: It's a lot like an episode, except it's not. e: Good thing it's an epsiode. We won't be getting any Star Wars references. N: This from the guy who once said, and I quote, "Episode 1 of what?" >"Stand-Off." D: This fic will never stand OUT. >By Philip Andrew Wesley e: Creator of assorted bad Zelda fics. N: And the world's first Pokémon darkfic. e & N: Whoa, deja vu. >Background information: Team Redline is a group of N: -Wussies and losers. >Pokémon Trainers and Special Operations Military Personel organized by a e: Deranged fanfic author? >branch of the government that specialises in e: -Blowing the people's tax money on themselves. N: When did that become a specialty in the government? CJ: I knew I forgot to do something when I was President! >"Black-List", "Sabotage", and "Anti-terrorist" missions. D: San Juan Badasta. The anti-terrorist mission. N: Um... >Team Redline is a large Team consisting of e: Wussies and losers! N: Come up with your own jokes, e X ! l e . >literally hundreds of members. D: Well, not literally... >These stories hone in on a specific few. e: That's still too freakin' many! D: Look on the bright side. Maybe he'll run out and have to end the series. N: So, this series sharpens a specific few? >This is a short All: WOOHOO!!! >"pilot" episode for the main series. Characters from this story probably >won't be used in e: -Any GOOD author's writing. >the normal stories. CJ: At least he isn't trying to convince anyone that this story's normal. >The stories place the idea of pokémon existing in a modern world, not >unlike our own. N: Not unlike mine? e: No, your world is one of a kind... luckily. >There are trainers and tournaments; but those may not be featured in the >stories; N: Because that would make it fun to read. >unless the stories theme dictates their inclusion. e: (blinks) Whoa, big words. CJ: Jerk, thinks we'll be impressed because he knows how to use fancy words like "the"... >Characters from the television show and video game; like Jessie, James, >Ash, Misty, etc. Are not in these stories. e & N: BOOOOO! CJ: Good! They suck! >Team Rocket as a whole may be represented N: Team Rocket already represents itself as a hole. >in future stories; but not in a "light" mood. The basic mood of the >series is meant to be gritty CJ: Damn. I've got a gritty story in my shorts again! >and "real". e: "And 'real?'" Come on! Either it's real or it's not! D: Uh oh. I think he's trying for an American style Pokémon fic. N: Yes, and he's SPAWNed a MARVELous IMAGE. EXTREMEly cool. A real WILDSTORM of entertainment. A HOMAGE to all lousy Pokémon fiction! Practically a CLIFFHANGER of, uh... I can't think of any more... >There are many branches of Team Redline, CJ: Like the faceless minions, the expendable extras, the worthless losers... >these branches deal in different issues regarding e: -Wasting people's tax money. >general public safety, CJ: (arrogant) Men, I'm General Public Safety! And you're all taking MY orders from now on! >nuclear disarmanent, e: Yeah! Who needs nuclear weapons when you've got DRAGON RAGE? N: Electrode, EXPLOSION!!! BLOW THE BASTARDS UP REAL GOOD! AHAAAHAAA HAAAHHAAAAA!!!! >animal protection, border patrol, CJ: (singing) Have you heard the word out on the street? There's a new kinda heat out walkin' the beat! Pokémon on patrol! >etc. > > Chapter 1 > > "Aww, damn." I whispered under my breath. N: (that guy) Why did I have to end up being the main character in this disaster? CJ: (Philip) Because I'm the author! I can do whatever I want! Dance, my puppets, dance! Mwahahahaha... >The sleeve of my uniform had gotten ripped by the barbwire on the roof of >the compund. CJ: Some people think they're called compounds, but they're wrong! N: What's Barb Wire doing there? Has her career sunk this low? >My partner and I were attempting to D: -Fly like Superman after jumping off the roof. e: Are they really dumb enough to think they can _both_ be Superman? CJ: (narrator) Of courthe I'm not Thuperman! I'm Mighty Thor! >access the compound. Inside the compound a group of religious fanatics >had stockpiled a large amount of e: (narrator) Rare Candy, and they didn't want to share! D: Beanie Babies, since they're worth more than gold. N: Teletubbie merchandise, enough to destroy the sanity of the entire world. >a explosives CJ: They don't work as good as b explosives! >and small munitions. The area police had already circled the compound D: But since the cult was in a compund, it didn't help. N: (cop) All I'm qualified to do is circle the compound on this map! e: (police) Alright, we're circling your compound! You stay on YOUR side and we stay on ours! >and the members of the cult had been in a state of N: -Insanity. CJ: Hey, that's my home state! >stand-off for the past few days; our mission was to apprehend their >leader. CJ: (narrator) And then lay the smack down on him like a red-headed stepchild! N: Is that how you got brain-damaged? >"Friendly folks, aren't they?" said Jeremy. e: (narrator) Aw, of COURSE they are, Jeremy... (condescending pat on the head) D: Sure. Now pet my shark. >Jeremy Stricken is my partner. e: (Jeremy) NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Why me???? D: ....Stricken? N: Who here thinks he'll be stricken with a sudden case of agonizing death? (All raise hands.) >We've been e: -Considered expendable ever since the chief caught us both with his wife. N: ... >partners for a month. Ever since my last partner met an unfortunate end e: ...Um, gee, guys, you think you can continue on my lemon riff? N: Sorry, I'm too amazed that you came up with one at all. CJ: I can! (Matt) -An unfortunate end that looked like this: (_|_) N: ...How'd you pronounce that? >in a brutal encounter with a wild rabid Kangaskhan that we had been >trying to N: ...Nah. >subdue. Yeah, I suppose we should have carried some pokémon for >protection; N: (Matt) But us superbadasses don't need the help of Pokémon! D: Or protection. >but that wasn't a normal mission, so we had dart rifles and small >handguns e: Dart rifles AND small handguns? Somehow, those two weapons don't seem to be in the same category... D: Sure they are. Too wimpy to save their lives. >instead. BUt that's not important right now. e: (narrator) After all, my partner got killed, not me. >"What do we have with us?" Jeremy asked. "Well, we have two pokéballs >each. I have a N: -Togepi! All: TOGGG! >Kabuto and a Vaporeon. What do you have." "I have an Oddish and a >Sandslash, Matt." "That'll probably help, does your Oddish know Cut?" e: (Jeremy) Who's Cut? >"Yeah." CJ: Oooo... the suspense is just pulling me in. >My name is Matthew Ridgerd. I've been in this Team for 4 years. D: (Matt) -Too many. >You see a Hell of lot of things that you wish you didn't. e: (Matt) And it's all Philip's fault! Darn you, Philip Wesley!!! N: Darn you all to heck! CJ: Writing stuff like this would really make Philip look stupid... if it wasn't too late for that. >I placed a small audio enchancement device on the roof D: It has a 50/50 chance of working. Standard issue for all expendable agents. >and put the units headphones on. "Hmm. This room below us seems to be >deserted. e: (Matt) According to this device that has a 50/50 chance of working, we'll be SURE to survive going in there! >Take out your Oddish and be quiet about it." I took out my Vaporeon as >well. "Oddish, Cut." Jeremy said. "Vaporeon, Mist." Vaporeon: Okay... What did I do to deserve being forced into this fic? This is below my dignity as an actor! I'm outta here! CJ: Wow! Surreal! >The Oddish cut a small hole in the roof. Vaporeon generated a nice bit of >mist to hide our entry. e: (cult member) Duhhh... I never seen indoor fog before. If da other guys find out, I'll look real dumb. >Vaporeon kept creating the mist as we stepped into the room. "Shh." I >whispered. e: (Matt) Stop MiSTing already, or the cult members will hear us! V: Like I care if they get killed. >We heard two people coming toward the door of the room we had just >stepped into. Jeremy and I waited next to the door. The door opened D: Slamming into the two idiots' faces and breaking their necks. The end. >a crack. "That there heater must be smoking again. e: Hmm, crack and smoking in the same paragraph...? N: You're trying too hard. e: Only because the author isn't. >I'll check it out." The person entered the room and I grabbed him before >he could respond. D: (Matt) The next day, that guy slapped my ass with a sexual harrassment suit. >A quick blow to the left side of his cranium N: Is that where you're SUPPOSED to blow? e: What does Philip think a cranium is? >knocked him out cold. The other person stepped into the room. "Umm. Hal? CJ: ...Open the pod bay doors, Hal? You hear me, Hal? >You there? I thought I heard e: (other guy) -You get knocked unconscious, but I should make sure before I sound an alert, or else I'll look like an idiot. >something. Did you trip over something in this cursed fog?" e: (Hal) No, I just got knocked unconscious by feds! No biggie! >Jeremy must have hit the guy with something metal; N: The plate in his head. >because all I heard was a clang and a thump. I took out the Kabuto. >"Kabuto, Absorb." The Kabuto started to absorb all the mist. N: THAT'S NOT HOW THAT MOVE WORKS! >I locked the door and turned on a small green light lantern. e: Oh my god! A Pokémon/Green Lantern crossover! CJ: Kill the fic writers before it spreads! >Jeremy and I returned our Pokémon to their pokeballs and took the cloaks >that the two cult members were wearing. e: (singing) We got their cloaks, we got their cloaks, we got their cloaks heyheyheyhey... N: O-TAY... D: (old man's voice) Give back those cloaks, you little rascals! >"A bit snug. But it'll do." N: And now Philip's stealing lines from Locke. CJ: At least he's got the sense to rip off something good. >I said as I put the cloak on over my field uniform. D: (Jeremy) Woww... that cloak really brings out your eyes, Matt... e: I'd like to bring Matt's eyes out myself... with a rusty spoon. CJ: I'm going to rip your eyes out with a [SPORK]! >Jeremy tied up the two cult members and N: (Matt) -Threw them in the furnace so they wouldn't cause trouble. >gagged them. e: I'd gag too if I had to star in this fic. >After he slipped on the other cloak. D: (Jeremy) WAUUGH! *THUMP* CJ: (Jeremy) That's weird... it's sticky, but also slippery... >We went outside the door D: Oh, so in the rest of this scene they were INSIDE a door? >and locked it shut. > >As we walked down the halls we noticed that the walls had been smeared >with some type of red substance. N: (Matt) Mmmm... cherry flavor! e: Man, just call it blood! That's what you're trying to get at! >I remembered hearing that the compound had hostages inside; and I had >a sickening hunch that I knew what that substance was. D: (Matt) I just have to keep telling myself "it's not real ketchup." e: Eh, don't worry, Matt, that's just there for the tourists. >Jeremy seemed to know as well. The red substance was smeared in various >triangles and words. Things like: CJ: "Whhhooo... scaaary blood..." e: "The Juggler in Magus's Castle... strengthens his guard when attacked! Beware!" N: "These halls designed by Manson Interior Decorating." >"Repentance before the ends." and "Prepare the way of the Lord." e: Huh? N: Why can't religious fanatics be more original? CJ: If I was before an end, I wouldn't be doing much repenting. >We soon came to the end of the hall where a large groups of people in >cloaks had gathered to hear their leader. e: (cult leader) Like, worship the Lord, and, uh, that kinda stuff... >Chapter 2 > >"Prepare the creature!" CJ: Huh? What'd I do? >Their leader yelled. Two cloaked men came forward with a cage. e: Alright! Cage match! CJ: Wussies. If they REALLY wanted to make it impressive, they'd have a chainsaw match! >Inside the cage was a frightened Vulpix. e: (Vulpix, translated) Please, no! Don't make me star in this fic! >They took the creature out of the cage and strapped it down on the table. e: ...Hey, Vid, you DID say that Philip didn't write lemons, right? N: He USED to say that... e: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "USED TO???" AAAAHHHH!!!!!! (hides) >"My brothers and sisters." e: (cult leader) This lamb is your lamb, this lamb is my lamb... N: That's still a dinosaur of a joke. >The leader began to speak. "We are gathered here in a compound of brick >and wood e: Just say building, dang it! CJ: (cultists) IT'S A COMPUND, DUMBASS! N: (cult leader) And the wood's starting to get soft again. Better put more Viagra varnish on. >to await the e: (cult leader) -End of this horrible fic! >rebirth of our bodies into Celestial Beings that are untaintable and >unperishable. N: (cult leader) So, fit yourselves into the holy Tupperware! D: That's pretty eerie. >Outside are many who would try to stop us from becoming immortal! They >are the spawn of the devil CJ: How dare they? I thought my sister was the only spawn of the devil in fanfiction! >and they are like the wheat that will be burned away by the Judgement! e: (Judgement) A little rubber duck that sits on my shoulder keeps telling me to burn stuff! He's funny... D: Hey, I only said that a couple of times! >We have covered the walls of our sanctuary with e: Posters of Pamela Lee? >the blood of unpure animals e: Bad fanfic writers? Hey, maybe this cult ain't so bad after all... What are you smiling about? N: I just had this great thought about David Kintobor being sacrificed. Too bad he's dead already. >to appease god e: (God) Oh Me, I miss those days when my mortals just went to church... >and he is thankful. N: And He's alone in that. >Like the Jews during Passover, the blood of those pokémon protects us >from the evil ones. D: I see flames in Philip's future... >When the judgement comes, we will be left standing; but we will not be >alone. e: (cult leader) Does everyone feel as alone in the universe as I do? CJ: (cultists) HELL NO! WE'RE ALL HAPPY! >Evil men may still stalk the earth to steal our N: (cult leader) Beanie Babies! But they're mine! Mineminemineminemine! >glories! The weapons we have gathered CJ: (cult leader) And we can all thank Lorena here for gathering the weapons for us... >will protect our immortal souls from those who are unfit; but have >somehow evaded the wrath of god!" e: (cultist) Heh, what'd they do, hide in their bomb shelters? CJ: (cult leader) NO USING LOGIC IN THE TEMPLE, FAITHLESS SCUM! *BLAM* >The group of people responded with an "Amen." I felt a knot in my >stomache. N: (Matt) My mutated internal organs were acting up again. >I moved toward the front of the stage. e: He's gonna preach too? D: This fic is too preachy already! >Jeremy motioned to me and moved closer to the weapon pile N: (Matt) That pile of weapons was the most disturbing thing that I had seen in my entire career. At least they had put the weapons on ice so they hadn't gone bad. >near the door of the room. CJ: I can't stand the suspense! D: I can't stand anything in this fic. >The leader then unsheathed a large machete and raised it above the >vulpix. e: (Vulpix, translated) Don't let this freak get his sword anywhere near me! >"With this creatures blood. We are saved." CJ: (cult leader) From the evils of MSTers everywhere- OW! >I couldn't let this happen. e: (Matt) Why did the Vulpix get the easy way out of this fic? >All life is precious. N: (Matt) Except for the cult members I was about to play Decapitato with. >"Golbat, e: Wait a minute... where'd that Golbat come from? CJ: CONTRIVANCE! CONTRIVANCE! N: This from a Dark Jedi who once went to Super Contro-jin 3!?! >Kabuto, go." I let the Golbat and the Kabuto out of their pokéballs. >"Golbat, screech!" The Golbat let out an ear-piercing cry e: (Golbat, translated) WAAH!!! If it wasn't for Philip's plothole, I wouldn't even BE in this fic! >and the group of cult members started running toward the exit of the >room. e: (cult members) Oh no! It's Roseanne singing! Run!!! D: (cultist) Nooo! It's Fran Drescher's laugh! N: (jumps up on his seat, pointing at the screen) DAMMIT! THAT'S NOT HOW THAT MOVE WORKS EITHER! CJ: Warning! Rabid Pokémaniac in the building! >"Kabuto, Hydro Pump!" Kabuto let out a large wave of water and CJ: (Kabuto) I shouldn't have had all that beer, coffee, and watermelon... >knocked the cult leader e: -Up. N: ...now I'm worrying about you. >to the ground. Jeremy had taken out his Vaporeon and Oddish. V: And it was the most disturbing date I'd ever been on. >"Oddish, Stun Spore!" The stun spores hit the remaining cult members and >they collapsed on the ground, unable to move. e: (cult member) Dude, these spores are groovy! N: (exact Aurora) Beware the spores... >I untied the vulpix and it leaped e: Just for the record, "leapt" would sound better to me in this case. (NeoVid hits him with the Squeaky Hammer of Justice for nitpicking without being funny.) >off the platform and started to spastically dart about the room. e: (Vulpix, translated) You dumbass, what did you do that for??? I would've gotten out of this fic! CJ: (Matt) Ha, if WE have to suffer, you do too! >The cult leader had gotten up and didn't look happy. e: (cult leader) But I AM happy! See? These are HAPPY teeth! N: You're just loaded with bad jokes today, aren't you? e: Full of 'em, in fact! ^_^ >Chapter 3 > > "What have you done!" The leader yelled. D: Saved the day, beat the bad guys, rescued humanity, crap like that... e: They immobilized the cult members and untied the Vulpix! Are you blind??? >"You're under arrest for e: -Being an accomplice to this fanfic! >possessing illegal arms, animal slaughter, illegal drug transportation, >and a whole mess of other things I don't need to mention. e: You know, realistically, the guy would go scot free because Matt didn't announce ALL the charges against him. N: We're MSTing a Pokémon darkfic and you want realism!? >You're in more crap than you can say in one of your sermons." I replied. >"Don't underestimate e: (arrogant cult leader) -My crap-speaking ability! CJ: (ditto) Yo mama! >the wrath of god." CJ: I've met her, and Kasumi Tendo doesn't seem that wrathful to me. >The leader remarked as he took out a pokéball. "Golem, go!" He yelled. "A >Golem once killed the enemies of god's people. You are our enemies." e: ...I see... N: That came so close to making sense that I don't know HOW it got in there. >The Golem landed out on the floor with a All: -TOGGG! N: We used that already, but it had to be done. >thud. Jeremy was busy securing the weapons e: -With the longest pair of tongs he could find. N: (Jeremy) Euuuch... why am I always stuck doing this kind of stuff? I wish I had remembered my hazardous environment suit. >and avoiding the objects that the other cult members had started >throwing from the doorway. e: (cult member) Face the wrath of our dust bunnies, pebbles, and rolled-up newspapers! D: (wussy Jeremy) OWWW! You broke my arm with that nickel! N: (same here) Quit it! You're harming me! >The Golem started to advance toward him. "Jeremy, make your Vaporeon >hydro-pump that thing!" V: But if you get killed, it'll end the fic! CJ: (Jeremy) It hasn't had enough beer yet! V: Yeah, that's no such thing as enough beer. >Jeremy turned around and the Golem smashed it's foot into the ground >causing Jeremy to fall on his back. The leader glanced at me with a >glare. e: Um, wait a minute, the leader glanced with a glare- ARGH!!! CJ: There's only one fictional character who can do that, and he's called Itami! >"Your friend and your pokémon are no match for that Golem. It's level is >in the 90's." CJ: Yeah, and the 90's brought us so many great things... like the Teletubbies, and New Kids on the Block... e: Quick, Matt! Use a Game Shark cheat! N: No, that's in a later chapter. e: It really happens? Now I'm disturbed. CJ: I'm the only one who should give cheat codes to trainers! >"Kabuto! Hydro Pump!" The Kabuto shot a wave of water at the Golem; but >the Golem dodged it and lifted up a statue from the corner of the room e: Man, I wish MY Golem could pull that move... D: Where do they get the rocks for ROCK THROW, anyway? >and threw it at the Kabuto. "Kabuto, harden!" N: (Kabuto, translated) Uh oh. I forgot my Viagra! >It was too late. The Kabuto was out cold. CJ: Damn frigid Pokémon... >The Golem started to move toward Jeremy and the weapons. "Vaporeon, >Hydro-Pump!" Vaporeon lept e: Just for the record, "leaped" would have sounded better- OW! N: I'm trying for LESS nitpicking than Jonatan Streith's MST! (Jonatan clubs him with Ryuu) N: I wish stuff like that would stop happening... >into the air and was shot down. The leader had pulled out a gun! e: Pull out YOUR guns, damn it! N: No, that would wake up the readers. Right, Jack? CJ: Zzzzzzzzzz...... N: WAKE UP!!! (Swings steel I-beam at Jack. Jack jumps out of his seat and it misses) CJ: Ha! Now you see the Jedi reflexes of... CONTROVADER JACK! >"Golbat, Wing Attack!" My Golbat hit the gun out of the leader's hand. >I punched the leader in the stomache e: You mean Matt was THAT close to the cult leader that whole time??? N: AND they've got the same mutation? CJ: Damn preconceived notions of reality... >and hit him off the platform. The Vulpix had gone mental or something D: Taking his author's example. >and was fire spinning all over the place. "Oddish, ACID!" Jeremy >yelled. The Oddish N: -Went into a corner to get high. >sprayed it's acid on the weapons, melting them into a undiscernable mess. CJ: Which turned out to be identical to Philip's writing. >The Golem tried to N: -Get some of the acid for himself. >Mega Punch Jeremy; but he got out of the way. Then the leader looked up >from where he had landed and yelled. D: (cult leader) Please finish me off! CJ: Like the sadist said to the masochist, "I'll never hurt you." >"Golem! Explosion." The Golem started to turn a bright red. e: (Golem, translated) Whoops, heh heh... excuse me. >"We gotta run for it!" The cult members had already started to panic and >run for the exits of the compound. CJ: (badly dubbed cultists) It is, the Golem's... EXPLOSIONwe must flee! >Jeremy yelled, "Oddish, ACID!" e: (Matt) You dolt! Now's not the time to be getting high! >The Oddish sprayed acid on the wall and the acid ate through the wood and >stone quickly. CJ: (Homer) Mmmmmm... wood... N: Mmmmmm... lemony... >Suddenly there was a loud "ka-boom" and I felt my body N: (Matt) Oh good, they're not busted. >being flung through the air. D: (Matt) SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD ALL THOSE BURRIToooossss..... CJ: (Matt) Kids, try this at home! I dare you! >I landed outside on the ground. Which was a bit muddy; because it had >rained earlier that day. N: Darn. If he had landed on concrete, he would've been killed. >Thankfully. N: For HIM, yes... >I looked around and there were ambulances and police everywhere. >Apparently, the blast had wiped out 60% e: Any idiot can see it was 59.82%! >of the compound, the people who escaped the compound in time or were >lucky enough to survive the explosion were being herded to CJ: The slaughterhouse. Cultistburgers! >ambulances and police cars. One of the police men came up to me. e: (policeman) You're under arrest for aiding and abetting a bad fanfic! >"You okay?" "Yeah." I said D: He is? There's no justice. >and I showed him my badge. e: (Matt) That I had found in a Cracker Jack box. >"Team Redline, huh. CJ: (cop) Are they pro wrestlers or something? >Thanks to you, the stand-off is over.. but a lot of people got killed." >"I didn't do that. N: (Matt) It was only partly on purpose! e: (Matt) It... it was Jeremy! It's his fault! >Their leader took them down on his own free will. Did you get the >hostages?" "Yes, CJ: (cop) -We finished all of them off. Huh? We were supposed to RESCUE them? >they were in the area of the compound farthest away from the blast e: So they didn't get put in the fic, lucky them. >and a lot of exotic pokémon have been recovered as well." D: (cop) Yeah... recovered. That's what we did to them... >"That's good." I said as I started to walk away. CJ: It's so action-packed, I can't stay awake! >I scanned the area for Jeremy; but I couldn't find him. N: (Matt) C'mon! You're not getting out of the fic that easy! >I walked back toward where the "sanctuary" had been. I found him. D: (Jeremy) Don't worry, I'm fine. Hey, why's this gold ring over my head? >He hadn't made it out in time. e: (Jeremy's ghost) Aw, crap, why couldn't this happen before the fic started?! >"I hate my job." e: (Matt) The next day, I received my paycheck and my job seemed really cool again. >I muttered as I walked back toward the police vehicles and ambulances. e: Watch out, everyone, he's about to go postal! N: Don't you wish. e: Yeah, I do. (sighs) >The End. All but NeoVid: YAY!!!!! N: Don't start the party yet. The next part starts the continuing storyline. All: BOOO!!! >Copyright Dmg Ice 1999 e: Too late to hide your identity, Philip. N: It'll be a while before the next part starts, so we'll need something to fill in time. (NeoVid reaches into the pocket of his jacket, then notices the jacket- portal-thing has gone missing. Jack has taken it and is feeling around in the pocket-dimension inside.) e: How does he DO that? N: GIVE IT BACK!!! (NeoVid yanks it away. Jack is left holding a bag of Cheetos and a bottle of Guiness that he found inside. NeoVid puts his jacket back on.) N: Freakin' Jedi reflexes. But Jack does have the right idea. Who wants booze? CJ: I got mine already. You know, this reminds me of a time I was out mocking the Irish... TO BE CONTINUED IN TEAM REDLINE 2 ______________________________________________________________________ Scavenger's MST Episode Guide: #101 - The Pokéman Book 2 #102 - Triforce Awakening #103 - Suikoden Quadruple Feature #104 - Team Redline 1 Other MSTs by us: NeoVid: Bubblegum Trek groupMST Legal stuff and plugs: This MST and the characters NeoVid and e X ! l e are copyright the co-writers of this MST. Team Redline is copyright Philip Wesley, Controversial Jack and Mr. Duck are from an improfic and manga, and about seventy people have written stuff with them, so give me a minute to figure out who owns them... oh yeah! They're copyright Yves Belanger. As for the blatant plugs: DMG Ice at http://www.dmgice.com , three Pixelscapes sites: the Multiplex Mangler at http://pixelscapes.com/multiplex . It's the other way to MST. And it doesn't have nearly enough fans. And the two homes of Controversial Jack, http://pixelscapes.com/impromanga and http://pixelscapes.com/improfanfic . (By the way, I wrote a segment of Furniture Warriors for Improfanfic. It's worth reading if you ask me. And ignore everyone else's opinion.) >You're in more crap than you can say in one of your sermons." I replied. >"Don't underestimate the wrath of god."