Note from NeoVid: Heh... OK, we didn't keep up that pace... Anyway, this is our fifth MST! What a milestone! Since this continues straight from the last part, and we took forever to get to it, I'm sure you're anxious to start reading, so don't let me stop you. Just remember to send some C&C to neovid@hotmail.com. Note from e X ! l e : MSTing (the "new" way) is pretty cool, but I got college now, dang it! Oh SURE, SOME college students manage to MST, but what are THEIR majors? English, bah, how plebian... (Gets jumped by every English major within a light-year radius.) Heh. ANYWAY, whoever's read all of our MSTs *snicker* know the drill: I disavow any knowledge of this MST! Okay, I've ranted enough. Don't let me stop you either. ^_^ (NeoVid, e X ! l e , Controversial Jack, and Mr. Duck are leaning back in their seats, waiting for part 2 of the fic to start.) Magic Voice: Some comments about your MSTs were just posted on the DaMaGed Ice board. N: Cool! Let's see them! (They come up on the screen. After reading them, NeoVid sweatdrops.) N: Damn. What did I ever do to Selena? Okay... let's MST 'em! CJ: MSTing. More fun than brutalizing pacifists! Or the third time I was crucified! >Re: CJ: -Tarded message from Selena. N: Don't sink to her level. She's never done anything to me before... but why is she going out of her way to piss off the only person who never had a problem with her? e: Did it work? N: Hell no. You think I'm going to get angry and start throwing insults at someone who's obviously mentally deficient? >What does MST stand for? D: More Standard Tripe. At least NeoVid's MSTs- OW! >Major Stupid Thing? D: That's even better- HEY! QUIT IT!! >And why does NeoVid do them all the time - D: Because he's so attracted to 'em- OH SHI- *WHAM* N: (puts away sledgehammer) Freaky... she spelled my name right when she misspells hers half the time... >is it cause he's a retard? CJ: Sounds about right. N: *sigh* >-nt- CJ: Nearly Trashed? Noodle Train? Nickel Toupee? What's that stand for? N: It would have been a hell of a lot more useful to me if she TOLD ME why my MSTs are stupid so I could change... Magic Voice: The next one does. N: Oh. Yippee. >Mr. Unknown: There's no point or anything in MST's. N: Duh! Why do you think I like them? >(What the hell does that stand for anyway?) CJ: Major Stupid Thing! What else? N: They stand for Truth, Justice and the Chaotic way! >Everything is splattered around and it's hard to understand anything. D: For someone with his incredible (lack of) intelligence, I'd think so. N: The only thing that's going to be splattered around is Mr. Unknown, once I find him. >Stop doing them and become a NORMAL poster e: He wants NeoVid to be normal?!?! N: But all normal posters do is hang there on the wall! >so I don't have to hear about these slutty little things you do. CJ: Slutty!?! You cheap floozie, you're going to get it! D: This message was a real drag... get it? N: What great f iends I've made at DaMaGed Ice. Magic Voice: To make up for those, some good comments... e: That's impossible! >LOL!!!!!!!! (Yeah, I know more than one exclamation point is a sign of >insanity, >Xelloss) OHMANOHMANOHMAN! I have to stop laughing before I rupture >something. And trust me, you don't want that to happen, I have GOOD >comments on your MiSTie. N: I'll believe that when I see it. >Anyway, just wanted to enlighten you to the fact that your >not-quite-a-fic-fic is one of the downright FUNNIEST things to come along >in a LOOOOONG time! N: I see we're doing well with the mental patient crowd. Which is cool with me. >Just read three of them on DMG Ice, and I was laughing almost the whole >time (Sounded insane points>. D: That's better than most people. They barf the whole time. >Heck, if the neighbors don't know that already, they're weirder than I >am)! I just had to close it down before I really hurt myself. CJ: Yeah, long term exposure to MSTs can cause brain damage. >The comments are hilarious, and the characters are EXTREMELY funny! N: (exact Elvis) Thankyou, thankyou vermuch... >"The Pokeman: Book Two" and "Triforce Awakening" were stunningly bad, and >the riffs were fast and furious... N: Anyone would be furious after they realized they wasted thirty minutes of their life reading "Triforce Awakening." >THANK YOU! (Just one question: I get the idea e X ! l e looks something >like a Jawa but with a black robe and a really big-@$$ staff, so am I >right, or am I horribly mistaken for relating him to a movie character >with hedlights for eyes?) e: Yes you are. I WEAR headlights for eyes. ^_^ >Just thought you'd want a little input (since I'm assuming this isn't >tossed yet), and PLEASE keep writing MSTies! For all of our sakes! N: If I can convince e X ! l e to get any work done on them, OK. e: Ha, good luck! >~Crow Servo B P.S. You do the Satellite of Love crew >proud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! D: Joel would have a heart attack if he heard that. N: Warning! Danger Joel Robinson! >P.P.S. (No pervert jokes!) Another question. I lied. So sue, knock >yerself out, I haven't got anything. Anywho, any chance of seeing a >Final Fantasy character riffing one of these disasterpieces? N: I hope so! QUISTIS! e: The fic's starting! CJ: And there was much rejoicing. All: (monotone) Yaaaay. D: Observe as Philip's writing skill improves at the pace of a wounded snail crawling on sandpaper under 10 gravities. >Team Redline Episode 002 D: Audience STILL zero. e: That joke will never die. >"Nine." e: -On a scale of one to five, rave the critics at Easily Bribed Magazine! N: Wait. Didn't he just say it was two? >By Philip Andrew Wesley CJ: At least he's given up trying to hide his identity. >Dmg Ice 1999 CJ: Who's that? e: Boy, the kid with that name must have gotten beat up on the playground a lot. >Background Information: D: (narrator) We decided the background would look best covered in green- and-white wallpaper... >We all know what our greatest fears and dreams are; e: Dreams? Being able to get away from NeoVid. N: Being able to get away from e X ! l e . >or do we? e: Alright, I admit it! I don't know! Just stop badgering me! >Fear inhabits itself N: But it still has to pay rent. What a ripoff! >in many forms. We fear e: Getting dragged into this theatre by Vid- OW! >elements like Water, or Fire. N: Mommy! The water's looking at me funny! CJ: (Frankenstein) FIRE! FIRE BAD! >We fear creatures like arboks, or rattatas. CJ: Since when? D: It's small and fluffy! AAAAAAAAAAAH! >We fear people for their differences or ideas. We even fear our own >minds; N: He's right about that one. You know what's in here? e: No. N: Neither do I... and I can't take it anymore! AAAAH!!! (throws his mind onto the floor and runs away screaming) D: I'm impressed. N: (returns) That I can throw my mind onto the floor like that? D: That you actually have one. >creating fears and phobias based on our ideals CJ: I must make... the perfect phobia... >or our own inferiority. CJ: Philip would know about that, wouldn't he? e: You know, he doesn't like being insulted. N: Isn't he used to it by now? >Chapter One. > >"Test subject nine's vital signs are good." CJ: (mad scientist) But we'll fix that! Mwahahahahahahaha... >"Excellent. Try increasing the dose of Hyphendralin." e: The what? D: It's the antidote for an overdose of hyphens. >"Vital signs are still stable, CJ: (mad scientist) NOOO!!! My reputation as a mad scientist is ruined!!! >brain wave activity has increased as expected. D: (scientist) We have managed to increase its IQ to 60, about twice the intelligence of the average MSTier- OW! >The drug has increased it's mental capacity by about two fold!" CJ: (scientist) Ha! I knew they were wrong when they said that drugs were harmful! N: (scientist) But I still don't know how we're going to get the crease out of its brain... >The test subject still lay dormant D: -Like the rest of the plot. >in the observation tank. e: You think it's a Sherman or a Panzer? >It was a Mewtwo specimen. CJ: They had to put it in the trash compactor to get it to fit into a specimen bottle... but nobody cared. >After the first Mewtwo had broken out so many years ago; e: (Mewtwo) You'll never take me alive, copper! CJ: (Mewtwo) Chocolate really does do that to your face... >it was found that the Mew and Mewtwo species were asexual. N: A sexual what? >In other words, the can self reproduce. D: I didn't think cans could reproduce at all... >Several Mewtwo species, a strain of the original Mew species N: They were a strain on a lot of other things too. >had come to live in the series of caves e: (caveman) Cavemew! Cavemew! Can't make fire! Can't make spear! Nyah nyah-YAAAGGGHHH! N: (cavemew) Don't insult anyone with psychic powers, dumbass. >to the north of Cerulean City in the lower part of the continent. e: (Mewtwo) Mewtwo of the world unite! D: (other Mewtwo) We're asexual. We don't have to. >Considered to be a rare and powerful pokémon; CJ: But it's really not! >it is a prize to own. e: Well, yeah, because that's one thing that you do with prizes... >But hard to control. e: (trainer) Damnit! Where's the controller port on this stupid Mewtwo? N: (Mewtwo) That's not a controller port... e: (trainer) EEK! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! >"The subject seems to be doing fine. CJ: (mad scientist) *sigh* >We can tell from the blood samples e: (scientist) We drew every drop of blood that the Mewtwo had! If we can't confirm that it's healthy from all this, no one can! D: (other scientist) But a Mewtwo's body only holds six pints! N: (scientist) Whoops. That last one's not blood... >that the recessive gene we implanted in the creature seems to have almost >faded away completely." e: Well, ACTUALLY, recessive genes don't fade away. When mating, a recessive gene can reappear in an offspring if the mate has the same recessive gene. In the case of an asexual creature, the gene would never fade away, since it creates the exact same copy of itself- (NeoVid hits him to shut him up.) N: Hey, I'm the one who knows all the crappy, worthless facts! >"This should definately net us some acclaim e: That company still exists? N: I've read their comics... and I have to say they don't. >for our work. CJ: (mad scientist) ...But I wanted to kill it! >It will be nice to know that the genes that cause the chromosome >disorder." D: NeoVid has a lot of them. Dissect him! N: That's a vicious lie! By now, I am 97% pure Chaos! >"Increase the dosage by one more notch. I think we can finally deabilitate CJ: (scientist) That new word for day! Me use right? >the gene." CJ: (mad scientist) And if THIS doesn't kill the Mewtwo... >"I'm increasing the dosage by one tsp. N: (Igor) I'm spooning as fast as I can, master! Why can't they measure in CCs like every other mad doctor... >The subject is twitching sir. CJ: (mad scientist) YES!!! >Could it be an early side effect?" "No.. it looks like the subject is D: (scientist) -Planning to wreak a horrible revenge on us. Think we should run? N: (other scientist) Nah. >wakeing up.... the sedatives aren't supposed to wear off for another >hour." N: (Igor) Valium, Viagra, I couldn't tell the difference! >"What the hell? It's glowing." CJ: (scientist) We have genetically engineered... A LIGHT BRIGHT! >"Sir, it's vital signs are very erratic! It's speeding up to an impossible >ratio!" D: (scientist) Uh oh, quick, cut off the crystal meth infusion! >"What's it doing." N: Thinking of an issue of Playboy that it read! >"What do you know about this type of pokémon species..." "They're psychic >for one e: WHhhooOOO!!!! >and their brains are equal to that of humans N: Which means they're morons also. >in RNA pattern although physically disimilar." e: Is that scientifically possible? N: In my universe- e: I said SCIENTIFICALLY. >"No.. I mean, what can it do." N: Well, since it's asexual... >"This particular specimen has exhibited CJ: Hey... an exhibitionist! >mist, Vaporeon: Okay... tell that Mewtwo to stop ripping off my moves! N: Um, it wasn't asking you to MST... >psychic, and swift." > >"Psychic... the drugs may have caused D: (scientist) -It to realize it's in a fanfic and go suicidal. >it to go into a form of seizure." e: What do those drugs do, send red and blue explosions into your head? >"But, sir.. it's glowing.. e: (scientist) Well, then we can use it for free lighting! You should learn to think like me! >Unghhh... my head. It feels like it's N: (scientist) -Being controlled by a twisted writer... >being crushed!" "Oh, god... no. e: Oh yeah, they're REAL scared now... D: (scientist, monotone) For the love of God, please help me, or something like that... >Unnnghh...." N: Look, the fic DOES have a gratuitous sex scene! e: (scientist) Well, look on the bright side. We don't have to be in the fic anymore. >Static. CJ: The fic's reception has gone bad. I'm leaving... N: SIT down, Jack. >End of e: -This fic! Yay! Let's go! N: SIT down, e X ! l e . >recording. "Any questions?" "Yes. e: (that guy) Where do babies come from? N: (ditto) Someone please tell me the answer! Is Fate unchangable? CJ: (same) Is there life on Uranus? D: (again) Where's Brenda's Brothel? >What just happened there." e: (that guy) I fell asleep while listening to the recording, sorry. CJ: (other guy) We gave you fatal dose of fanfiction. Now I'll laugh evilly while you die screaming. >"The doctor and his lab assist were working with a new drug called: >Hyphendralin. N: Are there really that many people with a hyphen imbalance? >Hyphendralin is D: (that guy) -A convenient explanation for every bad idea in this fic. >an anti-body D: Hmm, so it destroys your body? e: Antibody? I thought it was a drug, not a vaccine. >that attacks cell DNA. e: ...Um, yeah... antibodies, um, do that... CJ: Just as effective a cure for genetic diseases as burning someone at the stake! >It attacks certain cell DNA. We have pinpointed genetic patterns in DNA >that can lead to Down Syndrome. (e X ! l e flares up, his aura instantly expanding and pushing the other MSTers out of their seats.) e: DANG IT!!! DOWN SYNDROME IS CAUSED BY THE PRESENCE OF THREE 21ST CHROMOSOMES, NOT BY THE DNA ITSELF!!! GET BACK TO YOUR BIOLOGY CLASS, DOLT!!!!!! N: I thought I was the one who was pissed off by ignorance... well... other people's ignorance. >The drug was altered to attack and disable that gene trait. It forces >surrounding cells to grow into the infected strands. N: The hell? Must not think about fic... (e X ! l e begins to flare up again, but manages to restrain himself.) >It dissolves the inferior genes and causes the N: (that guy) -Patient to die instantly. That's a minor complication. >superior genes to grow in their place." CJ: They can make people have superior genes? The Nazis would have loved that! e: MAN that sounds so... un-PC-like... N: PHILIP!!! FOR GOD'S SAKE, MAN, STOP USING PSEUDO-SCIENCE! >"so, it boosts the brain; it's a mental steriod." CJ: What's a steriod? A cheap substitute for steroids? D: No, it's steroids in stereo. >"To a point." "What happened to the scientists?" D: (other guy) ...Well, sorry! I would've paid more attention to the recording if it was more interesting! >"When we found them and this recording... their brains were, how to put >this, D: (that guy) -Smeared on the walls. N: (ditto) -Trying to escape out the window, but we got them! e: (same) -Playing Final Fantasy 8. CJ: (again) -Being served as school lunches. >'forced' out of their heads by internal pressure." CJ: Whoa, even better! >"Their faces exploded..." CJ: ALRIGHT!!! N: It was slightly less violent than a Battle Angel Alita manga. >"Yes, this specimen killed them for some unknown reasons." D: They filled it with drugs and tested on it. I'd be pissed too if someone tested on me. >"They filled it with drugs and tested on it. I'd be pissed to if someone >tested on me." All: ... D: ...That was very frightening... >"Interesting view..." "Wasn't pokémon testing forbidden by the A.S.P.C.P.?" e: The what? N: The American Society of Prevention of Cruelty to Pokémon. e: THE HELL??? THE S.P.C.P. WAS MY IDEA!!!!! DARN YOU, PHILIP WESLEY!!! N: Darn you to heck! >"Well, when you own the A.S.P.C.P.; you can bend the rules." CJ: Ground rule: follow the rules or go into the ground. >"That's not ethical." D: (that guy) That's what makes it fun! >"Nothing this branch does ever is, Matthew." > >I am N: -Mohjojiujoovuuduwhodew. CJ: No you're not! I am! >Matthew Ridgerd; D: Philip said characters from the pilot episode wouldn't be in the main story! Lying bastard. >I'm one of the better members of Team Redline. N: What a sad, sad statement that is. >"I need you to recover the D: (that guy) -Credibility of this series. CJ: (Matt) LIKE HELL! You think I'm dumb enough to take an impossible job?! D: (that guy) Yes. CJ: (Matt) OK, I'll do it. >creature.. before it kills again." "I've done pokémon retrival D: Did he mean "retrieval," "revival," or "trivial?" N: Definitely "trivial". >before; I want some pokémon of my own for this job. Not just a lousy >gun." e: (boss) What? You sleep with my wife and you expect to get a Pokémon??? You'd be lucky if I issue you a pointy stick! >"I understand your concern. D: (boss) But I don't care. >Please, step into 'The Kennel'." e: (boss) We're going to get you spayed. >Chapter Two > >"The Kennel" is CJ: (Matt) -Where most of my family comes from. >the name given to e: Places where they keep dogs, we know. >our own private stock of N: -Crystal meth. >pokémon. We have literally thousands of them in nice safe CJ: (Matt) -Graves. They're not much use, but at least they don't make noise. >pokéballs. "I'll need an N: (Matt) -"Idiot's Guide to Espionage". >ice type, a ghost type, a psychic type, and a bug type." CJ (Matt): Also a linotype, a teletype, a stereotype... e: (Matt): Also girl type and boy type... >"Hmm. You are on D: (that guy) -LSD, right? Most of the betting pool says LSD. >a two pokémon limit. After we lost one of our best oddish's e: Hmm... time to give a call to the Center For Missing and Exploited Pokémon... and don't you try to steal that one too, Philip! N: They care that much about one Oddish? How broke are they? >in that messy Branch Halverd Cult stand-off; e: A messy STAND-off? I think Philip made a typo there... D: No, what you were thinking would be a STICKY stand-off... >the boys in The Kennel aren't to happy with you." e: (boss) Plus the fact that I'm out to get you killed myself... >I chuckled nervously. CJ: (Matt) AHAHAHAHAHA- Whoops, I'm supposed to be nervous. >I sat down in front of the computer monitor listing of available >pokémon. D: (Matt) This one looks about right. Single ice female with a good personality. >"Hmm. An articuno would be dandy. This one knows Mist, V: IT too??? What a bunch of rip-offs! >Ice Beam, and Fly." "An articuno... you're just lucky we don't just >assaign you N: -Into bloody shreds with our razor-edged assaigners! >a magikarp with YOUR record." N: (boss) Do you think any Magikarp would show its face if it had a record like yours? >"I'll take care of it. e: (Matt) Um, take care of it... THAT'S what I'll do... >I need that and a Gengar." "A Gengar is only available D: (boss) -In three flavors: vanilla, chocolate, and ectoplasm. >for Class A members. You, Matthew, were demoted to a Class C. N: Class C? Is that all? If there's a grade below Z, he should have it. >Remember." e: (Matt) Of course not! In the last part, my class wasn't even mentioned! >"Can I have a N: (Matt) -Swift kick in the crotch? Everyone agrees; I deserve it. >mew then?" The boss just glared at me. e: (boss) Hey, boys! Get me the "special" Pokémon for our "pal" Matt here! (And this time, don't let it smell blood- until he's got it!) >"Mew." The happy creature said. CJ: I wonder what kind of Pokémon it is... >It wouldn't be D: (Matt) -Long before the audience got sick of this and came after me with chainsaws. >so happy if it knew why we had come to this place. e: Whoa, that sounded too much like a set-up for a lemon... >I know a thing or two about pokémon... N: (Matt) Unfortunately, when they tried to teach me the third thing about Pokémon, my brains oozed out my ears. D: So THAT'S what happened to them! >and if I was a paranoid mewtwo with a killer instinct.. e: (Matt) -I'd be walled up inside my house with my SNES. N: (ditto) At least until I realized how bad the game bit and heaved it out the window. >I would be hungry. e: Um, yeah, of course it would... D: I can imagine it now. A Mewtwo sitting on a street corner with a sign that reads, "will squash your brain for food." >"No, I'll buy you some rare candy if you keep quiet." All I got was this >lousy mew. N: (Matt) It wasn't even good in bed... >At least it knew CJ: (Matt) -How to keep its mouth shut. Unfortunately, it did that in bed too. D: Why is being around these sukebe not scaring me? >Psybeam, Fly, Dig, and Toxic. Level 69. Hmmph. Those Kennel Boys have a >nasty sense of humour. e: Hmm, level 69, eh? Yeah, those dudes really DO have a nasty sense of humor. N: At least they HAVE a sense of humor, unlike Philip Wesley. CJ: Huh huh huh, 69... >This factory produces the largest amount of N: (Matt) -Useless plot points in the world. Of course it had to appear in this fic. >pokémon food and rare candy in the area. Thankfully, Silph was nice enough >to let me e: (Matt) -Risk my life trying to catch a Mewtwo that could kill me with but one thought. >stake the place out. e: (Matt) Hey, get me another stake for this corner here... NO, not THAT kind of stake! N: How high are the stakes? >Suddenly the mew ran to the back of the car and tried to bury itsself D: That Mewtwo will help bury it. >in the car cushions. "What the hell?" e: (Matt) Get out of there! I didn't bring you along so YOU could be the one to live! >I took out the night vision binoculars and scanned the horizon around >the factory. Bingo. CJ: (singing) -Was his name-o! >There's something climbing the left wall of the building. N: (Matt) -I instantly shot and killed it. Boy, was my face red when it turned out to be Spider-Man. >Chapter Three. CJ: So... Chapter Three is climbing the building? Makes sense. >I turned to the mew. "Hey, we gotta get going." The mew just sat there >afraid and trembling. e: (Mew, translated) I can't go out there! The Boogie Man will get me! >"Damn it, are you a mew or a freaking pidgey. e: (Mew, translated) Depends. Would a Pidgey get out of this fic sooner? >Get your little pink butt off N: mindoutofguttermindoutofgutter... e: I was expecting you to say, "Mmm, lemony." N: This is my other catch phrase. >the seat and come with me." I picked up my taser rifle and put a small >supressed socom e: (socom) END THE SUPPRESSION OF OUR PEOPLE! N: (exact Solid Snake) This'll teach you not to rip off my guns, you little punk. *SNAP* >in my side belt holster. "I'm catching that thing; with or with out you. e: (Mew, translated) I'm behind you on your second choice 101%! >Wait until the Kennel Boys hear about you." D: Kennel Boys: find their new CD at Tower Records! e: (Mew, translated) Oh no, MATT'S gonna snitch to the Kennel Boys on me! I'm SOOOO scared! >With that, the mew snapped CJ: -And killed everyone at the post office with an M-16. >out of it's state and hopped onto my shoulder. e: (Mew, transated) Argh... cannot... resist... yearnings... of... mad author... N: (exact W4) Hey! I'm the only mad author around here! e: I thought you wanted more than a hundred people to get these riffs? >"Good. Mew, Fly." The mew took off with me in tow. e: (blinks and rubs his eyes.) Whoa, did that Mew take off carrying Matt? N: Uh, e X ! l e, you CAN teach a Mew Fly. e: Just because it's accurate to the series doesn't mean it makes sense. CJ: I know what that's like! >For such a small pokémon; CJ: (Matt) It sure has a big- OWWW! >it can lift a lot. We landed on the D: -Mine field. The end. >right hand side of the roof. e: (Matt) Uh oh, this roof is slaannnttttteeeeedddddd...... CJ: (roof) WHO STOMPED ON MY HAND!?!? >"Hmm. That mewtwo should be coming e: (singing) -Around the mountains when she cooomes... >up the other side of this building any second." N: (announcer voice) Matthew Ridghe- Riget- Riggle- Refridger- screw it MATT IS... AGENT X-POSITION! >I saw the mewtwo's familiar three-fingered paw reach over D: (Matt) -And fantasized that he was reaching for my CJ: -Pathetically small e: -P, Pokémon card collection, um, yeah... >the top of the roof. I shot CJ: (Matt) -Up some of the good stuff. D: (Matt) I don't want to say what I was doing last night, sir, but it rhymes with... er... "splee-basing..." >it with my tazer. The mewtwo jumped back and floated itsself N: Izzatso? >onto the roof. e: You mean it could have floated up there the whole time? >"Why... did you shoot at me..." e: (arrogant Matt) 'Cause I wanted to! What'cha gonna do about it, punk? >This thing can speak english. That's a surprise. e: Not like that's such a big deal anymore... N: Who's the voice actor? D: If it could speak English, then I'd be impressed. >Must be the drug. e: Then what about the talking Meowth and Ghastly? N: They're excuses for things like this. CJ: Not anymore! Remember the episode where Meowth learned to talk? (Everyone looks at Jack.) CJ: I... heard that somewhere. I don't watch the show... really... D: Then why do you keep premium quality dust covers on your DVDs of- mmmph gmmnnff... >"Don't interfere with my plan." "What plan?" CJ: (Mewtwo) My plan to "help" you out of this fanfic. D: (Matt) Hey, really? Gee, thanks! N: (Philip Wesley) Don't interfere with my plot. e: What plot? >"You're from Team Redline... aren't you." "Umm. e: (scared Matt) -No I'm not! Really, I'm not! That guy over there is! Kill HIM! >Yes. I am and my orders are to bring you back in one piece." D: (Matt) But I never follow orders anyway. N: Wait, Mewtwo starred in One Piece? So THAT'S why that manga is so popular... >"Why. e: -Ser... eh, that doesn't work. >So they can experiement on me? I think not." CJ: (Matt) Aw, come on! Pretty please with sugar on top? N: (ditto) It's an HONOR to be experimented on! Why, I'd give my right arm for it! >It shot a star-like beam D: (beam) Aaayiieeee! Arrgh, it got me... N: I hate to say it, but you're trying too hard. >at me. e: (Matt) But we were getting along so well... >"Woah, swift." e: That's low, dragging the author of Gulliver's Travels into this hellhole. >I stepped out of the way of the beam e: NeoVid! How many times do I have to tell you not to leave your weapons lying around in other people's fanfiction? >and fired the tazer at it again. All: TOGGG! >Braaa---Zaaap! CJ: (announcer) THRILL at the use of crappy sound effects! e: (announcer) SHUDDER at the travesty Philip makes of the Pokémon universe! >I hit the sucker in the back. N: (Matt) She charged me extra for the S&M. Bitch. >The jolt of electricity knocked the mewtwo off its feet. D: (whiny Mewtwo) Ow, quit it! You're harming me! >"I can't be defeated yet." e: (Mewtwo) There's still 5k of the story left! CJ: NOOO! Shoot me now! >It said as it started to get back up D: Please don't be what I'm thinking. >on its feet. D: Whew. e: (Mewtwo) You should know by now that heroes are NEVER defeated!... oh, wait, I'm not TECHNICALLY the hero in this fic... >I zapped the mewtwo again and held down the trigger. "Are you going to come >with me?" N: (Mewtwo) NO! Do that with your Mew, you Pokélemon freak! >I took out a D: (Matt) -Can of 100% pure whupass. CJ: Like hell he did. >master ball. They have a 100% capture ratio. e: I knew that. Really, I did! >The mewtwo looked up and shot swift at me again! I ducked; but it had hit >the master ball out of my hand. D: Ha, Matt doesn't have any balls now. N: Did he ever? >"The pain...." The mewtwo said. e: Look, boss, the pain, the pain! >Then it looked up at me and smiled. e: (Mewtwo) Hurts real good... Do it again! N: (exact Yoi Kurasaka) Oh......... shit. >Suddenly, my head felt like it was throbbing. D: I'm afraid to ask which head he's referring to. >A vise-like pain overwhelmed my thoughts. e: (Matt) Must... resist... commands... of... evil... author... D: Gee, do you think it's squishing his brain just like it has everyone else? >I dropped the tazer and fell. "Unngh..." e: (Matt) -Ccclle... >"This pain is sufficient for now; N: (Matt) Yeah... you can keep the extra... e: (Mewtwo) Don't wanna HURT me, huh??? This'll teach you! >I need to read deeper into your mind before I kill you. e: (Mewtwo) I want to know your TRUE feelings for me! CJ: (Mewtwo) Eww, that's what you were thinking? Yeeccccch, get away from me! >I am 'Nine'. N: -tails. e: (Mewtwo) Or am I a Mewtwo? DAMN these personality conflicts! >At least that is what the scientists called me. Before they died. e: After the scientists died, they called him a hero for rescuing them from this fic. >I need to know where Area 7 is. e: Um, I know where Area DMG is! It's http://- N: NO PLUGS! (*BONK*) >The scientists had documents of a new type of "metal pokémon suit" D: A vast improvement on the polyester Pokémon suit. >in their lab. e: It was ripped off from a movie. D: And they got it with a magic ticket. CJ: A Last Action Hero reference? Nobody's going to _want_ to get that. >the suit is in Area 7. I intend to kill all of Team Redline. e: (Matt) In that case, I quit from the force! Now PLEASE let me go! >I need that suit." e: (Mewtwo) It would go great with my new shoes! >I hadn't been to Area 7; but I knew that one of the guys at The Kennel >knew... damn.. I can't think All: WE KNOW! >of it.. the mewtwo will find out. "Don't resist me." The pressure >started to increase. D: (Matt) I had exams today and I hadn't studied! Nooo! Too much pressure!!!! e: (Matt) And where the hell are my pants?!?! CJ: Now I can think of a couple of reasons to say that the Mewtwo sucks hard. >Chapter four. > >Meanwhile, the mew was sitting there watching this. e: (Mew, translated) Alright! Kill him! Squeeze his teeny brain out! >It looked into one of the windows of the factory. D: Despite the writer just saying it was watching the fight. >A huge vat of Rare Candy was down there! N: 20 tons of it in one building and it's still rare? I should start a racket like that. >It's eyes lit up N: Since those guys at the Kennel had actually given him a battery-powered toy Mew. >as it used Dig to e: -Duh... dig? >smash the window. e: DAMN! Should've known better than to use logic in a fanfic! N: Repeat after me: must not think about fic... >The mewtwo stopped for a moment. "What was that? N: (Matt) Oh, just my Mew about to save the day. Nothing to worry about. Really. D: (Mew, translated) Who said I was gonna save your ass? I just want that candy. N: (Matt) Oh god, I'm doomed! NOOOOOO!!!!! All: YAAAAAY!!!!! >Hmm. Probably another agent. No matter.. I'll kill you and find out from >him..." e: (Mewtwo) -If you ever truly loved me! >The mew dove into the vat of Rare Candy and ate a bunch of the stuff. CJ: (Mew, translated) Whoa, this candy is so groovy... >Then it flew up toward the roof again. e: Bouncing off the walls because it couldn't focus its eyes after that candy. CJ: (Mew, translated) I'm not scared of that Mewtwo! N: (Matt) You're not scared of the horrible, slow, painful, bloody death he's got ready for you? Why the hell not? CJ: (Mew) Simple, dude... I'm stoned... >"Mew!" It psybeamed the floor below it creating a hole in the ceiling. e: Uh, wait a minute. He blasted the floor and created a hole in the ceiling- ARGH!!! N: Must not think about fic... >It flew out of the whole D: I think that's the same place this fic flew out of... >onto the roof. "What in the world?" N: -Is Carmen SanDiego? Oh wait, that's not how it went... >The mewtwo turned around and saw the mew just floating there. e: (Mew, translated): I ammm the Ghooost of Christmasss passst...... >"Hmm.... you look like you wanna fight!" N: (Mew, translated) Don't wanna! Mommy!!! e: (Mew, translated) Um, actually, I was looking for the little Mew's bathroom! Honest! >The mewtwo shot swift at the mew. e: (Swift) Damnit, I'm a famous author, not some Pokémon's weapoooooooonnnnnnn........... >The mew dodged to the right and used toxic. CJ: A nuclear meltdown! Now it's getting interesting! N: Dream on. >The mewtwo hadn't seen toxic before. D: Wait until it gets a load of this fic. >It didn't dodge it! e: (Mewtwo) Hmm, let me get a closer look at my opponent's deadly-looking fume attack... >"Gasp.. hack.. cough. What was that? I feel sick... CJ: (Mewtwo) Who cut the cheese??? >what did you do!" It shot swift at the Mew again. I got up and pulled the >socom out of my pocket. D: Is THAT what they're calling it these days? >The mewtwo was hurting because of the poison. D: Really? I thought it would be feeling great because of the poison. N: (bad accent) He's made it painfully obvious in Bavaria! Yes, in Bavaria, where the trees are made of wood! >I aimed for the back part of it's neck at the tube of flesh growing out >of its head and into its back. N: (*does the Avatar's Eyebrow*) CJ: A tube of flesh in the back of its neck... so it really IS asexual! D: Yeccchh... >That's where to shoot one for an instant kill. e: Somebody's forgotten that the boss wanted the Mewtwo back in one piece... N: (Matt) It's still in one piece! You just didn't say how big a piece you wanted left of it! >I shot and it dodged! CJ: (Matt) Stand still so I can kill you, damnit! >It shot swift at me again and knocked me back on the ground again. e: (Matt) -And I shot at it again and it dodged again and I aimed at it again and it shot swift at me again... N: And I felt like I was reading Oscar's martial arts tournament fic again. >The mew was charging D: (Matt) -On a bad credit card, which was another damn thing I had to get it for. >up for something. "Mew! Psybeam!" The mew shot psybeam at the mewtwo; which >was momentarily distracted by my shooting at it. e: (Mewtwo) Two on one! No fair! What happened to the good guy's code of honor? N: (Matt) The what guy's what? Never heard of it. >The psybeam hit the mewtwo and kept pushing it back. e: Push 'em back, push 'em back, WAAAAAY BACK!!! >This was an abnormally strong psybeam! e: (Mewtwo) You're tellin' mmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!................... >It hit the mewtwo out of the air and crashing into the ground below. The >mew picked me up D: (Mew, translated) Hey, baby, can I buy you a drink? >and we flew down to the ground where the mewtwo had landed. e: (Mewtwo) Urrrgh... if THAT was landing, then I'd HATE to crash... CJ: (Mewtwo) Well, any landing you can walk away from... I can't feel my legs! >Chapter Five. > >"What did you eat, mew?" CJ: Naw, I never eat Mew. Not greasy enough. N: (Mew, translated) Wheaties, the breakfast of champions! >The mew still had some of the rare candy on its fur. "Rare Candy? No.. >that's Calcium. All: HUH??? e: But all this time he said it was rare candy!!!!! N: Uh... Calcium... oh, right, special attack enhancer! My brain hurts... D: Now we see Philip's integrity as a writer! He lied for half the fic! CJ: No, he lied much earlier when he convinced himself that writing this would be a good idea. N: (Aaron Shattuck) Teh vioces in my hed... they LEID to me... >Nice job." D: -Deceiving us with your incoherence, Philip... CJ: And totally wrecking the last teeny bit of coherence in the fic... >I stepped to where the mewtwo was laying. It was twitching a little. D: I see it finally had a chance to read this fic. >"Well, Nine. We win." N: (Matt) Well, not to be a bad winner, but... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Loser loser! Neener neener... >Then the mewtwo opened its eyes and turned its head toward me." "No. I beg >to differ. D: (Mewtwo) Just because I got my ass kicked doesn't mean I lost! >I will kill you and that mew; e: (Mew, translated) DAMN I knew I should've stayed under those car cushions... >but not today. e: (Mewtwo) Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life... uh, death... >I'm too weak." It smiled a cruel smile and closed it's eyes. CJ: (Mewtwo) Um, just let me get some sleep before I go at it again... >"TELEPORT!" It screamed. D: After standing around for a few hours, one of them finally said, "I don't think this Teleport guy is going to show up." >"Huh? That must be it's fourth move. N: ...Of course. NOW he tries to be accurate to the game when the TV show has shown Pokémon with SEVEN moves... >It's out there. And it wants to kill us." All: (*cheer Mewtwo*) >The Mew and I walked back to the car. "How am I going to explain this to >the boss. e: (Matt) Er... it was the Mew's fault! >'Nine' got away." "Mew?" N: (Matt) No, NINE got away! Do you need a freaking hearing aid??? >"Yeah, you did good. We make a good team." We got in the car and the mew >hopped into the passenger seat. CJ: (Mew, translated) When do I get to drive??? >"I think I will buy you some Rare Candy after all." "Mew!!" "Naw.. D: (Mew, translated) Somebody has a death wish. PSYBEAM!!!!! >after eating all that Calcium; it might not be healthy." e: Um, yeah... you know how bad calcium is for you. CJ: Who needs bones, anyway? N: Nothing about this fic is healthy. >I started the car and we drove away from the factory. e: (Mew, translated) See if I ever save YOU again... >The End All: Yay! >COPYRIGHT Dmg Ice 1999 e: Wow, this Dmg Ice dude is pretty brave, claiming responsibility for this fic... (Jack runs for the door) CJ: It's over! I'm free! I'm free! N: I can hardly believe that the pilot episode of Redline could be better than anything, but it was a heck of a lot better than the actual plot. e: Plot? Where? V: Hey! You're forgetting me! N: Oh, right. (*takes out a Pokéball*) Running gag, return! [They all head out of the theatre] [Reverse door sequence: 1 2 3 4 5 6...] The second he got out of the portal, Mr. Duck sort of *pff*ed back into his bath-toy form. The totally oblivious Jack told the rest of them, "Well, that really WAS fun. I just might start doing this MSTing stuff myself. In fact, I've got a good candidate already! It's a fic that totally mangled my character, written by this W4 guy! He doesn't know (controversial) jack!" He rubbed his hands together in a clichéd-evil pose. "This is going to be sweet. BWAHAHAHAHA..." Jack then bounded off to inflict controversy on the world of MSTings. NeoVid blinkblinked as Jack ran off. "I already knew you had to be crazy to like MSTing, but that's going a bit too far. I never even got to reveal that I was actually his nemesis in disguise!" NeoVid whined as he tore up a name tag that read "HELLO, MY NAME IS Debatable Joe AHAHAHAHAAAA!" e X ! l e bent over and picked something up from the floor. "Hey, look, Jack left his duck here." "Eh, who cares?" NeoVid reached into his jacket and took out a steel I-beam. Leaning it on his shoulder, he said, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to have a serious- and permanent- discussion with my critics." Then adopting an eerily Forrester-like tone, "Close the portal, e X ! l e." \ | / \ | / \|/ ---¤--- /|\ / | \ / | \ SHHOOOOMM!! "Yes Mr. Duck, I WILL kill them all..." e X ! l e droned. ______________________________________________________________________ Scavenger's MST Episode Guide: #101 - The Pokéman Book 2 #102 - Triforce Awakening #103 - Suikoden Quadruple Feature #104 - Team Redline 1 Other MSTs by us: NeoVid: Bubblegum Trek groupMST Legal stuff and plugs: This MST and the characters NeoVid and e X ! l e are copyright the co-writers of this MST. Team Redline is copyright Philip Wesley, Controversial Jack and Mr. Duck are from Improfanfic and -manga, and I guess are still copyright Yves Belanger. Plugs: DMG Ice at http://www.dmgice.com , the new Impro site: http://www.improfanfic.com, the Grand Merchandisable Clash of Authors (which I'm organizing): http://www.angelfire.com/ma2/ donottauntlsamaprod and the home of my indie impro, High Stakes: Beware the Radish at http://btradish.tripod.com. >We fear people for their differences or ideas. We even fear our own minds; >creating fears and phobias based on our ideals or our own >inferiority.