Otaku Wish-Fulfillment Theater by Demented "Demota" Otaku Chapter 10: Fish and Chips.... and now, for something completely different. o_O;;; Kate helped Scott up, then performed another one of her Unnecessary Dramatic Poses. "Onward! The first Seal awaits!" That was approximately 6 parts ago. Kate helped Scott up, then performed another one of her Unnecessary Dramatic Poses. "Onward! The third Seal awaits!", pointing into the dark forest that looked like it might be a path to something like that. 5 hours later... The merry-band-of-adventurers-and-one-brooding -guy pranced merrily through a forest, on the way to the next town. "HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" *WHAM* Okay, not really merrily. Calling it prancing is a pretty big stretch too. More like rushing through the Generic Forbidden Forest and generally beating the crap out of various fuzzy wuzzy woodland critters. "GRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCHHHHH!!" "KYAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Okay, not really fuzzy wuzzy either. Said woodland creature was currently brandishing its claws, making various sounds that indicated various degrees of hostility. But things were still calm enough to qualify as nice an- "How dare you attack innocent travellers! In the name of...of this banana, I shall punish y--" "WHOAOAAAAAAAA!" *SPLAT!* Okay, screw this. It was hot. There was barely any light. There was a lot of running. And things were blowing up/being sliced/getting smacked/etc. And their transportation was currently exhausted, so they tied him onto Steve's back. The band of travellers was nearing the edge of the forest, but they weren't out of the woods yet. However, there was a final threat that awaited the would-be saviors of this world. A last resort by the evil, dark, not-nice forest to hinder their journey. Lurking at the edge of the wood, behind a group of shrubberies, lay a dark, sinister, [EVIL] creature, hell-bent on destroying them all. It had been stalking them from the moment they entered the forest, and longed to rip their throats out when they least suspected it. The being watched them closely, carefully, with the skill of one who never lost its prey. Never knew the pain of defeat. Never failed. It waited for the last of the group to pass it. As the female in the overly-short-skirt moved past a single, critical point, the fearsome predator attacked. "HYAA!" *WHAM* Ard judo-tossed the offending Slime through a tree, killing it in what would be the shortest fight in all history. "WAI! WAI! WAI!" she shouted as she jumped up and down in victory. The Fanfare-Outta-Nowhere rung out, and there was much rejoycing/sword brandishing to nobody in particular/etc. ^_^;;; As they walked out of the forest and into a generic really-long-piece-of-land between towns, they began to notice a strange... slurping noise. It was somewhat soft at first, so nobody paid attention to it. But it became louder. And more abrasive. Then, it stopped. But then there was a bubbling noise. It ended, then the slurping returned, grating on everybody's nerves. "Scott." Illyria demanded, in a cool bishounen-esque way, "Is there something you would like to share with us?" The group turned to Scott, who managed to hide whatever she was carrying somewhere on her person. "No...nothing!" Scott exclaimed defiantly. "Scott." Illyria started again, glancing her over quickly. "What's that in your Cutie Crystal Wand?" "I don't have one." she replied with a kawaii pout. "I don't know what you're talking about." "You know, that thing you found in that treasure chest earlier today?" Ard explained, referring to a scene the author was too lazy to write. "It's not a wand!" Scott-chan declared indignantly. Steve looked it over a bit. "It looks like a wand." "But it's NOT one!" Scott-chan cried, in an attempt to at least be spared THIS magical girl trait. Dan took a closer look, despite Scott's attempts to keep it out of view. "It's a vibrator, isn't it." Dan stated. *THWAP* "No it's not!" Scott-chan seethed dangerously. "Then it's a wand." Illyria calmly grabbed the not-wand before the argument could degrade further, twisted the base a bit, and shook it. An empty bottle with a swirly straw in it fell out. He picked up the vessel, then read the label. "...Orange flavored", he stated, lowering the bottle. "Where did you get the potion?" "I don't wanna say." Scott-chan refused. "Where did you get the potion?" "...." Illyria looked into Scott-chan's eyes again. "No! Not the eyes! Not the eyes!" Scott cried out, attempting to resist.... "All right. I found it on the floor." "You found it on the floor, and decided it would be a good idea to drink it, despite not knowing where it may have been?" Kate asked in disgust. "Hey!" Scott-chan replied, extremely annoyed. "I know perfectly well where it came from." "Where?" Illyria inquired. "The slime dropped it." "Are you insane?" Kate shouted. "A damn SLIME was carrying that thing!" "Wait a sec." Dan interrupted. "Why was a slime carrying a potion?" The adventurers had no response. "Well," Scott began. "It wasn't really carrying it. It just... showed up when it died." Everyone stared at her. "So this potion.... just showed up out of nowhere." "Yep." Steve looked more closely at the side of the bottle. "What the heck is Vegetable Salty?" @_@;;; They finally arrived at their destination. The stone ground was littered with various broken chunks of rock, but some trees hardy enough were able to grow. And in the center of the roughly circular area, fiddling with some equipment, was a roughly teenaged male, wearing what appeared to be a mad scientist outfit. He turned around, noticing the arrival of the adventurers. "Salutations," the crazed youth in the labcoat greeted, in complete FMV as is the fashion now. "I am Demota, the owner of the greatest scientific mind in the world! Bow before me, peasants, a-.... oh. Hi guys!." Demota exclaimed as he turned around and brought his attention to the band of heroes. "What's up?" "Ah, not much." Ard said. "Saving the world, fighting, looking for stuff, that sorta thing." Demota looked everyone over. "Wow. What happened to Scott?" "She drank something she found on the floor." Illyria answered for her. "Hey!" Scott-chan interjected. "Huh. Note to self: Never consume any food item found on the ground." Demota noted to himself. "So anyway," Dan started, "How did you get here, and what's up with that weird speech you were ranting when we came in?" "Not sure. I just showed up here, and the only other guy here was this gigantic mystical dragon thingy." "Mystical... dragon thingy?" "Yep. Saw me, gave me this weird thing, then ran off saying he needed a vacation from being -Guardian Of The Seal-, whatever that is." "Wait. Seal?" "Yep. Seal. Apparently, I'm supposed to make anyone who wants it take some kind of test to prove they're worthy of posessing it." Demota replied, pushing up his glasses slightly. "Don't think I really fit the guardian kind of role, though. Well, it's not really an archetype attribute, more like a job..." Demota started to ramble. "Say... Demota?" Scott-chan asked. "Hai?" "We're all improers, ne? I don't suppose you could do us a little... favor?" "What would that be?" asked Demota, oblivious to what they wanted. "You see," Illyria began. "We are on a quest to find the Seven Seals of MacGuffin." "And... you want this one?" Demota asked. "The one entrusted to me by the -Big Mystical Dragon Thingy-? That which I was told to only allow to pass into the hands of the worthy? To just... GIVE IT AWAY, WITHOUT ANY SUPER COOL TEST THING?!" Demota cried out. "Yep." Scott-chan replied with a smile. "I... see." Demota frowned. "Sorry, I still gotta test you guys. Relax. I didn't really have the time to invent anything REALLY tough. I just scraped something together with one of my older designs... Mweheheheheheheheheh....." The others began to back away. "Ano... Demota-san." Steve began. "Are you all right?" "MWAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!" Question answered. Illyria reached for his sword, preparing for battle. The others glanced at him, then decided to take a similar course. Scott whipped her Cutie Crystal Not-Wand out of Not-Wandspace. Ard dropped into a fighting stance. Dan shouted "VICTOLY!", transforming into his mecha form. Kate unsheathed her katana. And Steve looked for a place to hide, having no useful abilities. Damien just squawked and hid with Steve. Demota laughed, and laughed, and laughed. Thunder and lightning took over the skies, causing his glasses to shine like some insane creepy kooky thingy, wind billowing the lab coat. He reached inside, then hit a button. "The seal is yours if you can defeat my creation." Off in the distance, a white object rocketed towards them. It reached the clearing in a matter of seconds, shaking the earth as it touched down. It raised its body, its face seeming to glare at the adventurers. The mecha leaned back, as if taking a breath, then thrust its face forward, with a mechanized roar. [PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] "GREAT HEAVENS!" Dan shouted. "THIS OBJECT WILL BE A WORTHY OF DAN! YES, WE SHALL FIGHT THIS...THIS...uh...THIS GIANT..." "Mokona," Steve noted. "It's a...giant, robot Mokona." "Anyone got a giant robot Umi handy?" Scott deadpanned. Demota laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and you get the idea so I'll continue with the dialogue. "It's time to test out my newest creation! MECHONA! It's powerful. It's got a beam capable of destroying just about anything it hits, and best of all.... IT'S A NAPSTER SERVER!" What is the sound of one party "..."ing? Demota found out real quickly. "But anyway. MECHONA, ATTACK!" The world swirled/shattered like glass/was covered by a black mist/whatever, and the fight was on. [PUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!] the metal mechanical Mokona moaned menacingly. There was a large *shing* in the air as Illyria drew his sword and pointed it at the monstrosity, followed by the sound of a command menu opening up. As all the characters waited for their time bars to fill up, Demota took the opportunity to rip loose with another bout of Classic Mad Scientist Laugh #427. "Let's begin," the aforementioned mad scientist said, cracking his knuckles, as the team of seven began the trial. "JUDO CHOP!" cried Ard as she attempted to strike the motorized Mokona in the neck. Unfortunately, Mechona had nothing resembling that body part. So, she judo-chopped the first part of the robot she could reach. *CLANG* "WAAAAAAAH!" Ard cried as she grabbed her hand in pain. "Itai no!" She proceeded to hop around clutching her hand as everyone sweatdropped. "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to hit extremely hard objects with your bare hands?" Demota asked in wonder. "Well, Tifa and Fei and all these other people can slam their fists into robots all day!" Ard countered, trying to reach for her lute. Unfortunately, her hand was in too much pain to hold it effectively. Illyria and Kate took action and rushed towards Mechona, swords drawn. They leapt, then descended, swinging the blades downward. The attacks hit, slashing through Mechona, leaving a gigantic X-shaped gash on its body. It leaned back, then fell in two pieces, sand flowing everywhere. ....sand? "WAH! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY WEIGHT-OF-MECHONA DOLL?!" Demota shouted in fury. Scott cast her gaze downwards, fists clenched. "You..." she seethed, fists tremoring in anger. "No-selling an attack... yurusenai.... YURUSENAI!" the magical girl shouted, background turning all bright, camera angles readjusting themselves for really impressive shots. "Sword skill is something that's incredibly cool-looking and impressive! No-selling something like that is UNFORGIVABLE! I, Magical Princess Scott-chan, will punish you, on behalf of plushies and cookies, and stuff like that!" she shouted, doing various silly arm poses. She turned towards the real Mechona, and prepared the Magical-Girl-Attack-That-Always-Kills-In-One-Hit. The air around her turned sparkly, as she twirled the Cutie Crystal Not-Wand and did various spinning motions. "HEAVENLY...*TWIRLYTWIRLYTWIRLYTWIRLY* BEAUTY... *TWIRLYTWIRLYTWIRLYTWIRLY* GORGEOUS... *TWIRLYTWIRLY TWIRLYTWIRLY* BOL-" "Puu punch!" Demota commanded, defying all known laws of anime physics and cutting off the magical girl attack one letter short of completion. Mechona rushed up to Scott, then drove its fist... arm.... thingy downwards. [PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!] "SCOTT!" Just before it could hit, Illyria dove to the side, pushing Scott-chan out of the way. Mechona's fist arm thingy slammed into the ground, shaking the floor, and knocking over the tree Steve and Damien were hiding behind. Steve looked at Damien. "Sorry, but I think we'll be needing this more than you will." Steve said apologetically. "Wait!" Damien protested. "What are you... *RIIIP* SQUAWK!" Steve gripped the phoenix's plumage and began ripping away. Everyone stared as the cloud of Phoenix Down, various shouts of extreme pain coming from within. Dan glanced upwards. Demota was still distracted. Perfect. "HYAAAAAA!!!" Dan's mecha self grabbed Mechona, leapt, then used a piledriver on the mechanical marshmallow bunny thing. A white 2436 popped out at the moment of impact, then faded away. Demota realized what had happened. "Puu Crush!" he shouted. Mechona quickly rolled back to its feet, then attempted to body splash Dan. Dan dove and rolled to the side, barely dodging the mecha that was probably created after one too many sodas. Demota became desperate to save his creation. "I didn't think I'd need to use this..." Demota said,frustrated. "GEM BEAM!", he shouted, pointing in a really dramatic fashion. As he was only wearing the glasses for show, having never needed them, they screwed his vision up. So, Mechona went through 1.5 minutes of powering up, then launching a red beam of pure chaos, only to blow up a somewhat large rock. Everyone sweatdropped. "I'd love to stay and watch this display of aggresion, but, as entertaining as it is, I must be off." a voice called out from above. Everyone turned their gaze upwards at the new arrival. "Who are you, and why have you disrupted my test run of Mechona?!" Demota demanded. "Sore wa...*THUNK* OW!" Xelloss cried out as a rather large chunk of rock slammed into his head from above. His surprise kept him from percieving the rest of the rock, as they landed on him, through the application of ImproPhysics. "Ahem..." he began, turning towards Demota. "Doth thou desire the -Power-?" Everyone blinked. "...wrong script." Xelloss muttered as he made a mental note to deal with the offending person. He decided not to waste anymore time, and drew the Sword of Duality. Xelloss swung the blade amusedly at the general direction of Mechona. The giant robot shuddered, then leaned over. The red gem in the forehead fell off, then split in half in mid-air. Something from within the gem failed to land on the ground, hovering. "Mechona's true power source..." Demota said shakily. Xelloss teleported the object into his hands. Everyone looked more closely. It was a small, silver cylindrical object, black stripes down the sides, and lettered on the side... Energizer. Massive facefault. Xelloss vanished before anybody could figure anything out. Demota was the first to speak. "The battery..." "What about the battery?" Damien the Bald Phoenix asked in frustration. "It was the seal," Demota muttered dejectedly. ========================= Author's Notes: Oy, I should REALLY learn to stop procrastinating. @_@; Then again, I did just get a PSX and had to go through all sorts of trouble finding a way to mod it, as well as rebuilding the save games I had on bleem. Well, I didn't quite have room for everything I was hoping to write out. The main reason why I had Xelloss take the seal was to try to get the villians more involved in the storyline. I'd also like to extend thanks to my prereaders, and Lawrence, for helping me write the fight scene. I would also like to dedicate this chapter to any Improers who recently lost or may be losing a loved one. I'd elaborate on this more, but I can't seem to find the words at this time. Well, I'll be off to unwind from the writing of this thingy. See ya next time! -Demented "Demota" Otaku