Otaku Wish-Fulfilment Theater Started by Scott Schimmel Chapter 17: Friends and Random Encounters... that, and a Non-Shakespearian Title Completion! By Steven Scougall The sun rose, or for the less poetic amongst the readers, the earth turned so that the hemisphere the heroes were napping on was facing the sun. In any case, the sun appeared to rise over the horizon, and its gentle golden rays caressed the sky and ground lovingly, giving the light and energy that life depends upon. And while the story recovered from the much too poetic description of the sunlight, the heroes awoke. As she stretched and came into full wakefulness, Ardweden felt as if something was slightly wrong, as if there was something she should remember and yet was just on the edge of memory. It was something important, but she just couldn't bring it to mind - "GRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGH!" Ardweden, jolted out of pensiveness, looked up and saw a giant... thing. It was blue and huge and scaly, and looked a bit like a gorilla. Thanks to its huge brow, tiny dim eyes, and half-open mouth, it also looked very stupid. "This'll be easy," she murmured. Beside her, Illyria nodded impassively. There was another earthshaking roar, as another of the creatures stepped out of the forest. And then another roar and another creature, and another... "Okay, perhaps it won't be easy," she said, sweatdropping. Beside her, Illyria nodded again. And the fight was on. One hundred and sixty one seconds later, it was over, and the creatures lay about in various forms of death. One was in its own personal crater, another had various large holes in it, another was lodged in a tree in what had to be a very painful manner, and the last was generally about the place. It was certainly hanging around, and letting it all out. "We must be levelled up a whole lot," Steve observed. "We'd never have been able to do that when we first showed up." "You even managed to get the attention of one of them with your nerf sword," said Ardweden. "You're levelling up too." "Who knows, I might actually be able to dent something one of these days," said Steve. He took a step and slipped on a piece of Giant Blue Scaled Gorilla, and fell face first into another piece. "Then again, I might not," he continued, his voice muffled. "I'm getting to really hate being the comic relief Sidekick." O_O PLOT DEVICE WARNING! PLOT DEVICE WARNING! PLEASE STAND CLEAR. Time passed, during which the heroes continued through the Dan woods, searching for the Seven Circles of Seduction. But instead of finding them, they got hopelessly lost instead. Yes, this is a Plot Device. Don't worry too much about it and enjoy the rest of the chapter. O_o "We're lost." "Thank you for reminding us, Steve," grumbled Scott. "I mean REALLY lost. We've gone around in a circle again - this is the tree where I lost the sleeve of my favourite shirt. I can tell because my sleeve is still hanging from it." So saying, Steve retrieved the errant piece of clothing and stored it in his pocket. "What are you going to do with that?" asked Scott. "Sew it back on, maybe," said Steve. "If I ever get out of these woods." "Of course you'll get out of the Dan Woods!" exclaimed Kate. "Why shouldn't you?" "Because," said Steve, "we now have two of the Seals and know where a third one is, and we've been adventuring for a while. It's entirely possible that any time now the Sidekick will die for dramatic purposes." They all thought about that for a moment. "I seriously hope I'm wrong about that," Steve added. "I hope so too," said Kate. They continued on for a while, and then came upon a large tree, in the roots of which there was a glitter. Upon further investigation, they realised the glitter were a few of Damien's feathers. With a relieved squawk he picked them back up and tried his best to stick them back on his head. "And another circle..." sighed Ardweden. "Obviously there's another sub-quest we have to find and complete..." She sighed again. In addition to the constant circling and the possible future death of Steve, the worry she had felt this morning had come back. She *knew* there was something she was forgetting, and that she really didn't want to be forgetting it. "And I've been feeling like I'm missing something for the entire day!" "Come to think of it, you have had a weird look about you ever since this morning," murmured Illyria. Ardweden's frown deepened. "I almost feel like I'm forgetting something. Something important. Something I should have easily remembered but is being blocked from me somehow for some twisted and perverse reason. Almost as if I'm being cruelly manipulated by a sadistic puppeteer." "I feel like that all the time," deadpanned Steve. "Sidekicks usually do." "What about me?" asked Damien. The mascot that could only be called a birdlike man, or possibly a manlike bird, or possibly even a manlike birdlike man, ruffled his wings indignantly, and newly grown feathers glinted and rustled. "You keep on ripping my feathers out whenever we get into a fight, even though I have a sharp beak and even sharper talons. I definitely feel like I'm being cruelly manipulated when that happens." Steve eyed Damien's sharp beak and even sharper talons nervously, and cautiously edged away from the birdlike manlike bird. "And me becoming the Sidekick for a while," mentioned Dan. "No offence intended, Steve, but I felt like I was being cruelly manipulated by a shadow puppeteer then, too." "None taken," said Steve. They thought about that some more, and would have come to a startling and mostly true conclusion regarding their situation if they hadn't then seen the plume of smoke. They assumed the smoke meant trouble that they, as the destined heroes (and one mascot), had to deal with, and ran to the rescue. A rescue, it turned out, that was entirely unneeded. As they burst out of the trees and into a larger-than-normal-grove, they saw in front of them a small settlement of tents and shacks and a two-story-tall white tower, and the smoke was coming from a large fire in the midst of it all. No longer in 'rescue the hapless inhabitants from monsters' mode, the heroes shrugged, detransformed as necessary, and headed further into the clearing. Someone from the settlement stood up and headed towards them - and stopped, as it saw who they were and they saw who he was. For it was Dave Menendez, last seen in De Gemmel ten chapters ago. His presence was as welcome as it was perplexing. "Hey guys," said Dave. "Welcome to the De Gemmel Reserve Hideout." "Hi Dave," said Steve, looking around the small settlement of tents, hastily built shacks, and large tower. Now that they were closer, they could see that the tower was built out of the very bones of the township's enemies, picked clean and shining a brilliant white. "That's an interesting tower." "Jonatan built that after a run-in with a Giant Flesh-Eating Monstrosity of the Week." Dave grinned. "What are you guys doing all the way over here in the Dan Woods?" asked Kate. "And 'De Gemmel Reserve Hideout'? What happened to De Gemmel?" "It got squished," said Dave. "We saw a giant monster stepping out from behind the mountains, and ten seconds later it stepped on the town. There wasn't even enough time for an emergency evacuation into the tunnels. Luckily for us, Jonatan was experimenting with teleportation technology at the time." Dave grinned again. "He's very useful to have around when things get tough." There was a faint scream and a whistling noise above the group's heads. Everybody looked up and saw something hurtling towards them at high speed. Before they had a chance to react, the thing crashed to the ground beside them and turned out to be the crumpled form of Jonatan Streith. "Still working on your Esper skills?" asked Dave. "I think I know what I did wrong that time," said Jonatan confidently. "I concentrated too much on nullifying the reaction forces, and so the tertiary horsial forces turned bestial and flung me out of the tower. Almost directly upwards, too. I'm getting better." The Swede sat up, looked thoughtfully at his legs, then at the group of mighty heroes. "Could someone help me up? I seem to have broken all the bones in my legs." O_O After helping Jonatan into his medical laboratory ("No, seriously, I'll be fine from here, just give me the duct tape and put me on that table, okay?") the group needed a place to stay, and there were a few spare tents in the tower's sub-basement. Not ones to pass up nearly-free provisions, our mighty heroes gratefully accepted the three tents and split into the usual groups: Dan and Steve, Kate and Ardweden, and Illyria and Scott. At that last pairing, Scott whined a bit, as usual. "Why do I always have to share a tent with Illyria?" "Because neither Kate nor Ard wants to share a tent with me or Steve, for some unfathomable reason," said Dan. "And as the leader of this group, I say the two gender-confused people stay in the same tent." For just a moment, there was a hint of something in Illyria's eye. Perhaps anger. Then it passed. "Whatever," said the bishounen, and settled back, with the wind dramatically fluttering his hair around his effeminate face. "It's not fair it's not fair it's not fair!" whined Scott, stamping her foot. "I wanna share with Kate for once!" There was a moment as what Scott just said sank in. Then Kate blushed, Scott blushed even harder, Kate picked up a rock, Dan and Steve grinned evilly, Scott ran away, Kate threw the rock at Scott and hit Steve by mistake, Ardweden and Illyria smirked, Scott ducked, there was a bonk noise, Kate ran after Scott, trying to hit her, Illyria stuck her leg out, and Scott fell over, her eyes spiralling. In approximately that order. Though it all happened a bit too fast for the narrative to cover, so the exact sequence shall have to remain a mystery. "Owwww...." said Scott. "I wonder if we can get four tents," Illyria murmured. "Sorry!" said a new voice brightly. "We don't have any more spare tents." "I'm not surprised," moaned Scott. "The universe hates me." One magical girl transformation sequence later, Scott felt cold, miserable, and embarrassed. Also, she really wished that "The universe hates me" wasn't her transformation phrase. "Lady Chaos?" asked Kate. Indeed it was she. As one - well, almost one, for Scott was still lying on the ground and feeling incredibly put-upon, by both the lack of tents and her own growing magical-girl-ditziness - the group turned to look at Lady Chaos. She had piercing eyes and distinctive wolf-ears sticking up through her medium length blonde hair, and a mostly cheerful expression adorned her pretty face. "I didn't get to see you last time, when you were at De Gemmel," complained Lady Chaos. "Better late than never?" Ardweden suggested brightly. "Definitely!" "By the way, how'd you get here?" asked Kate. "Same as everybody else, it seems," said Chaos. "I went to bed, and woke up in De Gemmel, and then we all had to run away to the tunnels to escape the Hentai of the Lake. You know the rest." "Where is Philip, anyway?" asked Steve. "In the jail tent," said Chaos. She looked at their incredulous faces and sighed. "And he's been very well behaved, has made almost no suggestive comments, and hasn't tried to eat through the walls yet. And besides, when we get him to restrain himself he can design some really nice clothes, so he's not all bad." She brightened. "Come on, guys, we've got a nice big campfire going. Tonight is the feast in honour of the goddess Delfina's birthday." "Tsuin-chan's birthday!" gasped Ardweden. "I knew I was forgetting something!" "How could you forget your own twin's birthday?" asked Steve. "Well, it's not the same day as my birthday," Ardweden explained. "And besides, I don't even know what day of the month it is!" Everyone stared at her, and she felt nervous. "Um... Well... We don't have a calendar and we have been travelling for a while, and I've kind of lost track of the days, so..." They continued staring at her. "Er... So, onwards, to the birthday celebration!" proclaimed Ardweden, in a desperate attempt to change the subject, and hastily hurried away in the direction of the bonfire. Steve shook his head. "The one thing that always confused me was the Impro Family Tree." Kate took that as an invitation to try to explain the Impro Family Tree to him. 0_o WARNING! WARNING! SURPRISINGLY RELATIVELY SERIOUS SCENE AHEAD! I REPEAT, SURPRISINGLY SERIOUS SCENE AHEAD! 0_O "We haven't had a section in this story for a while, have we boss?" asked a Minion of Evil. "No, we haven't," said NeoVid. "But at least we do now," the Minion continued. "Boss, now that you've got a section, what are you gonna do with it?" "Why, use it to extend my nefarious schemes, of course!" "...how?" NeoVid pointed at Yonjuuni, his fellow villain in evilness. "Yonjuuni! Today you get to be Grand High Person In Charge Of Monsters And Monster Encounters! Your orders are to find the five biggest, nastiest creatures you can find, and - " "The killer rabbits again?" NeoVid deflated. Well, not really. He didn't lose a lot of air and fly around the room unpredictably like a burst balloon would. Instead, he just sank back and downwards into a conveniently placed chair and sighed. "Just *once* I'd like for us to break out of the mold of RPG villains and actually *achieve* something..." Xelloss appeared in mid-air, smiling widely. True, Xelloss was always smiling widely. But in this particular case he gave the impression that if he could smile any wider without the top of his head falling off, then he would have been doing so. "Having trouble, boys?" he asked. "We keep on running up against the laws of RPG villaining, and they prevent us from ever achieving anything," NeoVid complained. "Now now, N.V," said Xelloss, waggling a finger admonishingly. "Come closer so I can cut that annoying finger off and wipe that smirk off your face," snarled NeoVid. "What do you think I am, stupid?" asked Xelloss. "I *know you're an annoying bastard," said Yonjuuni. "Gentlemen!" Xelloss said, making sure not to waggle his finger or sound too pompous this time. "We'll never get anywhere with all this infighting. Now, we all want the same thing - the heroes to find all the Seals and -" "We do?" asked Yonjuuni. "Yes, we do," Xelloss affirmed. "It was Evil Lord Rutt's idea - for the heroes to tire themselves out in obtaining all the Seals, and then for us to descend upon them the instant once they had done so and grab the Seals for ourselves. Why else do you think we've sent only a token force of monsters against the heroes so far? We just show up every now and then to properly motivate them." "El Rutt came up with all that?" asked NeoVid. "I never knew he could be that coherent," said Yonjuuni. Actually, the most El Rutt had had to do with the plan was listening to Xelloss outlining it, thinking about it for five seconds, and then saying "Sure!" But NeoVid and Yonjuuni didn't need to know that, thought Xelloss. O_0 THE SURPRISINGLY RELATIVELY SERIOUS SCENE FEATURING THE VILLAINS IS OVER NOW. REPEAT, THE SERIOUSNESS IS OVER. YOU MAY COME OUT NOW. NO, REALLY. o_0 "...and Ravi's my Impro Big Brother, and Myth is his Impro sister, but she isn't my Impro sister, and you already know about Ardweden and Delfina, and- stop looking like that." "Like what?" asked Steve, desperately trying to make sense of the tangled mess that was the Impro Family Tree. "Like you're trying to make sense of the tangled mess that is the Impro Family Tree," said Scott. "You can't." As the explanation wore on, Steve wished he'd remained quiet about being confused by the tangled mess that was the Impro Family Tree. o_o There was a surprising abundance of food, considering the size of the De Gemmel Reserve Hideout, and much to drink. The birthday celebration lasted far into the night, becoming somewhat rowdier as time went on. But not too rowdy, as this fic has to maintain its PG rating and scenes of slobby drunken behaviour could possibly cause parents everywhere to sue the author. The mayor Yasha (inasmuch as you can be the mayor of a small collection of huts and tents and a small tower) turned out to be a woman with strongly dark hair in a braid and a grey quasi-militaristic outfit. Instead of having annoying questions about security and trade agreements, she was extremely pleased to meet the various Impro people she'd only ever read about. "So... where are you guys headed?" asked Mayor Yasha. "We're looking for the goddess Stephica, who lives in the Seven Circles of Seduction in the middle of this forest," Dan explained. "Wow," said Yasha. "Perhaps we should site the second De Gemmel here. Being close to a goddess' residence is sure to bring in the tourists." "Wouldn't they have to struggle through a lot of forest first, though?" asked Ardweden. Yasha paused. "Good point. Why do you want to see Stephica?" "We're looking for the Seals of Maguffin," explained Dan, "and have absolutely no idea where to look next. We're hoping Stephica can help." "Maguffin?" Yasha frowned, sure she had seen the name somewhere before. "I'm sure I've seen that somewhere before-" "They already got that paperweight," said Dave. "Remember? Last time they were here you wanted to get rid of it?" Yasha thought back. "Oh yeah, now I remember." "Have you seen anything that could be the Seven Circles of Seduction?" asked Kate. "We've been looking all day today and yesterday, and there seems to be some sort of spell on us to get us horribly lost." "So just break the spell then," said Jonatan. "...how?" asked Scott. "You're the magical girl," said Dan. "Maybe it's one of your powers." There was a *ding*. Everybody looked over and saw a small bubble with an exclamation mark in it, and it was over Steve's head. Steve, for his part, was busily scribbling something on a piece of paper. "What are you doing there?" asked Ardweden. "I have an idea... in 'To Hell and Back' there's a character who disrupts magic and can cast Dispel Magic," Steve explained. "I've been able to mimic plushies and dolls, so who's to say I can't mimic a picture of a character? And if I can do that, I might be able to do something to the misdirection spell on us." With a flourish, he finished the sketch and looked at it critically. "Damn, my sidekickness has even extended to my drawing. This isn't as good as I normally do." Everybody looked at it. "No, it's not," Scott agreed. "It's definitely her, though," said Kate. "Good, I think that's the main thing," said Steve. "Someone else has to recognise it for what it is before I can mimic it." He concentrated, and the kanji for 'Spellbreaker' appeared on his bandana. "It appears to be working," said Illyria. "Someone try casting magic on or at him." Someone threw a fireball at Steve. It turned into a duck and landed on his head and quacked a few times before flying away. After a few minutes, Steve stopped shaking in terror. "Okay... so it's working." He concentrated, trying to work out to cast Dispel Magic. There was a brief tingle of something, and with a complete lack of special effects, a large sign appeared at the edge of the clearing. Upon the sign was written "While that wasn't really strong enough to dispel the spell, that was good enough for me. The Seven Circles of Seduction are this way." Underneath the message was a large finger helpfully pointing the way. "Exciting night," Steve quipped, and then the strain of casting unfamiliar magic caused him to collapse unconscious. "Time to turn in for the night anyway," said Yasha. "This celebration of the goddess Delfina's birthday is now officially over. You can stay if you like, but I'm off to bed." O_o Morning came and after a series of goodbyes, the heroes left the De Gemmel Reserve Hideout. Forever, as it turned out, for shortly after a Giant Flesh Eating Monster of the Week took exception to a fellow Giant Flesh Eating Monster of the Week being turned into a tower and attacked the small collection of tents and shacks. And lo, there would have been mass carnage if Jonatan hadn't pressed a mysterious button and the settlement turned into the De Gemmel Flying Hideout and escaped. And lo, there was much rejoicing. (Yaaaay!) o_0 The heroes stood in front of a large ornate gold gate, emblazoned with a complex pattern of seven interlocking circles. And in addition to the patterns, there were the... um, *other* pictures. You know. Ones that clearly indicated that the word 'Seduction' was in the name of the place. "This appears to be the place," said Dan. He raised his hand, and the gates swung open before he even had a chance to knock. "I hate it when that happens," he said. "Come on in already," said an annoyed sounding female voice. The group gulped nervously as one and entered. (To be continued) Author's notes -------------- No major notes. There's my chapter, I had fun writing it, and thanks must go to Jonatan Streith for prereading. Thanks for reading. Steven Scougall http://www.crosswinds.net/~sscougall/ 10th December 2000