Otaku Wish-Fulfillment Theater started by: Scott Schimmel --- It was about that time again where our heroes go out in search of something to get somewhere, by talking to someone, destroy something etc. etc. etc. Only the funny part was that they had reached...an impasse! (Thunder and all that other loud kind of stuff sounds in the background.) "DON'T DO THAT!!!!" everyone immediately yelled in unison while thrashing the author endlessly. "...[!]" went Illyria as he (yes, that was a power "!" mind you) also joined in the endless slaughter. +_+; Ahem, anyway, after promptly disposing yet another enemy character in pursuit of finding the last McGuffin and then getting the one that got stolen by Xelloss for his own evil purposes, and probably to get more lines in the story in general for evil purposes that cannot be stated at this time. "Sore wa himitsu desu." Shut up. I already said that. Anyhow, onward to the next part of our exciting adventure! (Long silence.) ..... >_<+ --- Chapter 26: The World is Polygonal...that, and the Hunt for Jack Frost! by: Shinikenshi >D >D >D "So you're telling me that someone has to be at level past 400,000 in order to get the OWF Guidebook? Thats not even legal for RPGs..." Dan muttered as the adventurers marched off again through the open plains like adventurers would. "Irvine-sama...must...get...levels..." Kate kept half-muttering, drawing her katana and slashing aimlessly in the wind. It was around this time that things started to get strange, that is if strange means the open plains clearing and the skyline of tall skyscrapers could be seen and that the buildings were "normal" size and not chibi-fied like they should in any RPG. Steve fished around through some Quadruple Bypass cards he had procurred while making a bit of money selling potions and the like in the previous town, which the author can't seem to remember the name of, to pay for supplies for the journey. ---Quick Flashback--- "Come one, come all! Potions available to cure your ailments, just 20 rupee a bottle!" Steve yelled as the townspeople just looked at him and passed him by. "Why can't I just make these and go to a store and sell them...?" "Young man." and old man walked up to Steve. "Gimme one of those potions and I will trade you it for some of these." He held out some cards. "Quadruple Bypass cards? Well, at least it will get Kate to snap out of her zombie trance...Sold." --- And no, it obviously didn't. "Hmm...I don't think I've seen these cards before though...Cyan's [Thou] Attack, Gratuitous Violence +1, Jack Frost Limited Edition card, Puchu squadron +100 Kawaii and +10 Puchu card, Dan super combo taunting card, Dan getting thrashed after super combo taunting card..." Steve continued to flip through a few more of the cards. "Well, one way or another we have to figure out how to level up in that kind of manner." Dan punched a few buttons on his arm and a few numbers appeared on his visor. He then pointed it at everyone else and his arm bleeped on each person. "Lessee, I'm level 50, Ard is level 39, Illyria is on 62, Kate is on 54, Scott is on 30, Damian is on...-1?" Everyone stopped and just looked at Damian. "Remember, I am the NPC, inspirational mascot of the group." "Well, in most RPGs, even the NPCs have levels and stats right?" asked Kate. Dan punched his palm. "Ohhh, I get it! I think his level is something like a DIP switch setting kind of thing so that just means he doesn't count as an experience gaining character." Steve scratched his head in puzzlement. "Okay...that meaning...?" "If all else fails, we could use him as a shield as necessary, especially if we encounter any tough bosses later on. Sort of like the Golem call spell in Final Fantasy V. Except that Damian isn't exactly a Golem and I don't think he can stop attacks with his hands...or wings anyway." "Great....now I get to be the chocobo shield...err...the phoenix shield..." "Hmm, Steve, you actually leveled up. Your on level 10. Which might explain why you could even change classes." Kate took out the Quadruple Bypass card swiping, barcode battler uhh...thing and just randomly swiped in a few cards. "If only we were on higher levels, we could probably get out of here...hey Steve, can I see those cards you got from the last town?" Steve pulled out the cards from his chemist bag and handed them to Kate. She took a card out of the stack, the Jack Frost Limited Edition one and swiped it through the swiper. "Jack Frost Limited Edition card, level 60, changes into 10 Magician cards or Baofu Shades." "Magician cards?" "..." "And what are Baofu shades anyway?" Kate shrugged then paused as the machine printing out some other information, "Can be coupled to create a level multiplier?!" "What you say!" Dan and Steve said in unison. Ardwerden, Illyria, and Scott promptly beat the stuffings out of those two. "...ouch, errr...I mean, really?" Scott-chan jumped up and down in happy magical girl glee, "Yay! Err...I mean, that sounds really useful! But what do you have to couple it with?" Kate looked at the rest of the printout on the screen, "Must be coupled with a stuffed Jack Frost doll during daytime, where falling cows can be found....huh?" Massive sweatdrop. "Well...I suppose finding a place where cows fall shouldn't be too hard, but how do we couple a stuffed doll with a card?" The machine then prints out more information. "...use an item-card converter, available where Quadruple Bypass cards are sold." Massive facefault. Dan cleared his throat. "Anyways, where exactly can we find a stuffed Jack Frost doll anyway?" Steve, showing signs of non-novice level abilities, pointed to the earlier mentioned random tall buildings that they were slowly approaching. "Maybe there?" Long pause. "I don't remember an RPG ever having futuristic, or at least modern looking buildings before." Ard stared at the tall buildings. "What about Xenogears or Earthbound?" Kate asked. "Nevermind." "Ossha! Well, at least we can keep going on our quest, so lets find that doll!" -_-++++++++ As our intrepid heroes approached the town, they took in the amazing change of scenery. Cars could be seen going by on the streets and normal looking people could be seen walking down the streets in normal, unRPG fashion, despite looking somewhat pale and Goth-like. "Where exactly are we?" "This is Sumaru city." "What?" "This is Sumaru city." "Umm...I mean, do you know where we can find a...nevermind." "If you need any supplies, you should try Smile Mall or maybe the convience stores around town." "Uhhh...okay." Ard looked around the area with more confusion, "Somehow, this place looks unlike any of the other towns we have passed by so far." Everyone promptly looked at Kate. "Umm...actually, I'm not quite sure what RPG this is." "Well, maybe if we check Smile Mall we should be able to find the Jack Frost doll. I mean, come on, its a mall, they should carry these kind of things, right?" Scott asked, half-leading the group. "Suuuure. Are you sure you aren't just wanting to buy a dress or some jewelry?" Steve chuckled. "Cosmic Kyappi! Wai wai! Energy beam!!!" "...guess not." a very toasted Steve collpased on the ground. "You know, you really should wait till you are on a higher level before doing something like that." Dan half-chuckled while helping Steve up. ^_______^ "WHAT?!!!!! What do you mean you're sold out?" Kate stared the store owner down, fire burning in her eyes. "Well...eh heheh...you see, those dolls seem very popular around town and well we haven't had the chance to restock our inventory. You could reserve one if you liked." "And how much would that cost?" Kate began pulling out a bag of different currencies from all the places they went to. "50000 yen." "Uhhh...yen?" Kate fished through her bag obviously not finding any yen in there. "Umm...maybe not then." The heroes walked out of the store and stopped to assess the situation. "Uhh...they accept yen here?" Ard looked around the other stores in the mall and noticed the Japanese writing on them. "...figures." "So...you are searching for the secrets contained in the books..." Everyone half-blinked as a mysterious figure, mysterious only in what he was saying, appeared before them. He was dressed in a yellow suit that had the kanji "Hayashi" written on the back on the front of his suit was the numbers "4" and "2". He wore grey sunglasses, that had the characters for swordsman etched at the top of one lens, despite being in a well-lit mall. He stood with his hands in his pockets, standing at somewhat of a slant to display and air of cool complexion. "And you have done well so far...the name Dark Fact will be the scourge of all...uhh...wait wait, thats not the right line." Steve stared at him a bit longer. "4...2? Uhh...lessee...in Japanese that would be yon and ni or...shi ni...and those characters for swordsman...kenshi...Shinikenshi?" Shinikenshi promptly facefaulted and lost said complexion of cool. He quickly stood up and dusted himself off, readjusting his sunglasses. "Yup, thats me alright...oh hey... [Its you.]" "..." Illyria began to turn plaid. "Eh heheh...uhh...ignore that." Shinikenshi looked at Dan and Steve. "Ahhh...I remember you guys! Of course it wasn't in Impro though." "Wait, we know you?" Dan looked at Shinikenshi more carefully. "Hmm... I don't know..." Steve peered at Shinikenshi some more, "Yeah, I'm not sure if I know either, Mr. Mystery Person-" Shinikenshi promptly gives Steve a royal smackdown that consists of him firing an enormous gun at Steve several times. The numbers 99999 Damage, Critical Damage, appear over Steve. "DON'T say that darnit!" Shinikenshi muttered as he put down the smoking beam weapon. After procuring a Life bottle from Steve's bag, Scott-chan paused and her magical girl-like eyes widened, "Ohhh...I remember that! You're Chris aren't you?" Dan blankly stared at Scott, "Which Chris?" "The guy that was complaining about Google and posting and disappeared to Japan." "Ahhh..." "Anyway, what are you doing here?" Shinikenshi paused for a moment, "I'm not quite sure." Sweatdrops abound. "Wait, wait...now I remember. I'm supposed to help you guys find the books of Ys...err...I mean help you find the Jack Frost doll." "Why do you keep mentioning those books anyway?" Kate asked. "Thats what happens when you play Ys II Eternal for more than 5 hours continuously. That and I think I need those books to get out of here." "Wow, tough break." Kate suddenly flashed a "V" sign in his direction. "Well, we could help you find those books, won't we guys?" A big collective "NO." plus "..." was the response. "Eh...well, you want to help us out instead?" Shinikenshi sweatdropped then adjusted his sunglasses, "Sure I guess. Well, follow me guys, I will show you where to go." Random fanfare bursts out from somewhere just as random: The Smile Mall P.A. system. "(Fanfare) Shinikenshi, RYLGRD-DMNSUMMR, joins your team." o_O O_o O_O;;;;; "Okay guys, this is the place...Ao Bao A Qu." The area of Ao Bao A Qu was a right next to a park and was in the shape of a massive asteroid. The entrance however, was an electronic door that slid open revealing a cavernous factory-like place. Dan stared at him, "Uhhh...where?" "Well, the mayor wanted to make an extension to Aoba park but couldn't really figure out how to do it until this big rock thing fell near Aoba park. That was the name that was on the rock so they just added it to the rest of Sumaru making the city 3 times as big. Go figure." "Ya know this looks strangely like the Death Star, just not as circular I guess," said Damian. Shinikenshi paused for a moment, "Oh, and another thing I forgot to mention, this place seems to have some sort of strange effect on you when you walk in. It might effect how you fight or how you react in battle." As he said that, the ceiling broke as, believe or not, Mr. E stood right in front of our heroes! "I pity the f00 who tries to get away from me! Prepare to get a pitiful smack down!" Everyone gave a collective groan. "Not this guy again," Kate quickly put on her mask, going into ninja mode. "Well this should be easy...huh?" Everyone looked at Kate. Kate look at herself, or rather just kinda looked at her feet since she couldn't really look at herself also since she couldn't quite move her hands anyway. "Ummm...why am I all gray? Oh, I get it...this must be one of those turn based RPGs..." Long pause, plus that blowing wind and singular leaf that always seems to be around for this occasion...that and a tumbleweed with a cactrot riding on it. Steve groaned, "Could you stop with the references already?" Suddenly, the space around Mr. E and Kate turned blue, except for the area Kate was standing on which was red, and Mr. E moved toward her...or rather glided toward her. A screen pops up, somewhere in the area that said: Mr. E ?????/?????, Pity List '88, 40% Accuracy. And also: Kate 8000/8000, Shin-kunoichi Suppa-shuriken, 99% Accuracy. Attack, Defend, or Parry. Kate blinked, "Uhhh...what? Funny, I was just thinking of using that...okay, attack?" The area around Mr. E and Kate began to fade to dark, while everyone else just blankly stared and it began to turn back to light and Mr. E and Kate could be seen again, only that they are in SD form now. ---Battle--- SD Mr. E: (slowly drifting toward Kate) I pity the fool that messes with me! Pity List '88! (He throws a large stack of papers at Kate or rather, a large stack just kind of flies out of him.) The camera then pans to Kate who is also drifting in Mr. E's direction and she deftly evades the menacing stack of papers. SD Kate: Hah! What are you trying to hit? Take this! Moratta!!! (Several large and pointy shurikens similarily fly out of Kate and skewer Mr. E. A big 40000 Damage, Critical Hit appears above Mr. E) SD Mr. E: I can't believe that fool did that! (Starts blowing up and everything goes white.) --- Kate is returned to normal size and Mr. E, well he just kind of blows up. A small box is left where his crater was. GOT REPAIR KIT S EARNED 400 EXP GAINED 10000 YEN "Well, that did go well at least." Dan scratched his head as the heroes continued to explore the interior of Ao Bao A Qu. In a large hanger, stood several tall machinations of some sort. Dan drooled at the sight of them. "Mobile Suits.....I wonder if I could equip their weapons." Dan tried to pick up a large bazooka that was roughly 5 times his height. "Well guess not." Steve walked over to a rack of extra cool human-size rifles and beam weapons. "Whoa, since I am actually over level 1, I bet I could use these." As he touched a sw33t looking rifle, it made a buzzing noise and couldn't be removed. Steve sighed deeply. "Chemists can exactly use guns." Shinikenshi searched around a pile of items on a desk in the corner of the hanger and procurred a large stack of discs. "Hey Dan, I think you might be able to use these." Shinikenshi handed the discs to Dan. Dan looked at them for a bit then procurred a portable cdrom drive with firewire and plugged himself to it. The device then whrrrd to life and he placed one of the cds in. A computerized voice was heard: "Zero System installation...completed. EXAM System installation...completed. Have a nice day." "Ooh...Zero System...I kinda like that." Dan grinned. He then popped in the last disc, which was oddly shaped like a pointy helmet,, like those stupid looking business card- size cds except that it was a helmet with a pointy "v" on it. "S-DAN (Super Deformed Attack Newtype System) installation...completed." "Hrmm... I wonder what this does..." Kate dashed around in ultra-super ninja mode around the complex and returned to where the heroes were, in a matter of 3.432 seconds (due to rounding error). "I searched the whole place and I can't find any Jack Frost doll, that is...if I knew what a Jack Frost doll looked like. "Thats because it isn't here." Rather than find out who the new mystery person was, everyone quickly turned to Shinikenshi, staring him down with an intent to kill. Shinikenshi sweatdropped and laughed nervously, "Well, it was here... I mean, thats where I saw it last time..." "Wait! That voice..." Dan turned on his energy sensor and pinpointed the location of the said mystery voice. He then...clapped his hands twice and the whole facility lit up complete revealing none other than...Xelloss! Xelloss looked, or pointed in their direction since his eyes were closed, and laughed, "Hahaha! How are you heroes! Ahem. I mean, to say that it looks like I can't let you have the Jack Frost doll you are searching for. In fact, I think I will add it to my Collection of Stuff I Stole from Heroes(tm)! Shinikenshi clenched his fist, "You also have the books of Ys then, don't you?" "Sore wa himitsu-" "Persona!" Shinikenshi raises his hand into the air and the persona, Beezlebub appears before him and uses "Batism by Thunder", torching Xellos to an electric crisp. Everyone got into battle mode as they realize that they could kill two birds with one stone...or rather one bird with many stones... "Ahem." Damian ahem-ed. Okay fine, they could kill one really annoying guy that always says that stupid phrase with a lot of nasty stones that hurt. But Xelloss had more than one trick up his sleave, since if he didn't he would be pretty much dead from keeping his eyes closed the whole time. "Heheh, I was ready for this." He smiled in typical Xelloss-like fashion, "Shining Gundam...come....HEEEEEERE!!" he snapped his fingers with resonance. But nothing happens. Except for Illyria quickly busting out some nasty sword combos on Xelloss with the Greater Sword of Destruction and also excepting the fact that Xelloss didn't get diced, but a very beat-up and now even more beat-up Ash Ketchum did. "Why me..." he muttered before he blew up. EARNED 1000 EXP GAINED 100 YEN Illyria: LEVEL 62 ---> LEVEL 63 (FANFARE) YOU HAVE LEARNED HOT BLOOD "...." went Illyria as he stepped back to await Xelloss's next moves. "Man, I am starting to feel sorry for that kid now...well maybe a little anyway." Steve muttered as he readied himself with potions at hand. Xelloss laughed some more, though to the careful listener you could tell it was nervous laughter, but he had some technique to mask it. "There was more where that came from." Scott-chan looked at him with wide-kawaii-magical girl eyes, "You mean you are gonna bring Ash back here again?" "Uhhh....no. Actually, I was gonna do something useful this time...NeoVid! Yonjuuni! Come here!" Evil fanfare sounds as NeoVid and Yonjunni appear with a dozen minions per person, a plopping sound heard as each made their appearance. "Hahaha! Silly hero people, you didn't think you saw the last of us did you?" He laughed as he pulled out his Big Guns(tm). "This time, we are gonna stop you once and for all!" Yonjuuni similarly laughed. "Wait, this can't be right...how can all three of the last enemy bosses appear at the same time?" Kate stared at the three and their entourage of [evil]. Shinikenshi shrugged as several SD knights, with 10s on them, surrounded him. "Beats me. I told you there was something weird about this place." NeoVid cackled with glee as he readied his big guns(tm), "This time its different...weak minions who die in one hit(tm)! Attack!" And attack...they might have...or tried anyway. "Pretty Wai Wai Sugar Happy Attack!" "Generic Ki Projectile Attack!" "Boot to da head!" "...." "Slice and Dice! Ninja variety!" "...uhh...Ether." "Persona! Alfred, Rain of Arrows!" 99999 DAMAGE HYPER CRITICAL Yonjuuni slapped his forehead then glared at NeoVid, "I thought you said that you would try something -different-?" "Grrr....I keep forgetting!" Xelloss would have slapped his forehead as well, but that would be un-Xelloss- like, wouldn't it? "Well, we still have plenty in store for you all......LET'S....COMBINE!" In a flash of light, NeoVid, Yonjuuni and Xelloss turned into balls of light and combined together to form an even bigger one. This was of course, only seen by Shinikenshi since he still had sunglasses on. When the light show stopped, a rather large 20 ft. robot stood. It was also noted that the robot was squat looking, super deformed, and was a one-eyed green-colored robot. "Hahaha, try to stop us now! Combattler Zaku III! Missile attack!" A stream of missiles slammed into the area around the heroes but they all more or less blocked or evaded the attacks. "Uhhh...what the heck is that?" Steve just stared. "We can take em still...RYLKNGT! Attack!" Shinikenshi's SD Knights, with the 10s on them, charged at the giant robot, tossing spears and lances with great accuracy and great justice, but noting the fact they were SD and Combattler Zaku III was also SD but giant was a slow realization for Shinikenshi. The knights did 4 damage to Combattler Zaku III before it rained vulcan fire down on them, doing 10000 damage. The number on the knights went from 10 to 0 and they simarily exploded like everyone else does. "Dohhh...wrong RPG system..." Shinikenshi muttered. Steve took out his scope, energy-viewing thing to check the CZIII's strength. "?????/?????...uhh...I think that means they are strong guys." Dan suddenly came up with a brilliant idea as he began punching random buttons on his arm. "I think this is the part where I try to use all that stuff I installed in my system...hmmm...here we go!" In a similar flash of light, a voice rings out: S-DAN System activated. Dan suddenly transforms into a larger than life, yet SD Wing 0 Gundam, ignoring the fact that instead of a gundam head, its Dan's sentai helmet. The words Zero System Activated and EXAM System Standby are spelled out on his visor as he begins to glow yellow. "Omae o....korosu...osssha!" Wing0-Dan flies toward CZIII, beamsaber in hand and begins slicing and dicing. He then flies back out and points a rather large and spiffy looking double barreled beam buster rifle(tm) at the CZIII and all hell breaks loose as it spits out a steady stream of beam energy with the sounds of Dan's taunts travelling with it. "Ossha!" "Yayooi!" "Oyaji!!" "Tarugetto rokku...KORYUKEN!!!" When everything stops, the random screen pops up again: 999999 RIDICULOUS CRITICAL HIT The CZIII spins around then explodes, sending NeoVid, Yonjuuni and Xelloss flying, Team Rocket-ping and all. In the wreckage, a Jack Frost doll is found. GOT JACK FROST DOLL ^________________^; Well, being that the author is very tired right now since its 4:08 AM and the sun is already up, the heroes then head back to Smile Mall where they use the yen the earned from beating up NeoVid's minions, Ash and Mr. E and buy the item/card converter and begin heading out of Sumaru City where for some reason, falling cows could be seen, which would make sense with the French castle that was nearby and the band of knights, pretending to be riding horses, kept trying to break in and avoid the falling bovine and kitchen appliances. Kate pulls out the stuffed Jack Frost doll and places it on top of the converter. A light moves from one end to the other of the converter and the doll disappears as a card pops out of the slot at the side of the converter as the machine makes a ping noise. She then swipes both cards with the swiper and voila! The level multiplier is procured. GOT LEVEL MULTIPLIER "Finally! That means we can finally get high enough levels to get the OWF Guidebook!" Kate smiled happily as she activated the level multiplier, which was basically a Cactrot doll that make a squeaking noise when squeezed and began to dance around then fall over. A voice from some random place then said: Multiplier set at 10.0. KATE: LV 54 ---> LV 540 "What? Thats it? Can't you set the multiplier higher?" Kate turned the Cactrot doll over and on the back it had the following writing: When multiplying levels, player experiences no effects from gained levels other than for gaining level-required items or other such stuff. Multiplier can only be used once before it reverts to a regular ol Cactrot doll. WARNING: Multiplier should be set to desired level before operation. Everyone facefaults. "And WHY didn't you read the instructions first?" Everyone glared at Kate while Illyria just "...." a similar response. "Well, I don't know about you guys, but I have to take off." Shinikenshi began to walk off in the opposite direction back toward Sumaru City. "But I thought you joined our team though." Kate asked, glad the subject had been dropped. "True, but some characters do leave before the quest is over, usually the temp characters or the guys that usually die. I have to hurry back in time for Scene 40 to start. It will take about 70 turns to finish so I suppose I won't see you guys till I am finished." "...what?" "Nevermind. Its one of those long complicated kind of deals." Before he walked off he turned back and said some typical advice stuff of leaving characters, "Good luck trying to get the rest of the Macguffins and remember...'take this shield, use it wisely.' Oh, and 'Abandon your weapon and we will be evolution.'" He was then gone. Everyone stared. "Uhh...what did he mean by that?" Dan scratched his head. "I think he told us to remember that Damian is a useable shield." Steve looked at Damian only to get pecked by Damian several times. "I resent that." Damian continued pecking while Steve ran around in terror. "And that other part?" Dan asked. "Don't ask." Ard just shrugged. --- Author Notes: Hooboy, that took a long time...that and I still have homework to do....gahhhh! Well, finally my first part to ImproFanfic and well...I probably should have worked on it earlier especially in the earlier parts of the story since it was hard to add more stuff to the already to many references and characters in the story. ^_^ I used a tad bit too many references and odd ones at that. Some were obvious, some didn't make sense and uhh it kind continues on like that. There was stuff from Ys, Persona, Langrisser, Super Robot Wars, G. Generation, and some anime references like God Gundam, Meltylancer and Combattler V. Thats probably what happens when I listen to the Super Robot Spirits CD more than 5 times while writing this. And probably should stop with the AYBABTU references, but hey, the people in Japan seem to get a kick out of it so...yeah. -_^ Oh and that bit about cows, I was going to work that into the story but it somehow slipped my mind and when I finished, I realized I forgot about it. So much for my Monty Python reference... ^^;;;;;; I wrote this a bit too late so no time for pre-readers...so just send your complaints and all to Shinikenshi@hotmail.com. ^_^;;;;; -Shinikenshi Infecting Japan with AYB and N'Chink ^___^