Otaku Wish Fulfillment Theater Started by Scott Schimmel Chapter 36: To sing, or not to sing ... That, and don't ever make a Goddess angry! ^_^_v "We've been journeying for days! I want some ice cream," Ardweden declared. "There's a village up ahead. Why don't we stop there and rest while we try to figure out where the Authoress might have taken Xelloss?" Dan suggested. Illyria eyed the sign standing off the side of the road. "..." Scott followed Illyria's glance. "Prematurus? What a weird name." Kate jogged along energetically. "Prematurus? Hey! That's in this tour guide I picked up! Cool! Apparently there's some sort of curse on this village." "What kind of curse?" Steve asked. "Maybe we should skip this village?" "We can't do that!" Kate exclaimed. "We need to find clues about where the Authoress might have run off to!" Dan looked thoughtful. "A cursed village might be the perfect place to hide out, too." "Then it's settled. To Prematurus we will go!" ^_~ Three young ladies were standing on a hill overlooking the path to their village. Two of them were chitchatting while the third was watching the road intently. "Look! Some travelers are coming!" "What? Really? Are there men with them?" The second girl said as they all peered at the road. The first girl had pulled out binoculars and was gazing raptly at the people down below. "There's ... okay, there's three guys, no four! And two of them are bishounen!" "Thank the Goddesses for this small blessing to our village! May they forgive our past transgressions!" the three girls cried as they ran down to spread the word to the other villagers. -_-; "Looks like they're having some kind of huge celebration," Steve observed. The town had bright banners flying through the air, music was playing, and people were dancing in the streets. Dan was suddenly tackled by a group of girls and fell down. "Hey, uh, nice to see you too?" "..." Illyria stated eloquently, as five girls attached themselves to his arms. "Welcome to Prematurus! Girls, let go of the nice men. Would you like some refreshments? My name is Lady Brick. I'm the mayor of this village." A petite brunette with short hair approached them, holding out her hand. Kate took it and glanced sharply at her. "Lady Brick? How did you get here?" Kate asked. "Weren't you an evil minion a while back?" There was a large crack of thunder in the distance. "I mean, I heard that you were an evil general at some point in the past, but never actually fought us..." Kate hastily corrected. "Oh, I got bored of that. No real money in it and I had to wear black all the time." Lady Brick shrugged. "So eventually I settled down here and they elected me as their mayor. But the village is cursed, I've been trying to find a cure for years." Ardweden yanked Steve away from several adoring females and headed toward Lady Brick and Kate. "What exactly is the curse, Lady Brick?" Lady Brick looked a little nervous. "Well, let's go to my place and discuss it, shall we?" ;_; "Mmph mmhh mwwaa mpphhh?" Scott asked at the same time as she worked on a mouthful of food. What she meant to say was, "So when are you going to tell us about the curse, Lady Brick?" Dan handed Scott a glass of water. "What did you say, Scott?" Scott took a drink and tried again. "I said ... I'm feeling terribly sleepy." She promptly dropped her head onto her plate and started snoring. Kate looked puzzled "Is that really what ... I'm feeling really sleepy too, for some reason." She fell asleep too, sliding out of her chair. She was quickly followed by the rest of her party members into slumber. o_O Ardweden awoke with a start. "Huh?" Looking around, she immediately noticed that she was in a nicely furnished bedroom, probably in one of the little houses in Prematurus. Scott and Kate were laid out on two other beds, both still asleep. "Good morning, girls!" said a cheery voice, emanating from the other side of the bedroom door, which was quickly opening. Kate and Scott both opened their eyes blearily as Lady Brick walked into the room. "Lady Brick? Why are we in here?" Ardweden asked, struggling to overcome her sleepiness. Lady Brick waved her hand. "Oh ... there was a thing with some sleeping potion I put into your food." "WHAT?!" all three female Destined Heroes exclaimed. Lady Brick looked a little guilty. "Well, it's the curse, you see. The women of the village wanted your men." "They wanted *our* men," Scott asked, giggling. "Why?" "Ahh ... let me just tell you the legend, okay?" ^_^; "...And for our most beloved Goddess' birthday, we offer up a luscious angel food cake!" the High Priestess triumphantly proclaimed, beckoning the scantily clad men with stomachs you could do your laundry on into the room. They carried a beautiful cake into the room and set it before a petite blonde sitting in a large, comfy throne at the end of a long table filled with delicacies and presents. "Hm. Obviously you are not worthy to be my High Priestess," Stephica, Goddess of Erotica and the Past, said casually. The High Priestess looked startled. "But ... Stephica-kami-sama ... I have tried to make everything wonderful for you for your birthday!" Stephica pulled out a nail file. "You made my birthday cake angel food cake instead of white chocolate raspberry cheesecake." There was a large gasp among the assembled. The High Priestess threw herself down at Stephica's daintily shod feet. "Please, forgive me! How can I make it up to you?" Stephica sighed. "You can't. But I will wreak my revenge upon the women of this village." She suddenly smiled evilly. "You will definitely suffer." ?_? "So ... what did she do?" Kate asked. Lady Brick shuddered. "She made all of the men Minute Men." Ardweden gasped. "How horrible!" Scott looked clueless. "What's wrong with -- oh, *that* kind of Minute Man." She looked thoughtful. "So what exactly are they doing to our men?" "Oh, nothing yet. They're just making them do menial tasks. We're going to give you three days to figure out how to uncurse the village, after that many [CENSORED] things are going to happen to them." "Poor Illyria!" Kate exclaimed. "We have to figure out a solution!" "You mean we can't just leave them there? I'm sure they'll be happy," Scott said. "Illyria's a *girl*!" Ardweden protested. "Kate's right. Let's figure out what to do..." "There's a wise man in the forest nearby. Try asking him for advice," Lady Brick suggested. "Heck, Ard -- you're related to the Goddesses. Ask your twin." "Ha. She hasn't helped much so far," Ardweden remarked. Thunder rumbled in the distance. "But she's still my favorite twin sister!" The thunder subsided a bit. Ardweden could swear she heard someone remark that Delfina was her *only* twin sister, but she quickly put that thought aside. "Anyways, let's go find that wise person, shall we?" Kate suggested. %_% "The faces are getting weirder and weirder, aren't they?" Scott noted. Ardweden nodded. "I think the author is getting bored." Kate cleared her throat. "Look! Here's the tree that's has a carving somewhat in the shape of a GameCube!" She pointed at said tree. "According to this map, the wise man's place isn't that far away!" "Kate, we've passed this tree three times already," Scott pointed out. "We've already lost two days wandering around in this forest." "Oh. Right. But we've got to be getting closer!" She looked around. "There's a cave over there, let's check it out. Wise old men are always in caves and stuff!" "Yay. A dark clammy cave. I can hardly wait," Scott said enthusiastically. Ardweden had already run ahead of her with Kate and entered the cave. "Hm, there's supposed to be an old wise man somewhere..." Ardweden said to herself. A husky voice floats out of the darkness. "Yes, what is it you seek?" Ardweden jumped and turned around. "Uh, where are you?" The voice replied. "Down here." Ardweden looked down to see a somewhat annoyed wombat looking up at her. "Wombat ... Cham?!" Ardweden stooped down to his level, waving at Scott and Kate to come over. "Yes, it's me," Cham confirmed. Scott peered at Cham. "But you're not a wise old man." She quickly corrected herself, "Well, not old at least. And right now you're not a man either." "I know. But according to a certain Goddess I sound like I'm thousands of years old, so there you have it. I've been labeled," Cham said. "Anyways, what do you want?" Kate snickered. "Well, there's this curse, see --" Cham waved a furry paw. "Right. I can't help you." "What? Why not?!" Scott demanded. "You have to!" "You need to get a Goddess to help you, since it was a Goddess who cursed the village," Cham explained. "And you're just in luck because I'm the Goddess who can help you!" Ardweden turned. "Cousin!" She ran over to give Phoebe a hug. "Have you seen Tsuin-chan lately?" Phoebe nodded. "Yes, we had lunch together the other day at the most fabulous little --" "Um, could I interrupt? We really need to find the cure to that curse," Kate said. The Goddess of Whimsy grinned. "Oh, you'll love this. Ever watched Slayers?" The trio nodded slowly. "Do you remember the part where Amelia and Lina had to do that duet and dressed up in those skimpy little dresses?" The trio nodded again, Scott turning slightly pale. "Well! I have the cutest little outfits for all of you!" Phoebe exclaimed. "Cham, bring them out!" "The universe hates me," Scott mumbled to herself, and was promptly enveloped in lights and cherry blossom petals. Phoebe looked at her thoughtfully. "Hm, your magical girl outfit might work out just fine." Ardweden snickered, "Okay, so we'll be wearing cute little dresses. I can handle that. But what will we be singing?" Phoebe merely grinned. @_@ "Hate is very, very bad! We should love instead!" Ardweden sang somewhat halfheartedly as the villagers, Cham, Lady Brick and Phoebe watched. "You're doing great, Ard!" Phoebe shouted encouragingly. Kate joined in, "Open your heart to the yummy light and lift your weary head!" "Lovely, Kate!" Lady Brick applauded. "I like furry, furry friends, bunnies stacked in piles," Scott forced out, ignoring the earphones Cham pointedly put on. "Look to the dream inside and we'll have happy, happy smiles..." All three girls sang the next part in unison. "We should love, we should love, sing your thoughts to the stars far above... Take my hand, understand, you're the one I'm dreaming of..." They curtsied to their audience. Some of the villagers were openly crying and walked up to quietly give their thanks to the trio. "So, is the curse gone now, Lady Brick?" Kate asked. Phoebe answered for her. "Yes, they're all back to normal now. In fact, I'm renaming this village Staminus!" "Thank you so much, Phoebe-kami-sama, Ard, Kate, Scott," Lady Brick said. "This has made it a lot easier to get the tourism industry going. Think of the tax dollars that will be coming in!" Scott sweatdropped. "Right. So can we change now?" "And where are the guys?" Ardweden asked. Lady Brick pointed to a small hut at the far end of the village. "They're in there. Feel free to take whatever supplies you need." Kate started to head over there, but stopped and looked at Phoebe and Lady Brick. "Oh -- do either of you know where the Authoress might be?" Lady Brick looked thoughtful. "Well, she's been seen wandering around the Dan Woods, I've heard." "But it won't do you any good to go there," Phoebe said. "Unless the next author feels a need to send you there, of course." She examined their blank expressions. "Never mind. Carry on." She gave a little wave and disappeared in a whirlwind of Card Captor Sakura merchandise. Cham looked at Lady Brick. "You know, the author managed to avoid using the male characters mostly at all this episode." "That's because she's a slacker," Lady Brick pointed out. Cham nodded, "Ah, true." Kate, Ardweden and Scott backed away cautiously from the two. "Um, we're going to go get the guys," Kate said. "Right, we'll see you two later!" Ardweden waved. "I can't wait to change," Scott said. "Think they'll ever find that last Seal?" Cham asked. Lady Brick shook her head. "Not for at least a few more chapters. And to think, it's been under their nose the whole time." "Kids these days," Cham said. Lady Brick solemnly agreed. H_h The Authoress casually flipped another page of her book. "Five bishounen." "That's robbery!" Cold Fury exclaimed. "Delfina will never go for that. Let's say two bishounen and a cameo in one of the last chapters of OWF." The Authoress sighed. "Is that the best offer I'm going to get?" Cold Fury nodded. "Fine. I guess I just got my cameo. Where's my bishounen?" "Here's one of them," Cold Fury snapped his fingers and the Bishounen Seal appeared in front of him. "The party doesn't need him anymore. I'll give you the other one after you give me the goods." The Authoress examined the bishounen. "Oh, he'll do very nicely. Here's the item." She tossed a small orb at Cold Fury, which he caught and quickly put away. "Drop the other one at my house. Just ring the doorbell and walk away, I might be busy." "Oh, of course. A pleasure doing business with you." "And you." !_! "So, you say he just disappeared?" Ardweden asked. Illyria nodded. "How odd. Maybe Phoebe took him with her?" "..." "You're right, it could have been Delfina or Todd, too." "..." "They're my relatives! I'm not going to add all that kami-sama whatever to the end of their names!" "..." "Whatever." "Hey you two! Ready to go? Lady Brick just gave us some tips on where to look for the Authoress," Dan said. Steve hefted his bag of supplies. "We've restocked too, we're ready for anything now." Scott shuddered slightly. "Don't tempt them, Steve." She suddenly glanced at the ground and picked a piece of paper up. "Hey, look at this." Ardweden took the piece of paper. "What? 'Sorry, but I needed your spare bishounen. Don't worry, he's in good hands. - Fury'." "Why would Fury want our bishounen?" Steve asked. Dan shrugged. "This *is* Fury ... heh. Well, Illyria did get the power-up, right?" Illyria nodded. "Then we're set to go!" Ardweden concluded. "Kate's probably getting impatient." The group headed off to where Kate was busily playing a "quick game, honest!" of Quadruple Bypass with some villagers and dragged her off. And so, the Destined Heroes headed off into the unknown, the cliché world of -- you get the point. #_# Author's note: Blah.