In this universe in which we exist (well, me anyway. I dunno about the rest of you wackos) (what about me?) (No, you frighten people, go away) there are a few certain unalienable truths. One such truth is that it's not the fall that kills a person, it's the abrupt way their velocity reaches zero at the landing point. Another unalienable truth would contest that there will always be a certain number of persons in the world that believe that the color of an M&M makes it taste different when compared to the flavors of different colors. It's chocolate covered in hardened freaking sugar people, figure in out. Still another truth would be that the faster you go, the faster you'll get somewhere; you just might not have as much gas left to keep going after you're done doing whatever it is that you went there (which would then become "here") for. One truth that is *not* unalienable, however, is that any sort of universal truth contemplated by anyone anywhere has about as much influence at the party as, oh well... a pint of Ben & Jerry's within ten feet of some certain Improgirls... or a played out joke, for instance. As this is the case in Chez Impro, where there is a constant stream of violence, underage drinking, numerous overloaded electrical sockets constituting a major fire hazard, and further acts that defy the laws of physics, nature, good taste, and the California Penal Code, this topic deserves no further description. * * * Calculus wandered aimlessly down the halls searching for someone to talk to. His last three conversations turned into discussions of how Linux's kernel-based NFS server operated. The last unfortunate soul caught at the receiving end of the dialogue to fake some sort of brain hemorrhage. He sighed to himself in a sad sort of way (as opposed to the happy sort of sighing). As he watched his shoes scuffle along the carpet, someone bumped into him. "Oh excuse me--" "Hey, we don't you watch where you going you... Calculus...?" 'Holy crap,' ELRutt thought to himself, 'I finally get myself into the party and run into and snap at _Calculus_ of all people. Boy, I'm really screwed now.' "...Rutt?" "Ohhicalcdidn'tseeyoutherehowarethingsgoodwellthingsaregoodheretoogottagobye!" Calculus reached out his mighty hand and grasped hold of ELRutt's Hawaiian shirt collar. "Hold on a second, didn't I kill you a few days ago?" "..." "...Yes I did. You were the one with the windows question." "... uh... no you didn't, musta been someone else. I just got here, heh. So, I'll just--" ELRutt tried to run off, but was hindered by the fact that Calculus had not let go. "No, it was you, I remember distinctly. That's not a smell one forgets." ELRutt decided he needed a different tactic. "This has all been a bad dream... ooo... zombies, scary--" ELRutt danced around waving his arms in a Wayne's World dream sequence segue sort of manner. At this moment Aaron Shattuck walked up behind Calculus and the drunken looking ELRutt. "I don't know what you guys are doing... but I want in." He began to dance around in much the same manner as ELRutt. ELRutt stopped and glared at him. "...What?" "I was trying to create an effect." ELRutt began to explain. "All right, I've had enough of this. I'm going to make sure you die and you stay dead." Calculus, not buying the bad dream bit for a second (or even half a second), dragged ELRutt of by the collar to his imminent death. "Hey, wasn't that the dead guy from the closet? Small world, huh, Chippy?" "Leave me alone you crazy psycho," he ventriliquied through his hand which was no painted to look like a transvestite gnome of some sort. "STOP!... or I'll say stop, again!" "Eep! Here they come again, Chippy! Time to split! HeheheEEHEEheheE!" As Shattuck made his way not so slowly out of the area a half-dozen party goers with butterfly nets immediately plowed through the room yelling war cries along the lines of 'GET HIM' and 'GUAAHH!' Among them a distraught looking Eslington followed looking for a misplaced can of nuts. * * * Dramatis Personae: Aaron Pinnick: Chez Impro Aaron Shattuck: Chez Impro Angelcat: Chez Impro Anko: Chez Impro Ardweden: Chez Impro BlackMage: Chez Impro Blade: Chez Impro Calculus: Chez Impro Cham: Chez Impro Chris: Chez Impro ColdFury: Chez Impro Coyote: Chez Impro Damien Phoenix: Chez Impro - Bedroom Dan: Chez Impro Delfina: Chez Impro ElRutt: Chez Impro - karaoke Epsilon: Chez Impro - Subbasement, W2 minion Eslington: Chez Impro Eric Sprague (Double Agent): House of Blues Eternal Lost Lurker: Chez Impro Falcon: Chez Impro - Karaoke Fatman: Chez Impro Greg: Chez Impro H: Chez Impro HottCoffee: Chez Impro Jake: Chez Impro Jeff: Chez Impro Jesse: Chez Impro Kate Malloy: Chez Impro Katy: Chez Impro Kimberli: Chez Impro King in Yellow Chez Impro - Bathroom Illyria: Chez Impro Lady Brick: Chez Impro - karaoke Lady Chaos: Chez Impro Lawrence: Chez Impro - Patio Mark Poa: Chez Impro - karaoke Mechalink: Chez Impro - karaoke Montae: Chez Impro Myth: Chez Impro NeoVid: Chez Impro nihility (Eric): Chez Impro Omi no Miko: Chez Impro Phoebe: Chez Impro Rain: Chez Impro Rags: Chez Impro - semiconcsious - karaoke Random: Chez Impro Ravi: Chez Impro Robin: Chez Impro Roe: Chez Impro Samantha: Chez Impro Scott Schimmel: Chez Impro Squall (John Evans): Chez Impro Steve Scougall: Chez Impro Tameran: Chez Impro Todd: Chez Impro Twoflower: Chez Impro VVerevvolf: Chez Impro Wang Tu Chung: Chez Impro W4: Dead still - back in iceberg grave Zrith: Chez Impro Supporting Cast: Bishounen: Ragnarok - They are? @_@ oops Chippy: Stomachs of Panel -- Dead Iron Chef Chen Kenichi: Chez Impro Kitchen Jess: Iceberg - calmed down by now, watching W4's grave Keith Richards: Abu Dhabi Kimberli's Mecha: Chez Impro - Iceberg Leonardo DiCaprio: Abu Dhabi Mysterious Man: Clone tanks Quistis: Chez Impro Ragnarok: North of Chez Impro Sporkachu: Chez Impro - w/ Angelcat Ura: Chez Impro - Iceberg Weight-of-Ardweden Doll: Chez Impro - w/ Mecha? -d'oh- Young Elvis: No longer dead - Stage Yun-chan: Dead - Bathtub * * * "Statement iterating my tendency towards self-loathing and over lack of any positive outlook whatsoever." "Canon remark concerning your tendency to be an idiot." "Half-hearted plead for forgiveness." "Angry Noise." "Hey, are we outta popcorn, AGAIN??" "Mmmph mmph, mmmmmph!" "Hey! Rags's greasing off all the snacks!" "INFIDEL!" "MMPH!" *TWHAP* There was a brief pause in the Marathon De Evangelion while Rags was thrown forth with great force from it's midst to go in search of a fresh supply of Cheeto's and the Iron Chef's secret non-squirrel snack cakes. During this time onlookers allowed themselves a few moments to converse and generally discuss the many intricacies associated with how many times Tokyo-3 could be destroyed and rebuilt in a four episode timeframe. There was also much staring at the characters in their plug suits. Not one to be set back by such a show of general annoyance, Rags picked himself up off the floor and decided that he'd had enough of Eva anyway, so there. They could get their own friggin snacks! He'd just go off somewhere and poke around... but where would he go? Everything's been done. People have sung, danced, played, eaten, danced, slept, been forced to eat squirrels, probably have had nookie he'd assumed, and probably most of all, people had been glomped. What else could there possibly be there to do? 'Ahh, hell.' Summed up his thoughts pretty concisely as he made is way up the stairs. 'Something will come up, I'm sure.' * * * "Hey, did you just here that?" Falcon asked Mechalink while waiting for the next batch of snacks. "The Ominous Thunder, you mean?" "Yeah, that-" "Nope." "Oh, must've just been me..." "... Freak." * * * Upstairs was a nice place, generally not as crowded or as messy as downstairs but all the same quite nice. There weren't any really communal rooms up here with the obvious exception of the bathroom... well, maybe it wasn't an exception anymore. "Out of order?" Rags reached out and pulled the sign off of the bathroom door that someone had hastily stapled over the door knob (a bit of cloth from an unwary person's sleeve was still attached). "I hope it isn't _too_ messed up in there..." It was at this time that Rags entered the- (Ominous Seventeen Minute Musical Interlude) -Bathroom Of CHAOS (or something some such slightly similar). Five seconds later he came back out. "... ew." >From there it was just a few steps to a bedroom with an open door. And from _there_ it was just a few more steps to a bedroom with a closed door. And from *there* it was just a few more short steps to a bedroom with a closed door and a sign saying 'do not enter'. And from _*there*_ it was just a step and a half from a horrible death from falling out the window. But before all that was a guy in a really bad and ratted-out yellow suit. "Who the hell are you?" Rags politely introduced himself. "I am the [King] in [Rags] and [Tatters]! ...but you can call me King In Yellow" The poorly dressed man introduced himself back. "Wanna quit with the brackets? It's kinda hard on the ears, y'know? And what's with this business about being the king of me?" "Yes, I've had a [hard] life. One filled with pain and sorrow such as I could surely get a book deal if I'd [had] a chance to meet the right peo-" "Hello?" "Uh, err. Yeah! No more brackets, sorry. Now, I must cause you pain-" "Huh? You're not making any sense-" "[SUFFER!]" "Ow! Quit it!" "... it worked?" "Yah it worked. Quit it!" "Wow! It's never really worked before, hey cool!" The King in Yellow marveled at his own ability to cause suffering. "Hey, wanna see something even cooler?" Rags stepped back towards the bathroom. "Oh, Sure! Hey, lemme see if I can do that again, yeah?" KiY walked along to the bathroom door still lost in his marveling. Rags opened the door to the as yet unspecifiedly unlit bathroom and waved KiY in, "sure, sure! Whatever you say! Just take a step in here King of Me-" The King of Rags and Tatters in Yellow was still so lost in his marvels that he hardly even noticed when Rags didn't follow him in... or the mess in the bathtub. "Say, what's with this, 'King of Me' stuff?" "I'm Rags. Have a nice night!" Rags smiley'd. Then he slammed the door and jammed the knob in such a way as to make it harder than normal to open again. The next few seconds passed without much noise coming from the bathroom... Then there was the yelp of surprise as the occupants met each other. One yelp, that is. If the other occupant could yelp it would sound more like the sound a washing machine makes in the 'wash' cycle. * * * Outside Chez Impro, Calculus stood before the time machine. "I'm throwing you into this contraption and sending you back so you can witness the big bang- why am I explaining this to you? Never mind." ELRutt was thrown bodily into the time machine. Calculus checked the control panel, 'hmm,' he hmm'd to himself, 'it seems the date has already been programmed into the machine. And I so much wanted to push the shiny buttons. Oh well.' Much banging and screaming emanated from within the time machine. Calculus, with a gleam of pride gleaming in his eye, reached for the activation switch. "Ow, hold on I have something in my eye." Calculus rubbed out the proud gleam, "Ah, much better." More screaming and banging ensued from within the time machine. Again, Calculus finger reached toward the activation switch. Closer and closer it crept, inching nearer to its inevitable destination. 'Soon,' the small appendage thought, 'Soon I will flip the lowly switch, pleasing my master a great deal.' Silently, it flew at the activating device. Until, suddenly, it jammed itself on an unforeseen control panel outcropping. 'Drat!' Its little mind screamed, 'I have failed the master!' "Ow, damn dialing knob" Calculus used his other arm to flip the switch. ... Nothing happened. "WHAT?!" He cried out, "Did someone unplug it or something?" As he searched for the cord, he failed to notice the figure appear out of the mist. Unseen, the entity set a single hand upon the shoulder of the searching Calculus. "Hey, help me find what's wrong with this--" Calculus turned to face the strange being, "Who... who... who are you?" His voice quivered. Before him stood an enormous menacing being wearing pink frilly lace. Two golden wings were visible behind the creature. It's hideous face shadowed by its massive afro. In a deep and ancient voice, definitely not from this plane of existence, the being spoke "I..." it paused dramatically, "am the Plot Fairy." "The," Calculus responded in awe. Soon his became a voice of confusion, "...the what?!" "The Plot Fairy stupid. Now listen. The reason the time machine is not working is... this death has already been done. (Yeah, that sounds good.)" "It has?" "Yeah, remember that Scottish guy, Frosty McFlakes, or whatever his name was--" "You mean Kieran McWatson?" "Oh yeah, that's his name. Anyway he was already killed in such a manner a couple of chapt- er, I mean scen- No, no, I mean a while ago, heh." The Plot Fairy sweatdropped secretly. "So what are you saying?" "What I'm saying is that you need to come up with a more original way of killing Rutt." "Something like, uh...locking him in a room with a starved Mokona and a talking Shabby-chan plushie?" "You don't have a hungry Mokona, and I'd really rather not ask about the plushie." Several tense minutes passed. "Fine, you win this round Plot Fairy, but I'll be back, you can bet on it." Calculus stomped off back into the house. "I'll await your call!" Plot Fairy called after him. A loud slamming, faintly reminiscent of a door, could be heard from quite a long way away. Plot Fairy unlocked the time machine door and freed ELRutt. he fell face first on to the pavement. "It is hotter than- Hello!" ELRutt lost his train of thought as noticed the long curvy legs of a certain fairy. His eyes followed those legs up, and up, and up. "How many knees does this chick have," he thought to himself before realizing he had lost his inner monologue due to severe heat exhaustion. "What?" "Uhh... nothing. Heh, heh." ELRutt's eyes continued to wander up her exquisitely feminine form. Not an ounce of fat on her. His visual field reached the first layers of her dress. It was so... pink. Simply, just really, really pink. His area of sight soon reached the top of her dress and her... *ahem* "Wait a second," He tried to say to himself, "I recognize those." Quickly her looked her in the face. "Dude, it's me." "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" The screaming didn't stop for twenty minutes. * * * Author's Notes: (or something some such slightly similar...) Rutt: We sat in the queue forever it seemed. Finally our turn came and we were like "Oh crap! What do we do?" After that we procrastinated. Then one fateful day Rags came before me and said "Dude, I'm stuck, write something." And so I did and this is it. Sure Rags wrote a lot of it, but come on, give credit where credit's due. Thanks go to people that did stuff that helped and whatever. This is Rags part really I'm just here as a security blanket. Wait that just implied something it should have. Anyway, you get what I mean. I hope. Chewbacca rules! * * * On the planet Endor, far from the planet Kashyyyk, Chewbacca the mighty Wookie went about his mighty duty of doing mighty things in a mighty sort of way. "Eeerrrooowww rrrph grrrooo eeerph," said a Wookie who was not Chewbacca, but an entirely different entity all together. "Grrr aaaarr rrrowlf errr yip yip," Chewbacca responded in his manly Wookie manner of speaking. Suddenly, for no apparent reason what so ever, a Pointless Space Time Anomaly(TM) appeared behind Chewbacca. From it, a massive green hand reached out and pulled Chewbacca into the anti-matter rift. Once Chewbacca was completely sucked in the green hand popped back out and gave a thumbs up to the other Wookie to show him everything was cool. The other Wookie watched all this occur with a look of Wookie amazement on his face. Which, for those of you at home, looks pretty much the same as any other sort of Wookie facial expressions. * * * "Rags..." ELRutt feebly stammered, "Why are you a fairy?" "To try and save your sorry butt." Rags stated. "Yeah, I mean but... damn, you are hot! I was eyeing you like a... you know. And I am... uh... this vexes me to the extreme. I think you've emotionally scarred me here." "_You're_ emotionally scarred? Let me tell you a bit about emotional scarring. I find out, at the tender age of 18, that I look better as a women." "I guess you are right, you do have bigger problems than me." * * * 'Finally my turn has arrived,' Lady Brick thought as she stood before the Karaoke machine. Her eyes surveyed her audience. All two of them. In the back of the room, Mechalink made out with the weight-of-Ardweden doll. And one of them had the audacity to be inanimate. "Oh no! No one is here to witness my glorious singing powers!" She said to herself in her dramatic inner monologue sequence accompanied by a high quality dramatic posing shot. The lines of worry stood out on her face like Godzilla at an elf convention (the small magical kind of elves, not the human sized ones equipped with bows and such). In a fit of rage and a couple of martini's, she stormed off the stage to find people to "volunteer" to watch her sing. * * * If the kitchen needed any more description it would suffice as 'kitcheny'. Robin walked in for apparently the first time ever, looked around, poked through conveniently placed coolers (figuratively speaking. He didn't want to literally poke holes in anyone's stuff. That would just be rude), and then started looking through the obligatory cabinets and the like. Finally, after about two minutes he approached a still working Iron Chef, "excuse me, where're the drinks?" The Iron Chef looked up and supplied a lot of Chinese which for some reason didn't get subtitled. Then he pointed to the big evil refrigerator known to house buckets of people and grape jello within inches of each other. Robin would've been embarrassed at such a blatant oversight and probably should've been, except that to do that wouldn't be his style. So he shrugged and walked over to open up the fridge. As the door opened a small 'eep!' which was followed after a few seconds by, "could you please shut that? I just got this place the way I wanted it!" "Uh, sorry... Can I just have something to drink first, please?" "gahh... Fine! Sure! Go ahead, take whatever you want from my home! See how it makes you feel! Robber!" "Sheesh! Fine! I'll just take uh... What the hell is this?" "That's my nightstand." "It looks like a molded-over block of cheddar to me." "It's American actually- BUT STILL! Get outta here already, you're letting all the cool air out!" "Fine, sorry! Sheesh! Uh.. I'll just take.... one of... ummm..." "For Pete's sake!" "Everything's all moldy! I can't even tell what used to be a drink in here!" "... FINE!" "HERE! I'm pretty sure this has liquid in it. Now go!" "Sheesh, fine!" Robin rubbed some of the frost/mold that'd spread over to the... *thing* he was holding. "...HEY! It's a Dr. Pepper! Thanks, man!" Smiling happily he closed the 'fridge door and went to go clean the rest of the muck off his drink. "No problem..." * * * One fairy costume extraction later, Rags and ELRutt sat together on the porch swing of Chez Impro. "So Plot Fairy was really the best you could come up with?" "I didn't really have much time to plan. I was in on the second floor doing... uh, then I looked out the window in time to witness Calculus tossing you into the time machine. I knew I needed to save your sorry butt, so I ran to the nearest closet to look for a clever disguise." "And this is what you picked." "Well, it was either this or a Marilyn Monroe costume with the skirt all starched to look like it's being blown up." "Why would someone want to blow up Marilyn Monroe." "No, I didn't mean 'blow up' blown up. I meant _blown_ up, you know, like with wind or something." "Oh, I see. Maybe you should be more clear when delivering backstory." "Shut up, Steve." "Sorry." "Do you want to go get some pie?" "Why not, we could use a new setting to describe and add some bulk to this part." "Yeah, inane dialogue's not really doing it." "Yeah." And with that our two heroes left Chez Impro in search of pie. What kind of pie? You'll just have to stay tuned. * * * USA Today hails this as, "The best Chapter 39 in Party so far." * * * Seeing as the fourth dimension we live in known colloquially as 'time' has no fixed meaning at the party, episode 26 of Shinseiki Evangelion drew to a close just as the previous scene got boring (right around when the two dorks sat on the porch swing). "..." everyone said. "..." they repeated for clarificational purposes. "(static noise)," responded the TV in disgust as the tape's encoded portion drew to a close. "..." replied the audience. In the back of the room, Falcon twitched. * * * The patio at Chez Impro was crowded. This fact is hardly difficult to justify seeing as the number of people currently in attendance greatly exceeded the number of rooms in the building (or did it? Extradimensional Real Estate: call now for 0.9 APR financing!) and that not everyone is going to be watching Eva. It's quite possible that some groups of people were currently monopolizing the bedrooms but that doesn't matter now. This is a description of the patio. It was crowded. If for some inexplicable reason someone decided to erect a forcefield around the patio's sides the people would be all scrunched together in compromising positions and the people on the sides would have their faces pressed against it in amusing ways. Not to mention that any women in attendance would probably be given good reason to hit various men with busy hands over the heads with items such as lutes and the like. However, seeing as Jonathon was currently not in area to do so it was merely just plain old average crowded. The tables were full. The chairs were full. The glasses were full. Some people overly anxious to try out everything that that the Iron Chef could whip up were full. Hell, even the dragon was full. "Why the hell is the dragon sitting on the patio?" Lawrence asked no one in particular. "Didn't someone ride it out of here a while back?" Indeed, the dragon was on the patio and sitting uncomfortably, no less... on the patio. The physical embodiment of the dragon was placing the full brunt of it's gravitational pull towards the center of the earth on the wooden planks that made up the patio... without ease. The dragon was fidgeting in the sort of way one fidgets when one is rather uncomfortable and on a patio. The dragon was on the patio. "The sand gets it the weirdest places and it feels all-" the dragon paused to search for a fitting adjective, "gritty." "Well then why didn't you just put a blanket or some tarp down?" Mark Poa chimed in seemingly nonplussed at the dragon's ability to talk or even it's presence. "And why does your breath wreak of garlic?" "Wha? Uh.. err- No one comes within twenty feet of me after I ate all the garlic bread and I can't really go inside and fetch one myself now, can I?" Mark nodded, "oh, well I guess not." "Damn right." Mark thought for a moment and said, "want me to go get you a blanket? Hmm, on second thought: I think I saw a tarp draped over something on the other side of the house! No one'll miss it!" "Oh yeah, I forgot about that," Lawrence oh yeah'd as Mark headed off around the corner. "So," he turned back, "if ya can't get into the house to get a blanket, how'd you eat all the garlic bread?" "Well uh...I-" Just then Mark returned dragging a large tarp behind him with the words, "if you can read this, you're staring at a tarp" emblazoned upon it's front. Totally ignoring Lawrence for the moment, he tossed it out across the sand along side the patio in such a manner as to give a giant reptile a place to sit. "Okay! Here ya go!" "Great, now if I could just get this sand out of my nether regions I'd be set!" "Uh... Sorry, but you're on your own there." he sweatdropped prior to vacating the scene via the door to the house along with everyone else wishing to not see a dragon clean itself. The patio was now slightly less crowded. "So," continued Lawrence after everyone else had left. "Answer my question, will ya. And since when were you able to talk? And didn't you leave a while ago?" "Heh! Got me there," replied the dragon. "I'm not really a dragon, I'm-" (Dramatic Costume-changing Flourish) "-GRAND HIGH INQUISITOR TORQUEMADA!" "Feh, I should've expecte-" "NO ONE EXPECTS THE IMPRO INQUISITION!" "Yeah, yeah. You keep saying that-" "SILENCE! YOU WILL SPEAK NOTHING OF THIS!" "Oh, yeah sure. Whatever yo-" "THESE ARE NOT THE DROIDS YOU SEEK." "Aren't you going to make me endure some sort of overly stupid torture or som-" "SHHH!" "..." Lawrence, in wanting to maybe just walk away from this one, rolled his eyes back and continued with his best impression of Lurch from the Adams Family, "Uhhhhnnnnnggg." "YES! EXACTLY LIKE THAT!" "Uhhnnngghherr.." "heheehee," GHI Torquemada cackled as he disappeared into the shadows of the patio's understructure and furthermore into some other shadows so black that even if you had a flashlight you wouldn't be able to tell what they were from... well, maybe with a flashlight... but not a lighter. "Now on to phase two," a faint voice called from within. Lawrence just sighed. "_Someone_ could use a TicTac" * * * Back in the room formerly entertained by the Eva marathon, Falcon finally recovered enough to break the silence and said, "Say, wasn't someone supposed to bring back snacks a while ago?" The rest of the group was still getting over the psychotropic affects of watching all twenty-six episodes of NGE in one sitting and as was such replied, "..." * * * "That was damn good pie," ELRutt stated as he rubbed the area where the pie now existed. "Yes, I quite agree, both damn and good. I say, whatever is that up in the sky?" Rags pointed into the sky as another PSTA appeared for no justifiable purpose. "Why are you talking in a British accent all of a sudden?" ELRutt ignored the question, the PSTA and the giant brown ball of fur falling out of it. Rags, practical as always, ran for cover. ELRutt just looked puzzled. Finally he got a clue and looked up just in time to witness Chewbacca the Mighty Wookie fall on his head. Brain, guts, and other various body parts flew off in all of directions it can whiz. Chewbacca stood up, relatively unscathed. "You Wookie bastard, you killed Rutt!" Rags exclaimed as he charged at the Wookie (who was not a bastard, since his parent were both married (to each other) when Chewbacca had been conceived). "You excremental fictional character, how could you do such a thing?!" Rags pounded ineffectively on the furball's chest. "I'm sorry there, dude. I didn't like mean to snuff your buddy or anything, eh." Chewbacca's voice sounded remarkably like a cross between Bobcat Goldthwait, the Pope, a Canadian, Norm for Cheers, Norm from that other show with a Norm in it, Cheech of Cheech and Chong fame, and a bowl of wet macaroni. Rags was taken aback. "Wait a second, I didn't know Wookies spoke English." Chewbacca looked around slightly spooked. He crept closer to Rags and whispered to him, "Who told you I was a Wookie?" Rags paused at this, "What do you mean who told me? You're Chewbacca the freaking Wookie from Star Wars, duh." "Look, keep your voice down, I don't want people recognizing me." "Recognize you? You're an eight foot walking carpet!" "Well, you don't have to be rude, eh. I knew I should have never made that movie. That bastard, George Lucas!" "Look, this is all very interesting plot development, but you still haven't explained how you can speak English. I thought you growled and stuff." "Does it matter?" "Not really, but still--" "Would you rather I spoke in incoherent yips and growls?" "No, but--" "Then shut up, eh." Before Rags had a chance to press the point further, a fiery pentagram appeared in the parking lot where they stood. It was roughly six feet in diameter. As it burned, smoke began to fill the sky. Out of the smoke a hideous figure appeared. Rags and Chewbacca screamed. "Shut up both of you. I get enough of that back in hell." Rags vaguely recalled the voice, "...Rutt?" "What?" "You're... you're the devil?" "So?" "Well I..." "Look, I explained all this to you before." "I thought you were kidding." "That's what you get for thinking. Hey Chewbacca." "Hey." Chewbacca greeted his old friend. "How's the movie thing going?" ELSatan asked. "I got out of it." "Must not have been worth your soul, then." "Yeah..." Chewbacca looked down sadly. Rags witnessed this exchange only halfway into reality. His friend, the devil. He just couldn't believe it. "Of course I'm the devil. How else do you think I keep coming back to the party?" ELSatan explained. "Look, maybe this would be easier for you to grasp if I was in human form." He snapped his fingers and was immediately engulfed in flames. When the special effects died down there stood plain, old, everyday, mediocre ELRutt. Rags passed out. * * * Lady Brick searched maniacally through the house. Everyone seemed to have some sort of pitiful excuse to not watch her sing. Even though she clubbed them profusely with blunt objects. She took their feigning of unconsciousness as a "no". In her furious march, she stumbled into the Evangelion viewing room. After she picked herself up off the floor, she walking up in front of the static filled television screen. "Hey," a dazed voice called from the back, "down in front. I can't see the TV." Grabbing a nearby conveniently placed podium, she cleared her thought. Putting on her sweetest of faces she addressed the sea of zombies. "I was just wonder--" "What?" Realizing the static from the TV was drowning her out, she quickly backhanded the set. The enormous big screen flew back and slammed into the back wall. It promptly exploded. "Hey," everyone mumbled as one. "NOW!" She put back on her mega-kawaii expression of pitifulness, "I just wanted to ask if any of you beautiful, magnificent people would be interested in watching me sing a couple songs?" She batted her eyes for effect. "Okay," the crowd replied in its uniform stereo sound. "What do you mean you don't- er," she quickly turned off her autopilot response. "I mean, you will? That just jolly super of you!" At last she had the audience she deserved. They were a bit creepy and weird at the moment, but an audience none the less. She exited the room. It didn't take long for her to realize no one was following her. Blood pressure rising, she stomped back into the room. "HELLO?!" "Hi," the occupant of the room responded nonchalantly. "WHY AREN'T YOU FOLLOWING ME?!?!?" she asked in the cutest way her current level of anger would allow. "Where?" They asked in much the same manner as everything else they've said thus far. She knew these people were to out of it the actually move anywhere under their own power. She would just have to move them herself. And by that she meant that she'd trick someone into doing it for her. -=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Improparty #39 "The Word "The" Used In Conjunction With Other Words" Masterfully Composed By: The Two Guys Who Wrote It All uses of the letter "J" verified by Encyclopedia Brittanica -=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- In the subbasement, a game of infinity evil proportions was occurring. "Mwah ha ha! Three fives! That's-" a pause that was a bit too long, "fifteen points! Your pants are mine!" Epsilon shouted in triumph. Blade rose slowly and complied. Once the pants were safely in the possession of Epsilon, Blade rolled. But not before taking the time to taunt, "You puny nothing, my pants are nothing, soon I shall have your left sock and then your right sock and after that... the UNIVERSE!" The results on the dice were in: two threes, one five, one one, and a four. The four sat evilly in the corner of the box. Choosing not to go for the obvious run, Blade instead opted to keep the threes and try for more. Again he rolled, his eyes gleamed evilly. Added to his two threes was a two, another five and the ever present evil four. Now, it rested evilly in a different corner. "Drat! No more threes! I will get you, you bastards!" Ignoring his four number run and the thirty points it would have gained him, Blade picked up all the non-three showing dice. And rolled for the third and final evil time. Fate was smiling upon Blade this day, for the three tossed dice all rolled up threes. "Yahtzee! I got a goddamn Yahtzee! Fifty freaking points! Yes! In your face! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!" He happy-danced until he stopped. Somewhere upstairs Aaron Shattuck felt the urge to dance maniacally. The urge soon passed and he went back to torturing small gnomes in women's clothing, or so he thought. Epsilon just stared. "You frigging bastard! You know what this means?! I have to strip all the way!" "Woo-hoo- wait, why is that a good thing? Come to think of it why are just the two of us playing this game together." "I- uh... I don't really know." "Let's never speak of this again." And lo, there was much blank staring. * * * "Why do I get to carry him, eh?" "Because you're the eight foot tall talking Wookie, that's why." "What does the fact that I talk have to do with it?" Before the conversation could get any stupider, they arrived back at Chez Impro. The moment they entered the door they ran smack into someone. ELRutt picked himself off the floor and used the powers of hell to lift Chewbacca and the pretty, young girl off the floor. "OW! Hey, I'm sorry, Ms. uh..." "Lady Brick," she stated with a bit too much pride in her voice, "And for your highly inexcusable offense of running into me, you must help me carry the zombies into the Karaoke room." "Zombies?" "The Eva viewers." "Oh." "With your power to lift things like that it should be a cinch." "What's an Eva, eh?" Chewbacca asked. "It's an anime series," ELRutt answered. "What did he say?" Lady Brick asked. "He asked about Eva- hey, you mean you can't understand him?" "No, I just wasn't paying attention." "Uh, okay..." Lady Brick, not wanting to stand around for further idle chit-chat grabbed ELRutt, The unconscious Rags, and Chewbacca by the ears and drug them to the ex-Evangelion viewing room. * * * Twoflower, who happened to walk by as the group left down the hall, facepalmed. "Great, now we have a Wookie. Does anyone even know what a rule is?" He tromped off in a fit of anger to find another newbie to pound on for a bit. * * * Author's Notes: Look down, silly. Rags: Uh.. Actually most of the part was Rutt's fault. ^^; If you took the time to read all of it you can blame everything that sucked on me. There was a lot of stuff I wanted to add in at the last minute but unfortunately it didn't work out how I wanted it too. RL stuff has been kicking my but lately and frankly I'm surprised I got to put *anything* in here at all. Special thanks goto Ravi and Yu-Mei who did a great job both as prereaders and as dudes who give people ideas (theres a technical term for that, I'm sure) They both put in a lot of great stuff.. unfortunately some of it didn't get used... Sorry guys. Feel free to beat me up out back later. x.x * * * Lady Brick and her three "volunteers" entered the Room de Eva. Everyone stared at Chewbacca. "Uh," a voice called from somewhere that wasn't quite the back, but closer to there then say, the middle. Also it was slightly off the left, but not too far as to not cause any sort of confusion. The voice, which had a body mind you, it's not some other worldly voice, it came from someone in the room. Okay, nevermind all this. It was Roe. Roe continued, "Hey," he restated, "Chris, what's with the Wookie suit?" "Dammit!" Torquemada exclaimed as he pulled off the Chewbacca outfit revealing- GRAND HIGH INQUISITOR TORQUEMADA a.k.a. Chris Nichols! "None of my clever disguises seem to work!" Lawrence poked his head in, "Actually the dragon thing had me going." ELRutt added, "Yeah, you had me fooled with Chewbacca and I'm the Lord of Darkness." Rags lifted his head, "Brown flying tacos," and promptly passed out again. Chris perked up, "Really?" "No, not really," both persons said together. "Was anyone fooled?" "No," the semi-conscience Eva viewers said as one. "Shit!" Chris stormed of to find more evil shadows to lurk in. "Anyway," Lady Brick brought the attention back to herself, where, she thought, it should always be. "Okay Rutt, do your levitating whatever and lets get these folks to the Karaoke viewing area." Not wanting to draw out her unhappy side, ELRutt complied. * * * "Can I put my pants back on?" "Wha- oh yeah, sure." "I'll be leaving now." "Good idea..."