Eugene sighed to himself as he trudged down the sidewalk, people gawking and staring as if he were some sort of _monster_. Okay, so he _was_ a monster. Didn't people know it was RUDE to STARE? Well, he supposed he couldn't blame them. After all, seeing a nine foot, green, scaly, horned, menacing and evil-looking SUPERYOUMAGENERAL [insert lightning sound effects here] stalking through town, carrying a crate of Worstech... worsti... wursta-... The Sauce was not something these people usually experienced. The fact he had numerous lamps following him, each carrying a crate, did nothing to help the confusion, either. Nearing his street, the "unique"-turned-"EXTREMELY UNIQUE" Youma grumbled something about getting more impressive minions. The lamps weren't his idea of REAL henchmen. And that damn cat kept demanding food. Entering his home, Eugene barely noticed the loud and harsh *CRACK* the doorframe made as his head forced its way through the wood. He was not at all surprised to find his parents still wide-eyed and sitting on the couch. Shaking his head, he set down his crate and began to unpack the bottles. Then he blinked, getting a very acute sense that someone was watching him. Shrugging it off after a moment, he resumed unpacking the precious sauce. Distantly, thunder began to rumble, and rain started to drizzle down, aiding in hiding the figure that had stood outside the window. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- PROJECT CHIBIFICATION Created by Lady Brick TITLELESS/OTHER NEW CHARACTER PART By James Bard the_true_bard@yahoo.com --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Deedee ran estatically through the hallways of A.E.I.O.U.'s compound, trying to find Anna and tell her the good news. She finally remembered the word she'd been desperately trying to recall: Akira! As in Akira Syndrome! And now they'd know what the problem was with- Wait a minute. She remembered the words, but... Why were they signifigant again? Despite the fact she wasn't chibified or anime-fied in any way, she still managed to facefault. 'Oh well, something new to do,' she thought to herself, and got to her feet. Screaming suddenly, she dove out of the way when a massive...BLUR came out ofnowhere, moving at approximately the speed of sound. With a wail of surprise and terror she flew through the air, and then blinked as she saw what she was headed for. A desk. And she was moving for it headfirst. *WHAM!* The sound reverberated around the hallways, and the blur turned into something more distinct. A cloaked figure stood there, tall and bulky, water slipping down the long garment. Looking around and muttering a curse, it picked Deedee up and hurriedly slid into a nearby room. ................... "Mom? No response. "Dad?" No response again. Growling, Eugene grabbed one of the bottles and downed it in a gulp. He pointed at his transfixed parents. "I COMMAND YOU TO AWAKEN AS MY UNDERSTANDING SERVANTS! YOU WILL DOTE ON ME HAND AND FOOT WITHOUT CONCERN FOR YOUR WELL-BEING! AND YOU'LL BUY ME PLAYSTATION 2!" No response. "Uh..." he poked his mother in the forehead. Well, considering his claws, it was more like he gouged his mom in the forehead (He didn't _mean_ to!). There was a loud crack, and the woman's head split in half like a melon to reveal dual cameras, little eyes put over their lenses to disguise them. Computer circuitry buzzed. There was nothing organic in there. He blinked, sweatdropped and tried his dad. The same thing happened. "Where're my parents? What the hell?" he glared at the nearby lamps, who trembled in fear and, despite the total absence of human anatomy, still managed to shrug their shoulders. .................... Meanwhile, in Tahiti... "My, it's odd Eugene would buy us plane tickets and reserve a hotel room for us, isn't it, dear?" Eugene's ACTUAL Dad spoke. "Yes, darling, especially after he became that horrid monster," ACTUAL Mom replied. "And on _his_ allowance." "Who was that person who delivered the tickets?" Dad looked puzzled as he sipped a Maitai. "I don't know, dear," she murmured, adjusting her sunglasses. "Someone in a big coat. He said Eugene sent him, remember?" "Ah yes, the spiky-haired boy," Dad said before drinking some more. .................... The cloaked figure gently deposited Deedee on the floor in the tiny room, looking around quickly to get its bearings. It was in a room full of tazers. Big ones. And as he looked on them in amazement, he heard a rustling. Whirling around, cloak fluttering about him, he glared down at the now-concious Deedee. She was huddled back in a corner, eyes wide, one of the Otaku Force's tazers at ready. "I'll SHOCK you!" she shouted. "Get AWAY! I'll sic BRETT on you, who knows what kind of sick perversions he'd be into with shadowy figures and cloaks!" "Listen," snarled the cloaked figure, "I'm not going to hurt you, if you would just listen to what I have to say, you'd-" "-And Anna'll beat you down and Cecil will use those robotic scale model Gundams he made on you and, and, and... I'll SHOCK YOU and-" "TOJIKOMERU!" the figure bellowed, and then, sighing, reached up and pulled down his hood. Deedee found herself peering into a visage that was obviously human, rather handsome, and very muscled. The guy could probably crush steel in his teeth. She was looking at a Dragon Ball Z character. He sighed, his black spiky hair shuffling a bit as he hung his head. Deedee lowered the tazer hesitantly. Obviously, she'd met someone else who had made Katie and Eugene's mistake. "I need your help," he murmured. ...................... Eugene stared incredulously at Commander Fuzz, who was desperately gnawing on one of the many baked potatoes littering the house. "So you're telling me," Eugene said carefully, his skin a darker shade of green than usual, "that you SAW the guy who took my parents?" The cat nodded irritably before taking a bite of baked potato. "Bloody right I did." Eugene tried very hard to keep his temper from rising past breaking point. He tried imagining happy places, thinking of beloved relatives, or of that Jennifer Love Hewitt poster he had in his room. However, the anger vein that had been swelling up on his forehead proved that the effort, though valiant, was for naught. "SO WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU GET ME?" He picked up the cat in both clawed hands and shook. Fuzz glared at the Youma despite his rather uncomfortable style of movement. "Because you haven't fed me in six days, and I jolly well didn't feel like using the last of my strength to find a lousy deadbeat chap like yourself and tell him some becloaked figure was kidnapping his parentsMEEEOWWWWW!" The last part was yelled as Eugene wound the cat back and chucked him out an open window. Fuzz, as all cats do, landed nimbly on his paws and sniffed back towards the house, despite having been flung a good fifty feet down the road. "Bloody fool," he muttered as he trotted down the sidewalk in search of food. ........................ Anna leaned forward on her desk to stare at the DBZ figure before her. Cecil, Brett, and Deedee stood behind her. "Let me get this straight," she said slowly, scrutinizing the massive newcomer. "You read the message about Katie, on our board." He murmured his assent. "I hacked in and saw it." Deedee blinked. "Why'd you hack it? The message was out in the open." He blinked back. "It _was_? I thought it seemed a bit easy, but..." "Anyway," Anna continued. "You then dropped a talking Goku doll into a jacuzzi filled with weight gain 4000 and Dragon Ball Z tapes, turned the heat up to 105, and turned into THAT?" He nodded weakly. "But that's not the problem." The resulting group facefault shook the foundation. Ana recovered first. "So what IS your problem?" He sighed. "Well..." He slammed his fist down on the desk, suddenly standing. The impact was so powerful that he cracked the desk in half. The items on it were sent flying; a few mangas, some disks, a copy of X... ...and a refreshing glass of ice water. The man braced himself, squeezing his eyes shut. *SPLASH!* Everyone stared, wide-eyed. Grinning evilly, Brett rubbed his palms together. Deedee tenatively spoke... "You dropped a Ranma 1/2 tape into the jacuzzi by mistake, didn't you?" The DBZ-man-turned-redheaded-woman nodded, sighing and flicking back her dripping ponytail. Her height had gone down by at least half a foot, and her body had become _much_ more shapely. Luckily, she was wearing loose clothing, so Brett did NOT begin to list the things he could do using her, Katie, Bob's glasses, a coke bottle, chewing gum, Misato Katsuragi, and six cans of beer. You know he was thinking them, though. However, the words that left his lips were not of hentai nature. "So you gave yourself a Jusenkyo curse, did you?" She nodded sadly. "Well, there's no Nannichuan to use," Brett muttered, "and no Chisuitton, either." The girl blinked at him. "You know about Ranma?" "Of course," he replied. "It IS a sex comedy, after all." "Anyway," said Anna, obviously eager to interrupt before Brett could use the word sex more than once, "When did this happen?" "About a month ago," the girl said. Deedee blinked. "OF COURSE! AKIRA SYNDROME MEANS THAT EUGENE WILL EVENTUALLY GO MAD WITH POWER AND TRY TO DESTROY THE WORLD! HE'LL GO AFTER ALL HIS ACQUAINTANCES IN A HIDEOUS FESTIVAL OF BLOOD!" The collected party blinked at her. "What the hell was THAT about?" demanded Cecil. "Never mind," Deedee mumbled sheepishly, eyes on the floor. "So what's your name?" Anna said cooly, giving an inward cry of frustration andtrying to get back to the subject at hand. "Josh-" started the girl. "-Chan," finished Brett, smirking. "We need some way to keep the two forms seperate, after all." Josh-chan fumed. "You are NOT gonna call me JOSH-CHAN!" "Oooh, that's sooo kawaii," snickered Deedee. "Your face is as red as your hair!" Josh-chan blinked, then clenched her fists and growled, eyes squeezing shut. Holding back the tide of anger that carried over from her DBZ persona, she slowly quelled the blush in her cheeks and opened her eyes again. "So, Josh," continued Anna. "This happened to you a month ago...and yet you've just now come to us?" "Yeah," Josh-chan replied. "I checked out that Eugene guy, first. I figured maybe he could help me out more than you...I saw all your experiment files when I hacked your database." She paused. "But after I saw the tapes I made of him, he just seemed... too... monstrous for my tastes." "This from a guy who has muscles on his muscles," muttered Deedee. A sharp glare cut her off. "Uh... you spent almost a month spying on a total stranger?" Anna peered at Josh. "Videotaping him, even?" Josh-chan blinked back at her. "Well, yeah. I mean, if I didn't videotape him, I'd have to watch him from the walls and vents and stuff and God knows I'm not ever gonna do THAT again." She shuddered as if suddenly recalling something. "The dust gets so thick you just want to sit there and scream, but then the person you're watching will know you're in there so you sit in the vent and emotionally decay until-" "NEVER MIND!" Anna nearly screamed. This person was freaking her out more than BOB. "So," the redhead said, "can you guys help me? I can't be seen on the streets like this, not when there's a week-long thunderstorm...plus, I'm not green, scaly, or freakishly tiny and rebellious, right?" Anna looked back on the past few weeks. She'd seen her attempts to locate Katie fail miserably. She'd sent a person who gave "Pervert" a new meaning to capture Eugene. She'd watched her attempts to keep Eugene held back fail dismally. She'd even sent a bishoujo otaku to find Katie. Things were not going her way. She looked at the Ranma/Dragonball hybrid, who was flicking her red ponytail and looking nervous. Despite the form-switching, stalker anecdotes, and general weirdness, he had potential. She could _use_ him. All she needed to know was one thing... "Why exactly did you decide to do this to yourself?" She asked. "I wanted to take over the world," Josh muttered. "But all the guys at school kept beating me up when I tried. I was a DBZ otaku and the idea just hit me." Ana paled. 'Ah well,' she thought to herself. 'He'll do, I suppose.' "We can help you." She looked towards the pink-haired ATK/Shoujo Department Head. "Deedee, get the lab ready, we'll have to run some tests-" "I'll help!" Brett chimed eagerly, gazing approvingly at Josh-chan's form. "NO," Deedee said frantically. "Hey, I saw your files," Josh protested. "I'm going with Brett. He won't do some weird-ass experiment on me involving sombreros and a carp." Deedee twitched. "THAT WAS AN IMPORTANT TEST!" Brett smirked and tugged on Josh-chan's slender arm. "C'mon, I'll show you to one of the rooms." He glanced to the fuming Deedee. "Let's go." Trembling with anger, as well as terror at having to work with the hentai otaku in an enclosed space, Deedee muttered something and followed. After the three had left the room, Anna looked to Cecil. "Tell me why I had to be here?" Cecil intoned, looking bored. "I don't know anything about aquatranssexuals OR Dragon Ball, and this wasn't to hunt for Eugene. I'm missing Gundam Wing right now." Ana grinned, produced a photograph, and slid it forward. It was an SD, bright pink Mecha. "Start hunting for this character," she said. "I think Rosa has finally come back to our little town. She could lead us to Katie." Cecil blinked at the photo and took it, nodding. There was a concealed enthusiasm in his eyes. Ana glanced at the clock. "Oh, by the way," she said, her grin growing a bit. "I was wondering if you could drive me home again, Ceece." He blinked. "Uh... sure." ....................... "KUSO!" shouted Katie, using another Japanese word she was proud of, as her little soldier guy got blasted to death in Metal Slug. Grumbling, she hopped off the painstakingly constructed stack of phone books and turned way from the arcade game to look at the chibified Frank. Said SD was lying slumped against an adjacent out-of-order game, exhausted from having made the stack of phone books. A bandage was still on his head from the bus. Holding out her hand, she demanded: "More quarters, please!" Sighing, the SD Kamen dug into his pockets and produced several more coins. "Katie, after we got attacked by Eugene, are you sure you still want to be here? I mean, I know you like the arcade, but..." "Of course!" she piped. "We've got Rosa protecting us!" She pointed to Rosa, who was busy playing a ski-ball game. Poorly. Nodding, he drew out a few more quarters and added to the growing pile in Katie's arms. "Here. That should fix you for a while." She got starry-eyed and hugged the other SD, squeezing him so tightly he turned blue and his eyes bulged. "Thanks, Frank! You're so nice to me!" There were bits of red mixing in with the blue when she kissed his cheek. "Ka-ka-kaaatie," he managed to choke out. "Wha?" she blinked at him. "A... a... AIR..." "Ack! Gomen!" She let go, grabbed her dropped coins, and dashed back to Metal Slug, scrambling up the phone book pile. Frank smiled as he watched, still blushing, but couldn't help noticing that Katie was acting more... kawaii than she should be. Was the SD body taking over her mind? "I see you've finally gotten over Karmen and have found a new girl," taunted Rosa, appearing behind him with a roll of tickets. A demolished ski-ball game lay behind her, smashed into little bits. Frank twitched, turning around to glare up at the non-chibi woman. He did his whole swelling up routine, eyes going dark, the air around him crackling with angry aura. "Don't... ever... mention... her... again..." "Yeah, yeah," she said dismissively, shoving past the three-foot Kamen. .................... "Good, Josh-chan," Brett said coolly. "Now just lie here, under this nozzle and this camera..." "Uh...Brett?" said Josh, sounding nervous. "Why am I in a bikini?" "For the test to detect a maximum amount we need to show lots of skin," he said, then walked back to the computer console. "Now just lie back, relax, and think sexy thoughts." "Uh, that can the nozzle's connected to," Josh-chan stammered, "what does that label say?" "Whipped cream," Brett said absently. "Now I want you to push your chest upwards as much as possible, and put your arms up and behind your back-" Deedee just pounded her head on the table. ..................... Eugene clenched his taloned fists as he envisioned the one who had invaded his stronghold, stolen his parents, and broken three of his lamps. It had taken five bottles of The Sauce to get enough clairvoyancy to sense the intruder. Now Eugene knew everything about him. "Josh," he snarled. "When I meet you... you shall find out just what exactly a SUPERYOUMAGENERAL CAN DO!" He posed, and the lamps did their lightning thing. ..................... "Brett?" "Yes, Josh?" "What's that thing?" Brett smirked as he adjusted the camera. "An experimetal probe." "Looks like a tentacle- ARE YOU USING ME TO MAKE HENTAI?" Brett feigned astonishment. "Of course not! This is a very complicated and high-tech procedure! Now put the ice cubes back in your cleavage, start eating the popsicle, and arch your back." "'Kay," Josh-chan murmured as she complied. "Say, what's that book you keep looking at?" "Uh... a logbook," Brett said quickly, hiding his copy of The Anime Kama Sutra behind his back. Deedee would have done something by now, but she was slumped unconscious against the table from one too many head bangings. ...................... Anna stared into her computer screen, reading over the A.I.E.O.U's file. In retrospect, she probably should have showed it to Cecil before sending him out. 'Oh well...' "AEIOU EXPERIMENT: Chibification Cure SUBJECT NAME: ROSA RECORDER: DEEDEE-CHAN ^_^" Anna winced. Despite her love of anime, she _hated_ those little face things. "This could be the biggest find for the AIEOU yet! Rosa's not only endowed with a mecha form, she seems to have been given her own roster of special attacks, as well! The experiment has been an almost complete success. The only problem is her transformations. She just HAD to pull my hair when I gave her the injections. Thanks to that, she can't touch anything pink, or will change into mecha form. Other than that, there are no problems! With her data, we can probably make a cure and Anime Intake Emergencies wouldn't be a problem anymore!" Shaking her head, the leader of Otaku Force switched off her monitor. Rosa had volunteered to participate in the experiment; she _had_ to have realized that perhaps it could fail. "There's no cure," she murmured. "We never PROMISED we'd be able to make one..." with a sigh, Anna stepped away from the computer and slid into bed, wondering why Rosa had come back. 'She said she never wanted to see us again,' the girl thought. 'Why'd she return?' She blinked, remembering the cold rage that had burned in Rosa's eyes when she departed. 'Has she come back for Revenge?' Whatever the reason, Anna would get her, and Katie, and Frank. Lightning struck outside, and the formerly quiet drizzle turned into a downpour. As Anna started to fall asleep, she blinked and tilted her head. She could've sworn she'd just heard someone with a british accent curse. ................... "I'M HUNGRY!" wailed Commander Fuzz, after spitting out every curse an English cat could know. ---------------------------------------------- END PART 7 ---------------------------------------------- Well! It's done. Muchas gracias, domo arigato, merci beacoup, etc to the following people: ELRutt, for prereading and all the witty comments. Illyria, for understanding, giving an extension, and liking my angel joke. You fine people, for reading this! By the way, I want to apologize if any of the columns seemed off or anything like that. Aside from the fact I'm new to this, I did a lot of work on my segment at school and ended up not being able to get the final version to my home computer. So, I had to go through and re-edit the whole thing. As I did it late at night, it may seem a little woozy...gomen! ANGLES: []= Closed ][= Open ][= Josh's history. I wish I'd added more... ][= The Rosa Experiment. ][= The "budding romances" (duh!) []= Nothing! The power to alter this universe on a whim is in your hands! Outta here!