No matter how much one becomes inured to sights that would 
freeze others in pure terror, no matter how brave people can be 
in the toughest of situations, there are some scenes that 
will inevitably strike an unparalleled fear into the hearts of all 
but the most soulless.

Eugene and Josh-chan were currently facing such a scene, and 
the Thought of Supreme Importance was running through both of 
their heads at triple-speed.

"How the HELL am I going to get myself out of this one?" Eugene 
and Josh-chan thought frantically, looking at the stern faces of 
Eugene's parents.  

"Eugene, Josie, I realize that young people need to go out and play 
in the open air once in a while, good for the health and all that, but 
REALLY," Eugene's father sighed, "did you children HAVE to choose 
to play war games?  Not only did you make a mess of the backyard, 
but you got your friends hurt, too!"   His rather vague gesture 
referred to the three injured A.E.I.O.U. members out on the lawn.

"I...we...um..." Eugene retorted nervously.

"Don't you realize just how dangerous these games can become?" 
Eugene's mother told them, frowning fiercely.  "Don't you have 
any sense of safety?  Don't you have any sense at ALL?"  Her 
eye settled on the still-unconscious Rosa.  "Look at Josie's poor 
friend, there!  She's out cold, and I'll bet that neither of you 
did a single thing to see if she was all right!"  Eugene and 
Josh-chan's silence in the wake of that accusation proved her 
right.  With a snort of disgust, Eugene's mother turned away 
from them and went to look over Rosa, whom Eugene had gently 
laid out on the couch. 

Eugene's father opened his mouth, ready to take another turn, 
but Josh-chan, who had been thinking furiously (or trying to, 
at any rate), interrupted him.  "It wasn't like that at all..."
She trailed off as she realized two things.  First of all, she 
didn't know the last names of Eugene's parents, and second of 
all, addressing them as "Mr. and Mrs. Whatever" might not 
be too good of an idea.  After a slight hesitation, she skirted 
around the name-issue entirely and continued.  "You see, 
ahh...you see, Eugene and Rosa and I were just taking a walk 
out in the backyard, when these people...umm...these people 
came and attacked us!  For no reason!  Yeah, and, uh...we...we 
tried to fight back, but they..."  Josh-chan flicked her hand 
across her eye, faking a tear, and sniffled.  "They...got Rosa."

=================
Project Chibification

And they say it's all the fault of: Lady Brick

Chapter 22:  They Call It Thinking Fast...

You can blame this one on: Sharyna Tran
=================

"Hey, Kristen..."

"Yeah, Becky?"

"D'you think it might've been a little too harsh to make those 
Otaku Force members watch all of those horrible dubs?"
Becky glanced nervously at the door to the CHAMBER of EVIL.  
"I mean, they might have done some bad things, but really, did 
they deserve *those* dubs?"

Kristen shrugged, uncaring.  "That's not for us to judge," she 
said.

"Besides," Natalie, the other attendant on duty, sniffed as she 
filed her nails, "*I* heard they turned some otaku into *Gap* 
people.  As *if* there could be anything more, like, evil to do!  
I think they, like, totally deserved everything that they got!  
I mean, eeeeew!"

As Natalie wrinkled her nose in disgust, Becky rolled her eyes.
To think, that most people considered anime fans to be part of 
the anti-airhead culture.  

All of the attendants winced as the supposedly-thick walls of 
the CHAMBER of EVIL completely failed to block out the three 
shrill screams that came from inside.

***

The guard in the lead raised an eyebrow at Cecil.  "Don't tell me, 
let me guess.  You have a perfectly reasonable explanation for 
this, am I right?"

Cecil gulped, and blinked.  "An explanation?  An explanation for 
what?" he asked, trying his best to sound innocent.

"Well, for starters, there's the fact that there's no reason any 
guard should be wandering through the halls without purpose.  
And then there's the funny hat, the staple guns, the battery 
belt, and the cat.  Not to mention the fact that your fake 
moustache is on sideways, and although that may be great for 
Excel Saga, here and now it tells me that you're a spy or 
something."

"Umm...no it doesn't!"  Cecil protested, trying the "subliminal 
suggestion" method.  Then, seeing that it didn't seem to be 
working, he turned and pelted back the way he came, muttering 
his transformation phrase as he rounded the nearest corner.

The guards followed, only to be confronted with a super-deformed 
mecha wielding staple guns.  The battle was on.

***

Natalie walked into the CHAMBER of EVIL to change the tape to yet 
another godawful anime dub.  Halfway to the VCR, she realized that 
the lights were out.  Two-thirds of the way to the VCR, she 
realized that the Otaku Force members were no longer in their 
semi-comatose positions.  In fact, they were no longer there at 
all.  Her momentum took her three-fourths of the way to where 
the VCR was supposed to be before she could stop herself.  She 
then realized that the VCR was gone as well.  In fact, the hole in 
the wall behind its former position suggested that it had actually 
been ripped out.

Before Natalie had been introduced to the wonders of anime, she 
had been quite an ardent fan of the teenage horror movie industry.
Thus, she knew what had to happen next.  So, with a gulp, Natalie 
turned around.

Anna smacked her upside the head with one of the tapes that they 
had been forced to watch, then threw it aside as the empty-headed 
attendant fell to the floor.  "VICTOLY!" she yelled, power-posing.

Brett twirled and power-posed as well, planting his foot over the 
unconscious girl's stomach.  "Moon dusted!"

"Burn in your golden hell!" Deedee cackled.  

The three Otaku Force members then looked at each other, all 
grinning evilly, then turned as one and ran out the door.

Overexposure to bad dubbing is not a good thing.

***

"Well," Frank said as he rounded the last turn, "we're there..."
"Yeah," Katie answered, unusually subdued.

He turned to her, holding out the backpack.  "You know this isn't 
really my choice..."

"I know, I know."  Katie sighed.  "I'm too weird-looking to even 
try to pass for one of them.  Look, let's just get this over with, 
okay?"  And with that, she hopped inside the large backpack and 
let Frank zip her up.  After a brief lurch as he worked out his 
balance, Frank got out of the car and began walking, trying to 
look as normal as he could.

He was worried.  Not that that was anything new.  He was 
worried about Katie.  That wasn't new, either.  

Ever since Cecil had told them to go to Orange County, Katie had 
been oddly quiet, almost depressed.  When Frank had tried to 
ask if she was all right, she'd just given him an extremely 
unconvincing smile and told him that she was just fine.  He 
didn't know whether to be concerned over her obviously 
unhappy behavior, or ecstatic that she was actually acting 
like a normal teenaged girl again.

His thoughts of the tiny girl were disrupted as he nearly 
ran into a group of high school guys, standing and talking 
around a small fountain.

"Hey, watch it, man!" one of them said good-naturedly, 
slapping him on the back.

Frank froze.  Even before his partial chibification, after 
which his social interaction had dropped to almost nothing,
he'd never been very good with the so-called "normal" 
people.  Although, come to think of it, he'd never had 
any really bad experiences with them *personally*, 
but, well, he'd heard stories...he came back to himself 
as he noticed that the guys were giving him inquiring 
looks.  Had someone just asked a question?  
"Umm...sorry?"  

"Nah, 's all right, man.  I can understand being a little 
clumsy when you've got a midget backpack on."

Frank blinked.  "Huh?"

The guy pointed at Frank's backpack.  "Your backpack.  
I mean, that thing is *huge*.  You've got to be smuggling 
a midget in there or something, am I right?"

Damn it, how had they found out?  Was it *that* obvious?
Frank gaped at them, then regained enough of his senses to 
stutter "H-how did you KNOW?"

The guys blinked at him for a few seconds, then burst out 
laughing.  "Hey, that was a good one, man!"  one of them said, 
clapping a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, you almost sounded serious!"

"You gonna be an actor or something?"

"Dude, that was cool!"

"Ahh...thanks..." Frank said, his eyes darting about.  They 
genuinely seemed amused!  What was going on here?  This 
was really weird...he shook his head.  If they didn't really  
know, that was all for the better.  He faked a smile.  "Look, 
I gotta go now, so...ummm...I gotta go.  Bye!"  And with that, 
he dashed off.

The group of teenaged girls he accidentally ran into while 
looking over his shoulder to see if any of the guys were 
following was puzzled.

"Hey, watch where you're going!"  one of them shouted at him.
The other three glared at her, and bent down to help him up, 
buzzing with concern, or at least doing a good imitation of it.

"What's the matter?  Why were you going so fast?"

"Are you okay?"

"You-WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!"

"What?"  Frank hadn't been confused so many times in a day 
for a while.  He turned around, but didn't see anything, then 
realized that the girl who had shouted that was staring at his 
backpack.  Fearing the worst, he craned his neck to see Katie, 
stunned-looking and half-slumped out of the pack.  

"Oh, that!" he replied, thinking quickly.  "It...um...it's a toy!  
For my little sister!"  This hasty excuse might have worked, 
if Katie had not chosen that moment to come to.

Suddenly Frank was facing an extremely angry chibified girl, 
complete with reddened face and steam-pipe ears.  
"Frank-KUN!" she yelled.  "I am NOT a THING!  How could you 
call me something like tha-" She broke off her tirade as she 
noticed the four girls standing around them with shocked 
expressions on their faces.   "Um...oops?" she said, a hand 
behind her head in the very best embarrassed style.

One of the stunned girls managed to regain her voice.  
"An...an alien!  You must be an alien or something!"

"Don't be an idiot," another scoffed, her speechlessness 
nullified by an opportunity to carp at someone.  "She 
doesn't look *anything* like Max."

"Max?"

"Yeah, Max Evans, you know, off of Roswell?  He is one of the 
absolute *dreamiest* guys that has *ever* been on 
television!"  Something that might almost have been drool 
nearly escaped the girl's mouth, but she flicked it away.

Frank's "fangirl" alert blared in his head, and without 
bothering to make up an excuse this time, he grabbed 
Katie and ran like hell.  The girls, intent on their 
discussion, ignored them.

After he judged that they were sufficiently far away, Frank 
slowed down.  "Sorry about calling you an "it" back there," he 
told the winded chibi.  "I was just trying to make up a cover 
that those girls would believe."

"I understand." Katie shrugged, once again subdued, and 
pointed to the backpack.  Frank nodded and held it open for her.

"Hey," Frank said quietly as Katie began to get in.  "Do you 
want to talk about it?"

She pretended not to hear him.  He sighed and started to zip 
her in.

Behind him, someone cleared their throat.  
Frank, hyper-sensitive in these strange surroundings, spun 
around to face the dark-haired girl who was standing there.

"Relax," the girl told them, holding her hands up, palms 
facing them.  "I'm a friend."

Frank peered at her.  "You're our contact?"  The girl looked 
like a perfectly normal Orange County resident to 
him-artificially curled hair (partially dyed), khakis, 
spaghetti-strap top, sandals.  

But the girl nodded.  "You *are* Frank and Katie, correct? 
Friends of Cecil?"

Frank nodded cautiously.  He didn't trust this girl entirely, for 
some reason.  Besides, for a supposedly dull and bland place, 
Orange County had proved to be filled with some of the 
weirdest normal people he had ever met.  Who knew what this 
girl could be capable of?

"My name is Keiko Ramsey.  Come with me," she said, turning 
and walking off.

Well, at least she was direct?  And it wasn't as if Cecil had given 
them any sort of rendezvous point or anything...Frank sighed 
and, for lack of a better idea, followed the girl.

***

The situation was grim.  Although he had stocked up on 
batteries, and had the staple-guns besides, Cecil was still 
vastly outnumbered.  Commander Fuzz had helped out in 
the earlier stages of the battle, but a chance encounter with 
a gloved guard's fist had sent him flying into a wall, and the 
talking cat was now lying, dazed, on his back.  Cecil gulped.  
He'd recently, in the course of this whole mad situation, acted 
out more clichˇ animˇ scenes than he'd ever dreamed was 
possible, but he'd not yet done the "doomed hero fights a 
hopeless last stand" scene, and wasn't looking forward to it.  
If his memory served him right, he only had about two or 
three staples in each staple gun.  Could he make them count?

....likely not.  Cecil steeled himself.  Sure, he was bound to 
fail.  He tried to console himself with the thought that if he 
failed, he failed for all of Otaku Force.  It didn't help.  So 
with a sigh, Cecil raised his staple guns and closed his eyes.

"In the name of Mars, I'll chastise you!" Anna yelled.  

Cecil opened his eyes and *stared*.  A hallucination.  It 
had to be.  Right?  Anna wasn't *really* screaming out 
horrible dubbed dialogue while fighting barehanded through 
a crowd of tazer-wielding guards, right?

"I'll send you to another dimension!"  

"I'll kill you dead!"

Cecil stared some more.  And of course, Brett and Deedee weren't 
doing pretty much the same thing as Anna was, right?  Right?

***

Keiko led Frank and Katie to a large two-story house, and walked 
inside.  Frank and Katie, after exchanging nervous glances, 
followed her.

As they went deeper and deeper into the house, Frank and Katie 
noticed that the decor, which had been fancy but bland near the 
entrance, was steadily becoming less and less American-looking 
and more and more Japanese-looking.  Finally, Keiko stopped 
before an ornately carved door with important-looking kanji 
inscribed into it.  "Excuse me," she said, ducking into a side 
room.  She came out a few moments later, dressed in a light 
kimono, her hair tied back under a kerchief and her feet bare.

Now, without the American-style clothes, she seemed much 
more Oriental than she had when they had first encountered her.
Frank and Katie began to relax, but only a little bit.

"Please take off your shoes," Keiko requested, and knocked 
on the door.  After Frank and Katie did so, she opened the door 
and ushered them in.

A middle-aged man, about 40 years old, sat before them behind 
a large desk, looking at them in a perfect Ikari Gendou (TM) 
pose.  "So," he rumbled.  "You are those that would seek the 
Path of Light?"

Frank and Katie blinked at each other.  "Um....not exactly..."  

"These people are Frank and Katie, Father," Keiko murmured.  
"You know, Cecil's friends?"

Keiko's father blinked.  "Ceci-oh!  Oh, that's right, Bill's kid.  
A-hem.  Well.  You come here seeking refuge, do you not?"  he 
asked, back to rumbling again.

Frank nodded; Katie triple-nodded, startled out of her 
sulkiness into something resembling her usual chibified 
personality.

"Frank, Katie...this is my father, Lenny Ramsey," Keiko 
explained quietly.  "As a child, he grew up watching shows 
like Starblazers, Astro Boy, and Speed Racer.  He is an 
expert on almost all of the older anime series.   I warn you, 
do not attempt to beat him in anime trivia, for you will 
surely fail."

Katie blinkblinked, giving Frank the impression that she  
may have spent just a bit too much time around Eugene and 
his animated lamps.  "...WOW!" she exclaimed excitedly.  
"You watched anime that long ago?  That's so cool!  I've only been 
watching anime for a little while, but I really really like it 
so far!  Although I kinda watched too much and got chibified...but 
I still like anime!  A lot!"

Lenny smiled and beckoned the super-deformed girl closer.  He 
looked into her face for a few moments, then sat back and smiled.  

"Such energy in your eyes, young one...you remind me of young 
Kubo of Otaku no Video.  However.....you may have the spirit of 
Mihoshi, but you lack the focus of Ryu."

Katie triple-blinked this time.  She didn't really know all of 
what he was referring to, but it sounded *really* cool...

***

After Eugene's mother had pronounced Rosa free of serious 
injury, the SUPERYOUMAGENERAL and the martial artist 
had carried her upstairs and laid her on Eugene's bed.  
With that done, they turned and glared at each other.

"It's YOUR fault this happened to her!"  they both yelled, 
pointing at the unconscious girl.

=====
Well.  Shorter than I'd hoped, longer than I'd dared to. 
Thanks go to all the good people on chat, who helped me 
out with quotes and such.  Thanks to Demota especially 
for the idea of having a veteran otaku, thanks to Kenji
and Philip Barkow for prereading, and many thanks 
to Lawrence Chu, for giving me a nice fluffy extension.  ^^

=====
Live well, eat chicken, and bye!
Sharyna