"The Top 8 Rejected Starburst Crystal Story Ideas" A Really, Really Silly SC Omake By Jesse Ellman Sole Member, Insane Cod Productions "I have voices in my head, but they're all mimes." ******************** NOTE: The second and third scenes are based on a scene from Ardweden's latest SC part. If you haven't read it, you won't get the joke. Go read it. NOW! =P ******************** The three teens had camped for the night. Yumi, who had been feeling a bit under the weather lately, was fast asleep. But for some reason, neither Kyouji nor Tsugiko could. After a little while, they both ended up walking over to the campfire and talking about all they had been through since they had been brought to this dimension. "The monsters we've had to fight have been really odd, you know?" Kyouji said, smiling. "I know what you mean. And they've been ugly to boot," Tsugiko replied, laughing softly. "Well, yeah, they've been odd looking, but I'm talking more about their names. They give the animals around here peculiar names." "Funny names." "Yeah, strange names. I mean, what was the name of the first thing we fought?" "Whatchamacallit." "You don't remember?" "No, no. Whatchamacallit." "That's what I wanna know. What's it's called?" Tsugiko scowled. "Whatchamacallit!" "Listen, there's no shame in not remembering. Heck, I can't..." "It's name is Whatchamacallit!" "I don't know. That's why I'm asking you." "And that's why I'm telling you! Whatchamacallit!" "HEY!" The two teens turned around with a start, and saw two figures approaching their camp. One was tall and thin, while the other was short and somewhat pudgy. "Stop stealing our material!" yelled the skinny one. "What's our material?" asked the pudgy one. "No, what's on second." "I'm not asking ya who's on second!" "No, who's on first!" "I don't know!" "THIRD BASE!" ******************** Coming Never to Improfanfic: ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET STARBURST CRYSTAL ******************** "Twix!" he cried, voice cracking as he flew forward... but not too close. He dared not get too close. "Get out! Sister!" She was being pulled down, down, and Tsugiko watched, and Kyouji watched, as she was dragged, struggling, almost crying and almost laughing as she distantly said, "I thought it would listen." "Sister, sister!" Twix wailed, his voice climbing. He flew down. "Break free! Don't leave me!" The Warrior Priestesses (and Kyouji) stood still, shocked, as Twix was pulled closer and closer to the gaping maw of the britecrawler. Transfixed, they looked towards the male Twix, to see what he would do now. o/" Sister, Sister! Break free! Don't leave me! o/" o/" Sister, Sister! Life without you I can't see! o/" As they facefaulted, the female Twix joined in. o/" Brother, Brother! I'm caught! I can't flee! o/" o/" Brother, Brother! Don't let it eat me! o/" Tsugiko watched in horror as Twix hovered right above the mouth of the britecrawler. She was thus surprised when said monster pulled out a top hat, placed it on it's head, and grasped a cane in each tentacle. o/" Dinner, Dinner! I really hope you're tasty! o/" o/" Dinner, Dinner! Don't shoot, pink girl! Let's not be hasty!/" ******************** Starburst Crystal: The Musical! Featuring the #1 hit, "Furball's Lament" by Kit Kat! ******************** Twix screamed as they lashed around her and onto her, squirming and tearing and enveloping. "I'm being swallowed by a britecrawler... I'm being swallowed by a britecrawler. I'm being swallowed by a BRITECRAWLER! And I don't like it very much!" "On no! It swallowed her toe!" said Yumi, mortified. "Oh, gee, it's up to her knee," stated Kyouji. "Oh, fiddle, it's up to her middle!" screamed the male Twix frantically. "Oh heck, it's up to her neck," whispered Tsugiko. "Oh dread, it's up to my..." ******************** SHEL SILVERSTEIN'S STARBURST CRYSTAL "I'm Being Swallowed by Britecrawler." >From the book "There's a Yummy Pink Light In the Attic." ******************** The wind blew sharply on the cold, crisp night as the figure sat under the stars, silent. The others were nearby, but he dared not speak to them. He was too ashamed. It had seemed like a trivial matter at first. I mean, heck, what did it matter? It's not like there was any real difference between the two, right? That's what he had thought. But as time went on, his anxiety started to mount. The girls noticed this, and tried to assure him that they really didn't care, and that they didn't think any less of him for it. But still he brooded. Still he remained depressed. Still he remained distant from his friends. And so he sat, cold and alone, staring into the night sky. A tear ran down his cheek as his throat clenched slightly. "Rosebud... rosebud..." "Give it up, Kyouji!" Tsugiko yelled. "You're never gonna be able to throw roses!" "But poppies suck!" ******************** Kyouji stars in CITIZEN KYOUJI "In the name of my sled, I shall smite you!" ******************** Yumi and Kyouji sat alone in the forest, chatting idly. Tsugiko had gone looking for firewood, and Kit-Kat had scampered away to keep her company. "I'm bored," Yumi sighed, stretching her back. Kyouji, averting his eyes in embarrassment. Yumi's current position made her chest protrude outwards, and it was all the young man could do not to stare and drool. "Yeah... yeah, me too," he said, chuckling nervously. Yumi returned to a normal position and looked at Kyouji. "I know. We can have sex!" Kyouji nodded. "Good idea. We can WHAT!?" "Have sex. Screw. Do the horizontal rumba. You know." "But... but..." "What, don't you think I'm pretty?" Yumi said, pouting. "Of course I do! It's just..." "Tsugiko?" Kyouji nodded, blushing slightly. Yumi smiled warmly. "That's sweet, Kyouji, but don't worry. She's got Kit-Kat to satisfy her." Kyouji blinked. Hard. "You're kidding me. Please tell me you're kidding me." "Nope. I never would've thought such a small thing would have such a big..." o/" Lalalalalala, I can't hear you! o/" Kyouji sang, covering his ears as Yumi giggled. With an evil grin, she pounced on the Knight Protector, knocking them both prone. Kyouji froze as he felt Yumi lying on top of him, her body pressed against hers. "Umm... err... ah... " he stammered, before Yumi put a finger on his lips. "Shush, Kyouji. Less talk, more thrust," she said, starting to take off her top. "Now give me your Gummi Worm of Luv!" It was Kyouji's turn to grin evilly as he grabbed Yumi by the waist and rolled over, ending up on top of her. "Oh, I'll give you my Gummi Worm of Luv! I'll give it to you and stick it deep into your... your... uh..." Yumi blinked. "What's wrong, Kyouji?" "Gimme a second here," the young man said, getting up off of Yumi. Yumi sat up, confused, as Kyouji started to pace back and forth, deep in thought. "What? What's the matter?" Kyouji looked at Yumi, a grim look on his face. "I can't think of a euphemism for the female genitalia that incorporates the candy theme of this series." Yumi sweatdropped mightily. ********** Kyouji and Yumi star in: THE EROTIC ADVENTURES OF STARBURST CRYSTAL "I really hope Ard doesn't beat me senseless for this..." ********** Kyouji continued to pace, lost in thought. "No, 'Womanly Oreo' doesn't work... neither does "Female Funnel Cake"... hey, Yumi, you have any ide- hey, what are you doing with your wand..." ******************** It was over. It was all over. Kyouji shook his head as he surveyed the scene around him. Both the Twixes were dead, as was Wintergreen. Normally, this would be a cause for celebration. Except that most everyone else was too. The spirit of the temple was probably dead, since said temple had been reduced to rubble. The Gummi tribes were splattered all over the area, bloody chunks littering the landscape as far as the eye could see. And Yumi... well, Yumi had been the first to go. She'd tried to talk to it, tried to reason with it, tried to convince it not to go through with what it was planning. Kyouji shook his head. Poor, naive Yumi. Before she even realized what had happened, she was dead, her throat was torn out, her beautiful, beautiful eyes wide with shock. She never saw it coming. Although, to be fair, neither had he or Tsugiko. Tsugiko. Somehow, he'd managed to save Tsugiko from death. But not from harm. She was currently lying comatose on the ground, with her many cuts and scrapes bandaged to the best of Kyouji's limited abilities. Not that it much mattered. The world was coming to an end in a short time anyway. He had failed. They had all failed, but him in particular. He was the Knight Protector. He was supposed to protect them. With a soft sigh, Kyouji turned his gaze from the prone form of Tsugiko to the sky above. "Looks like the end is coming soon," he said, scowling that the gigantic image of a crucified Kit-Kat that filled the sky. "Goddamn furball." The Knight Protector shook his head. "Well, it look like this is it. Might as well masturbate over Tsugiko's unconscious form," he said, reaching into his pants... ******************** A Scene From END OF STARBURST CRYSTAL Coming to DVD November 17, WhenHellFreezesOver. ******************** As the Warrior Priestesses (and Knight Protector) walked through the forest, they were experiencing an emotion they had rarely felt since being transported to this strange land: happiness. Everyone was healthy and well fed. It had been several days since their last near-death experience. None of Wintergreen's goons had bothered them. For once, the three teens got a chance to just walk through the forest, relax, and appreciate the beautiful surroundings. Of course, such a situation could hardly last forever. Kyouji paused in mid-stride, looking around warily. "Someone's watching us," he said, pulling out several poppies. Tsugiko blinked, and scanned the area. "Where? I don't see anyone..." "There!" Yumi yelled, pointing up at the trees above them. "I see something!" As Kyouji and Tsugiko looked up, they saw two shadowy figures standing on the branches of a mighty tree, well above their heads. Apparently realizing they had been noticed, the two figured gracefully leapt into the air, landing several yards in front of the heroes. Kyouji squinted as he peered at the figures in front of him. A male and a female wearing some sort of white uniform, with a giant red 'T' plastered on it... "Oh, perfect," he muttered. "Team Twix." With a flourish, the female figure turned around, posing dramatically. "Prepare for trouble!" "And make it double," the male one said, back-to-back with his partner. "To protect the world from lousy snacks!" "To unite all peoples with Cracker Jacks!" "To denounce the evils of ice cream and cake!" "To extend our reach to all things that bake!" "Twix!" "Twix!" "Team Twix blasts off like a huge sugar rush!" "Surrender now, or we'll turn you to mush!" Silence. Yumi blinked. "Isn't there supposed to be..." "No!" shouted the male Twix. "That's it! That's the end! Why does everyone always think there's supposed to be something after that?" As our heroes sweatdropped mightily, the female Twix tried to calm her brother down. "We can worry about that later. Right now we have to destroy these pests and get that furball for Wintergreen!" Twix nodded in response. "Right, right. Well then, it's time to summon our fiercest monster yet!" The female Twix nodded, and thrust her hands towards the confused Priestesses (and Protector). "Go, Diver!" Before anyone could even blink, a huge earthen monster rose out of the earth, seemingly made of pure dark choco- I mean rock. "Diver, Truffle Throw, now!" yelled the male Twix. In response, the colossal creature hurled large globs of mud at the three teens, trapping them all where they stood. "This looks bad, guys," Kyouji said, struggling. "I can't move a muscle." "Me neither," Tsugiko said, a bit of fear creeping into her voice. "What are we going to do?" Suddenly, Yumi's eyes widened. "Look! There he is!" Everyone turned to see an orange-and-green rodent standing a few feet away, growling angrily. "Fools!" cackled male Twix. "That little runt is no match for our Diver!" "That's what you think," Yumi said, turning towards her animal companion. "Quick, be so insufferably cute that they run away screaming, clawing at their eyes in pain and horror!" Kit-Kat existed. "AAAAAAHHHH!" the two Twixes and the monster screamed in unison, running away and clawing at their eyes in pain and horror. "Allright!" yelled Tsugiko, smiling. "Great job!" "My eyes, my eyes!" yelled Kyouji, flailing wildly. "Make it stop! Oh, the pain!" "Gika!" the rodent replied cutely, giving the thumbs up. ******************** GIKACHU SAVES THE DAY A Pokemon/Starburst Crystal Fusion Coming to my nightmares for the next week or so. ******************** "I'm hungry," said Tsugiko, rubbing her stomach. "Do we have anything to eat?" "Nope," said Kyouji sadly, shaking his head. "We finished off our rations yesterday, and we haven't been able to find anything edible since." "Well that's just great," muttered Tsugiko. "How are we supposed to fight evil when we're weak from hunger?" "Don't worry," Yumi said, trying to keep a smile on her face despite the grim situation. "I'm sure something will come along." "Yeah, right," Tsugiko snorted. "What are going possibly going to find around here that we can eat?" The three paused for a moment, and turned as one to stare at the small figure behind them. "Gika?" ********** Starburst Crystal 101 WAYS TO COOK AN ANNOYING ANIMAL SIDEKICK (aka "Jesse's Dream Episode') ********** "I don't know guys," Yumi said, watching her two friends roast their furry companion. "This feels kind of wrong..." "Gimme a break, Yumi," Tsugiko said, shaking her head. "Yeah, gimme a break," said Kyouji. Yumi sighed. "Okay... break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat leg, then." ******************** Authors Notes: Okay, I should explain. The idea for this came while I was pre- reading for Ard's SC part at about 4 in the morning. My brain was a little more messed up than usual, and for some reason that one particular line struck me as sounding like it could very well be a Paula Abdul song. I shared this idea with Ard, she sweatdropped, and I didn't think much of it. Then the Shel Silverstein idea came to me, Ard bappled me for it, but again, I didn't think much of it. The next day, I spent three hours in organic chemistry lab breathing benzoic acid fumes. Amazing what that stuff does for the creative process. The rest of the story ideas came in a flash of inspiration, and... well, here it is. Hope you enjoyed it, please don't kill me, and PLEASE let me know if you enjoyed it. Feedback GOOD.