"Yapapa, Yapa-" POW! Shiro's alarm clock sang before his arm shot out, slamming the radio off. "Anything but that song," he grumbled, sitting up in his bed. "Especially not this early in the morning. What time is it?" A quick glance at the clock revealed that it was not quite so early as he thought. "Oh, no! I'm late!" he shouted, scurrying out of bed. Fifteen frenzied minutes later, Shiro dashed out of the door ready to face the new day. It has been said that nothing moves quicker than a schoolgirl late to class. Except perhaps, a teacher late for class. Ranma 1/2: Lack of Common Sensei Part 4: Alarm Clock Blues Created by Winston Smith This part by Nathan Housley Tick. The classroom clock's minute hand moved, audibly marking off another minute lost. Tick. Tick. Tonomi Kanzaki grew more apprehensive with each new click. *Where is Smith-sensei,* she wondered, nervously twisting her long black ponytail around her fingers. Indeed, that seemed to be the question of the hour. Granted, most of the class could have cared less, as they were enjoying essentially a second lunch period. Students were enjoying the break from their studies. Some snacked. Others took the time to catch up on the latest gossip. But a handful of usually dreamy-eyed, now worried, girls were busy sweating out Shiro's absence. Most of the female students with crushes on Shiro chose to admire him from afar, as they would a movie star or someone else with whom they never had a chance. Tonomi, on the other hand, had decided that she would throw caution to the wind (where, like cold water, it would land on the nearest unsuspecting martial artist at the worst possible time) and see exactly what her chances with Shiro were. After all, she was eighteen and close to graduating and Shiro was only a student teacher... She looked down to check on the apple she planned to give to Shiro, letting out a short shriek when she realized she had been idly spinning it like a top. Nothing could happen to that apple. Tonomi had remembered that some American students would give apples to their teachers. It would be fitting, she had thought, to give the English teacher she adored an apple. Unfortunately, it would not be quite the same as making him lunch, but in the eyes of the other teachers, it would seem innocent enough. No one needed to know that she had spent twenty minutes painstakingly examining fruit in the market for the perfect red apple. "I hope nothing happened to him," she whispered. The door opened slowly. Tonomi's hazel eyes darted to the front of the class, eagerly searching for her favorite English teacher. Could it be? No, too short. Nuts, it's only Takahashi-sensei, she thought. "That's funny. I thought he would have been here for certain," Tonomi heard Sakura Takahashi sigh wistfully. "Takahashi-sensei, has there been any news about Smith-sensei?" the class president asked. "Probably couldn't handle it here in Furinkan," someone stage whispered from the back. "I'm sure that Smith-sensei has his reasons for running late," Sakura replied just a touch too hastily. "But, just in case he does not show, I'll get Principal Kuno to watch the class." The class let out a collective groan. For Tonomi, it was bad news piled upon even more bad news. Headcase Kuno, as Principal Kuno was called from a safe distance (at least a mile) behind his back, would certainly raise an eyebrow at the fact that Tonomi, like a few other brave students, had stopped wearing her school uniform. At the very least, he would insist that she change outfits and get a haircut that conformed to whatever arbitrary standard Principal Kuno had chosen for the day (mohawks for the boys, and bald heads for the girls). "Hey, Tonomi, pining for Smith-sensei?" the girl in the next desk whispered. "What makes you think that?" Tonomi stammered. A faint touch of rose marched across her cheeks. Her neighbor laughed. "C'mon, Tonomi, you know you can't hide anything, no matter how hard you try." Tonomi's blush deepened. Most of her classmates knew that she was emotionally transparent. Her eyes, her face, and her body language broadcast whatever she thought with embarrassingly vivid clarity. It could sometimes be uncomfortable to be around Tonomi, as her emotional honesty and intensity could be alarming. She had scared off more than a few suitors that way. "You don't think he quit, do you?" Tonomi asked, opening her "Marmalade Boy" notebook. "Don't know. All I can say is 'Good luck.' Just don't let Nabiki find out," her friend warned. "If you need any help-" She was interrupted by the clatter of falling books outside. The door opened again. The class held its breath. Was it the dread terror Kuno? If so, who would today's sacrificial victim be, to be shorn so that others might save their hair? The students closest to the door squirmed, trying to get as far away from the door as possible. "Sorry I'm late," Shiro apologized in English. He clutched a ream of scattered papers in one hand. In the other, he held the remains of his attache case. Struggling to maintain the last scraps of his dignity, Shiro walked briskly to the teacher's desk. "Now, if you would open your books to page 86..." *********************************************************************** Shiro sighed as he left the classroom. This just was not his day. First, he accidentally slept in. Then he missed the train to Nerima by mere seconds. Once he finally arrived at school, he had the misfortune to encounter an impatient Miss Hinako waiting in the hall for him. Fortunately, he avoided her special technique by running away in a most undignified manner. Unfortunately, he had torn his new leather attache case in the process. Finally, not even two minutes after he had started today's abridged lesson, Principal Kuno had decided to give a spontaneous lecture/reprimand on discipline in front of his class. The period had ended with a summons to the principal's office during lunch. "What else could go wrong?" he muttered to himself. "Mr. Smith," a pleasantly female voice sang out in English. Shiro turned around to see a young woman hiding her hands behind her back. She was dressed in a blue dress that accentuated her lithe physique. "Yes? Tonomi, is it" he replied automatically in English. Tonomi beamed brightly. "Yes." "Whew. I'm getting better at matching names with faces. Can I help you?" "Um, I wanted to give you something before you left," the young woman cheerfully said. Her smile was as genuine as it was infectious. With a graceful flourish, she held out a red apple. "An apple?" Shiro asked, confused enough to revert to Japanese. "Don't American students give their teachers apples?" she replied, her voice sounding both confused and wounded. "Some do," Shiro replied. He did not have the heart to tell her that only elementary students gave teachers apples, usually at their parents' insistence. He took the apple from her hand. "I just wanted to say that I'm glad that you've started teaching here at Furinkan," she said, trying to suppress a blush. "Thank you. Now, if you would please excuse me," Shiro said before he began to walk away. He did have a class to teach next period. No need to give Miss Hinako even more reasons to seek him out by being late. Again. "Um, Smith-sensei," Tonomi asked hesitantly. Her cheeks were glowing pink, but she seemed emboldened to ask something. "The Dance Club is having an exhibition Saturday after school, and I, er, we were wondering if you wanted to come and watch." Shiro thought for a moment. It probably would not hurt to be more involved in school events. "Sounds interesting. I'll be there." While Shiro had been expecting to be thanked by Tonomi, he had not been expecting her to throw her arms around his neck and hug him vigorously. I hope no one sees this, he thought, trying his best not to blush. *********************************************************************** "What's out there that I can use to teach chemistry, biology, and home economics?" Sakura wondered, idly wandering the halls between classes. She turned a corner and saw Shiro talking with a raven-haired young woman. While she could not see the woman's face, she could see the apple held out of Shiro's view. Curious, Sakura ducked back around the corner to watch. "Apples, definitely apples," she mused. "Let's see, we can make applesauce, apple pie, and glazed apples in Home Ec. My chemistry class can find the sugar content... What a great idea!" Sakura smiled for two reasons, her little problem was solved and Shiro had finally made it to school. She was relieved that he had not quit. She started to step away from the corner, when the student turned around, allowing the young genius to identify her. "Not Tonomi Kanzaki," Sakura groaned, ducking back behind the corner. She taught Tonomi's home economics class this semester. That girl had been the source of many a headache because of her almost recklessly impulsive nature. For example, there was the time that she decided to see if she could be a worse cook than Akane, just to see if it could be done. After that disaster, Sakura and her chemistry classes had vainly tried to clean the dishes Tonomi had used. They finally had to throw the dishes out since industrial solvents could not soften the junk fused on those dishes. Then there was that hopeless romantic's little matchmaking scheme, inspired by some episode of a saccharine shoujo melodrama she had watched the night before. Sakura had endured daily disruptions in class from soon-to-be-ex-couples for three weeks until Tonomi had been "convinced" to stop. Sakura could have laughed it off had not many lovers' quarrels degenerated into full-blown "Animal House"-style food fights in her class. And that was this semester alone. Previous semesters had been worse. Tonomi was actually mellowing somewhat. Sakura sighed. Just remembering Tonomi's little exploits could trigger a migraine aura. She massaged her temples, trying to forget about the embodiment of the Law of Unintended Consequences. The problem was that anything could happen when Tonomi was around. Anything. Sakura peered around the corner, watching in horror as Tonomi embraced Shiro. Like that. Sakura fumed. "Why doesn't he do something?" she wondered. *And what is she thinking? Shiro's a teacher for crying out loud. Come on, idiot, do something. Don't let her do that. Oh my god, he's blushing! Could it be he actually enjoys having her wrapped around his neck? Doesn't he realize that she's trying to worm her way into his heart (by burrowing through his ribcage, from the looks of it)?* Sakura stormed off. It wasn't fair. Sakura had sacrificed her social life for her studies and her teaching job. Now that she had finally found both time for a relationship and someone that she could be interested in, she had to worry about some girl with little propriety and even less common sense trying to steal him away. It was scandalous the way she draped herself all over him. He was a teacher and she was a student! It was classic Tonomi. "I bet they're still hugging in the hallway. Idiots," Sakura sniffed. She walked into an empty classroom and sat down in a corner. In some ways, Sakura envied Tonomi. She made looking beautiful seem effortless. On the other hand, Sakura had little reason until recently to bother with her appearance. She normally kept her long black hair in a bun whenever she was in the lab, lest it get caught in the various instruments and devices. And since she spent so much time in the lab, little things such as make-up and hairstyle were ignored for the sake of efficiency. It wasted valuable time to be fussing with make-up and hair; time that could be better devoted to the task at hand. Sakura smiled humorlessly. She was such a lab rat to be thinking like that. But the lab rat would have to learn some new tricks, or else lose Shiro to Tonomi. That would be unacceptable. *********************************************************************** The bell rang. Class was over, it was now lunchtime, and Shiro was making his way to the teacher's lounge. He held Tonomi's apple in his right hand. "They never covered that in class," he sighed, remembering Tonomi's embrace. He stared at the apple. "Tonomi must be one of those naturally friendly girls who sometimes get carried away in their enthusiasm. Yes, that must be it. Kami-sama, please let that be all it is." He sighed, putting his thoughts about Tonomi aside. He still had the meeting with Principal Kuno to worry about. Depending on what he did, his other concerns might very well be moot. Shiro saw Sakura running down the hall. "Good afternoon, Sakura," Shiro called out. "Dou you have a moment-" "Sorry, no time to talk. I have a lab to prep. See you later!" Sakura smiled pleasantly as she dashed by. "Is that perfume?" Shiro thought aloud. He sniffed the air. *That's funny. I don't remember Sakura ever wearing perfume at school. Must be one of the students.* He shrugged and continued walking down the hall. "Mr. Smith," a husky voice murmured from behind. Shiro jumped. He turned around, now facing Miss Hinako's full figured form. "Yes," he stammered, too busy trying to contain a nosebleed to recognize her. "We really should to finish our 'conversation' from before." That had an ominous ring to it that Shiro could not place his finger on. "Um, sure." Miss Hinako's form shifted into the child that Shiro had nightmares about. "You were late to class," she pouted cutely. "Can't have any delinquents at school." Shiro shrank away from the child terror. "Now, Miss Hinako, as I tried to explain earlier..." He hoped he could talk his way out of the situation before she had a chance to drain his ki. Yellow light flooded the corridor. Within seconds, Miss Hinako was back in her very adult body. Shiro, on the other hand, was exhausted. He stumbled into a wall, too tired to notice the slight trickle of blood from his nose. "Be on time from now on," Miss Hinako purred. She left Shiro walking in a way that would have boiled his blood. That is, if it was not already pouring out his nose. "Yes ma'am," Shiro wheezed, unable to do much more. *Time for a nap,* he thought. *I'll just rest right here.* "Shiro, what happened?" a familiar voice cried out. "Tired, so tired," he croaked. Nurse Karou stood next to him, inspecting him with a clinical eye. "Hmm, fatigue, nosebleed, flushed skin... Let me guess, Miss Hinako 'disciplined' you?" Shiro nodded. Make that nodded off. His moment of rest was interrupted by the acrid stench of smelling salts. "Gahh! What was that?" he gasped. "Just a little concoction I whipped up for emergencies," Nurse Karou replied, pocketing a vial of clear fluid. "I've found it useful for dealing with Miss Hinako's special technique. How are you feeling?" Shiro struggled to look at Nurse Karou. "Like the living dead." "Well, at least it hasn't affected your sense of humor. Now, lets see what I can do about the fatigue." Nurse Karou spun Shiro around, poking and prodding Shiro in seemingly random places. "Hey, what are you doing? Watch it, that tickles!" Shiro protested. "Sorry," she replied, drumming a rhythmic pattern on one last area on his ribcage. "How do you feel?" Shiro stretched, tentatively testing each joint. Surprisingly, all traces of fatigue had vanished. "Much better!" he exclaimed. "What did you do?" "Just a little trick with pressure points Dr. Tofu suggested. Any side effects?" "Side effects?!" "Do you have any of the following: penguin lust, a desire to run around screaming 'ack' and cough up hairballs, a conviction that cockroaches are planting subliminal messages in your subconscious as you sleep, or the urge to buy a Banana Jr. 3000?" "No! What sort of questions are those?" Shiro answered, visibly alarmed. "Good, I've finally got the technique right." Shiro face-faulted. "Relax, nothing went wrong," Karou scolded lightly. "Do you normally use techniques you haven't completely mastered?" he asked incredulously. "I'll just pretend you didn't say that," Nurse Karou sang. Her glare betrayed the levity she was projecting. "You're in a good mood today," Shiro said, wisely changing the subject. "It's amazing. Since Ranma's left, it's felt like a vacation at work. I'd totally forgotten what it means to be rested." Nurse Karou giggled. "I have to enjoy it while I can." "At least everything's going well for you. I have to meet with Principal Kuno later today." "Slept in, did you?" "How did you know?" he groaned. "Don't be surprised. We live off gossip here." For some reason, Karou thought Shiro looked even more worried than before. "Don't worry. He's mostly harmless. He really does care about the students, but he's too caught up in the trappings of discipline to do much good," she tried to reassure him. "Such as the hair obsession," Shiro groaned. "Do you have any advice for me?" "Wear a wig," Karou laughed. "You know, you worry too much." "Considering what everyone's told me about Furinkan, I'm not sure that I worry enough." Karou stared at Shiro. "Don't think like that. If you spend all your time wondering whether some half-crazed martial artist is hiding behind the next corner, you'll go nuts. You don't want to end up like that drunk Yamada, do you?" "Okay, I get your point," Shiro replied. "Good," Karou said cheerfully. Shiro still had a hard time reconciling the worn-out unkempt Nurse Karou he had first met with the well- dressed, almost energetic, Karou that stood before him. Sometimes it seemed that the fatigued Karou had been nothing more than an illusion. Then again, she only needed to treat the occasional minor injury while Ranma was in China. Shiro wished that Ranma would not return to Furinkan, if only for Karou's sake. He looked at his watch and winced. "I better get going. I don't want to be late to my appointment with Principal Kuno. I'm in enough trouble as it is. Thanks for helping me." "Don't sweat it. Just try not to let Miss Hinako zap you again today. This restoration technique only works once every twenty-four hours. Good luck!" With that, Nurse Karou dashed towards her office. *********************************************************************** Shiro walked into Principal Kuno's Thursday office. While the first of Principal Kuno's offices was decorated in Late Hawaiian Tourist Trap, Beach Edition, this one was a rain forest. Literally. Shiro ducked under a low-lying palm frond to get to the desk. He did not know how, but it seemed as if Principal Kuno had squeezed an entire ecosystem into a space the size of three classrooms. Shiro decided to ask Sakura if she had a hand in the overgrown mess. "Hello? Principal Kuno?" Shiro called out. He was immediately answered by the heavy "thwack" of a machete cutting into overgrowth. "Aloha, Mister Smith. You were late today. You missed morning assembly, and we can't have that happening." The knife seemed to speak as it sliced through the plants somewhere on the other side of the desk from Shiro. "I know. It was an accident and it will never happen again," Shiro began, hoping he could still keep his job after this meeting. With the way the machete danced through the air, he was more concerned with keeping all of his limbs. One of the plants bobbed slightly. "This school needs discipline. But how can we enforce discipline when our teachers are late to their own classes?" Shiro gulped. Already, he did not like where the conversation was heading. He hoped that the question was rhetorical. "You need more discipline." THWACK! Shiro flinched. Afterwards, he laughed nervously. "Discipline?" He warily watched the blade. "You need more responsibility. If you spend more time on schoolwork, you won't have time to be distracted by other things. And you'll be on time as well. Therefore, you will be the English Club advisor from now on. Now where's my desk?" Principal Kuno said, still struggling through his fabricated jungle. *Wait a minute, this does not sound like Principal Kuno. It makes too much sense. Then again, that did come from a man who was hacking his way through an imitation Hawaiian jungle for kicks.* Shiro could not help but wonder what the catch would be. "And I will be assigning you a mentor later on this week as well. I don't know what they've been teaching you in university, but we do things different here in the real world." And now I'm worried, he thought. Shiro's mentor would probably share some of the same... eccentricities as Principal Kuno. *As if one Hawaiian-crazed nut wasn't enough.* He suddenly had visions of himself wearing bad Hawaiian T-shirts and strumming the ukulele in the near future. Shiro shivered. Some things were too terrible to be contemplated. "Mr. Smith, you're dismissed. Feel free to take a coconut from the desk." "Thank you, sir." Shiro grabbed a coconut from the desk. He was not going to pass up free food when it was offered. "And get a haircut. I'd cut it myself, but I'm still trying to find my desk. Aloha." "I'll get on it right away," Shiro lied as he left the office. *********************************************************************** Shiro finally sat down in the now vacant teachers' lounge. Lunch was almost over, and the other teachers were already preparing to start their next classes. He carefully sat the coconut down next to him. For the first time since he woke up, Shiro allowed himself to relax. He still had his job, allowing him to further his sacred mission of enlightening tomorrow leaders by teaching them the skills they would need in the ever changing world. His worries could wait until tomorrow. Besides, he was too hungry to think. He eagerly devoured the apple from earlier in the day. After he was finished, he picked up the coconut. "How do I open this?" His Hawaiian cousin had once claimed coconuts as a delicacy, but never told Shiro how to open one. Shiro absentmindedly tapped his fingers on the husk as he thought. "Wait a minute, that sounds hollow," he said, rapping his knuckles against the coconut once more. Sure enough, it produced an empty sound. Shiro held the coconut up to his ear. If he shook it, he should be able to hear the milk slosh around inside. Or so he thought. He shook it once, twice, three- BOOM! Next thing Shiro knew, he had been thrown across the room. A thin layer of soot and coconut shavings covered everything within the room, including him. He stood up, trying to brush his clothes clean. "Figures, something would happen," he grumbled. "Today just hasn't been my day." He hoped that the explosion was the last of his bad luck for the day. The stampeding gaggle of girls giddily singing "Yapapa, yapapa..." at the top of their lungs proved Shiro's hope to be in vain. Shiro sighed. *At least today's almost over,* he thought. *Tomorrow can't be as bad as today...* Right? Author's notes: First of all, I would like to thank my prereaders. Jesse Ellman and Spork Prophet both offered advice that helped shape a questionable rough draft into something better, I hope. Spork Prophet also deserves extra thanks for allowing me to run my ideas by her. Raye Johnsen, thanks for sending me your rough draft so I could start preparing for this part earlier. Finally, Steven Scougall deserves much belated but completely deserved thanks for pointing me towards Maiko Covington's notes, which were instrumental in the planning stages. Without these people's assistance, I could not have turned out this part. All of you have my gratitude. Maiko Covington's notes are at http://wocket.csl.uiuc.edu/~maiko/highschool.html for all who are interested. I recommend them to any future LoCS writers. Thanks for reading, Nathan Housley Achariyth@aol.com