Cows leapt through the strawberry filled air while penguins danced the 
macarena to Beethoven's 5th Symphony. Suprisingly Beethovens 5th had a 
strange reoccurring *beep beep* during the middle.

*beep beep*

     Shiro burst up in his bed and quickly shook the images out of his head. 
After tuning off the alarm and resisting the pull of his bed he glanced at 
the time.

     "Ohhh.. I know I didn't want to be late again, but did I have to set the 
clock for so early?"

     After a leisurely shower and breakfast the schoolteacher calmly grabbed 
his books and his bag and glanced at the clock again. 

     'Ahhhh. Plenty of time. Glad I don't have to worry about being late 
again. Those Hinako zaps are something I'd really like to avoid,' Shiro 
thought to himself as he stepped out that door of his one-room apartment and 
started the walk to the train station.

                     -----------------------

                Ranma 1/2: Lack of Common Sensei
                Part 5: Untitled as of Yet

                Created by Winston Smith
                This part by The Spork Prophet

                     -----------------------

     As Shiro sat on the train he thought about what had happened yesterday 
and began to get slightly worried. After all, today would be an important 
day. He now had to take care of the English Club and would have to worry 
about having a mentor soon too. He just knew that whomever the principal 
picked to 'help' him, it would cause him trouble. 

     As the train neared his stop, Shiro let out a large yawn. 'I guess I'm 
kinda tired too. I hope it was worth it, setting up these lesson plans for 
the kids.'

                     -----------------------

     Morning meeting at Furinkan high school was a little different than at 
most schools, which meant that it fit in with the schools image. In most 
schools, all the classes line up in rows according to class, but not in 
Furinkan. A long time ago the principal had decided that the rows were much 
too boring and now the students organized themselves to form a large coconut 
tree when viewed from where the principal stood. 

     ".... so remember students, discipline is like a ukulele. You must be 
the ukulele. Feel it's power flow through you. Feel the power of the ukulele! 
So behave, or I'll shave off all your hair. Oh, and I have an announcement 
too. From now on, our new teacher, Shiro Smith, will be the teacher advisor 
for the English Club. So now, I'd like for him to say a few words. Mr. 
Smith?"

     Shiro had never gotten used to the sight of his whole class bowing to 
him at the beginning of class, so it was understandable that he was flustered 
when more then 500 students composing a giant coconut tree bowed in unison as 
he walked up to the podium. "Ah... heh. Hoo boy. Well, the principal didn't 
give me much warning about either this speech or being the English Club's 
advisor, but I'd just like to say, that I'm going to have a meeting today 
after school so that I can meet everyone in the English Club."

     The principal quickly retook the podium, "Now off to class students, and 
remember, anyone who listens to any music which doesn't say the word 'Hawaii' 
at least four times will get a mow-hawk."

                     -----------------------

     Shiro walked up to room Room 2F shaking sand out of his bag. He silently 
vowed never to leave anything in the teachers' lounge ever again. Tonomi 
stood in the doorway to the class, eyeing him as he walked down the hall.

     Tonomi blushed beet red as Shiro approached, "Uh, Smith-sensei, I just 
wanted to say that, before class began, that is, that um, 
Ireallylikedyourspeachthismorning!" With a burst of schoolgirl energy, Tonomi 
rushed back into the class room and sat in her seat in the back. All before 
Shiro could blink.

     "Um, hi Tonomi," Shiro shook his head to clear it of the cobwebs 
beginning to form and walked into his class. 

     "Good Morning Mr. Smith." 

     Shiro urked as the whole class greeted him in English and bowed in 
unison. "Uh.. hello class." He turned to set his bag down on the desk and 
noticed an apple there all ready. He turned around to look at Tonomi and she 
gave him a big cutesy smile. Shaking it off again, he set his bag down and 
then turned around to the class. "Okay class, open your books to page 134 and 
repeat after me. I fear stormy weather."

     "I wear shiny leather."

     Shiro sighed. This was going to be a long day.

                     -----------------------

     Break. A time for teachers to hurry off to their next class, for 
students to rest and socialize in their room, and a time for one particular 
schoolgirl to run screaming down the halls at speeds that would make Ranma 
envious.

     "Wah! Outamyway! OUtamyway! Outamyway!"

     The energetic schoolgirl, who was actually wearing her uniform today, 
burst into the office and grabed the nearest office worker. "Hello! How do I 
join the English Club?!?"

     Visibly flustered, the office temp attempted to stammer out a reply, 
"Well, uh, hmmmmm. Club day is in about a month, you could join..."

     Tonomi quickly cut her off, "Wahhh! A month! I can't wait that long!" 
Her face fell and tears formed at the corners of her eyes. She sniffled, "I 
need to spend as much time with Smith-sensei as I can, or I'll... I'll... 
I'll never have a chance!"

     Fearing a scene while she was on duty, the office worker quickly 
consoled the girl, "Well look, it's a small club, I'm sure they wouldn't mind 
too much if you just stopped in during their next meeting. Who wouldn't want 
to be in a club with someone as fun as you?"

     Tonomi looked up at the office worker with stars in her eyes, "Ya.. You 
mean it? I can just show up today and they won't mind. Wai! That's so great!" 
Stealing a quick glance over the lady's shoulder, Tonomi caught sight of the 
clock. "Wahhh! I'm gonna be late!" With another burst of energy, Tonomi ran 
out of the room at breakneck speed, screaming all the way.

     The office worker walked over to the large stack of resignation forms 
and peeled of the top one. Sitting down, she began to fill it out. "That's 
enough of this place for me. I'm never coming back again."

                     -----------------------

     A teachers lounge is supposed to be a scene of quiet contemplation. An 
oasis for the teachers of a school to rest and recuperate in, sloughing off 
the fears and woes as they had conversations with people their own age again. 
Furinkan's teachers' room had the effect slightly decreased by the beach 
theme that filled the room. It's hard to rest when you've got sand down your 
three-piece suit, and you can't exactly go and try to pry it lose, being the 
moral upstanding person that you are. 

     Right now, however, you couldn't even relax a little bit. Sand flew 
everywhere in mad whirling patterns that worked like some elaborate three 
diminsional rorshac test. 

     Squating in the middle of this mealstorm Shiro screamed loudly, 
"Arggggg! Where'd it go! I can't believe it fell out of my bag and into this 
stupid sand! I swear, I'll kill the Principal the next time I see him!"

     Sakura wandered up to the crowd of teachers who were clustered around 
the door of the teachers lounge, "Hey, anyone seen Shiro? And what's going on 
here anyway?"

     One of the teachers in the back turned around and gave a quick glance at 
Sakura before turning to look at the swirling patters again. Or at least 
trying to look at the shifting patters, mostly he could only see the back of 
other teachers heads. "Shiro? Yea, your boyfriend's in there tearing up the 
place. Not sure why though..."

     Blushing beet red at the mention that Shiro is her boyfriend, Sakura 
pushed her way through the teachers, turning back to address the teacher 
she'd been talking to. "He is not my boyfriend." Reaching the front of the of 
the teachers, Sakura looked into the room to see Shiro coughing up a storm. 
Apparently screaming at the top of your lungs and swirling sand don't mix to 
well. "Shiro, are you okay? What are you doing?"

     Shiro looked up and finally noticed the commotion he was causing, giving 
the room a quick glance, he also noticed the destruction he'd caused to the 
room. Chuckling nervously he said, "Eh. Heh heh. Hi Sakura. Uh, yea, well I 
was just looking for this book that I'd brought for my class today, and I 
can't seem to..."

     "You mean this book?" Sakura asked, holding out a small green book. I 
saw it in here earlier and picked it up. It had your name in it, so I went 
looking for you to give it to you. What'cha gonna use it for anyway?"

     Shiro grabbed the book at quickly leafed through it. "Whew! It's still 
safe. Thanks Sakura. Oh, and it's to help my students learn English. Geez, I 
gotta get back to class. See ya later." With that he quickly pushed his way 
through the teachers who were starting to leave now that the show was over 
and ran off to his class.

     Sakura stood there for a moment, "He didn't even notice my new 
earrings."

                     -----------------------

     Shiro strolled into room 3A just as the bell rang. 'Whew made it in 
time.'

     "Good Morning Mr. Smith."

     Shiro started as the whole class greeted him and bowed yet again. "You 
think I'd be used to that, I've been here a week now," he muttered under his 
breath as he set his bag next to the desk. Sitting down at the desk, he took 
out his book and opened it to the very first page. "Okay, today class, we're 
going to try something different. I'm going to read from this book, and as I 
finish each line you're going to repeat it. This will help on your 
pronunciation of English which, to put it bluntly, needs some work."

     The class collectively blinked, but questioned not their teacher.

     Shiro looked around at the class the picked up the book in satisfaction 
and began to read. "Okay, Dr. Seuss's 'Green Eggs and Ham'. I am Sam. Sam I 
am." He looked up at the class expectantly.

     "I am Spam. Spam I am."

     Shiro's head failed to slam into the desk top, but if it did, it would 
have been completely appropriate.

                     -----------------------

     Shiro put the book back into his bag as he prepared to leave the class 
for lunch. 'Okay, that didn't work as well as I thought it would, but at 
least now I know exactly what I need to be teaching them. I can't believe it 
took me so long though, maybe I'm not cut out for this teaching thing after 
all.' Shiro thought while walking out the door. 

     "Mr. Smith?"

     Shiro turned around to see a student standing beside the door, "Um, 
yes." 'Hmm.. that's strange, he looks kinda familiar,' Shiro thought while 
his mouth automatically responded.

     "The principal asked me to tell you to go to his office. He said he has 
something to tell you."

     Shiro sighed, "Oh, okay. I'll go there now." He trudged off in the 
direction of the principal's office. There was a distinct feeling of gloom 
about him, and one could almost say they could see a dark cloud hanging over 
his head.

     The student walked down the hall to meet up with his friend. "Hey 
Daisuke."

     "Hey, Hiroshi. How'd you get stuck with that job, man?"

     "What? Oh, you mean with Mr. Smith? I was standing in the hall with the 
buckets and Hinako-sensei came by. She said she was too busy and she wanted 
me to do to it. I couldn't refuse such a hot chick, even if she was a little 
girl."

     "You're weird, Hiroshi. Ya know that? Hey, five to one Mr. Smith gets 
his head shaven."

     "You're on Daisuke. And I'm gonna win too."

                     -----------------------

     Shiro trudged up to the door, his feelings of dread and depression 
growing. 'I can't believe those students could be in their last year and 
still mess up that badly. Can no one in this school speak english except for 
me?' He finally arrived at the principals office and knocked on the door.

     "Aloha! Come in!" said the door, in perfect english.

     "Ohhhh," groaned Shiro, "Oh, yea. I forgot that the principal speaks 
english too." 'Great, something else I have in common with that loon.' The 
door opened with a sigh as he stepped into a... grass hut? "Uh, you wanted to 
talk to me, Principal Kunou?"

     "Yes, yes, yes. That I did Mr. Smith, but before we begin, would you 
like a coconut?" Taking Shiro's panicked gaze as a 'no', the principal 
continued on. "Remember how I told you yesterday that I'd find you a mentor 
to help you out? Do you know Mr. Yamada?"

     Having recovered from his slight fright at the mention of coconuts, 
Shiro managed to reply, "Yes, actually. We met at my welcoming party. He was 
completely plas...  well we've met."

     "Good. Good. I like it when the teachers socialize. As long as no one 
was doing anything that would hurt the students learning...?" 

     "Oh, no. No. Everyone just sat around and talked about how much fun it 
was to work at such a wonderful school, and for such a wonderful principal." 
Shiro felt some sweat trickle down his forehead from his hair. 'Jeez, I hope 
I still have hair after this meeting.'

     The principal looked satisfied with that answer and calmly took his hand 
out of the desk drawer that he kept the razors in. "Oh, good. Well anyway, 
Mr. Yamada has requested that he be your mentor, and help you with anything 
you might need. I think you should be proud to have such a fine veteran of 
our wonderful school system helping you along the path of educational 
righteousness. Okay, you can go now."

     Shiro got up and hurriedly left the room, glad to still have all the 
follicles he had when he went in.

                     -----------------------

     Tonomi hummed a little tune as she merrily skipped down the hall from 
the bathroom, not noticing all the strange looks she was generating. Rounding 
a corner, she spotted Shiro and skipped over to him. "Hello, Smith-sensei."

     Shiro looked over at Tonomi as she skipped next to him. "Uh, hi Tonomi. 
Do you think you could stop skipping like that? It's making it hard to talk 
to you."

     Tonomi stopped skipping and started to walk normally. "You seem a little 
depressed Smith-sensei, any reason?"

     Shiro stopped walking and turned to look at Tonomi, "Yea, I guess I am a 
little bummed today. It's just that all of my classes need a lot of work on 
their English. I took this job to teach the leaders of tomorrow the language 
of today, but no one here seems be able to speek any English at all. I also 
have the English Club to worry about now and I'm about to get a 'mentor' 
soon, who'll probably just critisize my teaching techniques. ...awww jeez 
look, here you are trying to have a simple conversation with me and I go and 
lay all my troubles on you. I'm sorry, I've just been having a stressful 
week." 

     Tonomi stopped and shook her head, "No. No Smith-sensei, I'm glad you 
trust me enough to tell me this stuff. I'm sorry you've had a bad day, and I 
feel bad that my class had something to do with it." Tonomi stared at the 
ground as she drew a half-circle on the floor, a healthy blush on her face. 
"Oh, and here's something that should cheer you up. I joined the English 
Club! Now I can help you teach English to all the students of Furinkan." 

     Tonomi smiled at Shiro, who found it hard to resist and found himself 
smiling back. It was a strained smile, but a smile nonetheless. "Well thanks 
for your support Tonomi, but I'm not sure if that'll help that much. I got to 
head on down to talk to Nurse Karou for a little bit before my last class, 
see you at the Club meeting." With that he turned and walked off down the 
hall, leaving Tonomi standing behind him, watching him leave.

     Tonomi stood there for a moment, "He didn't even notice my new 
earrings."

                     -----------------------

     Shiro walked down the hall to Nurse Karou's office and knocked on the 
door. No one answered, but the door swung open with a long drawn out creak. 
'This is just like one of the stupid American horror movies my cousin sent me 
once. Heh, I hope Karou hasn't been possesed by a devil or something.' 

     Stepping into the darkned office Shiro softly called out, "Nurse Karou? 
Are you here?" Silence was his only response, but he did notice that light 
seemed to be pouring out from under a door in the back. 'Hmmm.. I never 
noticed that door before. Wonder where it goes?'

     Walking up to the door, Shiro slid it aside noiselessly. The light 
originated from a overhead florescent light, which flickered a little as 
Shiro looked at it. Cobwebs were scattered about the room, giving it the 
appearence of a dusty tomb. Seated at a dest at the other end of the room, 
with her back to Shiro, was Nurse Karou. 

     She was holding something in her hands and staring at it intently, but 
Shiro couldn't see what it was. She seemed to sigh softly while looking at 
it, "Why'd you have to fall in love with her? I'm so much better than her, I 
at least have a life outside the home..."

     "Uh, Nurse Karou?"

     Karou jumped in her seat and whirled around, "Shiro! What are you doing 
here?!?" She stood up and advanced menecingly on him, "Don't you know how to 
knock? Can't other people have some privacy?"

     Shiro tried to subtly look around Karou to see what was so important to 
the Nurse. "Uh, sorry. Look, I just came in to ask you something, but you 
weren't outside. I saw the light and came on in here... what is this place 
anyway?"

     "It's my office. I don't normally get to use it because I'm too busy, 
that's why it looks the way it does. I do keep some.. important things in 
there though, and sometimes I need a little privacy. Is that too much to 
ask!?" Karou finally managed to push Shiro out of the door way and stalked on 
through after him. She closed the door and locked it with a key she procured 
from the inner pockets of her nurse uniform.

     "Sorry, it won't happen again," Shiro apologized.

     "It better not," Karou retorted, "So, what'd you need to talk to me 
about?" She settled down on one of the chairs and turned to face Shiro.

     "Well, it's just... Well, the principle assigned me a mentor, Mr. 
Yamada, and I wanted to know something about him, before I learned from him 
and all. I don't even know what he teaches. In a normal school, I'd assume 
English, but here...." Shiro walked around nervously as he babbled on and on. 
"I mean, the only time I ever met the guy was at Sakura's party, when he 
passed out drunk on top of me. By the way, I don't remember seeing you at the 
end of that party, where were you?"

     "Oh, I cut out early. I know how party's of the teachers here end up, 
and I normally try to be gone before they end like that." Karou frowned a 
little as she thought. "Hmm... so the principle stuck you with Yamada. 
Figures. Well the thing to know about Yamada is... well you see... he's a 
jerk."

     "Wha?"

     "Yup, it's true," Karou continued, "The guy hates everyone he meets, and 
he doesn't hesitate to show it. About the only time he's even civil to 
someone is when he's compleatly plastered and about to fall out, that's 
probably why you didn't notice. The only people around here who don't hate 
him are the Principle, whom he sucks up to, and Hinako, whom he gives candy 
to. He's covered his bases, that's for sure."

     "He's really that bad?" Shiro questioned, "I mean, I'm sure there's 
something good about the guy?"

     "Nope, nothing. No one can stand the guy. I'm suprised Sakura even 
invited him to he party. Matter a fact, I think I remember hearing her say 
somthing about a party crasher showing up. That was probably him. So watch 
out around the guy, okay?"

     "Yea, sure. I will. I hope he's not as bad as you make him out to be 
though." As Shiro turned to go, the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. 
"Awww... geez. I gotta go or I'm gonna be late again. Listen, thanks for your 
help Karou, I'll see you around, okay?"

     "Sure, bye. Now go! I don't want to have to revive you again from Ms. 
Hinako's disciple." Karou waved her hands towards the door as Shiro quickly 
walked out. "I hope you're right about Mr. Yamada too," she sighed as Shiro 
left.

                     -----------------------

     Shiro smiled as he walked out of his last class of the day. The kids had 
all gone home as soon as the bell rang, but he'd stuck around, thinking about 
how the last class had gone. 'Well, it's strange, but the first year students 
seem to have a better grasp of English than the later students. Maybe it's 
cause this place hasn't gottten to them yet.' Shiro was so lost in thought 
that he didn't notice the man in front of him untill he almost bumped into 
him. Looking up, he saw that it was Mr. Yamada.

     "You almost ran into me," said Yamada in a gruff voice.

     "Yes, well. I'm sorry, I was lost in thought for a moment, and didn't 
notice you..." Shiro started.

     "You still almost hit me," interrupted Yamada.

     "Well, I'm sorry." Shiro replied tartly.

     Yamada nodded, and continued to stare at Shiro. "I've heard about you. 
You're the poor kid they stuck with this job. I almost feel sorry for you."

     "Um, thanks Yamada. I guess. So, the principle told me that you're going 
to mentor me. What exactly does that mean?" 

     "I tell you how to teach better. I'd start now, but I have plans this 
weekend. Mostly you need to stop being friends with you students. They should 
do what you tell them and nothing else. Discipline is key in this place. Oh, 
and that book idea I heard about. Stupid!"

    Shiro reached into his backpack and pulled the book out. "You mean this 
book? I thought that was a good idea."

     Yamada quickly snatched the book out of Shiro's hands and threw it out 
the window. It landed in the mud with a dull splat. "Well, it wasn't. Don't 
read to the students, just tell them the rules of English. 'i' before 'e' 
except after 'c' and all that stuff. Anyone who deserves to pass the class 
will only need to hear the stuff once."

     Shiro looked out the window as the Furinkan track team jogged past, the 
rytmic pounding of their feet compleatly submerging the book beneath the mud. 
"You.. you.. Do you know what you just did?! That book was an original copy! 
My grandmother got it hand delivered by that Dr. Suess guy! It was signed and 
everything! I can't believe you just threw someone elses stuff out the 
window!" Shiro quickly ran and jumped out the first-story window and began to 
search in the mud for his book.

     Yamada looked out the window, a brief glimmer of guilt passing over his 
face, followed by an even briefer glimps of satisfaction, before finally 
being replaced with the normal dour look that Yamada wore most of the day. He 
turned and stalked of down the hall towards his class.

                     -----------------------

     Shiro squelshed into his homeroom class, trailing mud all over the 
place. He held a mudcaked book to his check, and one could see small tear 
trails down his face. The English Club was there waiting for him, and he 
wasn't looking foward to this.

     Tonomi burst up out of her chair as soon as Shiro walked into the room, 
"Smith-sensei! What happened!? You're covered in mud! Are you okay!?" 

     Shiro sighed, "Nothing. Yes I am. Yes, I'm fine. I don't want to talk 
about it." Scanning the room, he saw Tonomi and three students in the back, 
none of whom would meet his gaze. "So, this is the whole English Club, is it? 
Okay, fine. Listen, Tonomi, I've had a bad day and I don't feel like dealing 
with this right now. I'm just gonna go one home now."

     Tonomi watched Shiro leave, "But, how am I supposed to help you teach 
people English if there's no club meeting?"
  
     Shiro paused in the door way for a moment, "Tonomi, there isn't really 
much of a English Club at all. You want to help me? Got drum up some support 
for the club. If we've got more members, then we can do more stuff, okay? 
I'll see you tommorow.

     Tonomi smiled, and idea beginning to form. "Hai! I mean, okay! I'll help 
you make this the biggest and the best English Club ever!"

     Shiro had the strangest sense of foreboding as he walked home, but 
couldn't imagine what it could be from, so he just shook it off.

     Boy, was that ever a mistake.



                     --------THE END--------

Author's Note

     Wheee! This was fun. Although kinda stressful at times, I really enjoyed 
writing this, my first Impro. I'd like to send out an apology to both 
Stephica and Nathan Housley, whom I'd signed up as pre-readers, but then 
didn't finish my draft in time to send to them. I'd like to than MechaLink 
for his last minute pre-reading job. Thanks to Winston Smith for coming up 
with this great idea for an Impro and the previous authors who got it to this 
point.

     Comments, critiques, marraige proposals, and cheese sandwhiches should 
be sent to spprophet@angelfire.com

Ja!