"So remember, by supporting the English Club you're supporting Hawaii. By supporting Hawaii, you're supporting Principal Kunou. By supporting Principal Kunou, you're supporting Furinkan High! Now can I count on you to be at the meeting tomorrow?" "HAI, KANZAKI-SAMA!" the five boys chanted in unison. Still nodding their heads eagerly, the students rushed off down the hall. Tonomi, her cheeks flushed, leaned back against the wall. She couldn't believe that had worked. Still, freshmen boys were willing to listen to just about anything that came out of the mouth of a beautiful upperclasswoman. It wasn't enough, though. She had to show Smith-sensei that she could build the biggest, best English Club ever. That meant recruiting more students than belonged to any ten other clubs! Tonomi had already called in all her personal friends and everyone she felt owed her a favor. That was something, but she needed still more students. There had to be some way...... An audible silence moved through the afterschool halls. It was the very opposite of the normal chatter of students and rustle of bookbags. Aware of the sudden silence, Tonomi looked up to see the person that was causing her fellow students to behave like deer caught in headlights. Nabiki Tendou, the worst loan-shark, gossip-monger, and blackmailer in recent Furinkan history. It was said that she could pull anybody's strings..... or maybe everybody's strings. Suddenly, Tonomi was struck by an idea. She called out, "Excuse me, Tendou-san?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ranma 1/2: Lack of Common Sensei Part 7: Hi-jinx ensue. Setting and some characters courtesy of Rumiko Takahashi Created by: Winston Smith This part by: Matthew Campbell ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Ooooh, he's actually going to be here! Wai! I can't believe it's finally happening, can you Kenji?" Miss Hinako's remark was addressed to a slightly worn teddy bear sitting on a shelf in her office. (She would rather have had it on her desk, but felt that would be unprofessional.) The stuffed animal made no reply, but that did nothing to damp the currently childlike Hinako's excitement. Rushing about the office in a burst of nervous energy, Hinako pulled at various books and pieces of paper, trying desperately to make the place look neater. She continued talking to herself. "Do you think he'll bring me some chocolates? Yummy! No wait, he's the guest. I should have got some cookies for us both." The clock on the wall caught her attention as she hurriedly tried to decide the best place to hide a broken slinky. "Ano, he'll be here in only a few minutes. Ahh, I've got to get out there! Let's see. Office is clean. Principal Kunou promised not to bother me. There's something I can't quite remem-" As Hinako reached for the doorknob on her office door, she realized she was reaching _up_. "Waiii," she screamed in a distressed tone. "I can't go meet him like this. Must find delinquent to punish!" That said, she rushed out into the hall, looking around furiously. Classes had yet to start, so the many students malingering in the hall had a perfect right to be there. None of them were doing anything obviously naughty like busting down walls or writing graffiti or shouting out death challenges either. Frantic, she gave up and took the cheap shot. "Failure to meet to meet school hair-care guidelines!" Yellow light flooded the corridor, and the offending student slumped against a wall. The suddenly adult Miss Hinako knelt down and whispered in her ear. "Sorry, Sana. Your next tardy is a freebie." Continuing down the halls (and attracting the notice of every male student as she did), Miss Hinako made her way out to the school's front gate. Craning her head up and down the street, she soon saw the target of her attentions walking towards her. It was a tall handsome man perhaps in his late thirties, with thick black hair and a bushy mustache. He was dressed casually, and carried himself with an air of grace and strength. Running out into the street, Hinako quickly took his hand and embraced it. "I'm so glad you're here, Tendou- san!" Laughing nervously, Soun Tendou replied, "Er, always glad to be here if you need me. Why did you need me again?" ----- ----- ----- ----- The girl smelled like horses. In addition, her ten gallon hat, leather breeches, large belt complete with monogrammed buckle, and oversized shirt made her look like she had just stepped outside of an American western. Though it was usually the men in the westerns who wore such clothes. Luckily there were no six-guns strapped to her sides, but she did have a lasso. "Ah'm asking ya'll again. Where's that varmint Sa'ee'tom? His Pa promised my Pa that we'd get hitched." She was speaking English, but her accent was so thick that even Shiro had trouble understanding her. Speaking of whom, Shiro had spent the last five minutes listening to the girl rant on about Ranma Saotome (at least, that's what name he thought she was trying to pronounce) and talk right over his efforts to explain. He tried one more time. "Ranma Saotome is out of school right now, though he should be back in the next couple of days. I think he's staying at the Tendou home, so maybe you ought to wait there and stop disrupting my class!" The last was said with a bit of temper as Shiro let loose some of his frustrations. The girl seemed to take this in stride though, and tipped her hat politely. "If'n you say he's not aroun', ah guess he's not around. I reckon I'll go wait over there like ya'all say." With that she jumped out the window, vanishing just as suddenly as she had appeared. Shiro collapsed back into his chair, wiping some sweat from his brow. This was the third person looking for Ranma Saotome he'd had to turn away since he started teaching at Furinkan. Though the other two had just wanted duels, not marriages. He glanced at his class, who had been sitting patiently through five minutes of English conversation they probably hadn't understood a word of. "Well class.... that wasn't quite the lesson I had planned, but at least you got the chance to see how useful it can be to know English. If I hadn't been able to tell that woman where to hunt down Ranma, she might have tied me up with that lasso of hers!" The class nodded appreciatively in response. This was the sort of logic they understood. "Now let's see if you've learned anything. Everyone, please repeat after me. 'I want a hamburger and fries with no pickle.'" "Ahh wan' ah ham'booger ahn fries wid nah pickle," said the class, having jumped on the chance to pick up the proper accent from a native teacher. Shiro wondered if pounding his head against his desk enough times would give him an excuse to go see Nurse Karou. ----- ----- ----- ----- Tonomi was sitting with Nabiki at lunch, which raised a few eyebrows. Usually Nabiki sat alone, no one else really wanting to be around her. Today, though, Tonomi has a couple of reasons to be around the school's most feared (and disliked) student. One, she had to pay off the rest of the money she owed. "Nine thousand nine hundred and seventy, nine thousand nine hundred and eighty, nine thousand nine hundred and ninety, ten thousand. It's all here," said Nabiki in a self-satisfied tone. "A pleasure doing business with you, Kanzaki." "That's the last of my birthday money," replied Tonomi sourly. "You promise that we're going to get a lot of students joining Smith-sensei's club?" "Absolutely," said Nabiki with a smirk. "Just as long as you called all the circled names on the list I gave you and told them what I wanted." "Wait a minute. You mean I was supposed to call the circled names? I thought I was supposed to call the names with the stars beside them." Nabiki's smirk froze in place. "No-you-were-not. You were supposed to call the names with the _circles_ around them! Not the stars next to them." "Er, what's the difference? I called them all and said Nabiki wanted them to be there. They said they'd come." A feeling was beginning to come over Tonomi. She called it her 'oopsie' feeling. It was the feeling she got just as she realized that she might possibly have screwed up in a major way. Nabiki cursed softly under her breath. "Baka. If only I'd done the calls myself. If only I hadn't said, hey Nabiki those new manga have come in and why don't you read them and let Kanzaki do the calls. If only I-" "Tendou-san! Just tell me what the names with the stars beside them mean." "Those are the people I call when Ranma has one of his duels scheduled. Each one of them is going to be bringing at least five of his friends." Stars briefly filled Tonomi's eyes. "Yah, that's a lot of people for Smith- sensei's club." "Idiot! Those people aren't going to show up to join a club, they're going to show up expecting a fight. And they aren't going to be very happy if they don't get one!" Wringing her hands nervously, Tonomi asked, "So what are we going to do?" Nabiki began pulling at her hair. "I don't know. Let me think......" In the background, neither girl noticed the unusual activity going on in the area where most of the freshmen sat. Five boys were talking animatedly to their classmates, seemingly meeting with much approval. If either girl had been listening and particularly sharp of hearing, they might have heard, 'school spirit', 'support our sensei', and 'boy that Tonomi is really hot' in the background. Freshmen always were a bit overenthusiastic...... ----- ----- ----- ----- Shiro started to sigh, then realized that wasn't a very optimistic thing to do. He was determined to maintain a positive attitude, no matter how many annoyingly difficult things happened. Like, for example, one entire English class picking up the worst southwestern accent he had heard in his entire life. Well there was one thing to do that might lift his spirits. He was going to visit Sakura in her lab. It was the last period of the day, his free period. That is, he thought it was now his free period. Principal Kunou had a habit of constantly switching class schedules and room assignments around, "to keep things interesting". At least he was fairly sure this was still Sakura's lab, the lab having special equipment that couldn't be moved at the principal's whim. He carefully pushed open the door and was greeted by the sight of Sakura hunched over a Bunsen burner. Her long back hair was carefully bundled back from any danger, and her white labcoat had a few extra stains on it. She spotted Shiro and waved him on in. "Where are all your students?" he asked, wondering if this was now her free period as well. "Oh, I let them off early in exchange for coming back tonight so we can do some astronomy coursework." She smiled at him. "It's nice of you to stop by, Shiro." "Oh, er, I'm caught up on my grading, and I still have to wait around until the English Club meeting after school. Tonomi told me yesterday that we'd be meeting at the athletic bleachers, and that she had recruited a lot more students for the club. I guess I'd better show up after I was so short with her about it before." Shiro failed to notice Sakura's face tightening at the mention of Tonomi. Rather than say anything in response, Sakura picked up a pair of tongs and lifted a beaker off the Bunsen burner and high into the air, observing its color at eye level. "So," continued Shiro, "Would you maybe like to come to the club meeting with me? If you aren't too busy, that is." Surprised and pleased, Sakura whirled to face Shiro. "I-" Unfortunately she had moved too quickly and the beaker slipped from the grip of her tongs. Shiro instinctively reached out to catch it, and Sakura did the same. Their hands fumbled against the beaker and each other, causing it to turn in mid-air and spill it's contents over their hands before shattering on the floor. Sakura stopped a moment and blushed, realizing that her fingers had become intertwined with those of Shiro. For his part, Shiro was busy leaning against the lab bench and trying to regain his balance after nearly tripping over his own feet. They stayed like that for a moment. Then the moment passed, and they let go. "OUCH!!!" Or tried to, anyway. "Our hands are stuck together," said Shiro, stating the obvious. He tried to pull his right hand free again, but nearly ended up pulling Sakura off her feet. Sakura was using her non-stuck hand (her right) to pound herself on the head while simultaneously groaning in dismay. "That was one of Akane Tendou's recipes. I was trying it out; it's supposed to work like superglue on anything but glass." "How do we get free?" asked Shiro, hoping the answer would involve ten seconds and a trip to the chemical cabinet rather than- "I don't know." Sakura shook her head embarrassedly. "Akane said there was an easy way to unstick it, but she left before I could find out what it was." "Can't you do anything?" Shiro asked, mentally chanting 'positive attitude, positive attitude'. "Well..... let's go to the restroom." Shiro's eyes widened in horror. "Not for that! The sinks there work, and a steady stream of water might help loosen it or dissolve it or something." Hand-in-hand (though not for the reasons Sakura wished) they set off for the unisex restroom. ----- ----- ----- ----- "So what do you think, Soun? Would you like to be my..... co-worker?" Hinako leaned slightly closer than was normal to Soun as she finished the sentence. Soun nervously flicked a sweatdrop away from his forehead. He considered himself a stable family man, but Hinako's sultry adult form affected even him. And it had been such a long time since his wife died. Leaning away, he equivocated. "Well it's an interesting offer Miss Hinako, but I have responsibilities at home. Playing shogi- I mean, caring for my guests. I'm not sure I have the time for an outside job." Truthfully, the only reason Soun had showed up today was to gain some relief from the frequent visitors dropping by his home, inquiring about Ranma's return. He wasn't really interested in the open athletics instructor position that Hinako had been trying to convince him to apply for. She was only doing it because she had a crush on him, anyway. Still, he had to admit it had been rather pleasant following Hinako around all day, helping her with her duties, getting out of the house. She had been good company, especially as she had kept to her adult form the entire time. Couldn't pay him (literally) to do it while his daughter, her fiancé, and their 'friends' (who Soun was confident would be back any day now) were attending classes, of course. The whole point of their going to school, at least from his point of view, was to get them out of the house and away form him for a while. Hinako suddenly stiffened, vibrated a little (which was very interesting to watch), and then excused herself. No doubt she was about to revert back to her child form and needed to go ki-drain some suitable 'donor' to avoid that. Soun took the opportunity to head for the restrooms, having drank too much of the fizzy cola that Hinako kept foisting off on him. Apparently, some things remained from her child form even as an adult. Since the restroom was one of the unisex models the Principal installed, he had to enter a stall and shut the door behind him. As he completed his business, he heard voices entering the room. A female voice said, "I'm sorry for getting us into this mess." A male voice replied, "It's not your fault. I'm the one who came to you. I'm the one who asked you out to-" The female interrupted. "But it was my responsibility to take precautions, and now look at the trouble we're in. I can't let go of you." The man, trying to sound cheerful, replied, "If it makes you feel any better, I can't think of anyone I'd rather be stuck with." The girl said, "That's sweet of you, but I hope no one finds out about you and me being like this. Now just let me-" The sound of running water drowned out the last of her words. The man said something that Soun couldn't quite make out. He only caught the tail end of the girl's response. "....easy for you to say. They look at you and see you as an adult, their teacher. I'm only 17 years old. When I walk in the classroom I have to look-" The water turned back on, cutting off the rest of her soft voice. Soun shrank back against the stall wall, shocked. It sounded like a teacher and a student.... but surely he must have misheard. Finally the water cut off. "It's not working," said the man. "I need to get to that English Club meeting now or I'm going to be late. As their instructor, I owe it to them to be there. "Do you have to? I mean, don't we-" "Please," said the man. "Don't worry, this shouldn't take too long. Hey, maybe you can help me with the club." "All right, if you really have to go, I suppose I can come with you," said the girl. You said there's about three people in the club, right? It isn't like we're going to be stuck like this in front of the entire school. Let's get going." Soun still stood there, uncertain what to do as he heard the sound of the restroom door opening and closing. Finally he made his decision and hurried back to Hinako's office. "There you are Soun," said Hinako, stretching in a way that threatened to make him forget why he had rushed back. "I was afraid you had forgotten about me." "I'm afraid I just overheard something disturbing," said Soun sternly. "I think one of the teachers here is having an affair with a student, and apparently he's gotten her in some sort of trouble!" "Oh no. That sounds very naughty indeed. Who are you talking about?" "I don't know, but if you can show me where the English Club is meeting, I think we can find out." ----- ----- ----- ----- The athletic yard had a lot of people in it. A large portion of the freshman class was there, holding some hastily contrived banners. Most were trumpeting school loyalty and the wisdom of upperclasswoman Tonomi Kanzaki, though a few seemed under the mistaken impression they were there to join the 'Engineering Club'. The five ring-leaders stood proudly near the center of attention, basking in the excitement they had helped wrought. Then there was a rather large grouping of students (and non-students) who seemed to definitely be waiting on something. This group kept throwing glances over towards Nabiki Tendou. Nabiki ignored them as a group, busying herself selling tickets to the crowd. They were just generic yellow tickets, and no one seemed to be quite certain what they were for. Mostly people were buying on the principle that it was better to have a ticket than to not have a ticket, however things turned out. The third (and actually largest) group was composed of students who had grown a bit bored in the absence of Ranma Saotome and his usual gang of troublemakers. They had seen a large gathering and drifted towards it, hoping that something exciting would happen. Most were digging their feet into the grass vaguely bored, but no one was quite ready to go home yet. On the bleachers themselves sat the three original members of the English Club, staring at the ground. Occasionally one of them would look accusingly at Tonomi. It had been a nice, quiet club before she had showed up. The three of them had been able to meet, talk, have a little fun, and no one ever bothered them. Now instead of sitting around watching subbed English television shows, they had _this_. None of them was quite sure what _this_ was, but they knew it probably wasn't going to involve watching Red Dwarf episodes. Tonomi herself just stood and paced. Waiting. They were all waiting for Smith-sensei to show up so 'it' could begin. 'It' being a little undefined, but it was definitely something that needed beginning. Then a hush fell over the crowd. Well, not really. Most people kept chattering away to their neighbors, but there was a definite turning of heads towards a particular direction. It was Smith-sensei, walking slowly towards the bleachers. For some reason he appeared to be holding hands with Sakura Takahashi, the school's 17 year-old prodigy Biology/Physics/Astronomy/Chemistry/Advanced Robotics/Home Ec teacher. Hiroshi turned to Daisuke. "Bet you five hundred yen that Smith-sensei ends up fighting a duel today." "What kind of sucker do I look like?" replied his friend. "One thousand yen says he's just holding hands with Sakura because of a comedic misunderstanding, though." Shiro's pace was slowing down more and more as he approached the bleachers at the center of the crowd. Part of it was due to the uncomfortable awareness of hundreds of eyes on him, but most of it was total shock. Sakura seemed to be trying to hide her head under her labcoat, but it wasn't fooling anybody. The gears of his mind managed to grind through the mental sand enough to notice that Tonomi Kanzaki was running out to meet him. She was the nice girl who had brought him the apple. Apples were yummy. "Umm, great you could make it, Smith-sensei." "Wh-wha-what?" asked Shiro, exhausting the limits of his current verbal capacity. Tonomi grinned a very sickly grin indeed. "I got some more members for the English Club, just like you asked. Now I'm not sure all of them want to join, but I'm sure after your speech we're going to get a lot of new recruits. Oh, and you might have to fight somebody." She glanced furtively at Nabiki. "I'm not quite sure about that one." "Speech? Fight, wha- No, never mind. I guess I can say something to them." Shiro continued walking towards the bleachers, Sakura somewhat reluctantly coming along with him. He noticed Nurse Karou standing in the crowd, holding her medical bag and looking pensive. After a few seconds, Tonomi asked, "Ano, Smith-sensei. It may be none of my business, but.... why are you holding Takahashi-sensei's hand? Are you... are you...." "We got our hands stuck together in a simple, everyday lab accident," said Sakura firmly. "Okay! I'll grab his other hand so people don't look at you strangely," replied Tonomi, and did exactly that. A low "ooooh" went out through the crowd. Shiro was vaguely aware that being stuck between Sakura and Tonomi was both uncomfortable, and worse, comfortable in ways he didn't want to think about. His brain was still working on his newly expanded English Club responsibilities. He climbed the bleachers, the two women at his side, and turned to face the crowd. Nabiki unobtrusively joined them a few feet away, clutching a box of her ticket receipts. "Ummmm. Ummmm. Ummmm. I really wasn't expecting such a big... turnout. Still, Principal Kunou made this club my responsibility and I'm going of carry through on that. Does anyone have any roll sheets we can pass around? Never mind, I think I've got-" "Hold dat thought, kine!" With speed that rustled the fronds of the palm tree on his head, Principal Kunou swung down on a vine to land on the bleachers next to Shiro. "Aloha, students, faculty, and random streetpersons. This is your Principal and Overlord speaking. Don't worry no more about da kid here running dis club. Now dat I see what a turnout we get, da Big Kahuna himself is going to take it over. Of course, there's a few rules all you new clubmembers are going to have to follow." The three original English Club members were giving laser death ray stares to Tonomi. One of the students in the crowd, possibly Daisuke, waved his hands in the air and yelled, "Uh, I think I've changed my mind, Principal. I don't want to join the club after all." Principal Kunou leaned forward, smiled unsettlingly, and then suddenly reached to the side and pulled Nabiki's cashbox out of her hands. "Hey!!" "Sorry brudda, but you already paid your dues, so you're a club member. You got your little yell' receipts. Now the first rule of da English Club is going to be club haircuts. We get it taken care of today, before that bruddah Saotome can come back and mess things up." "No." Shiro's voice was soft, but it somehow managed to carry to both the Principal and the entire crowd. "What are you saying, Smith?" asked the Principal menacingly (or as menacingly as was possible with an overblown Hawaiian accent). "I'm saying you may have given me this club as punishment, but I accepted it as my responsibility. I'm not going to just let you walk back in and use it as a way to make the students here miserable. On my honor as a teacher, I won't let you get away with this!" Shiro let go of Tonomi to gesture emphatically with his free hand, though his other was still stuck to Sakura. "And what are you going to do about it, brudda?" "He's challenging you, Principal," said Nabiki. "Set up one of your Hawaiian deathtraps. If Shiro makes it through, he keeps control of the club. If not, you get to give all of them haircuts!" She then turned and made a thumbs-up to the faction who had been invited to see a fight. "Done sista," shouted Principal Kunou. "And then he has to face me," came a shout through the crowd. Soun was standing next to Yamada, who had just helpfully pointed out Shiro as the man in charge of the English Club. As for Hinako, she seemed to have gotten a bit distracted enroute, and was buying cotton candy from a vendor who had mysteriously turned up. Shiro's eyes bugged out as a man he didn't quite recognize (but who bore a faint resemblance to Nabiki Tendou) swelled his head up to monstrous size and continued to yell at Shiro. "I won't let a teacher like you stay at this school!" "Even better, brudah!" shouted the Principal. "You can help me out. If Smith here can beat the Big Kahuna and his big-headed friend, he gets the English Club. If not, he don't work here no more." Nabiki was already in the crowd, taking bets. Shiro turned to Sakura, who looked at him and said, "This might be a bad time to ask, Shiro, but do you know any martial arts?" Shiro fainted. The END of Chapter 7..... see the next chapter for our exciting continuation. Maybe. ================================================== Author's Notes: I wanted to write some Ramnaesque challenges, misunderstandings, and characters getting stuck with each other. Oh well. Actually looking forward to seeing the Ranma crew get back sometime in the next few chapters. I think we've almost got the LoCS characters well- established enough so the Ranma cast won't accidentally overpower them. Oh, and the cowgirl thing is just a background gag. Really.