Standing outside Furinkan High School - still wearing his white with blue pinstripe pajamas - was one very embarrassed mathematics/English teacher. Naturally, Shiro Smith thought he was dreaming. You would too if your place of work had just been decimated by an umbrella-wielding teenager, you were wearing pajamas in a very public place and you had just been kinda-sorta asked out by a seventeen year old colleague in the teaching art. All things considered, Shiro's reaction to this situation was entirely instinctive. "Pinch me." Shiro's reaction two seconds later was also entirely instinctive. "Itai!" He looked down toward his right hand and saw a red mark on the back of it. Sakura stood innocently to the side. "What'd you do that for, Sakura?" "You did say to pinch you, Shiro. Now, are we going to stand here in a daze forever or do I have to drag you to the coffee shop so you can relax?" Shiro thought about this for a moment, then examined what he was wearing. At least I'm fully clothed, even if they are pajamas, he reasoned. "Sure, let's go." ----- Somewhere in Nerima, a high school dance team member finished the steps to her team's routine. Not bad, she told herself. Not bad, but she could do better. After all, she'd been doing this kind of thing for a long time. But this time, a lot more was on the line than victory or defeat on the dance floor. Granted, her team was very good and a loss to their biggest competition would be far from a happy thing, but there was something much more to this match. The girl knelt down on the ground in front of a mirror she kept on one of the walls in her room. She brushed her long black hair for a minute, then pulled it back into her traditional ponytail. Yes, more so than for the thrill of victory or pleasure in the art, she now danced for love. She stood up and walked over to where she kept a picture of her dark-haired crush. Someday, he would understand that the two of them were meant to be together. Someday, they would be together. But she didn't want to wait for someday. She'd show him that she was right for him, no matter what his preconceptions of her were. She would win. She would win for love. ----- In a dark room underneath the city, a man wearing sunglasses sat with his fingers interlocks in front of his mouth. He glanced down at the blueprints below him and reviewed them. Perfect, he thought. This plan was one of the best he'd ever come up with. He glanced askance to catch a peripheral view of the person behind him and spoke the fateful words that would set his master plan in motion. "It be time, brudda." ----- Ranma 1/2: Lack of Common Sensei Chapter 17: A taste of the islands and a pinch of insanity LoCS created by Winston Smith This chapter by Falcon ----- "Here it is." Shiro stopped in his tracks just before he would have run into Sakura. The younger teacher pointed to a sign just down the street with a steaming coffee cup on it. The duo sped up slightly as they approached. Shiro held the door for Sakura, drawing a huge "Aww..." from inside. Wait a minute. A huge "Aww..." from inside?! Didn't Sakura say this place was small? All these and various other thoughts of impending doom ran through Shiro's mind as he followed Sakura into the shop. Sakura, for her part, immediately answered the throng of students with a hearty "It's not what you think!" Despite her protests, a general sentiment along the lines of "Yeah, sure, Takahashi-sensei. Whatever you say," arose from the crowd. Sakura gave the assembled students a defiant glare which got most of them to turn back to their classmates and resume their conversations, most of which focused on how fortunate they were to be out of school for the day. Plots were being made by some of the freshmen to get Ryouga to be that mad at Ranma every day, while the rest of the males were trying to figure out how to get Tonomi to forget about Shiro or Akane to forget about Ranma. Sakura and Shiro made their way to the only available two-person table, which was at a corner of the store with windows on both sides. Sakura began by asking, "So, Shiro, what happened this morning?" Shiro answered while looking over the menu. "I checked my E-mail for the first time in a couple of weeks this morning. Apparently I under- estimated the power of spam; I had 259 messages, only one of which was worth reading." "Who was it from?" "My American cousin Kira. She wants to come visit soon, but I don't know if I want her to come over here... it would probably scare her to see the environment I work in. Or, knowing Kira, maybe she'd enjoy it a bit too much. This place seems a lot like one of those anime that she watches, you know?" "Sometimes, Shiro, truth is stranger than fiction." That said, Sakura noticed Shiro placing the menu down without really seeming to make a decision on what, if anything, to order. Then she realized that he was currently devoid of money, unless sleeping with one's money was an American custom she wasn't aware of yet. "Did you want to get anything, Shiro?" Shiro looked down, embarrassed. "I'm kind of out of money in my current state, Sakura." "I'll take care of it." "Well... okay. Don't let me forget to pay you back; I already owe you big for helping me out with math lessons." A few minutes later, Sakura and Shiro were enjoying their drinks (green tea and orange juice, respectively) and chatting about the school in general. Shiro had only previously heard about Ryouga's penchant for getting lost and thus was curious as to how he had caused so much destruction. "Apparently, Ranma and Ryouga were in school together before Ranma made his way to Furinkan," Sakura explained. "If what Ryouga said when he first came here was true, Ranma was an antagonist, always stealing the last bits of bread, pastry or anything else good that was in the cafeteria." She paused to sip her tea. "So Ryouga shows up with this umbrella, which Ranma didn't think anything of until he put a nice sized hole in the sidewalk... what on earth?" "What's wrong, Sakura?" "It feels like... rumbling? An earthquake?!" Sakura exclaimed. Shiro paused for a moment, then spoke up, "I feel it too. Let's get to the base-- eh?" Shiro caught a glimpse of something moving from the direction of the high school. Something BIG. ----- Principal Kunou removed his hands from their interlocked position and got out his ukelele. He idly plucked at the strings with one hand while drinking pineapple juice (fresh from the pineapple, mind you) with the other. After he'd drunk to his satisfaction, he turned to the girl behind him. "Whaddaya think, brudda?" Hinako-chan crossed her arms and hmphed. "I was looking forward to a day off today, Kunou-sensei. I never knew you had this... thing ready for an emergency." "As de Boy Scouts o' de Islands say, 'Be Prepared,'" Principal Kunou answered. "Besides, a man's gotta have his secrets." How he kept this monstrosity secret, Hinako-chan would never know. "Besides, brudda, doesn't this let you get out and catch..." he trailed off, playing his ukelele. "DELINQUENTS!" Hinako-chan exclaimed angrily. "Precisely. Why not be in school, when there be school to be at?" ----- Shiro, Sakura, and the other store patrons ran out into the street to catch a glimpse of the object in motion from all those blocks away. It seemed to be rising up in place of the school. It was huge. It was amazing. It was awe-inspiring. It was a six-story pineapple. "Um?" was all Shiro could manage. Sakura just gaped. The students ranged in reactions from dumbfounded expressions to pure wonder. All wondered what the purpose of the new building was, though none of them managed to translate this to an intelligent question. Fortunately, all the questions were answered for them in short order. "...I thought I told you not to be naughty." ----- Five minutes later, Miss Hinako brushed her hair back and smiled, content to be back in adult form. The two students she had drained of energy groaned softly near the entrance to the coffeeshop. "What on earth is going on here?" Shiro asked. Hinako stepped forward to look Shiro in the eye. "The Principal has prepared for such an event that has befallen us, dear Smith-sensei," she answered, then turned to the assembled crowd. "Now, let's all go to school like good boys and girls!" Shiro wasn't at all amazed at the quickness and efficiency of the response to Hinako's demand. No one liked losing their energy, especially hyperactive wannabe martial artist high schoolers. Shiro looked up again at the new school building. It glinted. A lot. "I wonder what all those little glimmers are?" he wondered aloud. Sakura answered, "They're probably windows. If Principal Kunou wanted to be efficient about it, he would have taken advantage of every last internal and external design point of a pineapple." Shiro returned a blank expression. Sakura continued, "Think about it for a minute, Shiro. How's the inside of a pineapple laid out? In wedges, right? I bet he made each room one of the wedges, and put windows on all the bumps on the outside. And there are probably stairs in the center where the hole up through the middle is." "All I know is I want to change before I have to teach," Shiro replied. "Sometimes, Shiro, you're no fun." Sakura looked at her watch. "But since you're a nice guy, I'll use my free period now to cover the class you're teaching. Is it math?" Her eyes gleamed with anticipation. "Freshman English. Be sure to let them know we have an English Club meeting tonight in the presentation room..." he trailed off as he recalled the new status of the school building. "Wherever that is," he amended. "Gotcha." "Thanks, Sakura. I owe you... again. Is there any way I can pay you back?" Sakura mused for a moment. "I'll think about it. Now go home and change, Shiro." ----- Furinkan's youngest sensei walked into the school, eyes wide with wonder. The school was almost exactly as she'd envisioned it. Each wedge of the pineapple was a room, unless it was a lab; then the room took two or three wedges. The center of the school was one big staircase with railings and a small round walkway at each floor. There were windows on each of the pineapple's outer bumps. There was only one thing Sakura could not find in the entire place... ...a logical layout. She was on the second floor, but no room 2-D or 2-E or even 2-F could be found. "I should have known there was a catch," she muttered. When she finally found room 2-D for freshman English class (on the fifth floor), she walked in and immediately apologized... to all seven students that were there. "I guess you had trouble finding your way around this place too, Takahashi-sensei," one of them spoke up. "But where's Smith-sensei?" "He... um... forgot something and had to go back home. I volunteered to sub for him." The students shrugged. Looked like this was going to be a day off after all; Takahashi-sensei wasn't known for her English teaching skills. Sakura spoke up, "Well, since we don't have a full period, I don't know all that much English and I don't have a lesson plan, how about we have some fun?" This was met with a round of approval. "How about we reverse the roles and have you teach me a little bit of English?" Two students looked up, looked at each other and got very evil grins on their faces. This was going to be fun. ----- Shiro glanced down at his watch as he entered the building. Five minutes until the next class. Sure, it was Algebra, but Shiro tried to look on the bright side of things; he was dressed and he was in good condition, Hinako hadn't taken his energy... ...and he was lost in a building with no logical room layout whatsoever. Not that this lack of organization was a surprise. Principal Kunou was the most spontaneous, random person Shiro had ever met. Shiro went upstairs to the fourth floor to see if he could find his room. In his single-minded desire to not be late, he completely ignored the fact that along the way, he bumped into one of his students. ----- Tonomi walked along slowly toward the stairs to the third floor, deep in thought. The big match was this evening, and she went through the routine in her head again and again to make sure she had every last step memorized. "Step left, step right, full twirl, face the crowd and--!" She was interrupted in the middle of her mental routine by someone bumping into her. She apologized out of reflex and turned to face them, but no one was there. The dancer turned her head to the right and noticed Shiro walking away from her. Tears welled up in here eyes as she quickly continued toward her next class. Shiro, however, remained completely oblivious until he found himself with a very irked Nurse Karou directly in front of him, hand held out to stop him. "Just what do you think you're doing?" she asked. Shiro's eyebrows narrowed quizzically. "What do you mean?" "You know exactly what I mean!" "Um... no, I don't." "Look over there," Karou pointed to the rapidly disappearing Tonomi. "You didn't even recognize her existence back there when you ran into her." "I--" "I understand your reservations about a relationship with a student, but are friendships and normal interactions forbidden as well?" Shiro lowered his head a bit in apology. "I've not had the best day so far, Karou." "So I hear. Listen, Shiro, Even if you can't return her feelings, be consistent with her; that's what she needs." Shiro nodded. "Not a problem. Now, where's room 2-D?" Karou pointed up. "Fifth floor." "Thanks." "Oh, and Shiro... don't be too down. We all have bad days, especially around here. You just have to learn to deal with it." Shiro nodded an affirmative and went up to the fifth floor. It had to get better from here. ----- Later that day, after school... The presentation room wasn't as full as normal for the day's English club meeting. This didn't particularly surprise Shiro given the events of the day, but he was a little disappointed nonetheless; especially so when he surveyed those gathered and didn't see Tonomi. For a moment, however, Shiro pressed on. She might just be late, he reasoned. Shiro cleared his throat and addressed the assembled students. "Good afternoon. You'll notice that today I have a projector and a laptop. I decided that I'd give you a presentation that would be of more relevance than just a normal boring talk about American culture." He pressed a button on the projector and the title slide appeared on the giant white screen behind him and over his head. It read, "American cartoons vs. Anime: A comparison." Its picture, split evenly down the middle, showed Mickey Mouse on one side and Shinji Ikari on the other. While the students hypothesized whether rodent or invertebrate would come out on top in a fight, Shiro approached a senior in the front row. "Hai, Smith-sensei?" "Do you know where Tonomi is, by chance?" "Yeah, she's preparing with the rest of the dance team. They have a match at St. Hebereke tonight." "Thanks." With that, Shiro returned to his presentation. As he went on, a conversation took place in the middle of the room. "...he's just concerned about her. It's not normal for her to miss a meeting." "That, or he wants to spend as much time with her as possible so Mariko and Sakura will get mad and have a three-way hardcore jello wrestling match to see who gets him." "You willing to put money on that?" ----- Shiro had just finished the comparison of early Disney animated films with Miyazaki films when he heard a knock at the door. "One moment, everyone," he said as he moved to see who was there. He opened the door to see Sakura standing on the other side. "Hi, Sakura. What do you need?" Sakura whispered, "Is there a Hiroshi in the English Club?" Shiro nodded. "Would you mind if I borrowed him for a few minutes? He left his Organic Chem lab sample in the oven and I want him to come get it out." "That's fine, Sakura." Shiro turned the lights on and again addressed the club as Sakura moved toward Hiroshi. "Aw, man, I forgot to take my --" Hiroshi blurted when he saw Sakura. "Sorry for the interruption, but --" Shiro began at the same time. "OOOHOHOHOHO!" Black rose petals fell from the ceiling of the two-story room and one Kodachi Kunou flew down from the rafters, incredibly long ribbon trailing behind her. She landed gracefully between Shiro and Sakura, saying "With the capture of the leader of my so-called competition, the triumph of the Black Rose is assured!" With that, Kodachi wrapped Sakura up in her ribbon and bounded away, "OHOHOHO"ing all the way. ----- Scenery whizzed past Sakura's eyes as Kodachi speedily hopped from rooftop to rooftop. What on earth Sakura had to do with Ranma, she'd never know; obviously anything Kodachi did was to attract Ranma, but how did his taking his Chemistry teacher change anything? Wait a minute, she thought. "The leader of my so-called competition," Kodachi had said. But this isn't gymnastics season, Sakura reasoned. She mulled over what Kodachi could have meant for a moment, then voiced her concern. "What do you have against the teachers of Furinkan, Miss Kunou?" Startled, Kodachi came to a sudden halt. "You're a teacher?" Sakura nodded. "Chemistry, Physics, Home Ec..." Kodachi hmphed. "Well then... it appears that you're not who I'm looking for." "Who are you looking for?" "The captain of your so-called dance team." "Tonomi Kanzaki?" Kodachi nodded. "Perhaps the Black Rose should better scout her enemy the next time. The best picture Sasuke took was a blurry shot of an upperclass-age girl with a long black ponytail," Kodachi stated. Then she shrugged and continued on. "HEY! Aren't you going to let me go?" "You may be right and you may be wrong. Either way, I can't let you go. OOOHOHOHOHO!" Kodachi laughed and moved again toward her residence. ----- Shiro ran out to see if he could catch a glimpse of where Sakura's kidnapper went, but he couldn't compete with the speed of the Black Rose. Shiro cursed under his breath. As if he hadn't had enough to deal with today... The despondent mathematics teacher would have further felt sorry for himself if he hadn't felt a finger tapping his shoulder. He turned to see Daisuke standing behind him. "Yes, Daisuke?" "Smith-sensei, if you want to go after her--" "Who was that?" "...you don't know? That was Kodachi Kunou, the Black Rose of St. Hebereke, a girl's school down the road. She--" "Did you say Kunou?" Daisuke nodded. "She's the principal's daughter. She makes very occasional appearances around here, usually to try to impress Ranma." "But what does Sakura have to do with Ranma?" Shiro asked, confused. Daisuke shook his head. "I don't think Kodachi was after Takahashi- sensei. Did you hear what she said before she ran off?" "She said something about removing the competition." "That's right. Can you think of any female Furinkan sports stars with long black ponytails who are in the English club?" Shiro immediately realized that indeed, Kodachi was not after Sakura. "Tonomi," he whispered. "I have to warn her. Do you know when the match starts?" Daisuke shrugged. "All I know is how to get to St. Hebereke." He proceeded to tell Shiro where the opposing school was. "Thanks, Daisuke," Shiro hurriedly said as he turned to run. "But what about the end of the meeting, Smith-sensei?" Daisuke called after Shiro, but didn't receive an answer. "Poor guy," he muttered. ----- Shiro rounded the last corner before reaching the outer school gates smoothly. He was no track star, but if given proper motivation, he could get moving pretty fast. Unfortunately, one of the laws of physics states that the faster one is going, the more force it will take to stop one and the more force will be transferred to any object one comes into contact with. Shiro Smith and Mariko Kawai found this out very quickly once Shiro came through the gates. Mariko screamed and flew backward a couple of feet; Shiro stumbled, fell and ended up right next to her. "Mariko! I'm sorry! Are you okay?" Shiro sputtered, flustered. This really hadn't been his day. Mariko, shaken, sat dazed for a moment, then answered, "I think I'm okay, Shiro. Ne, why are you in such a hurry?" Shiro explained the situation as best he could. "...I think Tonomi's the real target, though," he finished. "Wow... I guess we should try to warn her, huh?" "That was the general idea. I'm on my way to St. Hebereke to try to find her." "Do you want me to help?" Shiro thought about this for a moment. He'd heard horror stories from Yamada-sensei about how horribly she 'always' screwed things up when she tried to help him. However, in Shiro's own experience, she wasn't all that bad. Maybe something easy like this would give her some self-confidence. That's all she really needs, he thought. "Sure, Mariko. Let's go." ----- Backstage at St. Hebereke in the visitor's dressing room, Furinkan High's dance team prepared for the match. A freshman girl, visibly shaking from nerves, approached Tonomi for advice. "Kanzaki-san--" "You can call me Tonomi," Tonomi said, looking up from her seated position. "Ano, Tonomi... I'm nervous. Do you think we're going to win tonight?" Tonomi smiled. "All we can do is go out there and do the best we can. If we do our best and lose, we'll go home knowing that we've done the best we could possibly do, and that's what matters." The freshman girl thought about this for a moment, calmed down a bit and smiled. "Thanks, Tonomi!" she said, bouncing away to pass this along to her underclass teammates. Tonomi sighed softly. Sometimes, being the captain was tough when your own nerves threatened to tear you apart from inside. She knew full well that the advice she'd passed on was the sportsmanlike thing to think, but... But she had to lead the team to victory tonight. If they beat St. Hebereke, then everyone would take notice... Shiro would take notice... Shiro... ----- Shiro and Mariko flagged down the first person they saw when they got to St. Hebereke. "Excuse me, do you know where the dance match is taking place?" Shiro asked. The robed teenager pointed his bokken toward the auditorium. "The glorious competition of wonderfully graceful maidens is taking place in yonder auditorium." "Thanks." ---- Back in the auditorium, Tonomi and the Furinkan team were going through warmups. Tonomi, as captain, stood in front of the rest and led them through the excercises. "One, two, three, four, five. Now stretch to the right. One, two, three, four--" "OOHOHOHOHO!" "Huh?" A giant ribbon flew down from the ceiling and wrapped a surprised Tonomi up. Kodachi quickly leapt down, grabbed Tonomi, and disappeared out the door. ----- Shiro stopped suddenly before entering the auditorium. "Mariko, did you just hear something odd?" "Odd? Like what?" Shiro paused to listen for a moment. "An odd high-pitched laugh..." he trailed off and moved into the auditorium quickly, startling the early comers. Just as he entered, Kodachi, carrying Tonomi, flew out from the backstage area and bounded out a side door. Shiro gave chase, but to no avail; Kodachi was just too fast. The exhausted sensei leaned against an outer wall of the auditorium, breathing heavily. "Now what do I do?" he asked no one in particular. Shiro stood silent for a moment, then turned to go in the direction that Kodachi had taken off. Before he had gone three steps, however, he was hailed by another voice. "Shiro! Shiro! Slow down!" Mariko called. Shiro turned around to face Mariko. "She got away again." He cursed under his breath. Mariko smiled. "Don't worry, Shiro! We'll get them back." Sure we will, Shiro thought. A normal guy and an overzealous, accident prone young woman were going to snatch two of their friends from the grasp of a crazed martial arts dancer/gymnast. Stranger things have happened, ne? ----- Author's Notes: I tried to be funnier and yet still a bit serious this time. Hopefully that worked well. Thanks to Jesse Ellman for prereading and general support while I was writing this. Thanks also to Montae for prereading. My only hope for this part is that it lived up to Sonny's author's notes from last time. ^_^; Comments appreciated; please, if you feel the inclination, e-mail me or post a message board review. Aaron "Falcon" Bolner bolnerap@rose-hulman.edu 10.4.2000