He gulped as he checked the letterbox in the lobby. He hadn't discussed this with Ami - he hadn't quite dared. She was understanding, calm, and damn sexy in a negligee. She'd held their lives together for over twenty years, through their university degrees, a mortgage and their son. It was his fault it was all falling apart now. He wouldn't blame the alcohol. He'd blamed it for too much over the past five years. This might fix it. This might let him give up the sake, let him step away and stay away. Please, let it let him step away. Yamada Soujirou pulled the thin letter from the Japanese Education Board out of his mailbox. Thin. Did that mean acceptance of his transfer application, or refusal? A quiet cough behind him reminded him that he wasn't the only person checking their mail. He stepped back, away from the bank of mailboxes set into the wall, retreating into the elevator. He'd open it later, he resolved. After dinner. If it was a refusal, Ami would never need to know. ******** Ranma 1/2: Lack of Common Sensei Original concept by Winston Smith Chapter Twenty-Three: A Night to Remember by Raye Johnsen raye_j@yahoo.com ******** Kira Langoleer looked over the WcDonalds with wide-eyed interest. She'd always known she'd like Japan. She liked cherry blossoms, sushi, karaoke, anime and J-Pop. Liking the country was not under question. Having Japanese cousins just made all the paraphernalia of Nippon-worship that little bit more accessible. Since arriving, she'd made three pure-Japanese friends (even if she hadn't seen Hibiki-kun all day), seen quite a bit of southern Japan (courtesy of Hibiki Travel), and begun to do something about Shiro. Not bad for two days. Casting her eye over the menu board, she shook her head. No way would she eat here. She was here for Japan, for sukiyaki and teriyaki and okonomiyaki, not for pseudo-American hamburgers that weren't even healthy. Idly wondering if the Japanese had any kind of food that didn't end in 'yaki', she glanced over the restaurant again - Kira was an inveterate people-watcher - and spotted the girl with the binoculars. She looked to be in the first year of university - either that or she was a senior in high school. Her long black hair was tied back in a thick, glossy plait, and she was wearing a long- sleeved leotard and jeans. As it wasn't skin-tight, it was attractive but not in-your-face sexy. She didn't notice Kira looking at her. Given that she seemed to have superglued a set of binoculars to her face and then glued said binoculars to the plate-glass window, this was not surprising. A properly brought up Japanese girl would never have dreamed of approaching the girl. Kira was very glad she wasn't Japanese. "Hi. Is interesting view?" /Shiro's right - I *do* sound like an idiot./ The girl jumped and turned to face Kira. Her eye make-up was smudged by the binoculars, giving Kira the impression of an ivory-furred raccoon. "He likes *her*!" Kira blinked. "Who? Is problem?" The girl wasn't listening. "He's supposed to wait for *me*! Oh, Smith-sensei, how can you be with that - that *floozy*?!?" "You talking Cousin Shiro?" /Oh, what's Japanese for 'mean'?/ "I mean, that dress! And Kawai-sensei's just as - excuse me. Did you just say 'Cousin Shiro'?" Kira almost stumbled back from the intensity of the girl's gaze. ********** Tendou Nabiki was many things. Fond of surprises was definitely *not* one of them. She found herself torn. On the one hand, the information to be gathered from Smith-sensei's alleged cousin would almost certainly be useful. Her claim was almost certainly authentic - green eyes were not nearly as common among gaijin as either blue or brown, and her facial structure resembled Smith-sensei's. On the other, if she left her seat to... speak... with the girl, she would miss gathering any interesting titbit that might be... conveniently (and profitably) misconstrued. Her recording devices would capture it all, of course, but it was so much easier to learn information firsthand and verify it from her recordings. On the other hand, the conversation between Takahashi- sensei, Kawai-sensei and Smith-sensei was stilted - and they all three seemed to be keeping to the planned agenda of schoolwork. There didn't seem to be any chance of a huge Ranmaesque fight developing. Bother. On yet another hand - she had a mental image of herself as a statue of Shiva, and allowed herself a small smile - the girl did speak extremely broken Japanese, and so any information from her would be dubious at best - simply because she didn't have the grasp of the language to communicate exactly what she meant. Nabiki preferred to know the truth wherever possible. It was easier to put a spin on a rumour if you knew *exactly* how many grains of truth were in it. As she deliberated, Tonomi snatched Smith-sensei's cousin's wrist and dragged her out of the restaurant. Forced to make a decision, Nabiki decided to trust to the hidden microphone in the potted palm in Tia Maria, and followed them. ******** Sakura felt as if everything was going very, very well. Shiro's eyes had widened appreciably when she had shed her coat, and his gaze kept glancing over her. Those clear green eyes, so very different to the usual brown of the Japanese population, displayed Shiro's gaijin blood in the most subtly acceptable way. He had dressed up for this date, showing that he took it as seriously as it was. She had been a little nervous about that - boys never *did* know when a thing was important. But Shiro was obviously a *young man* (a very important distinction) and he was behaving - Exceptionally formally, if the truth were told. Of course, with Kawai-sensei there, there was no other way *to* behave. Any informal behaviour - such as, oh, referring to her by her given name, with that slight aspiration on the first 'a', relict of the English tendency to emphasise the first syllables of words, a most charming almost-accent that nobody else had - even Kira didn't pronounce her name quite that way.... Sakura shook her head lightly. She wanted to ensnare Shiro - not the other way around! "Is anything wrong, Takahashi-san?" Kawai-sensei asked politely. "No, thank you," Sakura replied, wishing that Shiro had been the one to respond to her distraction. ******** "I saw that you had a letter in our mailbox today, Soujirou," Yamada Ami commented to her husband over dinner. Yamada looked down at his plate. /So much for her not noticing,/ he thought. "Yes, Ami. I haven't opened it yet." "Oh. I didn't think it looked like a bill. I thought it was from the Board of Education." He closed his eyes against the gentle rebuke. "I will be opening it after dinner." Ami, mercifully, didn't pursue the subject, mentioning instead how their son had called her that day. He had regaled her with titbits about the various idols he was managing in his job as an employee of a popular talent management company based in Juuban, and asked for her advice. Apparently Mamoru had just been given a five-girl singing group to manage, and two of the girls had developed crushes on him. ******** Mariko thought the dinner was going very well. Smith-sensei and Takahashi-sensei were so generous! She was learning more than she'd ever thought possible.... She was so relaxed that she reached out for a glass of water and kicked back the leg of her chair at the same time. Unbeknownst to Mariko, just before she and Shiro had arrived, a young couple with a baby had been seated at their table. The little one had not appreciated the meal and had liberally decorated herself, the high chair and the floor with her dinner. The staff had just finished mopping the floor when Mariko arrived, and the tiling beneath her chair was still wet. The water on the tile made her chair skid back just as she grasped her glass. She fell back against the chair, which wasn't where she left it, striking her back against the seat. Her water glass flew from her suddenly relaxed grip, as she tried to curl forward away from the pain. It impacted on the wall above the potted palm, shattering and dumping its contents onto the indoor plant. Which exploded. Shiro and Sakura both hit the tiles behind the table. They glanced at the potted palm that had seemingly decided that it was a good day to die, and then turned their attention to their stricken collegue. Both of them stood up, exchanging those universal, self-conscious grins humans do when they realise they're being silly. Shiro began to walk over to Mariko. This was when the palm apparently decided it was also a good day for someone *else* to die, and began to spit bits of twisted metal in all directions. They both hit the dirt again. One piece landed in front of Sakura. She picked it up, looked at it, and flung it back at the merrily burning tree. "So," was her only comment. She crawled to Shiro, who had completed the journey to Mariko. "Come on, let's get out of here," she said, as dignified as one can be when one is fully aware that, simply by moving his head, a handsome young man can see down one's dress all the way to one's navel. Except that he didn't. Shiro, the perfect gentleman that he was and had been all night (to Sakura's frustration), simply said: "Yes," and "Can you stand up?" to Mariko. As Shiro began to move towards the door, half-supporting Mariko, Sakura frowned. The Hasiba Model 23 Mobile Microphone was well-known for its combustibility in water. And someone had placed one in a potted plant. It seemed odd for Tendou Nabiki to make such an obvious mistake. Surely she would have checked out the specs for all of her surveillance equipment? Was there another player in the information field? ********* Tonomi pulled Kira to a halt a block away. "You're Smith- sensei's cousin?" she demanded. Kira nodded. "I am Kira Langoleer. It's a pleasure to meet you," she recited. "I am Kanzaki Tonomi. It's a pleasure to meet you," Tonomi also rattled off. "Langoleer-san, are you really Smith-sensei's cousin?" "Yes. His mother is my father's older sister," Kira replied. Tonomi's eyes widened. "Wow! You speak so well! Are you half-Japanese?" Kira shook her head. "No. I do not speak so well. Not like Shiro-san. That why I come to Japan." "Really? But some sentences you say so well!" "Some things I have" "before I arrive." "Wow! You just spoke some English!" "I know. I try not to, but I not know some Japanese words." ******** Nabiki smirked from behind the lamp post. So, Smith-sensei's mother was the gaijin, was she? That might be useful. ******** Kira frowned. Kanzaki-san seemed very enthusiastic on the subject of America. But she'd been watching Shiro in the restaurant. Kira being Kira, she decided to bring the subject out in the open. "Why you watching Shiro?" Kanzaki-san blushed. "He's... my teacher?" she offered weakly. Kira looked at her. "He's new and I want to make sure he's alright here?" she tried again. This did not avert Kira's gaze. "All right! He's drop-dead gorgeous and I know we're Meant To Be and I *will* win his heart! Just as soon as I graduate, so I'm not his student anymore so he won't have that silly hangup anymore! We'll be soooo happy!" Kanzaki-san declared. Kira blinked. Shiro hadn't said anything about *this*. ******** The moment of truth. Soujirou slit open the envelope and slipped out the thin sheet of paper that lay folded within. It lay in his hand, a frail bark to carry his hopes. But he couldn't take it any more. He *couldn't*. Seven years at Furinkan, the last five in an alcoholic daze. Kawai had been Hell, but she'd been survivable. The last eighteen months, After Ranma, as the staff had dubbed them, had taken everything he had. He opened the paper, and read it. He read it again. "Ami-chan?" he called. There was a clatter from the kitchen, and Ami ran around the corner. "Bad news, Soujirou?" she demanded, her eyes wide. He handed her the letter. "Read it," he told her shortly. She picked it up with a trembling hand, and began to read it. "'To Yamada Soujirou, Teacher, Furinkan High, We have received your request for transfer' - Soujirou?" "As long as I'm there, I'll have to drink, Ami-chan," he told her soberly. "I've told you what it's like. I don't like being a drunk." /And you don't like me that way either./ She laid her hand over his, and he felt a sudden surge of raw emotion, love and lust and affection. Continuing to hold his hand, she continued to read. "'We have received your request for transfer. An examination of our records indicates that, as you have been at Furinkan High School for a period of over ten years, you are due to be transferred. Please present yourself at Yotsubadai High School' - Yotsubadai?" Soujirou shrugged. "I'll find it. I'm due there... when?" Ami squinted at the letter. "Uh... tomorrow?" Soujirou picked up the letter and read it again. "Tomorrow." They both looked at each other. Then Ami stood up. "Where did I put that street map of Tokyo?" "I'll help you look," Yamada Soujirou offered, standing up and walking away from Furinkan High. ********* Doctor Tofuu looked at the young couple standing in front of him. Not, of course, that they would admit that. He kept his sigh inside. So this was Smith Shiro, the latest victim of The Ranma Effect. Not that it was an official syndrome, but he and the other unaffected, officially disinterested parties around Nerima had noted a very definite pattern. A certain young man would enter the area, and find himself romantically linked with three - not two, not four - but three girls. Ranma still hadn't made his choice. Hibiki Ryouga had and had finally become happy - that was a side effect of the RE, it seemed. The only good one, in Tofuu's opinion. And now, another boy was finding himself in the situation. At least he was older; he and his would-be girlfriends would be more mature, less impulsive and more inclined to listen to reason. Or at least they should be when they finished the argument. "*I* was over-reacting? The pot plant *exploded*!" "It didn't hit her! It didn't hit any of us! It was a microphone!" "Come *on*, Sakura! Who would bug a teacher's conference?!" "Someone who thought we were kinky!" "Why would they think we were kinky? It was a conference!" "A date!" "What?" "If you don't understand, I'm not going to tell you!" "If you don't tell me, how *can* I understand?" "You are so MALE!" Tofuu felt it prudent to interrupt on that note. "Excuse me, Takahashi-san, Smith-san, but your friend is ready to leave." Sakura turned to Tofuu, immediately regaining her mature attitude and composure. "Is Kawai-sensei all right?" The doctor smiled. "Yes. She's very lucky - it was just a light bruise. You were wise to bring her to a doctor, though. An injury in the lower back is no joking matter." Mariko herself stepped out of the examination room. "Hi, Smith-sensei, Takahashi-sensei," she smiled tiredly. "I'm sorry about dinner." Shiro shrugged. "It's all right, Mariko. It wasn't your fault." "It was whoever bugged the restaurant's fault," Sakura said. "Sakura, who would bug a restaurant?" "Tendou Nabiki," Tofuu, Mariko and Sakura chorused. ********* Kira was sitting in the living room of Shiro's apartment, in the dark, when he got home. "Kira?" he asked, blinking, when he switched on the light. "What are you doing in the dark?" Kira demanded in English. Shiro replied. /What about Tonomi could get Kira so upset that she's forgotten her resolve to speak nothing but Japanese?/ he wondered. His cousin stood up and glided to the door of the guest room. The sentence was delivered flatly, without inflection. The door of the spare room clicked softly shut behind Kira as her words sank into Shiro's brain. *********** AUTHOR'S NOTES 1. Chaos, thy name is the Johnsen Family Christmas - and, as Eldest Daughter, I'm one of the hostesses / organisers / supervisors / cleanup personnel. So this chapter was written, in 6 hours, on 29th December. Quickest Improfanfic part I've ever written. I'm now going to go collapse. 2. Yes. I have officially written a character out of Lack of Common Sensei. I have reasons: let me explain. a) When I created Yamada [yes, I created him, back in #3] he was meant to be an adult figure for Shiro to look to; both a mentor and a warning ["This is what you'll end up like if y'ain't careful, son"]. He had no other purpose; he had neither martial arts nor esoteric knowledge. Just an ordinary guy trying to live in Nerima. He has never been used in this fashion. Neither as an example of how living in a screwy place screws you, nor as a bad example nor as a mentor. Which leads me to Point b).... b) When I wrote part #15, it was actually the third chapter Yamada appeared/was mentioned in. This, #23, is his fifth. Five in twenty chapters. Note I don't say 'character development'. Just acknowledgement of existence. Ergo: Yamada is an unnecessary character. Which leads to Point c).... c) The LAST thing an Impro needs is an unnecessary character. Too many characters makes an Impro unwieldy; if a character has no point in the story, s/he should not BE in the story. It hurts. Like I said, I CREATED this character. But I have a responsibility to the story; that which does not contribute to the whole should be pruned away. And Yamada, as my fellow Improwriters have shaped him, does not contribute; for the good of the whole, he really should be pruned away. And so I have. 3. I have a theory about LoCS: specifically, at no time can one of the three rivals for Shiro ever gain an advantage over the other two. We're duplicating the Ranma triangle here; and anyone with a passing familiarity with Ranma would recognise that it is only while the Fiancee Triumvirate are in balance that the situation can continue. For all that chaos would continue after Ranma makes a choice, the situation itself would change and progression begin. As long as Shiro remained unaware of Tonomi's continued pursuit, Sakura and Mariko were gaining the ascendant. And for all that I have my own favoured contender, for balance, Tonomi had to be brought up as a serious contender. Ranma 1/2 ended, not on a climactic battle, but when Ranma finally made a choice. Shiro will make his choice, and it will be the end of LoCS. That choice must be between all three - or there won't be any comedy between now and then. 4. All mistakes are entirely my own fault. Tell me about them at raye_j@yahoo.com please?