They say in complementation, nobody can hear you scream. "BAKA SHINJI!" They were wrong. "It was an accident!" Shinji whined. "How many times do I have to tell you before you get it straight? I don't do hentai!" Asuka continued to yell as she punched Shinji in the gut. Shinji winced, wheezed, and took a moment to recover. "It's not my fault! After all, Kensuke got a turn, so I couldn't tell Toji he couldn't have one... And it's not like I was the one who talked you into coming with us!" "But you WERE the one who decided that Toji was trustworthy in the first place!" Asuka yelled, stomping the point home with the heel of her boot. "Nuh uh! That was your friend who did that!" Shinji exclaimed, his voice raising a notch or two as Asuka came dangerously close to kicking a body part located where the sun don't shine. Asuka kicked him there anyways. "Stop blaming her for your mistakes. You made Hikari cry!" "If you two are done," Rei's soft voice floated in, startling Asuka, "I've got something I'd like to try." Asuka launched Shinji into orbit with her next punch. "Yeah, we're done." Rei walked out of the mists. "Where is Shinji?" Asuka gestured upwards, to where Shinji was fast becoming a fiery comet on his way back down. Rei gestured back into the mists. "Shall we go?" Askua glanced back at the now-Shinji-crater and stuck out her tongue before taking Rei's arm and yanking her into the mists. Shinji struggled out of the hole. "Wait for me!" ********** Shinji's Alternate Universes A fic of bizarre parodies and alcohol. Or not. Started by our resident loony toon, Farsan de Arnibia. This part logged by our resident pyromaniac, Smlee. Chapter 5: Neon Lightbulb Evade! ********** * Now talking in #reizig * Topic is 'All your base are belong to Rei. You have no chance to survive.' * Set by Rei on Fri Mar 6 01:17:34 *** Rei has joined channel #reizig *** Asuka has joined channel #reizig [Rei] Cloneaid: I'm not just the president, but I'm also a client! [Asuka] "It's Asuka!" *Pimpmusic* *** Mode change "+o Rei" on channel #reizig by ChanServ Hey Asuka. Long time. * Hikari hugs asuka where have you been ? Beating Shinji for the Toji incident. Can you tell us what this is all about yet Rei? We're still waiting for Shinji. * Asuka growls. Why do we need that idior? -r +t *** Misato has joined channel #reizig [Misato] "Oh, Shinji! You and your stories! Kaji's a double-agent! Beer kills brain cells! Now let's go back to that...building...thingy...where the beds and TV...is." Sorry I'm late! Where have you been? Taking time out with Kaji? Well, of cour...Hey! * Maya giggles. You're so witty Ritsuko! *** Shinji has joined channel #reizig * Maya glomps Ritsuko. [Shinji] Cloneaid: I'm not just the president, but I'm also a client! * Shinji eyes Maya and Ritsuko. "Did I interrupt something?" That's just wrong. *** Shinji was kicked by Rei (Don't steal my infoline.) * Ritsuko peels Maya off. *** Shinji has joined channel #reizig [Shinji] Cloneaid: I'm not just the president, but I'm also a client! Get your mind out of the gutter Shinji! * Asuka utilizes her secret technique. "Asuka megaton-punchuuuuu!" * Shinji goes flying off into the distance. "Shinji's blasting off agaaaaaain!" * Ritsuko glomps Misato. This couldn't be more horrifically wrong. *Shinji lands next to Misato and Ritsuko. "Did I interrupt something?" *Sigh* You just never learn. * Asuka picks up Hikari and tosses her at Shinji. waa! * Shinji is hit by Hikari, and ends up in a twister-esque position on the ground. i love twister! I don't think Shinji has playing the game in mind. *** Shinji is now known as Shinji-AWAY Back in a minute. this is an uncomfortable spot to be left in I _STILL_ have no idea why I'm here. * Maya glances at Ritsuko. Well, the other reason. arent we going to play twister? I've gathered you all here to have some fun. Fun? Wonder-girl can have fun? * Rei ponders... Ok. I've gathered you all here for YOU to have some fun. * Asuka facefaults. * Rei counts. Seems we're a bit short. * Shinji-AWAY is now known as Shinji Rei: I talked with Kaji. He's agreed to come along. One less person to worry about then. *** Kaji-dead has joined channel #reizig [Kaji_dead] Being dead has its advantages. Full privileges at heaven's health spa! Yo. Kaji! Why are you dead? I've got a bullet sized hole in my head? ew Forgot about that. This _IS_ complementation. You could just think it away... ... ... ... Nah. I've kinda gotten used to it. left hand yellow everyone * Shinji moves his left hand to yellow. ... Can we just get on with this? Hey Kaji! /msg me! Sure thing. Oh? A lover's retreat? Shut up Ritsuko. Make me. * Misato pulls out her gun... Hah! You aren't going to shoot me! * Misato shoots Ritsuko. ;_; *** Ritsuko is now known as Ritsuko_ghost Say Kaji! Since we're both dead, let's leave these guys behind and do the horizontal tango! ewew >_>; ^_^ <_< Don't even think about it Kaji. I'm going to have to agree with Maya on this one. Can we just get on with this? The game isn't over yet. Game? right foot red! * Shinji moves...and falls! wah! * Hikari falls too hahaha that was fun Now the game's over. >_<;;;; * Kaji_dead patpats Asuka. "That's what happens when you get a bunch of girls together." ...Hey! Everyone. I've arranged for another to meet us there. *Mutter* About time. Does that mean we can go now? Yes. wait! im not ready yet! ... ... How about now? wait! jsut a bit more! ... ok there! had to pack up the twister game Sorry. My bad. You're both crazy. I prefer to be called mentally unstable. ... Back into orbit you go! * Asuka pulls a giant mallet from HammerSpace(TM) and smashes Shinji upwards. * Shinji goes flying off into the distance. "Shinji's blasting off agaaaaaain!" You used that one already. Oh, right. *** Ritsuko_ghost is now known as Ritsuko *** Kaji_dead is now known as Kaji Are you all ready? YES DANGIT! Then here we go. ********** * Temporal subdimension "Love Shinji" created * * Empty save state protocol used: Loading universe data ... ... done * * Waiting for other souls: * * Asuka joins * Misato joins * Rei joins * Shinji joins * Ritsuko joins * Maya joins * Hikari joins * Kaji joins * Pen-Pen joins * Naoko joins * * Assigning roles ... done * * START! ********** Eh? What with this 'Love Shinji'? Work with me, Asuka. ... You brought my mother? It was short notice. I couldn't find anyone else. When did Pen-Pen get here? Forget it! Just start! Ok. ********** "I'm sorry!" Shinji Urashima whined as he ran. "Get back here pervert!" Asuka Narusegawa yelled as she chased. It was another typical day at the all girl's dorm, NERV inn. ********** If it's an all girl's dorm, why am I still stuck with Shinji around? Shhh. You'll ruin the mood. I'm already in a mood. And not a good one mind you. ********** "Go get him!" Misato Konno (Kitsune for short) encouraged Asuka, before taking another swig from her bottle of sake. Shinji turned the corner, only to have his face meet the foot of a jump kicking Ritsuko Su. "Ah! Sempai!" Hikari Maehara gasped concernedly from behind Ritsuko. ********** Hey! I like this role already! Ah! You're so cute Ritsuko! * Maya gets starry eyed. and me? Whatever. ********** Shinji flew back from the point of impact, twirled in the air...and landed face first into the lap of Maya Aoyama. Maya's face reddened and she reached for her sword. "This is unforgivable!" Shinji backpedaled. "It wasn't my fault!" Maya brought her sword up. "Secret technique! Zan Kuu Sen!" "Uwaaaaa!" Shinji yelled, as he took the full force of Maya's attack and was sent flying through a hole he made in the wall. "Ara..." Rei Otohime intoned as she peered down at Shinji, whose head had managed to bury itself between her breasts as he'd crashed. "Shinji sure is bold." "UWAAAAH!" Shinji yelled, as he backpedaled yet again and fell backwards into the hot springs water. ********** ... Shinji's getting a face full of everyone, and yet this isn't a hentai? Wait and see. The best is yet to come. There's only one thing *I* want to see... ********** "Ouchouchouch." Shinji deadpanned as he stood up. Asuka cracked her knuckles. "Uwah!" Shinji cried out in terror. Asuka sent Shinji flying upward, out of sight. She panted, catching her breath after their sprint around the inn. "That...pervert..." Rei popped up in front of Asuka. "Ara...then you wouldn't mind...?" Asuka blinked. "Mind what?" Rei clapped her hands together and smiled happily. "If I go out on a date with him?" ********** O_o o_O O_O Don't tell me. Tell you what? What have you dragged me into? Temporal subdimension "Love Shinji". >_< Not exactly what I meant. ********** Asuka stuck her nose into the air. "Why would I mind?" Rei blinked. "But don't you like him?" Asuka snorted. "Who'd like Shinji? He's a loser." Rei poked Asuka. "Ano...you aren't playing it right..." Asuka barked out a laugh. "This is the way it should be played. Nobody in their right mind would like Shinji." ********** asuka!!!!you arnt playing it right! Nobody tells me what I can and cannot do. but youll ruin the game for everyoen else Girls, girls. Can't we all just get along? * Asuka eyetwitches. I mean, it's not like I even care that Asuka doesn't want to play out the character properly... * Asuka gets an evil gleam in her eye as she guts Shinji with a rusty hook. BWARGH! ********** Elsewhere in the inn... Hikari was yelling. "Stop it Maya!" Maya, from her current position mounted on top of Ritsuko's back, yelled back. "I can't help it! Ritsuko is just so...CUTE!" Ritsuko, being choked to death by Maya's bear hug, managed to mutter, "Mecha...Pen-Pen-chan...GO!" as she pushed the big red button on her belt. From seemingly nowhere, a flying mechanical turtle (who oddly had the face of a penguin) swooped in and was practically nose-to-nose with Maya. Maya went pale. "T...t...PENGUIN?" Maya's face regained its normal complexion, and took on a confused look. "Am I supposed to act afraid of this?" Hikari waved her hands frantically. "Yes! You're supposed to be afraid of turtles!" Maya slid down off of Ritsuko's back, nabbed the turtle/penguin out of midair, and studied it intently. "This really, really looks like a penguin head here." "Oh, just act afraid of it already!" Hikari pouted angrily. "Fine." Maya sighed. "Ahh. A turtle. Help. Help." "And wave your arms frantically!" Hikari commanded, demonstrating the technique to be used. Maya sighed again, and flailed her arms in a similar style. Hikari nodded. "That's better." By this time, Ritsuko had managed to recover enough to move to a safe distance before pressing the other big red button and detonating the Mecha-Pen-Pen. "Wah!" Maya and Hikari yelled as they blasted out the roof. ********** Meanwhile, over at the NERV tea house... Kaji sipped his tea. "Doesn't this remind you of the good old days when we'd always share a nice cup of tea following a rousing excavation?" Naoko sipped her tea. "Why do you have a bullet hole in your head?" Kaji blinked. "I do? Where?" Naoko reached a hand over, and stuck her finger inside. "There." Kaji twitched. "This is mildly uncomfortable." "Fascinating, I'd say." Naoko wiggled her finger a bit. Kaji twitched again. "Please stop that..." A faint, but growing sound drew their attention upwards. "uuuuuuuuwwwwwaAAAAAHHHHH!" Naoko pulled her hand back, just before Shinji came crashing through the roof, and smashed through the table. Naoko calmly sipped her tea. ********** Y'know, this is degrading much faster than I thought. I'm not doing much of anything. Drinking alone is never a good thing. Suggestions? Binge drinking? Good idea. I'll go too! I'll go with you. I don't want to be left alone here. Alone? You're with Ritsuko's mother. Exactly. *** Ritsuko has quit (Gone drinking) *** Misato has quit (Later!) *** Maya has quit (I only came because of Ritsuko anyways) *** Kaji has quit (I can finally rest in peace) ********** Asuka relaxed in the hot springs. "This wasn't such a bad idea, eh Rei? Hot springs are nice. Shinji can't possibly screw these up." Rei suddenly loomed overtop of Asuka. "Rei? What are you doing?" Asuka queried of the other girl, as the distance between them began to lessen. Rei's mouth parted slightly, and she dipped down, planting her lips firmly against Asuka's. ********** What the heck are you doing Rei! Playing out my character. ... But...but...Shinji saw it! He'll never let this drop! *** Signoff Shinji (Ping timeout) [...] Whatever. I'm out of here. *** Asuka has quit (This was a BADBAD idea) Well, that didn't go exactly to plan. I'm going to go too. It was nice seeing you again, Rei. At least you didn't kill me this time around. I've been meaning to apologize for that. I was under a lot of stress at the time. It was no big deal. I got better. *** Naoko has quit (Really. It was the insanity that made me do it) *** Rei has quit (That's the end of that) ********** Back in complementation. Shinji tossed the stone he was holding into the complementation goop. It skipped once, before sinking beneath. "So the entire reason she did it was to fix us up?" Shinji asked. Asuka nodded and pitched her stone. It bounced several times, before vanishing beyond the mists. "Well I learned something today." Asuka stated. "Never give Rei ideas?" Shinji queried. Asuka nodded. "But where did she get the idea that you and I like eachother?" Shinji shrugged. "Too many soap operas?" "Too many soap operas." Asuka agreed. ********** Rei stood silent, enshrouded in mist. She watched Shinji and Asuka pitch their stones. She listened in one their conversation. And she nearly cracked a smile. "The plan seems to be moving ahead, despite a minor setback." A strong, but low voice stated from behind as a hand settled onto Rei's shoulder. Rei nodded, then turned around. Gendo brought his hand back, and readjusted his glasses. "After all. We don't want Shinji to be a loser forever. It reflects badly on me." Rei nodded again. "I'll continue with the plan. In the meantime, what are you going to do?" Gendo pondered. "I suppose I should see him again...someday." ********** Another side of complementation... The rest of the gang got drunk and played pool. Oh, and they...well...um...yeah. ********** Back in temporal subdimension "Love Shinji" Hikari yelled out, "Dinnertime!" The past few hours she'd spent, locked in the kitchen, slaving herself over the stove to prepare a seven course meal. If this didn't cheer everyone up, nothing would! A few minutes passed, but only an obviously hungry flying turtle with the face of a penguin had shown at the table. "Where is everyone?" Hikari wondered aloud. ********** Author notes: First, to address all the workshoppers, being Dot, David Schwager, Farsan, and Jerome. Thanks for the help! A lot of you seemed to have a problem with Maya's character in this one...from your point of view, Maya was rude. I didn't really see it that way while writing...more like she was impatient. The way I thought of it was that Maya just really wants to see Ritsuko in person again. Really. Plus, I'm kinda running too late to make major changes now. Another thing that became problematic was Ritsuko's increased flirtyness. I just figured, why the heck not? Not everyone has to be exactly as they were before complementation. Plus, the only people she was really flirting with were Misato and Kaji. Maybe she's just having some fun? Yes. I really do feel sorry for Hikari...but...I stick by my decision in handing her the 'newbie' chat persona. Maybe I should have made her use more Emoticons? Ah well. Maybe the reason for her odd behavior lies in the fact that she's not quite...sane at the moment...complementation having taken quite a toll on her... Jerome: No, I do not recall Pen-Pen having bit the big one at the end of EVA. But does it really matter? Everyone living AND dead ended up in complementation. Oh, and notice how only Kaji is still running around with his gunshot wound? I guess everyone else just decided they'd be better off without. *Shrugs* So in conclusion, what have I accomplished? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Well...other than adding a bit of twisted continuity at the end there. ^_^ I didn't even manage to pull off the Love Hina spoof in any way that resulted in a good second half to the part. The chat part's really what makes this good. Thursday, February 13, 2003 (Boy did this one suck. Had to write it three times from after the chat bit. Don't ask.) PS. For those who cannot make the link, I'm making a reference back to part 1, wherein Shinji said that the relation between himself and Gendo had improved. Now, being the good father that he is, Gendo has taken it upon himself to get Shinji a girlfriend. Hah! Let's see how the next author deals with that!