I used to enjoy the dark. I enjoyed watching the shadows move and lengthen as the sun went down. Even in my dim little house, back in Tokyo, with the gray blinds and the clutter, I enjoyed sitting quietly, perhaps with a cup of tea, and watching the night close in. I used to say, with my very best immobile stare and unmeaning smile, that I was a creature of the dark. What I especially liked was moving in the dark. I have always viewed mere athleticism as a ploy to disguise the inadequacies of those who cannot think, but one thing I was always rather good at was moving about in the dark. I used to delight in strolling down a darkened pathway in the park, surrounded by trees, never bumping into anything. I never let the others see me, of course. I have a certain status to maintain. It was curious to me, therefore, that when I was blind, when having my eyes open or shut was a meaningless activity, I dreamed... of running in the dark. Wings of Fate Chapter 16: Travelling By Lirazel Created by Ardweden and John Evans Kenchi ended up calling Judou from a public phone -- either or both of them had managed to completely overlook the fact that Judou had kept both of the phones, a fact that made the task of getting hold of Judou and Shuukou rather difficult. After we did make contact, we got back into the car and settled in for a long drive. None of us felt like talking. Kenchi poked the radio, and some driveling sort of J-pop came on--the kind that's full of English words in an order that makes no sense. Knowing that he loathes such music, I waited for him to change the station, but Akari must have stopped him. I heard him grunt with displeasure, but the music went on. Akari, presumably, was smiling and nodding her head to the annoying, insistent beat. Well, the above isn't true. I wanted to talk. Or, rather, I wanted them to talk, and was willing to talk to them to get them started. Ironic, isn't it? But when hearing took the place of vision, I discovered that only sounds told me anything about the shape of the world. My "outer" awareness was limited to my body, what it could touch, and what I could smell, taste, and, primarily, hear. Of these senses, only hearing could give me any idea of what was nearby and what was far. And all I was hearing now was the rush of wind over the roof and "ai, ai, ai, I'm your little butterfly" coming through the cheap speakers in Judou's car. "I never knew you liked pop," I said into the space in front of me, where Kenchi and Akari probably were still sitting. They were both so startled I could feel the car shake. The radio switched from "Butterfly" to some nonsense about how there's only one number one. Not an improvement. "Personally, I hate this garbage," said Kenchi. "I guess Judou must have another hidden side to his personality." Akari coughed in that meaningless way she has when she's about to say something others might not like. *I* like pop," I could almost feel her frown at Kenchi, "--but if it bothers you two..." She began poking the preset buttons, then fiddling with the scanner. Although the reception was lousy, she finally settled on what you might call a "classical lite" station--lots of tinkling harpsichords and a very predictable pattern to each piece. "That better, Soshi?" She didn't ask Kenchi, I noticed. When Akari is annoyed, the person she is annoyed with becomes invisible. "Thanks," I said, before I thought. It was one of my old rules not to say thank-you for small favors. Only insecure people need to say meaningless phrases like "please" and "thank-you" over and over. No. I wasn't feeling insecure. Why should you assume such a thing? Kenchi stepped on the gas, muttering under his breath as the car slowly accelerated. It certainly was different from the smooth toy he'd lent to Judou and Shuukou. "At least we've got a full tank. No stopping until nightfall." Silence fell again between us. I began to doze, discovering, as I had before, how lulling the sounds of motor and wheel could be. I could hear the music through them. I believe I tried focusing on particular sounds, and discovered that if I listened very, very carefully, I could hear Kenchi and Akari breathing; and, since I was sitting behind Akari, the beating of her heart. Normally, I would not have bothered with such an exercise, but--well, unusual circumstances call out different responses in people. I needed to know how much I could hear. Maybe I imagined the heartbeat, or maybe the heartbeat was my own. Anyway, listening to it, I fell asleep. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Since the fire, whenever I awakened, it was with a start. There was a sudden flash of light--warm, golden light--and then I awoke, and in the dark of blindness, not of sleep. This time, however, I awoke to the sound of voices. "...are such things as voice-recognition systems, you know," said Kenchi's voice. "Why are you so worried about him?" He seemed a little disgruntled. "We've got a lot more to worry about than Soshi's future, believe me! For that matter, I'm not at all sure the bastard doesn't know more about all this than he's telling." "I know," said Akari, her voice showing anger and dissatisfaction. "But he's always been so independent and self- sufficient. It just doesn't seem right that I... that I can't..." My first feeling was claustrophobia, that sense of being closed in. I hate it when people plan for me, and there always seems to be someone around who thinks life would be grand if I would just let myself be taken care of. I told you I'm not good with people. I'm especially not good with female people. Akari and Shuukou are the only two females who have ever deliberately touched me since I left home, and that was in the way of business, as it were. Except for Akari hugging me once, or twice. Except for her sense of failure when she couldn't heal my eyes, and the pat on the back I gave her in her distress. She seemed to be blowing these events all out of proportion, abrogating to herself the right to worry about me, the right to... pity me. It was very, very important, somehow, at that moment, that Akari not be sorry for me. While pity can be a very useful emotion to excite when you want to manipulate someone else, I somehow did not relish the idea of Akari's pity. But after a moment or two, I realized that her compassion could be very, very useful. There were moments when, much as I hated it, I did need someone's help. Akari would give it out of a sense of compassion and obligation, which would probably last longer than Kenchi's casual tolerance. I slowly stretched myself, being very careful not to show that I had been awake and listening. "Where are we now?" "About as far as we can go today," Kenchi replied. "It'll soon be time to look for a place to stay." "Any trouble?" "None," said Kenchi. "Actually, just the opposite. The traffic is unusually light. I guess that road-work Judou got stuck in is really holding back a lot of people." " Perhaps even those who are trying to follow us," I said, with the barest hint of a sneer upon my face. "Assuming such things would bother them." "I thought you were blocking them!" Akari managed to sound both annoyed and a bit frightened, something that she was getting to be rather adept at recently. I had to wonder if she and Judou thought I had missed their little interplay in the woods earlier that morning, before we got started. Yes, I was ensorcelling the rosary at that time, but that doesn't mean I was wholly absorbed in the act. I am more competent than that. "Oh yes. I fear my nap there may have put us at risk a bit. I listened to their twin gasps with a satisfaction I didn't allow onto my face. "Sorry," I added, just to twist the knife a little. "Sorry!" exclaimed Kenchi. "What if they find us? How sorry will you be then?" My off-hand attitude still worked on Kenchi, I was pleased to perceive. Maybe his fears were the flip side of his ability to control others, but they made it easy for me to control him--the mind-bender being bent, in a way. "Don't worry," I said, in a tone that I am sure was not reassuring. "I'd have awakened at once if I was aware of any pressure." "Sure, you would," Kenchi said, in his least suave voice. "Just like you were 'protecting' us in that cellar of yours!" I sighed. Kenchi can be so dense, sometimes. "Kenchi, back in Tokyo I was surrounded with all my tools and had access to all my research notes. Do you really think I want to confront beings of great power out here on the highway, with none of my external resources and nothing to help me but you two?" We all felt it at about the same time, I think. That sense of being sought, of pursuit. We didn't know it at the time, but it was just about then that Judou and Shuukou made their escape from the wolf and found shelter in the woods. "Stop the car," I said. I'll swear my tone of voice was no different than normal, but Kenchi abruptly steered to the side of the road. I concentrated my attention on the barriers I had set up around the car. It is a bit difficult to maintain such guards on a moving object--the energy keeps getting pulled off as the vehicle crosses ley lines and other power points. But I'm sure you know all that. In a few moments, the sense of a seeking mind (or minds) grew less. "Get us to a place where I can set up some real protection, Kenchi." He didn't answer me, and I added, "Sooner, rather than later." Kenchi drew a deep breath. I knew he was glaring at me. Then he let it out, slowly and carefully, as if it might break, full of things unsaid, and turned the car back onto the highway. I spoke his unsaid thought. "The rosary I gave Shuukou and Judou should be adequate." His snort in reply indicated it had better be. As we began to pick up speed, Akari asked, "But-- how is it that are they only looking for us now? Why not before?" That same note of annoyance and fear was in her voice. I shrugged. "Maybe they were looking for the others first." "And found them?" At least her voice was anxious over Judou and Shuukou, just as it had been over me. I was an object of her general concern, not a special case. I told myself the feeling I had was relief. "Probably not," I said curtly, and settled back against the car seat. For the rest of the trip, I concentrated on maintaining the barrier around us. If the others spoke, I did not hear them. I was "listening" with my inner ear for the trace of that seeking, angry intelligence. It was still out there. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ We selected a small motel on the main drag of a middle-sized, insignificant town. This meant it was crowded, and we would be less conspicuous. We debated for a while on whether or not to have separate rooms. Or, rather, Kenchi wanted us to stay together, Akari seemed afflicted by an attack of prudishness, and I... I needed to be alone. This probably seems strange to you. "Here is a man recently blinded," you are thinking, "being sought by mysterious forces he does not fully understand. Would he not wish to be together with his friends?" I will admit to a few moments of self-doubt. But, I reasoned, the only physical attack had occurred miles from here. It was very unlikely that anyone or anything would be able to move against us so quickly from so far away. And the idea of spending a whole night in the same room with Kenchi and Akari made me uncomfortable. We thinkers need our solitude. I was wrong, of course. Sometimes one just has to admit these things and move on. Akari and I, between us, prevailed over Kenchi and we took three rooms. I visited Kenchi's room first, then Akari's, which was in the middle, placing the appropriate spells on each ceiling, floor, wall, and window. Then Kenchi walked me to my own room, and left me in peace. Our plan was to take a brief rest, then go look for some dinner. Peace. It was a nice thought. My "rest" started with walking around the room six or seven times, until I could move from the bed to the bathroom to the desk to the TV set without hesitation. Then I practiced finding my belongings in the two shallow drawers that the cheap desk/bureau combination provided. The room was Basic Motel: fake headboard attached to the wall, some kind of picture above it (I felt the smooth paper inside the frame--not a real painting, then), polyester quilt, half-polyester sheets, and the whole thing smelling of cigarette smoke, with an undertone of hairspray. Particle-board furniture, poorly made. Lamps with very small bulbs. I turned one on-- didn't want my room's window to look conspicuous for lack of light. I touched the bulb to make sure it was working. Then I went into the bathroom, and discovered the pleasures of washing with a tiny bar of hotel soap when you can't see where it's gone to. The towels seemed to have been coated with a non-absorbent resin, but at least there were a lot of them. Finally, I lay stretched out on my bed, relaxed but alert, and was able to really think for the first time in hours. I didn't like my thoughts. I thought of my small, cluttered house in Tokyo, of its huge bookcases, of my computer. All of them useless, unless I could see. Sure, in theory I could have someone help me study, read to me. Someone who got off on compassion, like Akari. But even if I had the resources to pay such a person, how could I stand to have some fool cluttering up my life? And the thought of the sort of person who would do such work without pay was even worse. There had to be a solution. Maybe there was some way we could amplify Akari's healing ability. She had been able to support Judou in his vision of our antagonists. Perhaps there could be another way to combine their talents, one that would restore my sight. Of course, with the powers those who sought us had, the whole question might be moot. All this time, I had been aware of the sound of the television in Akari's room, running water, etc. Suddenly, I heard her cry out, and she began to bang frantically on the wall next to my head. Soshi!" I heard her leap from the bed and start pounding the opposite wall. "Kenchi!" Her voice was trembling with some barely-controlled emotion. Fear or anger, I couldn't tell which. "Come here, please!" Her voice broke on the last word. Ah. Fear. I moved to the door as rapidly as I could, and felt my way along the corridor. Her door swung open as I reached it, and I stepped back to let Kenchi in. I heard him gasp in horror, and turned towards the television. "...bodies of the two occupants have not yet been identified. Rescue efforts were hindered by the construction in progress, and by the crowds of vehicles en route to a local festival." "That looks like my car..." Kenchi was whispering. Interesting to know that shock took him that way. Next to him, Akari was starting to sob. The television went on. "In an unrelated accident, a very similar sportscar, a silver BMW, also was involved in a fatal wreck. Witnesses say that the vehicle began swerving randomly across the crowded highway, traveling at twice the posted speed limit. No other vehicles were present when it apparently crashed into a propane fuel truck, but the resulting explosion destroyed both vehicles. The driver of the truck is dead, while any occupants of the car appear to have fled the scene. Authorities plan to search the surrounding woodland at sunrise." "My CAR!" Kenchi shouted. "That's it! See the license plate?" "Not really," I murmured. "But-- Where are they?" asked Akari. "I knew we shouldn't have relied on some stupid necklace for protection!" Kenchi ranted. He's never been able to appreciate my Gift. "Do you know how much that car cost me? I should--" "Perhaps you'd like to break a lamp or something," I suggested. "Get it out of your system." "Listen, you wise-ass, wall-eyed, smirking bas--" "I asked WHERE ARE THEY? " roared Akari. We both turned towards her in shock. At least, I did, and I'm pretty sure about Kenchi's reaction. "There, that's better," said Akari, crisply. " Soshi, I'm glad that your- that the fire hasn't warped your sense of humour, but could you please not exercise it on Kenchi for the moment?" Silence. "Kenchi, I know you're not really angry about your car. Let's think about where Shuukou and Judou may have gone to, okay? At least we know they're not in that first wreck. We may need to go look for them." More silence. I began, for the first time, to think that I might have underestimated Akari. On the surface, she was a nice, boring girl with what one might call "good" hands, but now, for the first time, I sensed power in her voice, as well as fear. She gave a sigh, moved to the bed and sat down. I heard the small 'click' of the remote, and the louder 'ping' as the television went silent. When Akari spoke again, her voice was under her control--but fear was around the edges, and growing. "They've got to be OK. We'd know. I'm sure we'd know if they were OK, wouldn't we, Kenchi? Soshi, wouldn't you know if anything happened to them? Don't you think we'd know?" I shrugged. "We might, or we might not. I can't say I'm aware of you all every waking minute." "Hand me the phone. I'll try the cell phones; maybe they still have them." I heard her pick up the phone and hand it to Kenchi. He moved over to dial it. They were... I don't know exactly what they were doing, but they were clearly very close together. We listened as the "The person at this number is unavailable," came through the handset, and again as Kenchi called his second line. Wherever, they were, either they had no access to either cell phone, or the phones were shut off. That seemed unlikely, in the circumstances. "Well," I said slowly, "They aren't at the accident scene, so they were either taken away or left under their own power." You'd think, since both of them were yelling at me moments before, they would have remembered I was there, but again, I seemed to startle them. Kenchi moved away from the bed where Akari was sitting. "Yes, and we think they were not captured by whatever is looking for us," said Kenchi, or we would not have been aware of that... seeking, earlier." The little sigh of relief Akari gave told me the thought was new to her. "So, assuming they are free, and since they have no idea where we are, how will they reach us?" I said out loud. Usually, I think to myself, since this allows me to astonish the less thoughtful with my conclusions, but I was so rattled by events that Kenchi got there first. "Voicemail!" he shouted triumphantly, and grabbed for the phone. I refrained from pointing out that this assumed they had access to either one of the cells, or a pay phone. Kenchi rarely appreciates it when someone points out the flaws in his reasoning; the sign of a second-rate mind, I'm afraid. This time, as it happened, he was correct. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ "Hello, Kenchi. It's me," said the tinny combination of telephone and tape recorder. Kenchi and Akari had both listened to the message, and now it was my turn. "You've probably seen what happened to the car; it must have made the news. What no one but us seems to have seen is the huge white wolf that was after us. I didn't have a whole lot of choices there. Sorry. Oh yeah, the phones got smashed in the wreck. Come to think of it, I'm not sure why *we* didn't get smashed!" "I can't talk long--Shuukou's back in the woods, waiting. She's OK, just tired, but I need to get back to her. She's safe for now, I think. She seems to have identified herself to the forest here." "We have a little help. Someone named Macha wants us to help her find some guy who might also be looking for us. She's willing to help us while we look. She says she knows Soshi. You might ask him." "I don't know how long it'll take us to catch up with you. I hope we can still meet at the waterpark in say, three day's time. If we haven't shown up at the back entrance by 4 PM the day after tomorrow, you'd better keep going to Aomori. We'll do the best we can to catch up before you get there, and my family know who you are." "Leave a message at my house. I'll try to touch base from time to time. I can't think of anything else, and I need to go back for Shuukou. Tell Akari I'll see her in Aomori." "I'm so glad they're all right!" exclaimed Akari. Sometimes Akari is like that. She says the thing that everyone is thinking, even if it's really silly. And how like Akari to discover a well of executive ability in support of Judou and Shuukou, and then lapse back into girlishness as soon as the task was over. Kenchi quickly called Judou's house and left a brief message, telling him we agreed with his plan and that we all were well, so far. Then he hung up the phone. I could not see his face, but I felt expectation. "So," said Kenchi. "Who's Macha?" I wasn't sure, but I wasn't going to let them know that. "I have acquaintances in more places than you might think," I replied. "Macha has powers that could be useful." In fact, the name was making me think of the fire in the forest. This is not my favorite thought, and I resolutely pushed it away. Instead, I raised the subject of food. "In the meantime, perhaps it would be wiser if we ate in. It's easier to stay hidden by spells if we don't move around more than we have to" Also, it was hard enough to have the two of them watch me try to eat without seeing my food--I hated to think what it must look like to others. "Oh... OK, here's some menus from places that deliver." Akari was turning to the desk. "Um, what do you feel like having?" Her voice was still a little ragged, but she was back doing something she understood, looking after other people. The way she just... gave in all the time. She never seemed to even think about power, or control. Yet, when she needed to, it was all there, ready to use. I, on the other hand, know I have control as long as I can predict the behavior of others in response to my stimuli. It was a good thing that Akari was not pitying me. Such pity would have been--unpredictable. Clearly, I had underestimated her. Kenchi was still standing in the middle of the room. Thinking about his car, I suppose. And about how Judou could have left Shuukou by herself in a forest, so soon after the fire and her own struggle to keep going. Kenchi does care about others--it's more natural for him than for me, anyway. "I sure hope Judou is more persuasive in person than he is in a voicemail message," he muttered under his breath. Silently, I agreed. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ So, we ate an anonymous meal, and talked about stopping on the way to the park to shop, and how we should stay together, and whether Akari should buy Shuukou a swimsuit. Kenchi said he would help. It was interesting to hear the smirk in his voice as he said it, and interesting to hear the semi-disapproving giggle in Akari's voice as she said she wouldn't need his help. I concentrated on eating noodles without seeing them, on spearing tofu without touching it. When the time came, Akari asked Kenchi to come into her room for the night. Then she turned and asked me as well. It made sense, after a fashion. We now knew that a physical attack had occurred, not far from our own location at the time. We weren't sure if the attackers and the beings seeking us were the same, but it would certainly be easier to defend one room instead of three. Reluctantly, I agreed. Kenchi immediately said he'd sleep on the floor, while I took the second bed. He always has to do the effective thing like that. Kenchi and Akari went to his room for bedding. Then Kenchi walked me to my room, while I got a few things. As I turned to go, he said, "Don't forget to turn off the light," and I mentally cursed myself for having forgotten it was on. As the others settled down, I realized I was wide awake, almost hyper-alert. I received only tepid thanks by announcing that I would take the first watch. Usually, I only make a virtue of necessity when it has more of an impact. I know what caused this awake state now; blind people frequently have insomnia, since their pituitary glands are not stimulated by the optic nerve to produce the brain chemicals required for sleep. At the time, it was just one more irritation, to lie there awake and thinking. How, HOW were we supposed to spend more than two days hiding from our pursuers? I very much doubted that I could successfully shield us for all that time, and I was sure that they, whoever they were, were still looking. I could feel them out there, relentlessly touching every mind for miles. What would they think when they found a small block of rooms in an insignificant hotel, apparently shielded from their sight? Who was Macha? How did she know me? I thought of the presence who had been with me in the wood. There had been beauty there, but also a desire to feast on death that was far beyond anything I had ever encountered before. And she claimed relationship, spiritual kinship, with me. I had told no one about that encounter. What if she treated my companions as food for her desire? Last month, even last week, I would have shrugged my shoulders and pretended not to care. Today I had heard the concern in Akari's voice, and I could not wish her gone. Even if that concern was not for me specifically, even if I did not want it, Akari now seemed to me to be too valuable to expose to the one who I encountered in the forest. But why did I feel that this "Macha" and the presence in the forest were one and the same? I had never seen that being, and chances were I would not see Macha, either. If they were the same, how could I tell? I felt like I was bursting with anger and frustration; that I HAD to see. I began to cast about for some magic of my own, anything, that would allow me at least the illusion of sight. My magic, as you may have noticed, was not terribly effective in this situation. I can make and break down barriers, but I don't generally "see" the forces with which I deal. Of course, the definition of "barrier" can be flexible. You might say that my "Gift" is a reflection of my personality--I push people and powers away, and I break into places others want to keep closed. My magical studies have advanced to the point where I can cast certain aspects of this power into physical objects, or tokens, that can then function as barriers without conscious, active involvement on my part. Well, with minimal involvement. I could not pretend that maintaining the protection on our rooms was a trivial task, in the face of whatever it was that sought us. It would be necessary for me to go shopping in the morning with Akari. I needed to pick up objects that I could use to make personal protections for the others. And, perhaps, I could find something that would breach the darkness that bound me, and allow some limited form of sight. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ErÖWai? This is my first impro part, and I'm afraid it shows. But it seemed to me, since my husband is blind, that there are a few things I could contribute about blindness that might be useful. Most of the information about being blind does not come from my husband, however, who is far to proud to discuss these matters. It is from a marvelous book, called "Touching the Rock", by John Bell, a professor at the University of Birmingham, UK, who finished going blind when he was 40. The book begins two years later, after the purely technical issues that arise for a blind person had been more or less resolved, and he began to really live a blind life. So, you take an obnoxious jerk like Soshi, and put him in a place where he is more-or-less depending on others for survival, and even though he may deal with the technical issues quickly, there will still be the social issues. Like accepting help in a way that does not compromise independence, or being even more of a brat than usual to remind people that it's still you in there. And all this with mysterious powers on your tail. Oy, such troubles! Anyone else who is writing Soshi and wants to know something about being blind can feel free to ask me--or just read John Bell's book. Thanks to Ravi for the idea about voicemail, and to Phoebe for the suggestion to do Soshi. Also to Phoebe, Ravi, and Ard for pre- reading. (I didn't get Ard's in time; sorry!) I guess I must really be an old softy--my original Soshi was a real nice guy! Ravi and Phoebe took care of that, toot sweet! Ard has a lot of great Akari ideas, which I hope I haven't messed up too much for her. Lirazel.