Without trust, no human relationship can survive. I read that somewhere. I don't remember where it was, but it stuck in my mind. It sounded like one of those little taglines you find on posters in office buildings, something that you've always know that makes complete sense, but when spelled out in big, colorful letters somehow manages to become grand and meaningful. And it was meaningful, in my experience. My life is built on trust, both me trusting others and others trusting me. The people I care for at the hospice trust me, to be there and provide company for them, even though we both know they are dying. My family trusts me to look out for myself and to be careful not to hurt my family's name. And my friends? My friends trusted me... to be me. Without trust, no human relationship can survive. And without complete trust, no relationship can thrive. I've learned it isn't just limited to humans; we're all bound by that simple fact. So what do you do when you find yourself betraying that trust? When you rely on others for support and on supporting them, what can you do when you discover that you are abusing the faith they've put in you? I was about to find out. Tell me, do you trust me? - = - Wings of Fate Chapter 23: Within by Raviprasad Duvvuri created by John Evans and Ardweden - = - Don't answer that question. Ever since we came to this place, we've been poked, prodded, injected, molested, interrogated, and more... It doesn't really matter what your response is. My story isn't going to change. I'm glad that beast isn't here today. It was hard listening to him two days ago, and yesterday I was almost... no, I was in tears. I know, you didn't see me. You were too busy listening to... Him. You're nodding like you understand what I'm saying. I've seen that same look hundreds of times at the hospice on the faces of doctors who have given up hope. That's how they deal with it, how they distance themselves. They wear that mask of clinical disinterest. The hospice workers and volunteers don't have that luxury. We open our hearts and bare our souls, and we bear the scars of whatever wounds the raw emotions leave behind. But you... you don't want to try to understand, don't want to care. It's easier for you if you don't. I don't blame you, though. Not even my friends would be able to understand fully, not my ordeal. They can sympathize, and in the case of Kenchi, can pick up a bit of what I went through... but they'll never know how it felt. I was a prisoner in my own body. It was horrible. I could see and hear and feel everything, but I was helpless. I couldn't *do* anything. If I would try to reach out my arm, nothing would happen -- if I was lucky. It would just hang there uselessly. If I wasn't, then He would be using it, just like he was using my body and my identity, like he was using my friends. Somewhere above and around me there was always this strange alien presence... fuzzying my senses with the feeling of decay. I couldn't quite understand what he was thinking, but sometimes I would get impressions of his emotions, his thoughts, and his reactions, but always colored by rot. I wonder if that's how it is for Philippe, or at least how it was. I really hope Phil-san was dead before He took over his body. And if not, then I'm glad I killed him. If our places were switched, I know that I'd thank him for releasing me. While He was possessing me, I know that was what I was always wishing for... for someone to free me. That's why He picked me. I was the one who could catch Him and could do something about it, and I was the person who had hurt Him before, so once he licked his wounds, he waited for me, there in Aomori. And when he found us, he followed me until I was weak... and then he infected me. I knew his presence the instant he attacked, but I had no chance to retaliate. He was fast and brutal, and He went straight for my mind. I don't think I even had time to scream. One second I was taking a short walk, thinking about our upcoming visit to the blind priestesses and what they might be able to tell us. The next, He was inside me and I was on the ground, rolling all around while he tried to establish a hold on my motor controls. They were all asleep by the time I got back to the inn, or else I'm sure they would have noticed how dirty my clothes were. Ironically, I never did get to meet the priestesses. The next morning, we went out to watch the tengu fighting, and you know the rest. Tano broke his arm and I moved to heal it. Only, it wasn't me. He was experimenting with my magic, and tried to heal it, and it should have worked. Every time I'd helped Judou in the past, he had been just fine, whether it was healing a scrape or just giving him a little boost of energy so that he could make it through an all-nighter. His presence had made my magic go bad, I'm sure. The only times my magic had hurt anyone before was when that Shadow creature attacked us in Soshi's basement and when I drove that monster out of Philippe's body. I think He was as surprised as me when it backfired... If I was him, I wouldn't have wanted to give myself away by doing it intentionally. If nothing else, he had my reaction down perfect. I wouldn't have done anything differently, except that I would have said that I was sorry. Knowing that I hurt Tano's arm crushed me. When they brought out that sword and amputated it... well, it could have been my arm falling to the ground, from the feeling in my gut. I heal people... I help them. I hate to see people hurting, and I take their suffering on myself if I think it will lessen their load. Why else would I work at the hospice? Except for the occasional neighborhood child who comes in with a broken arm, everyone who walks in the door is elderly and infirm, and waiting to die. But if I can help, even just a little, it makes it all right. So I would have run away... if it had been me doing the running. He stopped before we got too far away, but not so close that they would be able to find us immediately. I tried to sleep, but I couldn't. He did, and my body did, but my mind was racing all night with the image of rotting flesh and falling feathers dancing across my closed eyelids. The coldness of the night chilled me to the bone, but I couldn't even wrap my arms around me to stay warm. And then, after that endless night, morning finally came. I was listening to Judou talk to me, after he had found me beneath that old tree. My eyes were locked on his, but I was looking away. I didn't want to see his warmth and kindness, because I knew that my lips and my voice were lying to him, misleading him. I wanted to rip my gaze away, to burst into tears and fling myself off the path down the hillside. But instead I watched Judou and listened to his words. They weren't his words, though. Judou was saying ridiculous things... things he would never say in a million years. My chest tightened with every syllable he was uttering, and then I realized what he was doing. He wanted to spare me from the coming judgement. They had gone to the priestesses without me, and what they said scared him. He didn't want me to be hurt if he had to pay for his crimes against the tengu. Part of me was smiling then. If I wasn't possessed by a horrible, nasty creature of darkness, I would have kissed him. He was that cute... that noble. It's things like that which make me sorry it never worked out between us. But then again, I was possessed, and the greater part of me was silently screaming in both rage and anguish. I sighed a great breath of relief when Judou turned his back on me, because it meant I didn't have to watch me betray him. He walked down off the path, and I followed him, doing everything in my power to keep from breaking down and losing my mind to the beast. We went back to the inn and waited in the foyer. Thankfully, it was empty. I wouldn't have been able to handle seeing the looks on the faces of the tengu, not after what I had done. I can sit and make excuses all day about how it wasn't really me, because I wasn't in control, but that's like the drunk driver saying it wasn't his fault that he ran someone over because he wasn't in control of his car. It was still my body and my powers that had rotted the tengu's arm. "Stay here," Judou said. He bade me to sit down on a bench and held up his hands, gesturing for me to just wait. He walked back out the front door. I was alone again, with just myself, my thoughts, and my demon. I could feel his glee. He was ecstatic that he was able to pass himself off as me. He didn't do anything while He waited except for gloat. It was making me sick to my stomach. I had to do something... there had to be some trick to it, something He had overlooked. Maybe if I kept trying different things, I could break free. The problem was that nothing was coming to me. "Let me go!" I suddenly screamed at him. "Why are you doing this?!" He didn't answer, and his silence was far worse than any answer He could have given me. In time, I found out that He couldn't hear my thoughts, any more than I could hear his, but at that moment, I didn't know... so I kept crying. Then I heard a noise, and He heard it too, because we stood up. The door was flung open, and Shuukou came walking in. She met my gaze and I saw the worry in her eyes melt away. I wonder what she saw in my face as she rushed over to me to hug me tight. 'Akari' hugged her back, whispering back soft words of reassurance to Shuukou's questions. Still hugging her, Akari looked up at the door to see if the others were there, too. Judou, Kenchi, and Soshi were. Shuukou pulled away and the group gathered around my body. There was relief in their faces, mingled with something else. I remembered Judou's words under the tree and how he'd tried to act as if he didn't care. Something had happened after I ran away the night before, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know what. Akari said the words I wanted to say. "Did you go to the priestesses?" I was surprised at how good He was... there was just the right amount of fake detachment in my voice. If I didn't know better, I would think He was changing the subject so we wouldn't all be standing around in awkward silence; however, I did know better... that he was going to try to use his position as Akari to spy on the others and report back to his masters. "Yeah, we saw them," Kenchi said. He smiled warmly, but his voice was grim when he answered. There was more to it, and I was dying to know-- "What did they say?" Akari asked, looking from face to face. None of them said anything. My stomach clenched up... it was worse than I had suspected, then. Shuukou put her arm on my shoulder, and Akari turned to look at her. "You'll find out. We're going to go to see the tengu now." I tried to step back away from her, and found that my possessor was doing the same thing. "You're not telling me something," I was saying. I was surprised at the edge in my voice. Silently, I cheered Him on... maybe my friends would realize that it wasn't me they were talking to, if He kept acting suspiciously. Judou wasn't looking me in the face. Instead, he turned away coldly. "We shouldn't keep them waiting," he said quietly, and then he walked to the door and out. The group trekked along a path leading behind the inn, up the hill and into the woods. I wished someone had thought to get me my jacket, because there was a bitter wind sweeping through the tree branches. After twenty minutes of hiking, they came to a large clearing. It wasn't the same one they had been in earlier. Or if it was, it didn't seem like it. All around the edges of the clearing, torches were blazing, filling the air with dancing light. Sitting in a circle just inside the line of torches were dozens of tengu, all in their native form. They had their arms crossed and were all deathly silent. The moment Judou set foot in the clearing, they all stood up, all at the same time. Without saying a word and with only the minimum amount of movement, they gave enough room for we five outsiders to enter the circle. There were countless eyes on us, and on me especially. I could feel their glassy stares burning tiny holes in me. I think at that time I would have welcomed it if they had killed me right then and there, but we weren't so lucky. In the middle of the circle was a flat stone slab. It looked like one of the sacrificial altars I'd seen in some of Soshi's books of Western magic. Standing on it was Judou's grandmother, Tano, and Macha. Judou's grandmother, oddly enough, was in human form. I tried to look away from Tano, but 'Akari' had other plans. He locked gazes with him. I felt waves of scorn and giddiness coming from Him; he was trying to taunt Tano, I think. He wasn't acting apologetic, at the very least. I turned my attention to the others, which was harder than I thought, since my eyes were focused on Tano. Macha was as humorless as ever... she wouldn't have been stiffer if you had shoved a board up her ass. I tried to find some clues in the face of Judou's grandmother, but she was carefully trying not too look at us. Not a good sign at all. My tormentor glanced at my friends. Kenchi and Shuukou looked nervous, even though Shuukou was trying to remain stoic. Heck, even Soshi looked uncomfortable. Judou just had his head hung low. His grandmother stepped forward and spoke to him. "Judou, you have spoken to the priestesses of Osorezen-san?" He didn't look up from the ground. "Yes, I have." "And you have explained to them your current situation, as well as the events that have brought you and your friends to it?" She sounded regal and commanding. I couldn't believe this was the same old woman who had kindly welcomed us to the ryokan. Judou kept his eyes glued to that spot one foot out from his feet. "Yes, I have." "And you took with you to see them a member of this council, to bear witness to this?" "Yes." The old woman nodded and stepped down from the slab. She circled around the five of us. I didn't dare move, even though I didn't have much choice in the matter. "Very well," she said plainly, from behind us. "Then we shall deliver our judgement!" "But you can't b--" Akari tried to say, but was cut off as Judou's grandmother leaped over us and landed on the platform. "SILENCE!" she roared, and I saw she had gone back to her tengu form. I flinched, and so did Akari. (It seems weird, but it makes sense to me to refer to Him in the third person like that... partly because I don't want to even think his name, and because that was how I saw it happen, in a detached sense.) "Normally," Judou's grandmother continued, "we would have nothing to do with this. You would be sent away, to deal with what you have wrought on your own." She stopped and shook her head. "Unfortunately, we cannot do that now. Too much has happened, and we are inextricably involved." She stepped down again and put a feather-covered finger under Judou's chin, lifting his head to look him in the eyes. "What are you saying?" Soshi asked, even though Judou and Shuukou were waving at him in vain to be quiet. "What will you do?" Judou's grandmother turned to glare at him, but it was kind of pointless, since he couldn't see her anyway. She half-snarled in anger, then looked over us again. "We will help you, Judou. We will help your friends, as well." Judou raised his eyebrow. "But?" "There will be a price, of course." She snorted softly. "Of course," Judou agreed. He bowed submissively. I don't think I'd ever seen him this way. He was probably expecting far worse, from how he had been acting earlier. "What must we do?" "For now, you will do nothing." "Nothing?" "Nothing. And for later, too, you will do nothing." She smiled at our confusion. "Your enemies do not know you, they have only tried to hunt you out. They wish to see you dead, and so we shall give that to them." "What?" Akari shouted. "You can't expect us to--" "Let me finish!" Judou's grandmother spoke, punctuating her words with a loud clack of her beak. "No, it will not be you who dies. We will provide simulacra of the five of you and we will provide a suitable accident in which to destroy them. Your enemies will find the bodies and the magical residues, and thus satisfied, give up the chase." I wanted to scream that it wouldn't work, that there was no way it could work, but He wouldn't let me. It was better for Him if they thought their plan would work... but I couldn't believe they had faith in it. Our enemies had to know who we were. They had to know where to find us. If we did try this, we would be sitting targets! Unless, I realized, they knew something that I didn't. "Are you sure it will work?" Shuukou asked. "It will. And furthermore, that is what we have already decided. We have begun work on your doubles and will 'kill' you before the day is over." "And what of the price you demand?" Judou asked, his voice wavering. "Ah, yes. We thought about asking for your life, Judou. You should know that much. There is a blood price to be paid, but you will not be the one offering it." Judou gulped visibly, and tugged at his collar. "Instead, we demand that you all abandon your pursuit and usage of powers which were not meant for you. You will stop using magic and you will stop trying to learn more about it. An' be it said, so shall it be done." Judou's grandmother clapped sharply, and it was answered with loud cawing from the tengu council. The circle broke and we were approached by Judou's relatives. Tano was the first to step down from the stone pedastal. He looked me in the eye with open disgust before turning to Judou. "I will see you in the next world, old friend," he said, padding Judou on the back. He looked over the rest of us and shrugged his single shoulder. I wanted to cry, but of course, I couldn't. He left. Macha then approached Judou and they spoke a bit. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but Judou didn't look too happy about what she had said. After she left, the group fell into silence. "So how do we get home?" Kenchi finally asked, ever the pragmatist. "I've already lost my car and two rental cars on the way up here." He tried to smile at Kurasuno-san, but Judou's father would have none of that. "You will take the bus, Iwanaga-san, and you will not complain." He frowned. "In any case, *you* will not be returning home. Your house is the point of contamination. We know that the people after you can backtrack to your house, since you did not kill the beast they sent." He looked over the rest of us. "You will all go separately and will not contact each other for at least one week after arriving in Tokyo." "Why Tokyo?" Akari asked. "Wouldn't it be better to move to a different city, or even get out of Japan?" The tengu turned his gaze toward me. I felt very small, like I'd just said something completely obvious. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then he just shook his head. "Of course, you wouldn't know. The simple answer is no. Tokyo is the best place for you to go right now. Think of it this way: They are least expecting to find you right under their noses. If they suspect any chicanery, they will hunt for you here, far from where you will actually be." He wasn't going to allow for any disagreement. And he didn't get any. What is there to say? We returned to the inn in silence. Judou stayed behind. I wanted to say something, but He wouldn't let me. Instead, Akari offered to take the first bus out, since she couldn't stand being around the tengu any more, not after what she had done. Shuukou tried to come along, but Soshi stopped her. We got on the bus and went home. I was numb for the entire trip. I didn't sleep at all, until we arrived in Tokyo two days later. To my surprise, the demon inside me quietly resumed my life, going back to the hospice and excusing my absence. To my knowledge, he didn't try to contact his masters. Sometimes He'd toy with me. It was a game he would play from time to time when no one else was around, or when I was at work. He would let me take control of my body, but if I tried to do anything to alert the others or break free, he'd clamp back down on me. I think it amused him to torment me this way. But I wasn't going to give in without a fight. I just didn't know how long a fight it was going to be. FIN (chapter 22) - = - AUTHOR'S NOTES [or, In Which Ravi Begs] I'll keep this brief... Sign up! Please! Okay, that's all. Phoebe's been complaining about preachy author's notes, and I'm trying to cut back on soapboxing. ^_^;; Lots of thanks go out to a lot of people... Scott and Kate and Phoebe and Chaos and Ardweden for brainstorming with me, or at least listening to my brainstorming about what to write. And more thanks to Ard, Chaos, and Phoebe for prereading! And to Kate and Lirazel and Richard for doing the second sweep! They're so wonderful! *hugs* to them all. -Ravi (Next time... A Shuukou chapter! And then I'll have a full house! Toooh-nyu!) And now! Wings of Fate Omake Theatre! Special thanks to Kate, Lurker, and especially Lady Chaos! OMAKE * OUTTAKES * OMAKE Akari: Tell me, do you trust me? Soujirou: Well, actu-- Akari: *raises eyebrow* IT DOESN'T MATTER if you trust me! OMAKE * OUTTAKES * OMAKE Akari: Don't answer that question. Ever since we came to this place, we've been poked, prodded, injected, molested, interrogated, and more... * Soujirou nods Akari: To tell the truth, I didn't mind the poking. The prodding did leave some bruises, and I hate needles. But let me tell you, the molesting? Fan-freakin'-tastic! OMAKE * OUTTAKES * OMAKE "Very well," she said plainly, from behind us. "Then we shall deliver our judgement!" "But you can't b--" Akari tried to say, but was cut off as Judou's grandmother leaped over us and landed on the platform. "Boot to the head!" OMAKE * OUTTAKES * OMAKE "And what of the price you demand?" Judou asked, his voice wavering. "Ah, yes. We thought about asking for your life, Judou. You should know that much. There is a blood price to be paid, but you will not be the one offering it." Judou gulped visibly, and tugged at his collar. "Instead, we demand..." "Yes?" He coughed as she threw a handful of white powder in his face. "Kabuki!!!" OMAKE * OUTTAKES * OMAKE "So how do we get home?" Kenchi asked, ever the pragmatist. "I've already lost my car and two rental cars on the way up here." He tried to smile at Kurasuno-san, but Judou's father would have none of that. Kurasuno-san handed Kenchi a sign. Kenchi blinked at it. "Tokyo or Bust?" OMAKE * OUTTAKES * OMAKE Sometimes He'd play games with me from time to time, when no one else was around, or when I was at work. Sometimes it was checkers, and sometimes chess... and once even... pachisi. I think it amused him to torment me this way. But I wasn't going to give in without a fight. OMAKE * OUTTAKES * OMAKE And one last tidbit... from the shared insanity of Chaos and myself... {Tenkou 12/6/00 11:53 PM} LOL!!!!! ^_^ Alas, ravi, I have not written that WoF/NFY omake. {ravi 12/6/00 11:58 PM} s'allright. I have not yet written that NFY chapter. .... which I really ought to do. {Tenkou 12/6/00 11:59 PM} yes yes. NFY. Make Hiro flip out in new and interesting ways. :) Macha: How many cups of coffee is that kid going to drink? Hiro: *twitches* Judou: I found a plushie version of myself in the blender this morning. Should I feel threatened? {ravi 12/7/00 12:09 AM} I need to get caught up... I'm a bit behind. Hiro: *eyebulge* Macha: He is going to snarf. Judou: No way. Macha: He is going to snarf. Gabriel: Twenty bucks says he will! Judou: You're on! (Kenchi: ~~~you will snarf, Hiro~~~ ) {Tenkou 12/7/00 12:12 AM} Morpheus: Hey, who said he could sit with us? Gabriel: Why can't I? Morpheus: You're _not_ a crow/raven/tengu/bird. {Tenkou 12/7/00 12:14 AM} Macha: Morpheus, you are such a racist bastard. Morpheus: And? Macha: It really turns me on. Hiro: *twitch* {ravi 12/7/00 12:15 AM} Judou: Um... I don't think Hiro's looking too good. Macha: Oh, well I know the cure for that. Morpheus: He's just a boy... he wouldn't survive one of your... "cures" Hiro: Judou: That does it! Get this boy some cocoa and crullers, stat! {Tenkou 12/7/00 12:18 AM} Morpheus: *twitches, then looks around* Who are you people? What's going on here? Gabriel: ...Hey, stop stealing my gig. Macha: Your 'gig' is to catch people when they faint. {ravi 12/7/00 12:20 AM} Hiro: *SNARF* Macha: I *told* you. Judou/Morpheus/Gabriel: I'm not cleaning it up! {Tenkou 12/7/00 12:22 AM} LOL! Gabriel: Can I have my twenty bucks now? Morpheus: *holds his hand over his nose* Er, the little one isn't returning to a normal color. Judou: You'd know what a 'normal' color is, you pastey-face spook? Morpheus: *glare of death* Watch your back when you walk home tonight, Tengu. {ravi 12/7/00 12:26 AM} Judou: I'm gonna be having breakfast here in the morning Macha/Morpheus: Dream on, Judou. Gabriel: Hey! What about me! Kenchi: {Tenkou 12/7/00 12:29 AM} Valentine: *walks in and pulls a gun on Macha* Morpheus: What are you doing, Valen? Valentine: *pulls the trigger, sending a stream of water splashing into the middle of Macha's forehead* Macha: *blinks* Morpheus: This being why I don't tell people where I am anymore. {ravi 12/7/00 12:33 AM} Macha: Valentine: Oh, lighten up, Macha. Hiro: Macha: No, I think I lost a contact lens. Gabriel: Hey! Stop ignoring meeee! You're not welshing on our bet, buddy! Judou: Ow! Hey,get off! Morpheus: Hey, group noogie on Gabriel! Gabriel: Merf! {Tenkou 12/7/00 12:36 AM} Macha: I will not lighten up. I'm the Morrigan. Morpheus: I'm a Fate. Macha: ... Morpheus: I outrank you. Macha: I have a 'evil' bastard flunky *points to Soshi* Morpheus: I have a 'smart-ass' pyschoshounen who actually does what I tell him to do. *points to Valentine* Valentine: *looks back* Boss, that Gabe's one of those Yaoi angels that Fallen's always cursing. {ravi 12/7/00 12:43 AM} Morpheus/Macha: Morpheus/Macha: Judou: Get... him... off... me? Hiro: Someone get the hose, would they? Valentine: Hiro: Hey! What was that for? Valentine: Who said you could talk? Hiro: Um.... she did! Tenshi: Oro? {Tenkou 12/7/00 12:43 AM} meanwhile... Kenchi is getting drunk and laughing his ass off at all the evil things he's caused to happen to Judou. Kenchi: ha! Now Akari and Shuukou will both be mine! {Tenkou 12/7/00 12:46 AM} Yamato: *walks over and stabs Tenshi through the heart* Damnit, bitch, stay dead! Morpheus: *takes Macha by the arm* I think we should give the Tengu and the Sephy clone some privacy. Hiro: What about me? Valentine: No one cares about you. Kenchi: *passes Gyoshi a beer* Ain't this great? {ravi 12/7/00 12:50 AM} Tenshi: Mmmff! That *hurt*! Yamato: So? Tenshi: Morpheus: Good going! Now she's facefirst in the munchies! Macha: Well, we were stepping out any way. Shall we make a run for some gnoshables? Hiro: Nobody loves me!! Soshi: Get used to it, kid. A life of stale beer and internet pornography awaits you. Hiro: Mommy! Kenchi: Oh, don't scare the boy, Sosh! Hey, Hiro... how'd you like it if Miwako jumped your bones? {Tenkou 12/7/00 12:53 AM} Hiro: Wai! Valentine: I feel ill. Yamato: *kicks tenshi's body* Ha. *walks out* Morpheus: ...That's my grandson. Macha: Nice boy. Morpheus: Yes, we're proud of him. Macha: Little on the pretty side. Morpheus: ...we can stop at the 7-11 for some munchies. Macha: Do they have dead rats? Valentine: No, but they have "foodstuffs" that are very close in taste. {ravi 12/7/00 12:55 AM} brb. gotta reboot. {Tenkou 12/7/00 12:55 AM} i actually have to get offline now. night night! OMAKE * OUTTAKES * OMAKE And that, as they say... is a wrap. Hope you enjoyed! (Bonus points if you can identify everyone in that last bit!)