Journal Entry May 10, 2001. 12:30 PM I find myself increasingly disturbed by the direction taken by this investigation. More properly, I am disturbed by my superiors' willingness to utilize such extreme methods of persuasion after such a short period of time. I cannot help but think that this is ill-advised, even wasteful. The irony of this sentiment does not escape me; in the past, I myself have not hesitated to recommend even more brutal procedures, and to this day, I harbor absolutely no remorse for doing so. At most, I feel disappointed that such uncivilized measures were necessary. From a purely objective standpoint, there is no reason that I should look upon this case any differently. Of course, that is the problem. Even if I had not devoted more than half my life to the discipline of psychiatry, it would be painfully obvious to me that I am having difficulty maintaining an appropriate level of objectivity. The reason is simple: the subjects of the investigation are human. This has not been the case in my past work for the agency. In those instances, the creatures I studied were either physically monstrous, or so depraved and alien that I could easily overlook any humanlike traits they exhibited. The people we are now interrogating -- with the glaring exception of the one calling herself "Macha" -- are no more inhuman than my own friends and neighbours. The rational part of me knows that however normal they may appear, this small group commands alarming and unnatural powers; from the story they tell, and reports from our own contacts, it is clear that individuals wielding such powers pose a grave and immediate threat to society, and that it is imperative that we learn how to analyze and control such abilities as quickly as possible. Surely, the good of the many outweighs the good of the few. But another part of says that what we are doing is wrong, and it grows more difficult to silence with each passing day. ----- Wings of Fate created by Ardweden and John Evans Chapter 30: Fidelity by Roger Maleski ----- "...Believe me, I have no desire to see further suffering inflicted upon you or your friends." Ichida's voice was earnest. "I think it is barbaric, what you are being subjected to. It pains me, on both a personal and a professional level, to see what you are going through. Please," he leaned forward slightly, sincerity written across his face, "tell me what you know. What is there to gain from further silence?" Throughout Ichida's speech, Akari had been looking progressively more distressed, shrinking further and further into her chair. By now, she appeared to be on the brink of tears. Ichida hadn't been lying; the pathetic sight truly did upset him, perhaps even more so than what had been done to Iwanaga earlier. That, he could almost rationalize as being necessary; the man had practically brought it on himself, what with his arrogance and open dishonesty. This... the image of a hunter clubbing baby seals came to mind. Ichida sighed wearily. "I have already told you that my superiors have decided they are willing to use extraordinary measures to extract the information they believe you have. You've seen what has happened to Kenchi." Akari winced. Ichida gritted his teeth and forced himself to remain detached. "I don't know what they plan to do next, but do you really want to wait and find out?" At this, Akari drew herself up slightly, lifting her eyes to meet Ichida's. "You're lying," she said, her voice surprisingly level. She blinked back tears. "You set this all up. You know exactly what's going to happen, because you had it planned right from the beginning. You don't care about anyone!" She spat out the last sentence like a curse. Ichida was impressed that she still had the reserves of willpower to muster defiance. Unfortunately, it would make what he was going to do next all the more unpalatable. "I'm disappointed that you think so little of me," he replied steadily, allowing his voice to lose the pleading undertone it had held earlier. "But I admit that you are partially correct." Pocketing his pencil, he flipped his notebook closed and reached for the tape recorder. "Although I am no longer responsible for formulating policy, I am privy to the plans of my superiors. Against my strong objections, they have decided that the most extreme measures must be taken, and have ordered that Kenchi is to be executed tonight, approximately eleven hours from now. The rest of you will be allowed to watch." Ichida's mouth twisted in distaste. "If this fails to convince you to be more... forthcoming, Judou will follow him in twenty-four hours. So, I beg of you, reconsider." The expression on Akari's face was roughly analogous to the one Ichida imagined would accompany the news that one's hometown had just been destroyed by an atom bomb. He switched off the recorder and hastily exited the room. Behind him, there was complete silence. ----- The door swung shut with a dull boom, leaving Akari alone in her cell. For several minutes, she stood motionless, arms hanging limp at her sides, staring blankly at a point approximately halfway between her and the opposite wall. Then her face slowly crumpled up, numb shock replaced by crushing despair, and she slumped to her knees on the hard cement floor. "AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIGHHHHH!!" She threw her head back and screamed, a sound of equal parts anguish and rage. Doubling over, she pounded a fist against the floor. "I hate you I hate you I HATE YOU!" Tears ran freely down her face. "You're a MONSTER! How can you do this to us? I hate you!" If anyone on the other side of the door heard her, they did not deign to respond. "I hate you," Akari sobbed. "I..." she buried her face in her hands, rocking silently from side to side. The world wasn't supposed to work like this. People weren't supposed to act like this. Caring about people wasn't supposed to be a weakness. Up until this point, Akari hadn't really believed, deep down inside, that their captors would actually hurt anybody. It didn't make any sense, but there it was. She simply could not understand how a person, an actual human being, could be capable of inflicting really serious, on-purpose harm upon another. Threatening to kill people was just something you said as a joke, when your friends pulled a prank on you. You didn't actually go out and do it. You didn't actually have a bunch of big men beat your friend until he was nearly dead and then show it to all your other friends and tell them that if they didn't stop making fun of you you'd kill him and then you'd kill them off one at a time and keep doing it until they apologized! It was stupid to even think of doing things like that! That was how it should be. Akari had somehow managed to convince herself that that was how it WAS, but then she'd seen what had been done to Kenchi. He had looked like the victim of an especially vicious wild animal attack... and then Dr. Ichida had said that she wasn't allowed to help him. Akari could barely keep from screaming, even just remembering it. That had been the point where she'd really, truly realized that people could be monsters, and not just on TV and in far-away places. This had been followed by the even more devastating realization that she had absolutely no way of escaping the trap that this particular monster had set for her. Akari dragged herself over to the bunk and curled up into a little ball, hugging the pillow to her chest. She cared. And it turned out that caring was a weakness, after all. ----- Akari woke up feeling awful. She ached all over, her mouth was dry, and it took a lot of blinking before she could get her eyes to work right. Even then, the room wasn't much more than a big blur, punctuated by a brighter rectangular blur which her brain tentatively identified as a window. Akari groped for her glasses. Her arm didn't actually move more than a centimeter or so, but even that seemed like a fantastic accomplishment. She giggled at the thought that she was actually feeling proud of managing to twitch feebly. Then she remembered why moving of her own volition was such a big deal, and started screaming. At some point, she became dimly aware that someone else was now in the room with her; in fact, they were kneeling next to the bed, holding her in their arms as her screams shaded into sobs. She managed to muster up enough strength to hug them back, and just stayed that way, crying into their shirt, arms locked around them in a deathgrip, for what was probably a very long time. After a while, the remembered pain and terror receded, but she kept right on sobbing, just because she could. Eventually, the giddy joy of knowing that she was the only one inside her head subsided to a warm glow, and her sniffling trailed off. She was painfully weak, her stomach was upset, and she had the hiccups. She felt great. Around this time, Akari became fully cognizant of the fact that her upper body was still tangled up with someone else's. For a second, she waffled between feeling embarrassed and feeling curious; curiosity won out. Carefully loosening her grip on the person, she was able to get her head to loll back to the correct angle without actually using any muscles. After blinking the tears out of her eyes, she was able to make out an indistinct face. For a second, she thought it was Judou, and nearly started crying again. "It's good to see you back, Akari," said Soshi. Akari hiccuped. Her mind boggled at the sheer ridiculousness of Soshi attempting to be comforting. She hiccuped again. Soshi gently lowered her back to the bed and tucked her in, for all the world like a father putting his child to sleep. Akari stared at him, wide-eyed, as he dabbed the tears off her cheeks with a corner of the sheet. She still wasn't quite sure how to react; the whole situation was just too bizarre. Apparently, the absurdity of his behavior was just now dawning on Soshi as well, since he abruptly jerked his hand away from her face and bolted to his feet, visibly flustered. "Well," he stammered, "that is, ah..." With what must have been a truly herculean effort, he schooled his voice back to its usual impassivity. "You should rest. Kenchi will not be back for," he glanced at his watch, "approx- imately two hours, but I will be on hand if you have any urgent needs." It took a second for Akari to process the implications of what Soshi had just done. "Soshi," she murmured, her voice a dry whisper. "You can see...?" Soshi smiled. It was the first time Akari had ever seen him make an expression which didn't incorporate some element of mocking irony. "Oh, I'm so glad," she said, letting her head sink further back into the soft pillow. Her own aches and pains weren't important anymore; all was right with the world. She wanted to jump up and give Soshi a big hug, but she fell asleep instead. ----- Her cell hadn't come equipped with a clock, so Akari didn't know exactly what time it was, but she thought it must be almost seven. Someone had pushed a tray of food through the door's steel dogflap about an hour ago. She hadn't touched it. The mere idea of eating set her stomach to lurching violently, so she just stayed where she was, curled up on top of the bunk's sheets. She felt trapped and helpless, just as much so as when the demon had been inside her. She felt like she was dying. She wished she knew what was happening to the others. Was Kenchi even still alive? Did Soshi know what was going on? Had he planned for it already? Were Judou and Shuukou all right? Akari wished she could see them. She couldn't think straight when she was all alone, stewing in her own fear, lacking any outlet for her thoughts. She couldn't just let Kenchi die, but how could she give in and tell everything to these horrible people? How did she even know that this Ichida person wouldn't have them all killed anyway, once he'd gotten the information he wanted? And when he did get it, who knew what horrible purpose he'd put it to? But if he didn't find out, her friends would die! Akari squeezed her eyes shut and whimpered softly. She should have realized that this plan wouldn't work. None of their others had! They should have just stayed put, and been happy that they weren't being chased by devils and monsters anymore. She shouldn't have let them convince her that everything would be okay, that they'd worked everything out, that Judou's father would rescue them if anything went wrong. What kind of a plan was that? It was a BAD kind of plan, that's what it was. It was the kind of plan that ended up with her locked in a cold, tiny cell in a strange, frightening place full of armed guards and bad men with drugged needles, trying to figure out how to resolve a situation where every possible decision she could make was wrong! Akari wished she wasn't all alone. She wished she knew what to do. ----- The day was windy and overcast, flat grey clouds covering the sky like a thick coat of primer. It was a day which no one in their right mind would spend outdoors, so after Kenchi dropped them off, Akari and Shuukou had the park to themselves. They walked in silence for a few minutes, Akari in her mittens and puffy white anorak and Shuukou in her hooded sweatshirt, until finally Akari couldn't stand it anymore. "I'm so happy to see you again!" she burst out, gamely attempting to keep up with Shuukou's long strides. Between the strong headwind and her still-wobbly legs, it was a losing battle. Noting her friend's distress, Shuukou slowed down until Akari could keep abreast of her. "You wouldn't believe how boring it's been with only Kenchi and Soshi to talk to." Shuukou's only response was a soft snort. "I can't believe you cut your hair," Akari continued, completely unperturbed by Shuukou's characteristic aloofness. "It was so beautiful! I always wished that mine could be like that." Shuukou gave her a sidelong glance. Akari had known that Shuukou's eyes weren't really green, but it was still somewhat startling to see her without the contacts. Brown or green, though, there was no mistaking the look of mildly sardonic amusement in her eyes. "I had been thinking about it for a while," she said. "I felt that it was time to stop putting it off." "Oh," said Akari. "Well, it still looks very nice!" She beamed at Shuukou. The smile she got in return was almost imperceptible, but she could tell it was there. Akari was startled to realize that Shuukou's smile was the same as Soshi's -- not the insufferable smirk he put on to annoy people, but his real smile, which she'd only seen that once, a month ago. For both of them, it was just a slight softening of the eyes, a little upturn of the lips. Akari almost opened her mouth to comment on the resemblance, but thought better of it just in time. "So," she said brightly, "what have you been doing all this time? I've been spending most of my time sleeping and eating. Kenchi had to wait on me hand and foot until my legs got their strength back! I felt like a Chinese mandarin, with servants attending my every whim. Even Soshi! It was pretty funny to watch them scurry around." "I can only imagine," Shuukou replied dryly. "I guess I'm lucky to be back on my feet so fast," Akari went on, slightly breathless from the simultaneous exertions of talking and maintaining forward motion. "They said that I was catatonic for more than three weeks. I don't remember any of that... it's like when I had my wisdom teeth pulled and the dentist put me under anaesthesia, just a big blank spot." Her voice grew sober. "It must have been scary for Kenchi and Soshi, though. Kenchi said they were afraid I would go into a coma." She bit her lip, eyes dropping to the ground in front of her. "Can we take a rest? Walking against this wind is tiring me out." Shuukou nodded, and they angled toward a park bench situated under a nearby cherry tree. "Ahhh." Akari closed her eyes and sighed in relief as she sank down on the bench, leaning back and stretching her legs out in front of her. She felt like she'd just run a marathon. Shuukou took a seat next to her, a wrinkle between her eyebrows and a pensive expression on her face. She hesitated for a long moment, as if carefully choosing her next words. "Akari," she said, "are you all right?" "Oh yes," Akari replied quickly. "I'm just... a little... out of breath." Shuukou pursed her lips and looked away, the wind whipping her newly-shortened hair around her face. She turned back to Akari, this time being sure to make eye contact. "I wasn't asking about that," she said. "I know." Akari's voice was very quiet. She drew a long, deep breath. "I... think I'm okay. I'm not sure yet. I don't... I don't really like to think about it." Both of them were quiet for a while. Shuukou looked down at her lap. "I am sorry I wasn't there for you." She said the words as if doing so was causing her physical discomfort. "I should have protected you. I should have understood what was happening sooner. You are my friend, and I failed you." She raised her head, and Akari was shocked to see the look of abject misery on her face. "Can you forgive me?" "Oh, Shuukou," Akari breathed. Scooting over, she wrapped her friend in a warm embrace. "You never need to ask me that," she said, her voice muffled by Shuukou's shoulder. "You'll never do anything I have to forgive." After a second, she felt Shuukou shift against her, returning the hug. Finally, they drew apart. Shuukou sniffed once and wiped her eyes, and then, like magic, straightened back up, all traces of vulnerability disappearing instantly. But even though she didn't say anything, Akari could see the gratitude in her eyes, and that was all she needed. ----- Akari did not look up when Ichida entered the room. She simply sat there, hands on her lap, head hung low, while he took a seat opposite her, switched on the recorder, and produced his pencil and notepad. "I was told you wished to speak with me," he prompted gently. "Have you decided to help your friends?" For a long time, the faint hum of fluorescent light fixtures was the only sound in the room. Ichida waited. Akari sucked in an audible breath. "Just let me see them." Her voice was hollow. "I just want to see my friends." She slowly raised her head, her gaze meeting Ichida's. "Please." Ichida's reassuring but basically meaningless response died in his throat. The desolation in Akari's eyes was complete. It was beyond despair; it was simply... emptiness. Dead. Ichida forced himself not to look away. "I will do all I can," he spoke quietly. "You will see them. I promise." He knew that he would be reprimanded for what he had said, but he did not especially care. At this point, to do anything else would have made him less than human. Akari's shoulders slumped, her body seeming to physically shrink as she deflated into her chair. "What do you want to know?" ----- Journal Entry May 10, 2001. 11:00 PM There is no honor in this. -FIN- ///// notes: This thing only came together through an effort of will. It wasn't so much a lack of inspiration, as a total inability to clearly translate it into written language, which hampered me... after a certain point, there was nothing for it but to trowel on the angst and try to avoid doing serious violence to continuity. I believe I managed to achieve that goal, at least. Appreciation to Lirazel for ideas and encouragement. Cheers, _RM ----- 4/1/01: v0.5 (outline rises phoenix-like from ashes of bad ideas) 4/3 : v0.8 (draft, 75%) 4/4 : v0.9 (draft, 100%, speed edit) 4/6 : v1.0 (final draft, high-res edit) Remember, kids: Death to Kenchi! Shuukou & Soshi forever! /////